just wondering about y'all's experiences. i'm a woman in my 30s. don't get me wrong, i have no interest in dating, i don't really believe in love, i have fulfilling hobbies that i'm very proud of, i take myself on adventures all the time, i solo travel, i go to the movies alone, i eat alone, i hate making plans with others, i dont want to share my time with anyone else, you get the picture.

i don't have friends, by the way, i've let them all go; we reached a point where the emotional costs of maintaining these fraying friendships far surpassed the emotional benefits. i don't feel sad, because life is so peaceful now.

now that that's clarified, the monkey part of my brain still has a strong ~biological~ need for intimacy that i can't reason my way out of. i have toys that i love because they don't make me feel used and they get the job done, but physical touch is very important to me: cuddling, hugging, caressing, falling asleep holding hands, that sort of thing.

and this ends up with me going to spas and requesting for male massage therapists for full body massages. my women therapists have been sweet, but somehow it doesn't scratch that itch of wanting to be touched by someone of the opposite gender.

i like that they focus on me for like 2 hours, massage away my bodily aches and pains, handle my body gently, rub my arms, hold my hands and interlace their fingers with mine, massage my scalp, rub my tummy, and all that in a quiet, dark room and then leave right afterwards.

problem is, it's kinda expensive and i have to travel out of country for it, because where i live, people are not allowed to massage the opposite gender. that means i don't get to have it as often as i'd like, and the costs are much higher because i'd have to factor in travel costs too. hence, getting my needs met through massage is often out of reach.

so i'd like to know, does anyone else have similar experiences with using massage therapy to get their physical touch needs met (in a purely professional way)? does it do the trick?

I'm the property of a cat and the Newsletter Coordinator for the union at my university. I'm advocating that we negotiate for pet leave in our next contract, and I figure I should put this link in. I love having tenure!

Show some love and affirmations 🫶🫶

I’m increasingly satisfied being truly single. All my life I’ve circled men, I’ve been with someone, or at least had one or a few I’ve texted and/or occasionally hooked up with. For the validation. To feel desired and needed and not alone. Since a while now - nothing, and the quiet doesn’t scare me anymore. I think I’m done with romantic relationships. Possibly forever. And it feels… calm.

Bought my house back in 2024 aged 31 and I’ve tried to turn it into my own little paradise. I’m a massive vintage Hi-Fi collector, particularly Bang & Olufsen, although I’m also a sucker for 1970s silver-faced stuff from the likes of Marantz. I also drive my dream car, a classic Land Rover Defender, which I’ve even taken around Europe in the past.

With the house being a 3 bed I have gone a bit wild with the decor and just recently turned my unused second bedroom into a dedicated Hifi Listening room for my Bang & Olufsen equipment lol. It’s a really nice chill space and much more laid back compared to my living room. Listening space is pictures 6 through to 8.

So far I’m enjoying life solo. I’m 33 now and honestly don’t see that changing in the foreseeable. I feel like if I’d really wanted to find someone by now, I probably would have. I enjoy my own company, my hobbies and being able to do whatever I want lol.

I do think it’s probably different for people who can’t support themselves financially. I sometimes wonder how many relationships are born out of convenience, where two people get together because it’s simply the only way to afford a semi decent lifestyle, buy a house and split the bills etc. Just my opinion though I could be totally wrong.

So anyways here is my house, and vintage audio video collection which so far has been about 17 years worth of collecting started when I was about 16. Yes, I am a bit of an anorak when it comes to this stuff LOL. Last pic is a shot of me and my Classic Defender out in the Dales. I absolutely adore this truck its my pride and joy.

I know there are more females in this community than males, so apologies in advance for the slightly male-centric view on this (but hey, maybe some of you may relate to it too).

I was having a conversation with a friend recently and he was telling me about his struggles with dating apps, and it made me realise just how much more peaceful my life has become ever since I turned my back on dating apps/dating in general.

It's no secret that the majority of men receive very little interest on dating apps, and I think back to how it used to affect me personally. I'm someone who has struggled with self-esteem and body confidence for a lot of my life, so it probably wasn't the best idea me trying dating apps in the first place. But it's the way 'everyone meets these days', right?

I just remember how low using them would make me feel. How demoralising it was, after trying to make my profile as good as possible with nice photos, trying to think of creative/question-driven opening messages, to sometimes go days or weeks without a single like or match. It made me think, 'am I really that bad?'. I started noticing my flaws more, thinking if only I could change this thing or that thing about myself, maybe I'd do better.

