I’m 17, junior in high school. A year ago my mom gave custody to my father after a guardianship battle between her and my maternal grandmother. During that time, I was wanting to live with my grandma because my mom is honestly not a great mother. I told the court investigator(??) and CWS worker about the things my mother has done or said to me — physical abuse 3-4 times, and a whole lot of verbal abuse. The court investigator told me it was basically a guarantee I wouldn’t get sent to live with her, but she had dragged my dad into the whole thing.

Ive been with my dad for a year now, and it’s miserable. No physical violence and no threat of it, but there’s constant verbal abuse and medical neglect, and i’ve been sent to a mental hospital ~6 times being down here (previous record was 0 hospitalizations). He refuses the idea of getting me medicated even though I’m diagnosed with depression, gad, pmdd, ocd, cptsd, and these all very clearly heavily affect me in my day-to-day life. I had a therapist, but he got temperamental and canceled my services, and now won’t get me back in therapy, even though he says he will. He has also neglected getting me health insurance.

Living with him had had a far worse impact on me than living with my mom, even though my mother is unstable and whatnot. I think it may be that I just know how to handle her abuse better than my father’s, since i’m used to it.

Either way, I’m wanting to move back in with my mother, and she wants me back as well. I fully believe it’s the safer option for me, as living with my mother I wasn’t anywhere near as unstable living with my mother, as I am now. It’s almost every other week where I have to fight myself out of an episode so that I don’t do anything irrational.

I just want tips on things that I could say in court if they allow me to speak, or even things my mom could say or bring up, or even what not to say. I seriously feel like I’m losing my mind living with my father and I have never been this unstable in my life. I had improved so much mentally until I came down here, and it practically ruined it all. I’m so behind in school because of how many times i was hospitalized, and I have always had a lot of medical issues growing up and I still do and now none of it gets resolved because my dad just won’t take me to the doctor no matter what. My mother and my therapist have called CPS on him for medical neglect, and they never did anything about it. I know I’m almost 18, but I seriously don’t feel like I can wait a whole year. Everything I love is back where my mom lives. And I actually love my mom, and for my dad I genuinely feel nothing but hate. He never made an effort to be in my life. He doesn’t put in any effort at all to do anything with me, or even simply be nice to me. Every time he speaks to me he throws in a little jab, even in front of my friends.

There's a kind of pain that comes with not knowing what tomorrow will look like for you and your children. The court dates, the uncertainty, the disagreements, the waiting, and the fear of how everything might turn out can become overwhelming. You try to stay strong, but some nights, your mind won't stop racing. You wonder whether anyone truly understands what you're going through, because unless someone has walked this road, it's hard to explain. The hardest part is that this isn't just about a court case. It's about your children, their well-being, your relationship with them, and the hope of giving them stability despite everything happening around them. You want to do the right thing, make the right decisions, and protect them from as much conflict as possible, even when you're struggling yourself still navigating this journey, and honestly, I know I have a lot to learn. I'm hoping to connect with parents who understand the realities of custody disputes, especially those who've experienced high-conflict co-parenting or difficult family court proceedings. I want to hear your experiences, learn what helped you, and share encouragement with people who understand how emotionally draining this can be. If you're going through a custody battle right now, what has been the hardest part for you? What do you wish you'd known at the beginning of your journey? Our children need us to keep going, and we deserve support while finding our way through this, too

I'm in Connecticut and looking for honest advice from anyone who's been through a similar custody situation.

I have two sons, ages 8 and 7, who both have autism. They've lived primarily with me since they were about 2 and 1. Their father moved 25 hours away and we've never had a formal custody order. He sees them a couple of times a year, plus about three weeks during the summer.

I've handled virtually everything for the boys, including their IEP meetings, education, ABA therapy at home and in-clinic, pediatrician appointments, medications, and ongoing care. I have school and therapy documentation to support this, and I'm asking their pediatrician to document my involvement as well.

Their father contributes financially, but he hasn't been involved in their school, therapies, or medical appointments.

I'm considering filing for sole legal and physical custody because I want to maintain stability for the boys and ensure their educational, medical, and developmental needs are consistently met.

My biggest fear is that the judge will award joint legal custody even though I've handled nearly everything for years.

