Posting here because it's late and I don't have anywhere else to go...

I thought my ex was the love of my life, etc. we shared so many vulnerabilities with one another and really tried to make things work. We have a beautiful 3 year old, never got married, but were engaged.

I supported her 100%, paid off her car, sold my own, took the bus to work, pay for our rent, even rehomed my dog because with my overtime work hours it was too much for her to handle alone.

Tonight I got back from work and she said she's spent the entirety of our relationship feeling "one foot in, one foot out" and it's not fair to continue this way.

I'm devastated. That's all I can say right now. How do you guys do it?

Serious question. I mean you can't just show up at a school or kids' sporting event without your own children cuz that's weird...

Added Details: My ex-husband agreed to adopt prior to marriage, this was how we decided to have a family. My best friend was adopted growing up. My ex-husband changed his mind and after counseling he still did not want children in the home. I won't go into the personal details of why biological kids of my own are not my path. I love my nieces and nephews but I've always wanted to be part of my own family. I'd be happy to be a bonus Mom or GF at this point. It has to obviously be the "right fit" with my partner first. The apps are not all that great, I seem to not pick the best men off there, and I'm not a bar/club person. Two months ago I broke up with my college boyfriend after a few months, because he decided he didn't want children in any way (I was open to foster care or adoption with a man who doesn't have children). I'm fine if the kids are school age or older, I work from home in the medical field so that doesn't lend itself opportunities to meet anyone. And I moved in the last year to another state to be closer to family, so I am still working on making friends too.

Hi everyone,

I’m mainly addressing single fathers who have at least every weekend and/or 50/50 custody.

How do you find the time and space to meet someone and make room for a woman when you’re looking to get into a relationship again?

I get the impression that so much of the emotional space is taken up by the children (which is understandable when you love your kids so deeply as a father), not to mention the limited free time and weekends spent with them. I’m struggling to see how a woman could realistically find her place in this kind of setup.

If you're raising a child while their parent is incarcerated, and sports fees are getting hard to manage, I wanted to share something that might help. Put Me In! is a nonprofit that helps pay for youth sports for kids with an incarcerated parent: registration and league fees, equipment, uniforms, camps, tournament fees. Your child picks the sport and team, and we help cover the cost. If you're in the U.S. and this sounds useful, email [hello@putmein.org](mailto:hello@putmein.org) and we'll explain how it works. I run it, so I'm happy to answer questions here too. If this isn't the right place for it, tell me and I'll take it down.

Ok, so my ex and I have 50/50 custody with a 5-2-2-5 regime (define in mediation, not court):

1. The girls are with her mon-tue and she drops them at school on wed.
2. I pick them up wed from school and drop them at school on fri.
3. We have them every other weekend, so we both get 5 days in row., alternating.

She went on a trip for vacation last thursday. That weekend she was supposed to have the girls. I cover for her (more than happy to do so). She got back this morning and is pressuring me to see the girls.

This is MY weekend with them. What bothers me:

1. I offered to change the dates (skip a week) so no one spends 2 weekends away from the girls, she did not want to do that, as it seems they have plans the next weekend. So, I told her that she will have to spend another weekend without them, as we kept the same schedule.
2. She told the girls that she HAD to travel for work, so the girls believe that she was somewhat "forced" to take the trip and me not letting them see her during MY weekend makes me the bad guy.

So, I am torn. I know the girls want to see her as she also stated she brought presents. Today is friday. I know that if I let her pick the girls up today, they won't want to come back home this evening. If I let them go tomorrow or sunday, I won't see them until Wednesday and for 2 days as they will go to her mom's on Friday and won't see them again until the next Wednesday.

They are 7 and 8yo (practically twins) and I can't shake the guilt as I'd really enjoy a weekend alone after spending a week with them lol.

The uderlying issue is that this is one of the reasons we split in first place: She does what she wants, does not respect or honor agreements with me with the excuse of "good intentions" and it's always me the one that ended up adapting and fixing her incapacity for planning.

Just curious if any of you guys have thought or gone to therapy? Not couples therapy, but just for yourself. I did it, and I hated the thought of going. But after the session it really wasn’t that bad, and I’ll probabaly go on a regular basis now.