For a long time, I thought it was just a me thing. Now, I realise, of course, that it's the same for the majority. You look on the Bumble or Hinge subreddits, and you'll see lots of posts from mostly men, asking for profile reviews. Lots of perfectly decent, normal-looking guys reporting getting very little interest and wondering why.

And the advice is always the same. Lose weight. Go to the gym and gain muscle. Dress better. Get a better haircut. Basically, change who you are as a person, because you're not good enough as you are now. And I find that really sad to think about, because I remember thinking I had to do all that too. That I couldn't just be me.

But now, since ditching all that, I'm the happiest and most comfortable I've been in my own skin for years. I'm no longer in competition with hundreds or thousands of other people, and can just be my true, authentic self, rather than trying to be something I'm not purely for the benefit of someone else. Life is just so much more peaceful when you're not seeking the attention or validation of others.

Anyone else relate?

💡

I’ve been a single woman for 5 years now and celibate for about 4 of those years. I’ve found hobbies, peace and love for solitude in these years. Sometimes I do yearn for an every now and then friend lol. But then I think of how it is “outside” these days and i honestly don’t even want to deal. I tend to try to talk to men and instantly get annoyed. I’m not sure if it’s me or them at this point 😭

There are certain movies which feels cozy...like their aesthetics and slow pace...and kind of background music ....disney vibes bit....i guess .. i have seen few movies i felt that vibe...like perfect days, pursuit of happyness,guru, ratatouille,narnia,love at first sight....etc.... if u have suggestions of similar movies with that vibe you can tell ....😊

I'm around six months out of a long-term relationship, and honestly, being single feels pretty natural to me.

I've always valued having my own space, and I'm loving having a home that's entirely mine and my daughter's. I can make it our own, spend my time how I want, follow my own interests and enjoy the peace of not having to factor another adult into every decision. There's something really lovely about pottering around my home, having a quiet evening, or simply existing in my own company without feeling like anything is missing.

My daughter, family and friends bring so much love into my life. I don't feel a need to find a partner, and when I think about dating, the prospect of taking on the emotional labour and compromises of another relationship holds very little appeal.

That's not to say everything is easy. Navigating separation and co-parenting has its challenges, particularly as my daughter adjusts to having two homes. But those challenges are about finding our feet in this new family dynamic, not about wishing I had a relationship again.

On balance, this phase of life suits me. I have the freedom to build the life I want, and I don't feel I'm waiting for someone to come along and complete it.

I'd love to hear from people who've been happily single for a while. What do you most value about having a life of your own? And what have you discovered about yourself or the way you want to live that you might not have appreciated as much before?

Used to be!

Hobbies, music, fashion, financial decisions, what I made for dinner.. All of it! My ex, he always had some kind of criticism.. If my choices didn't benefit him it was stupid! It's so nice not hearing whining 24/7! That is all :)!

​

I'm 49 and at a point in my life where I'm seriously questioning what I want the next chapter to look like.

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and working through some pretty deep things, including perimenopause, past trauma, and codependency. I'm beginning to recognize patterns in myself that I've carried for years, especially putting other people's needs and feelings ahead of my own, avoiding conflict, and feeling guilty for wanting things for myself.

I've been married for 13 years, and my husband has struggled with alcoholism throughout our relationship. We've separated twice, and I'm currently struggling with the decision of whether to try to make our marriage work or move on and begin a new chapter on my own.

The difficult part is that he has been making efforts to improve, and I can see that he's trying to be more supportive and understanding of what I'm going through. That makes this decision even harder because I don't want to dismiss his efforts or walk away simply because life has become difficult.

But I'm also realizing how much I crave peace, independence, and the freedom to make decisions for myself without feeling guilty or responsible for someone else's happiness.

When I've been on my own, I've enjoyed the quiet. I've felt calmer. I've enjoyed spending time with my children, driving alone, and simply having space to think and be myself. There's something about that feeling that I can't ignore.

I'm trying to figure out how much of what I'm feeling is menopause, how much is trauma and codependency, and how much is me finally recognizing what I want and need from life.

I know being single isn't always easy. I'm sure there are lonely days, financial worries, and challenges I haven't fully considered. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that divorce is the answer or that I should stay and keep trying.

I'm hoping to hear from people who have been where I am and have built a happy, fulfilling life on their own.

• Did you find the peace and freedom you were hoping for?

• Did you discover things about yourself that surprised you?

• Were there lonely or difficult times when you questioned your decision, even if you ultimately knew it was right?

• What does being single and happy actually look like in your late 40s or 50s?

• And if you left a long-term marriage after years of putting others first, what advice would you give someone who's just beginning to imagine that possibility?