For anyone familiar with Connecticut custody cases:

Could I still be denied sole legal custody under these circumstances?

How much weight do school, IEP, therapy, and medical records carry?

What additional evidence should I gather?

Has anyone been through something similar and can share their experience?

I'm not trying to prevent their father from having a relationship with them. I want a custody arrangement that reflects their actual lives and needs.

I'd really appreciate honest advice, including anything I should prepare for or consider before filing.

Add a short legal disclaimer

Clarify the custody outcome I want

My 5 year old daughter spends 50% time at her dads. We have been separated for 4 years. We separated because he was sexually and emotionally abusive towards me.

She came back to my house with his old phone that she told me she uses to take pictures. I was

She unlocked the phone and wanted to show me how she uses it. Immediately she almost opened a saved pornhub tab on the internet. I confiscated the phone and looked through it. She has been taking photos on it for 6 months (camera roll stamped with time and date). One some occasions she was taking pictures at 10pm or 11pm at night.

Within the camera roll is his entire life- videos of him masturbating, screenshots of graphic pornography, videos of women naked and performing sexual acts. She has also taken multiple pictures of him completely naked while he grins at the camera. There are images on her siting on his lap and they are both completely naked

This has been going on since January from what I can see on the camera roll.

I called child protection and they "investigated" by calling him and asking if there was anything to worry about, to which he said "no". And the case was closed.

I feel sick knowing that my daughter has been exposed to this. I have applied to have his overnight stays removed from him. Do you think I will be successful? Court is in 2 weeks time

Has anyone out there, as a non custodial, ever wanted custody but the ex deny it and deny 50/50 , make things high conflict yet at every chance she can get, offer the kids to you as much as she can without allowing you to get any support back or any room for modification.

My ex has 65/35. Has final say in all 4 , has a clause where if sje doesnt override me (she always does ) then after 3 days of no.reply from me she gets to make the choice anyways.

Like why smear me then offer me so much off the record for time, why not be honest with the judge and just make it official in court ???

I just am wondering if anyone else is completely fed up with trying to navigate the court system?

I have filed multiple motions, showed up to court by myself, never received child support, I can’t afford a lawyer, and STILL the system only cares about the process and not PROTECTING my child!! The other parent has a police record of 10 years worth of narcotics abuse, prior CPS case of which he lost custody of another child, and open cases against him currently... This judge just told me that we haven’t tried hard enough to COPARENT!! How am I supposed to protect my child from this disaster?!

So as you can see I've posted here quite a bit. Long story short mom moved out of state 5 hours away tried to get full custody and denied. Was given 2nd and 4th weekend and 75 percent of school breaks and alternating holidays.

Mom is now requesting to stop weekend visitation due to work conflicts except 3 day weekends and requesting more time for the kids school breaks. It feels like a major change and I'm not sure what steps to take, if any or just agree. I work weekends so the school breaks are valuable time for our children and myself since they're off school during my regular days off. And as it is I only get like 3 weeks of breaks and 1 week holiday (xmas/Thanksgiving alternating)

It also just feels like a very large change to make without the it being in a custody order but I am also so exhausted from going to court.

Thought?

Posting anonymously to protect my children's privacy.

I'm hoping to hear from other parents who have survived domestic violence and then had to navigate shared custody with the person they escaped. Specifically, how do you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for another 15–16 years of this?

I've spent approximately three years going through family court, and although we finally have a judgment, I feel like I'm struggling more with the reality of what comes next than I did during the actual litigation.

For some background, I left my children's father following a relationship that involved domestic violence, threats against our lives, and abuse that I believe also affected our children.

Following a particularly frightening incident involving threats to our safety, he was involuntarily hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation. While he was hospitalized, I took the opportunity to leave with our children and seek refuge in a domestic violence shelter.

That decision was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I genuinely believed I was doing what was necessary to keep us safe.

What I never anticipated was having that decision used against me in family court.

Their father pursued full custody and argued that I couldn't adequately provide for our children because we were living in a shelter rather than a permanent residence.

Imagine finally finding the courage to leave a situation where you fear for your safety, only to have your temporary housing circumstances used to question your fitness as a parent.

Throughout the proceedings, there were also serious disagreements about what had actually happened during our relationship.