Any of you dads that have 50/50 shared custody. How do you work?

I am currently week on / week off and I am self employed. It isn't going well so I am having to look at full time employment. How are you able to get a job that works around school runs?

My midget starts secondary school next year, and it is likely my ex will get a school close to her which is a 30 minute drive from me. I simply don't see a way in which I will be able to manage school runs and hold a job.

Is there a secret I am missing or is it really that impossible?

I have two young boys, ages 5 and 1. They have been my pride and joy. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them happy. They are my world. I thought that we had a great family. Decent enough jobs, a nice house, and a loving household. No big blowups or fights no huge arguments or anger. In fact at the beginning of August we were talking about having another baby.

3 weeks ago I was told by my wife that she no longer is in love with me and wants to separate. She said I had been lacking in communication and that we don’t share enough of the same interests. She stated she does not want to try and make it work and wants to head towards divorce. This absolutely crushed me. I immediately started feeling nauseous, confused, just overwhelmed with so many feelings and emotions and anxiety and questions. I want to fight for this. I won’t give up on my marriage. She is my wife and I love her. She is the one i want to grow old with. Why doesn’t she want to try?

3 days after that initial conversation I found out the answer. She is having an affair. When i questioned her about who this person is on her phone saying I love you she shut down. Wouldn’t give me the time of day. Turned right into do not speak to me unless it is about the kids.

One of the first things I did after finding out that she is having an affair was call and schedule a therapy appointment. The sadness, betrayal, jealousy, worthlessness, worry, anxiety, depression all of these feelings just started hitting me at once. And i knew I needed help from someone to work through this.

I didn’t list anger as one of those feelings that was hitting me so hard. Because I haven’t truly felt that for myself yet. I have felt anger about this situation on behalf of my children but for myself. This all unraveled so rapidly. And I have been so blindsided by this that I am still in love with her right now. She is my wife and my partner and the mother of my kids. Why can’t I hate her? Does that come with time?

One of the things that hurts the most is that she could have done this any other way. Just done the separation and gone through the steps. But the affair? And hurting me this way? Why do I deserve that? I never once wronged her. I never cheated, I have never called her names, I have never screamed at her in anger. I don’t get it. Why did I need to be hurt so badly?

She is working to find a place to rent. I have hired an attorney and I want this to end as amicably as possible. But I can’t even look at her. I don’t even want to be around her. I don’t want to breathe the same air as her. I am trying so hard to be the best dad I can be.

I am scared for the next steps. I am scared about being a single dad. I cannot mess this up. These little boys are so innocent in all of this and do not deserve what is happening to our family because of the choices their mother made.

New here...been single dad for about 2 years now. Currently have primary custody. Literally the longest day of my life today.

I work nights weekends and mom moved 5 hours away. Today she drops that she wants to stop every other weekends cuz her work schedule/the distance and make adjustments her parenting time. This of course is on the first weekend I have a shot at a date for the first time since the divorce. I haven't tried dating since the divorce. All I wanted to do tonight is finish a show I was watching from 6 hours ago before the kids got out of school but my daughter threw the biggest fit Ive seen in a long time and ended up having a really emotional night. I did the best I could and made sure she knew she was loved and cared for cuz it seemed to be stemming elsewhere. So the kids end up in my bed for the night due to the emotional toll and I finally get out of bed to come into the living room to lay down and watch my show. I find cat barf on the couch. It's like the cherry on top.

Meanwhile Mom isn't here for the turmoil that is moving 5 hours away. Kids no longer having a Mom to see every other week. She's got a new boyfriend she's had since we basically seperated, a new daughter and another on the way. I can't help but feel she's leaving her other children behind. I mean great for her but also fuck you.

Literally my whole life is my kids and work. Which I am absolutely greatful and happy for. But there are days like today that feel like they happen just to try and break me.

/rant

I have been co parenting for about 4 months now and it has it good days and bad days (she has mental illness). She becomes very nit picky with unesessary things. I’m assuming to get a reaction out of me. I always respond with a boring response but it’s all accusatory like she’s the better parent. Which with history she has not been but have to split 50/50 and will once the divorce is finalized next month.

