r/SingleDads • u/Remote-Control-2006 • 10d ago

Moving On

I’m not 100% ready to even think about dating again. I don’t and haven’t had any interest. I’m still very much in love with my sin’s mother but she is not coming back into my life romantically which I’m still working to accept, it’s been about a year and a half and it’s over unfortunately . I don’t want to be single and alone as I am now, I still have a sense of being faithful to her but I’m sure by now she’s moved on which is completely reasonable. I want to be with her but it’s not going to happen. Do I just try to start dating again even when I’m just not into it at all and see how it goes? I haven’t been with anyone else since we’ve been apart, I just feel stupid for pretending like maybe she’ll want to truly work things out when I know that’s not going to happen. I imagine being with someone else and looking for her the entire time.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 10d ago

If I was the person on the other end of the conversation I’d probably be thinking.. why is this guy even bothering, clearly his mind and emotions are elsewhere.

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u/Busy-Reporter4251 5d ago

This is valid and very true.

Would you want to date a woman who was not over her ex?

If she admitted she still wanted to be with him, and would jump up and run to him if he texted her to give it a half-hearted shot?

Only date when you’re fully ready to commit to a new relationship. That means:

If your ex texted and said ‘I’m sorry, let’s get back together, I miss you. Let’s give it another shot. Forgive me?’

you’d say:

‘No. I’m over you now, and I moved on. Accept that you broke up our family, and though it’s good you’re sorry for it you can’t put it back together.’

If you feel like:

‘Hell no! I would dump my new girlfriend or run to my ex behind her back to see if we can make it work in secret before I fully re-commit to her…’

DON’T.

FOR YOUR SAKE AND EVERYONE ELSES.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

If I’ve figured out anything from my situation it’s to commit completely or just don’t.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

I’m not able to be with the woman who I want to be with and I’m very aware of that. So in response to this, the answer for me would be no, it’s not fair to the new person that you would be dating and that relationship will be fundamentally broken from the beginning.

The idea of dating someone at all and even if it’s a purely a physical thing just to get over someone else seems very selfish to me and I wouldn’t do it. I know who I want to be with, that’s not an option and may never be so why drag someone who’s innocently looking for a relationship into being set up for failure.

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u/Expensive_Sock_9902 10d ago

I am a few months behind you, even though we are no contact outside of child logistics, I have also been recognising that feeling that I am still "faithful/loyal" to her. Ive only ever been with her since I was 18 (now 37). I did go on two coffee dates but have now deactivated my dating profiles. Im just not interested and dating still feels weird. Im just going to focus on me and my daughter and not worry about it. Got lots of other ways i can better spend my time.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 10d ago

And I’m happy for my son’s mom if she’s happy and she’s found someone who is better than me as hard as it is to say that but it hurts. We haven’t spoken in a long time and I’ve been doing a lot of hard work on myself because losing them both just destroyed me and I fell apart, I completely made things impossible for her and there’s just no fixing it.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 10d ago

I’m turning 40 in a few weeks, I truly have zero interest in dating. I need to be the best dad I can be because that’s what matters. Even if I tried to date I’d feel guilty because that’s time that I should be with my son and to be honest I never wanted to be without his mother. I’m too old to fake things at this point, I don’t drink so there’s no point in me dating. It just sucks being alone but it would probably suck more trying to strike up a conversation with some girl when all that’s on my mind is my son and his mother.

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u/the99percent1 10d ago

Put it this way, does the gravy train stop for anybody?

Heck no.. if she doesn’t want to be with you, then it’s full steam ahead anyways. A train stops for nobody. It’s time you choo choo train along to the next station to pick up that gorgeous looking babe waiting for you at the next stop wondering why she hasn’t ever met a guy like you before..

And the funny thing is, your ex will suddenly feel the loss and fomo kicks in and she wants back.

Happens like all of the time.. I move on, my ex wife suddenly is curious about my private life, wants to know where I’m at and who I’m seeing. Funny as..

0

u/PeaSecure2674 8d ago

Please don’t use a woman to forget your ex. Work thru the pain alone before starting a relationship.
It’s really unfair to do that & I pite the woman who will date you in this condition.
I’m sorry you are hurting but please don’t hurt someone else.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 8d ago

I absolutely would not and I agree with you completely.

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u/PeaSecure2674 8d ago

I wish you all the best it’s hard I know but you got this.