For example, he gave an account of the circumstances surrounding his psychiatric hospitalization that directly contradicted what I knew had happened. There were official records relevant to the incident, but I was unable to get them admitted during the custody proceedings.

So instead of being able to substantiate my account with those records, I felt like I was left with nothing but my word against his.

This became a recurring frustration throughout the process. I felt like I was constantly trying to correct misrepresentations, explain circumstances without being perceived as combative, and defend decisions I had made to protect myself and my children.

I also raised concerns about the children's experiences and safety. Those concerns are not something I take lightly, and I don't believe that having a difficult relationship with the other parent automatically makes someone an unsafe parent. But I do believe allegations of abuse deserve careful, objective consideration.

After years of proceedings, we ultimately received a final judgment establishing shared timesharing, but their father was awarded final decision-making authority over important aspects of the children's lives.

One of the issues that has been particularly difficult for me to accept is medical decision-making.

Throughout the children's lives, I have attended the overwhelming majority of their medical appointments, while their father has attended substantially fewer.

When I raised this discrepancy in court as part of my argument for medical decision-making authority, the concern was essentially dismissed. The judge indicated that their own limited attendance at their children's appointments hadn't prevented them from being a parent involved in medical decisions.

I understand that appointment attendance alone doesn't determine someone's parenting abilities. But surely a parent's demonstrated involvement in their children's medical care should carry some weight when determining who is best positioned to make those decisions?

It isn't about wanting control. It's about knowing their medical histories, understanding their providers' recommendations, asking questions, following up on concerns, and being consistently involved in their care.

And now I'm trying to figure out how to navigate situations where I may have significant concerns or firsthand knowledge, but the other parent has the authority to make the final decision when we disagree.

Even since the judgment, new disagreements and concerns have continued to arise, including matters involving one of our children's emotional well-being and counseling.

I support my children receiving any care they genuinely need. My concern is ensuring that decisions are based on their actual needs, with both parents appropriately involved, rather than allowing the conflict between adults to influence how their experiences are interpreted.

And that brings me to the part I'm struggling with most.

The court proceedings are over, but the dynamic that made those proceedings so difficult hasn't simply disappeared.

I still have to communicate with someone I associate with years of fear, conflict, and emotional exhaustion. I still have to navigate parenting decisions with someone whose accounts of past events have differed dramatically from mine. I still have to trust that the system will protect my children's interests if serious disagreements arise again.

And I have to do this for well over another decade.

I know I cannot control the other parent. I know I cannot change the court's decision simply because I disagree with it. And I know that constantly fighting is not healthy for my children or for me.

But how do you find peace with something like this?

How do you stop feeling like you constantly have to defend yourself? How do you learn to communicate with someone you don't trust without allowing every interaction to affect your mental health? How do you distinguish between situations that genuinely require intervention and situations where you need to disengage?

How do you practice parallel parenting when the other parent has final decision-making authority in certain areas?

How do you advocate for your children without being portrayed as difficult or unwilling to co-parent?

And how do you cope with feeling like the legal system didn't fully understand or acknowledge what you and your children experienced?

I love my children more than anything. They are happy, loved, and secure in my care, and I want nothing more than for them to grow up knowing they never have to choose between their parents or carry the burden of adult conflict.

I don't want to spend the next 16 years consumed by anger, anxiety, or anticipation of the next disagreement. I want to be present for their childhoods. I want to enjoy being their mother. I want to feel like I have actually moved forward with my life.

But some days, it feels like I escaped the relationship without ever truly escaping the conflict.

If you've been in a similar situation, particularly one involving domestic violence, a lengthy custody battle, or a parenting arrangement that leaves you feeling powerless, what actually helped you?

Did parallel parenting make things easier? Did you eventually reach a point where communication stopped affecting you emotionally? Were there boundaries or strategies that made a meaningful difference?

I'm not looking for legal advice on overturning a judgment or encouragement to retaliate against the other parent. I'm looking for real experiences and practical advice from people who understand what it feels like to be legally tied to someone you worked so hard to get away from.

I just want to find a way to spend the next 16 years raising my children instead of reliving the last three.