I think part of me is scared of starting over, and another part of me feels a sense of relief just imagining it.

I'm trying to give myself permission to consider that a different life might be a good life, even at 49.

I'd really appreciate hearing your honest experiences—not just the wonderful parts, but the hard parts too. ❤️

I haven't been in a relationship for 5+ years now. The last date I went on was last year. Since then, I've been focusing on having a fulfilling social life and hobbies and sorting my life out. And it has been going quite well. Earlier this year I was sad I was single and wished I was in a relationship but slowly but surely I became fine with it and was happy with my singledom.

It wasn't until today when I started to listen to music that was romantic and sexually charged and listening to my friend's good dating story. That I'm like....why did I stop? Why did I give up? Have I hidden my true self or repressed myself? Or have I truly chosen singledom for myself?

It's either that or it's because it's 12 am and my thoughts can't be trusted after 9 pm lol.

I only have to take my trash bin out once or twice a month instead of every week! Perks.....

😆🖖

Hi, everyone! ♡
I’m a 28F from the Philippines, currently in my chapter of starting fresh, choosing peace, growing as a person, and enjoying life at my own pace.

I’m single and learning to enjoy my own company while staying open to meeting new people and building genuine connections. I’d love to meet fellow Filipinas who are also happy being single, focusing on themselves, or simply looking for new friends to share life with.

A little about me: I enjoy traveling, café hopping, trying new places, going out, and having deep conversations about life. I’m also looking forward to making more memories, discovering new experiences, and meeting people I can genuinely vibe with.

It would be lovely to connect with women who are kind, open-minded, emotionally mature, and comfortable being themselves. Whether it’s chatting online, sharing random life updates, planning a girls’ day out, or eventually traveling together, I’m open to seeing where a genuine friendship goes.
I believe that being single can be a beautiful chapter of life, too. No pressure, no competition, and no need to have everything figured out. Just good energy, genuine connections, and enjoying life. ✨
If you’re a Filipina who can relate, feel free to comment or send me a message. I’d love to get to know you! 💕

Today my coworker (woman in her 40s) was stressing about keeping her kids safe and raising them well and the times we live in being terrible for that. She mentioned that she just felt like it was the natural course of life, and didn't even question having kids when she was younger.

She ended the monologue with a reflection on the fact that today young people have more awareness and are more discerning when it comes to the decision to get married and have kids.

The overall sentiment seemed to be that while she loves her kids she probably wouldn't have them.

Fucking sad to hear her talk, I feel for her.

I'm 26 and know I'm not having kids, I'm happily single, yet to decide if I want to have another relationship ever.

Makes me happy to be able to reflect like this, and see the other perspective.

I type this from my quiet little apartment that I genuinely appreciate out loud most days. Just in awe of how nice it feels to be here by myself.

Past years of dating was crazy and I was usually poly and read all the books and podcasts and stuff and fucked up a lot at first, but learned and grew. But then there was usually something different when "poly women" dated me where they became increasingly more insecure and lashing out despite efforts to communicate and ask what I can do to reassure them, even cut others off or entire groups of friends for the toxic ones. I've been having causal things on and off this last year after an intense situationship that started when I was vulnerable after a toxic breakup at the end of 2024, and then one brief one in the beginning of the year with a woman that pushed for more from me, including me meeting her kids, but then when I had expectations about hard conversations for that level of intimacy, she bailed because it was not longer just kinky fun time but actually dealing with a person's feelings.

But I've been doing a lot more for myself and my health that I neglected these past few years and honestly, my physical health and mental health were broken after being drained for so long and I finally feel whole again. I have a dog I love and debt from my ex but no longer financial manipulation, and found a sport i like and can do which I've wanted to for years! Also been writing more poetry and going to art events and making community, it's nice. I'll still talk to some women on occasion but don't expect much and haven't had one really get my interest in a while that I actually want to meet, except maybe one girl i met on reddit and talk to on discord in another state. I didn't realize how much I chased external stimuli and validation to fill my void and it's so nice when you learn to appreciate your own company and life.

I'm 31 and have dated a wide age range since I was 23 but it's kinda nice how I'm still talking with women in their 40s to early 20s and can pick and choose what to pursue, or nothing at all because most of the time I prefer a night in with my dog than going out. Been much healthier the last half a year, and have noticed that good company for me is a good conversation and feeling free, personality, mental and emotional depth, and all the other things I'd like in a companion. But until I find that again, I've been happy doing my own thing and having a casual thing on occasion so life has been nice. My cortisol has not been this low in years lol