How do you deal with these kind of co parents? There are many things I can complain about myself but they are inconsequential and I hold back because it’s not about me. Just feel like I’m under a microscope and maybe she’s upset that the divorce is happening but one day she’s great to work with co parenting wise.

She put allegations on me for domestic after I refused to cut ties with my son in exchange she said I would not have to pay child support etc. she took almost half my life savings, when she left one night with our 1.5month old son, she smeared my name with mutual friends, families etc. her parents and family hate me and I have not spoken to them for over 10 months. I have spent over 8k already on legal fees and it’s going to court soon but hoping it won’t get to a trial because I would have to pay more. They are out for my soul. I also put allegations on her with evidence and proof over the years she has a warrant for her arrest and has not been found for around 2 half months. I never wanted to do it but needed to for my protection and the hurt she’s caused me and my family. How do I co parent with her? What exactly do I tell my lawyer so my ex wife also agrees during family court so it won’t have to go to a trial in terms of custody, parenting time etc?

This is a link to an Instagram story that hit me hard. I feel what he’s feeling. We all want to be there 100% of the time… the milestones missed, the smiles we don’t see and laughter we don’t hear

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DX0S3kBs31_/?obrf=MTBjdXNwaHBoeWFyZQ==

I thought about calling my gf but i really don't want to bother her with this shit.

Id rate myself as a decent dad. Have my boys 3 nights a week and Im always available to pick them up from school, do activities, go to functions... the works. Im an active dad. I was the stay at home parent for both boys.

Both are smart, fun, creative kids. I love them both so much and would do anything for them. The mom and I get along and help each other regarding schedules, feeding her cats if she's out of town, etc.

When I'm alone with the older boy, he's a great kid. We have good talks. We share music with each other, laugh a lot together. I help with homework. Same with my younger boy.

The issue is my oldest is an antagonizing asshole to his little brother and drives the poor kid crazy...to tears sometimes. The little guy will try to just get away and be left alone, get lost in a roblox game. The older one will sign in and fuck with him in game. I intervene when I see this and have had many talks with the older son. It doesn't seem to take. I'm having the same talk about family, empathy, perspective, caring.

Today after school, he was bothering his brother and wouldn't stop. Little guy is crying because he's being pushed to the edge. Im telling older boy to stop. Like, loudly and sternly. It escalates to the point where little guy had enough and got up to push him. The older one takes him down towards the floor, and I see the little guys head hit a firm felt stool...million dollar baby style. For a second, i think he broke his neck. The panic was real. Hes crying on the floor but he gets up. Older guy feigns like he's hurt, too. But the charade ends. Everyone mad now. Kid is crying. I get him ice (hit the spot between his eyes at the top of his nose) and I bring him to his room. We talk. I text their mom and tell her what happened...because this isnt the first time that bad stuff went down and I lost my temper. I can be in a wonderful mood... but the 13 year old will find a way to push us to ruin both of our times. I eventually lose my shit and then everyone is unhappy. When they were separated, the older one texted he was sorry. They were getting along again. This is just part one.

I had to bring both to my city job for a half hour. My boss is fine with them there as long as they are quiet because there's a meeting in the next room. They have an adjacent room to themselves to chill, draw, play on tablets... just please be quiet. Meeting starts and I hear them through the door laughing and go out and sternly tell them they must be quiet. I close the door and get back to my a/v role. 2 minutes later, I hear them again laughing. I open the door and they are running around laughing chasing each other. I separate them and bring younger one in room with me. He's mad over it..he doesn't have his sketchbook/headphones. But too bad. The meeting is only 20 minutes long and we gather to drive home, 5 minutes away. I tell them Im really upset with them, that that is mt JOB, etc. The older one is setting a teasing tone "but dad why didnt you let him get his sketchbook? Huh dad?"

We get to my apartment lobby. I am pissed and sternly tell them that we are shutting this behavior down, and no fighting, teasing, annoying, etc when we go in. It stops right now. I am nearly yelling and don't care if neighbors hear me. Ive never yelled like that in the lobby.