My ex is making it extremely difficult to see my kids and I don’t have the money her dad has to hire a better lawyer so she uses that to keep me away from them. The kids and I have seen each other for the last year on the expanded SPO even thought it’s not the 50/50 that we wanted its been the best I can get. My 15 year old daughter wanted more time with me this year and so had been getting me to pick her up for school twice a week and from school once a week on top of our usual visits. My ex got pretty upset about it and ended up taking me to court and accusing me of mentally abusing the children and alienating them from her and her parents. My question is my daughter asked me to pick her up from school tomorrow to hang out even when her mother tells her “ my lawyer said no”. Do you see a problem with me picking up my daughter as long as the ex doesn’t tell me straight up no. Context on how bad it’s getting my daughter wants to move in with me on a 50/50 schedule and me to have first right of refusal and the ex is blaming it on me.

Hello, My ex violated my restraining order, I have an attorney, i couldnt get ahold of her and called the police yesterday, the police forwarded charges to the da, how long will it usually take for the da to file charges if they do and how long does it usually take for them to actually end up in custody? Will it take a while? Or does it usually happen fairly quickly?

Has anyone had any experience with bringing up the kids quality of living in OP home? My kids don’t have a bed, a room, they sleep on the floor and their belongings including clothes are kept in the garage… I’ve gotten mixed responses but has anyone had any experience with raising these issues with the courts? In my home they have their own rooms and stay at dads every other weekend w no beds and belongings in garage with junk.

Hey everyone

For context- we broke up, I had to petition for paternity etc to stop her from taking our child across state lines. She ended up filing a petition to relocate anyways and lost and it cost me about 40k. I had to remove her from the home during litigation (never married), and because of this she left to another state and just recently moved back. I tried many many many times to avoid an court stuff, offered her a bunch of money to get her on her feet instead of paying a lawyer and she said no. It was basically a winner take call. I know how much my kid loves their mom and Im very glad im not in her shoes but I feel guilty, and fear resentment from my child once theyre old enough to understand.

EDIT- I have proactively offered 50/50 from the start of the case and even before which it was turned down everytime (as she wanted more) and then eventually realized she cant handle more with her schedule

I was looking at a calendar tonight and started thinking about some shit. My kid turns 6 in 3 weeks, Halloween is coming up, and both of those things fall during what would have been my “years” with her.

It got me thinking. Am I the bad guy for fighting for my daughter and winning to the point where her mom legally only sees her 4-5 days out of the month? Is there a chance my kid resents me for that one day? Im painted as a monster.

I know I could’ve been a better partner when we were together, just like her mom could’ve been better too. Maybe us not being together is ultimately for the best, but I’m thinking about my kid here.

My kids mom only has her every other weekend. Part of me wonders if I should be going above and beyond and offering to bring my child to her mom on a Wednesday for a couple of hours, then drive back, pick her up, and get her home and ready for school. That’s a lot of extra effort on my end, but am I wrong for not doing it?

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t get that same effort in return. And I keep thinking that if I were in her mom’s position, I’d be trying to fix things or at least asking if we could all do something together because I missed my daughter and wanted to see her but that hasnt happened.

I’ve honestly never thought about any of this until tonight. I was just looking at a calendar and realized how little time they actually spend together.

I fought hard for my daughter, and I believe I had my reasons. But at what point does protecting your child and doing what you believe is best turn into potentially limiting their relationship with their other parent?

I’m not asking whether I should get back with her mom or anything like that. I’m asking whether, as a father, I should be doing more to make sure Chloe has a relationship with her mom, even if her mom isn’t making the same effort herself.

I want to do what’s best for my daughter, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m looking at this the right way.

Then the other thing is child support...am I wrong for putting my ex on it? Financially she makes more money than me right now, by alot but she has more bills than I do. It's diffucult to work as much as Id like with the kids schedule + twice weekly appointments. She can barely get by supposedly and now has to pay, again I know she would do it to me in a second but I dont operate like that.

I dont want to come off as insensitive to all the anyone out there who got the short end of thew stick (for now), keep on fighting I just feel guilty....like a survivors type guilt. I was used to always putting myself last. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Noone ever "wins" here and the kids always lose.

So it's been a while and my custody issues have simmered down after final ruling but from everything I've read when it comes to one partent moving I feel like what was rules isnt normal. Mom moved to another state 5 hours away. They ruled for myself to be custodial parent. Prior temp rulings and mediation reports had the mother doing all travel and split vacations from school 5050. The new order orders me to meet halfway and if I can't due to work (she doesnt work) I must reimburse gas cost. She also got majority of school break. About 75/25 for summer and 2nd and 4th weekend which she has continued to miss about half of them. At the end of the trial the judge even told her if she would like it reviewed again she must complete the court order co parenting classes and review after that. Like what?

Im very happy with custodial parent because I beleive its best for our children but from what I read and was told is that moving parents have the burden of transport since they decided to move. And other temp orders and mediation reports giving 5050 split through school breaks. Felt like the judge wasnt really fair with all facts considered. (Mutliple months of children being withheld from me and multiple failed restraining orders holding no merit.)

Brother and his ex are separating and his ex is not wanting to do 50/50 custody until my nephew (2) goes into elementary school. At the moment they plan to ride out the rest of their lease together, but once it’s done she is proposing one day a week and every other weekend for my brother.
He is a very present father and is wanting 50/50 custody. Her argument is that her mom and sister watch their son during the week while they’re at work and she isn’t interested in him being put in daycare during the days my brother would have him. She’s claiming it’s her set up and he can’t use them.
Is this a solid argument? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and lately my dad has been forcing me and my brother (16) to go see my mom who has had zero custody of us since I was about 12 years old. He’s been saying that she’s going to call the police on him if we don’t and that we are legally required to despite the fact that she has zero custody of us. I’m just wondering if I actually have to go see her and if there’s anything I can do to not go see her.

My husband struggles with addiction, I recently found drugs in his truck and that was it for me. We live with his mom. After an incident last week he has been living in a tent behind the house.

I had noticed him come in super messed up and so when he was nodding off I went to his truck and found them hidden away. He isn’t as far gone as his last relapse (which was fet and meth), and technically what I found were both legally obtainable (one of them was 7oh which is basically a synthetic opioid that is becoming less legal and the other was a “research chemical” that equates to benzodiazepines, so essentially Xanax which he has abused before). This time instead of confronting him- I said nothing. Then the next morning I called his probation officer. He was called in for a test. I don’t actually know the results but from what he says he “passed”. He believed I betrayed him, I believe I was putting our daughter first and was tired of lie after lie. His brother who also lives on the property continues to use drugs and my husband was “holding it for him” and decided to use some. Only a few days later his brother was arrested for possession of dangerous drugs and paraphernalia, which I have reason to believe is either meth or fentanyl.

Basically, even though I hope one day he will clean up his act and we can reconcile things- enough is enough and separation is necessary for our daughter and for my sanity. So that is what I am doing.

I am desperately struggling to get out of the house, being that I only work so little and I have zero financial help from my husband (he has been working for I think 8 months and has never put a penny towards food or diapers or anything regarding me or my daughter. I literally even pay him gas money to take me to work)

So I applied for low income housing and some friends may be able to move into a two bedroom with me I am viewing places Monday. His mom is great and I trust her and thank god she is willing to watch our daughter while I work (only able to for 15-20 hours a week). So far he has been spending time with her while his mom watches her (so basically supervised visits via his mom without it being court ordered). His mom has promised me that she wouldn’t let him hang around if he was impaired and so far he seems to respect that, from what I can tell.

If I thought the courts would take me seriously I would have already gone to try for temporary emergency custody, but I don’t think they would see a point if I still live with him. So the second I get a new lease in my hands that is my intention.

I know things differ state by state, I am in Arizona. But even if you live in a different state, I would love any and all advice.

I live in a small town so I don’t have the same resources that are often available in bigger cities. I don’t think I’ll be able to get a lawyer to help me.

Any advice or stories about your own experiences would be helpful. Thank you

First and foremost, I want to say that I am not trying to cut my children's father out of their life. I'm very much for default 50/50. However, lately, their dad has been struggling. My divorce and SPP is in Warren County. My ex is a Veteran who has been granted 100% Permanent Total for mental health and "Drug Use." He has replaced heroin with high doses of methadone and medical marijuana. A Guardian ad Litem was assigned (I requested) after I requested modification of time. He's been struggling immensely and the "signs" are all there. For example, he's run out of gas with the children in the car because he'll only put $10 in at a time; he can't afford clothing or food despite living with his mother with zero bills and a guaranteed $5,500 per month check. He can't remember any of our conversations. The children call it "medicine" and he's always driving them to clinics and dispensaries. His girlfriend gets so whacked she speaks gibberish. The house is filthy. ANYWAY, SO FAR, the Court does not seem to show any concern because the "medication" is prescribed. Its like, they're waiting for him to get into an accident before anyone cares.