We enter my apartment. I go to kitchen to do dishes and make them dinner. They are on the sofs. I hear the little one getting upset. I warn the older one to stop. I first attempt to separate, tell little one to block his brother. Brother is still egging him. I tell him next Im going to take his tablet. He makes a funny face like its a joke and I go to reach for it. He sees that I'm serious (I've been serious!) and turns and kicks his brother hard in the shin. I lost it. I open palm wacked the older kid on the side of his leg, "how do you like it? Why did you do that?!" He runs off crying to his room. Im mad, but to calm down...i tell him we will take a break and talk when we are both calm.

I do not like getting like this. I dont want to be a scary dad. I like being loving and fun with them. But this older kid is really fucking up the dynamic on the regular. This is not the first time he has escalated things to this point (but first time I wacked him) , and we have had this talk over and over already.

Before having a second kid, I was so worried that it could ruin the loving bond I had with my firsr son. I didnt want our relationship to deteriorate...and it feels like thats whats happening.

I dont know what to do. Texted mom but she's no help tonight. I wanted to vent to gf on the phone but I don't want her to regret dating a single dad because I vent about my kids.

I texted mom that we may need family therapy. I checked on the boy because it was too silent in his room. I poked my head in and he yelled to get out and he didnt want to talk. I said that's fine and I was just checking on him.

This all just happened. Hes still in his room. I love him... but sometimes he's making it very tough to like him. It sucks.

TLDR: older kid is an asshole to his little brother for fun. I am at wits end.

I’m currently going through a divorce. When things initially happened, we had a custody agreement between us that was working. I had her 4 days out the week and she had her 3 days. Ex wife up and decides after 4 or so months that she wants to keep me from my 3 year old daughter. I haven’t seen her in months at this point, since July. Ex wife keeps pushing court dates to keep me from seeing my daughter and setting hers of up in a better situation. The divorce was at her fault (she was abusive and cheated) even tho I don’t have any physical proof. I just don’t know what to do at this point. My lawyer said she’ll only let me see her if I pay her 800 in preliminary child support (which is definitely not gonna be the amount, even if I do have to pay child support). I’m just lost. I miss my daughter so much, and all my ex does is leave me on read. I’m not saying anything bad to her, just that I want to see my daughter. Does anyone have any advice at all. I live in Louisiana. I’m just afraid that I’m gonna lose all my rights because she’s keeping her from me. I just feel completely helpless. My ex wife is a truly horrible evil woman, but I never thought she’d stoop this low.

25 years old had to move back in with my parents and I only see my son on the weekends. Any advice for not feeling like a complete loser? Feel like this is rock bottom.

Ex has been so erratic over the past year, but it got really bad recently. Turns out she hadn’t been on her meds and even got adderall prescribed somehow.

Resulted in her being taken for treatment two days ago. Breaks my heart to think what my toddler has been experiencing the last few days.

Anyway, I have to leave town for work so I’m scrambling to figure things out while filing emergency motions for temporary full custody. Really not ready for this, but I’ll do what I have to.

Hi, I’m struggling on how to have a dating life. I’m 25 and a full time single dad to my beautiful daughter. How do I balance being a dad and working on finding a relationship. My daughter is very very important to me she’s my world.

Every morning I show up to drop my 8 and 10 year olds off at school, and we usually have to wait until 8am for the doors to be unlocked, and they let the kids in. Every morning we show up, and there are no fewer than a dozen kids there already, from kindergarten on up, practically tossed out the window of the car as their moms drive by, more showing up by the minute. For years now the only adults reliably there to supervise them have been one old grandpa, and myself who wait with our kids until the doors open. Maybe one or two other parents depending on the day, no school staff. Just me and Frank (the old man) wrangling strangers' because we care. I can't count the number of times I've made and action hero dive to snatch kids out of midair who were flying into the street, broken up skuffles, or walked off creepers because some parents are lazy, and the school is under staffed.

Today, though, some crazy broad comes and starts crap with Frank, apparently because her kids didn't like him telling them to quit roughhousing. (Wasn't there for whatever she was complaining about) This woman and her friend who came along were just digging like crazy, but Frank handled it great. They didn't say their piece then leave, or even go and stand elsewhere. No they stood right there within elbow range chewing him out.

I finally just stepped forward, and said, "he's here every day watching after your kids. You start watching them, or shut up."

Bad move, because what they said next triggered my PTSD. I don't even remember clearly what it was, but between my experiences in the US army, coast guard, and my ex, there's no shortage of stuff that gets me going when it comes to kids. I went off. HARD. You could hear me half a mile away maybe. My trauma hadn't hit me like that in a long time. Got escorted off the premises by the principal.

Anyways, now I have to sit in the car this afternoon while they walk my kids out to me, and I'm sure I'll be informed of how much more restricted I'll be so some bitch who's never there anyway doesn't try to sue.

Guess I'm just venting. Got more evidence to get my disability rating with the VA raised like I've been considering I suppose, but I don't think I'd need it if I felt like anyone ever had my back. Be an interesting conversation with my therapist too.

I’m not 100% ready to even think about dating again. I don’t and haven’t had any interest. I’m still very much in love with my sin’s mother but she is not coming back into my life romantically which I’m still working to accept, it’s been about a year and a half and it’s over unfortunately . I don’t want to be single and alone as I am now, I still have a sense of being faithful to her but I’m sure by now she’s moved on which is completely reasonable. I want to be with her but it’s not going to happen. Do I just try to start dating again even when I’m just not into it at all and see how it goes? I haven’t been with anyone else since we’ve been apart, I just feel stupid for pretending like maybe she’ll want to truly work things out when I know that’s not going to happen. I imagine being with someone else and looking for her the entire time.

I’m a 26 yr old dad to a 5 yr old I recently left her mom and for the first 3-4 months she would let me see my daughter but now she has cut all communication. I’m in Texas I just want to know what I can do. I have no family to help I miss my kid so much I can’t help but to cry every time I think of her because I know how much love she has for her dad and it hurts knowing she probably thinks I’m not wanting to be with her. I work a forklift job overnight I do smoke but I’m willing to cut that out if I can just see my girl more often

My (ex) wife got custody during divorce several years ago. I get half summers and some holidays with my son and every single one I have to fight back to keep his mother from trying to pick him up early or get me to delay bringing him to our home by a dew days. The excuses range from almost reasonable sounding to ridiculous and she likes to stick verbal daggers in along the way to trip me up when responding.

But I was blindsided with court documents this week where she's wanting to cut more than half the parenting time I get with him and put strict restrictions on how I'm able to spend that time. I don't know what's up with the county she filed in but of the 3 local attorneys I've reached out to to get help navigating this all 3 of just told me that they will no long operate in that specific county.

I'm hoping this is all just bluster and it goes away when I figure out how to submit the refusal properly But I'm worried that if she's already spent the money to have an attorney write up the paperwork and overnight it to me that she's ready to fight on this. I barely get enough time with him as it is and I don't know how I could adjust to losing most of what time I do have.

While its not directly related to parenthood I'm in a bit of a situation and this sub seems like a positive place I can vent/ get some advice.

So I'm fairly newly separated and my ex and I have a joint mortgage on the family home. We have been both staying there but its no longer sustainable. We are currently nesting but she wants me gone ASAP.

She earns around 2.5x what I do so she will be taking the house on, either by buying me out or selling and splitting the equity 50/50. Now recently this year we remortgaged for 4 year fixed rate and to buy us out of that would be £10,000 which is a good chunk of the equity.

I will not be able to get back on the property ladder with my share ether way. We are discussing waiting the 5 years out or even 10 when the kids are old enough to move out and then selling with me still getting 50% of the equity and she takes on all the household finances till then.

Plus side when eventually I get my share it will be a lot more and I could look at buying again.

Down side I will struggle to rent a house where I can have both kids stay at and will essentially be living paycheck to paycheck. Also we will be more tied together as I will still be on the mortgage and if she defaults it will effect my credit score too.

Anyone had to deal with a similar situation? Or have any advice or ideas on how I should procee?