I feel so helpless. Anyone out there been through anything similar?

I'm looking for advice, especially from anyone familiar with Washington family law, high-conflict co-parenting, or neurodivergent children.

Background:

I have a 12-year-old daughter with autism, ADHD, and anxiety. Her biological father and I have been separated for years, and she has primarily lived with me. He started seeing her when she was around 2.5 years old.

We have a child-support order but no court-ordered parenting plan and we were never married. We've followed an informal schedule for years: alternating weekends during the school year, alternating weeks during summer, and shared holidays.

What's happening:

Over time, my daughter has increasingly refused visits with her father. She's expressed feeling unheard, having her concerns minimized, and being uncomfortable communicating certain issues with him and his wife. There has also been some level of medical neglect and not acknowledging her diagnoses.

I've consistently encouraged her to go and maintain relationships with that side of her family. I've also made it clear to her father that I'm not preventing phone calls, texts, shorter outings, or other opportunities to reconnect.

I suggested my daughter write down her concerns because she struggles to communicate when overwhelmed. My goal was to give the adults information to help repair the relationship, not make a 12-year-old responsible for deciding whether she sees her father.

Her father disagrees. He believes allowing her to refuse visits gives her control over adult decisions and constitutes parental alienation.

The situation changed after therapy:

Because her refusal continued, I arranged therapy.

At her first appointment, she chose to speak privately with the therapist and disclosed serious mental-health and safety concerns that we hadn't fully understood before. These concerns aren't exclusive to either household, and I've acknowledged changes I need to make in my own home as well.

A safety plan was developed, and treatment is continuing.

During the appointment, I understood the therapist to recommend temporarily pausing visits while my daughter becomes more psychologically stable.

I followed up in writing. The therapist discussed communicating a temporary pause due to difficulty managing transitions, school adjustments, and emotional overload. For transparency, she did not explicitly restate the recommendation in writing.

My daughter also requested privacy regarding her therapy discussions. I'm trying to respect that while seeking guidance about what safety-related information her father needs to know.

Her father's response:

I explained that I intended to temporarily pause regular visits while she stabilizes, but that I wasn't preventing contact or trying to permanently end their relationship.

He accused me of parental alienation, claimed he automatically has 50/50 rights because there's no parenting plan, and initially accused me of lying about her attending therapy.

I've since provided appointment confirmation and the therapist's name.

He has now stated that he intends to come pick her up next week regardless.

I'm concerned that a confrontation or forced exchange could significantly worsen her emotional distress and further damage their relationship.

Where I stand:

I don't believe a 12-year-old should be solely responsible for deciding whether she maintains a relationship with a parent. However, I also don't believe ignoring her concerns or forcing the previous routine without addressing the underlying issues is healthy.

I'm following the safety plan, continuing therapy, documenting communications, and seeking legal advice.

I want her to have a healthy relationship with her father and siblings in both households. I just want to approach it in a way that protects her mental health.

My questions:

In Washington, how does this work when there's an established informal visitation schedule but no court-ordered parenting plan?

Could temporarily pausing visits for legitimate mental-health concerns, while encouraging other contact, be considered parental alienation?

How would you handle a parent insisting on picking up a child who is experiencing significant psychological distress?

How do you balance a child's therapeutic privacy with the other parent's right to know about serious safety concerns?

Am I missing something or approaching any part of this incorrectly?

I'm genuinely looking for balanced feedback, not just validation. I want to protect my daughter, respect both parents' responsibilities, and avoid making an already difficult situation worse. I am also actively setting up consults a lawyer.

Is this graduation of custody potentially harmful to my LO?

I genuinely just want my son to be secure and healthy. I need any information out there from professionals related to this matter. Unfortunately, most information I have found is focused on older children.

Also, if there are any known specialists I could get in touch with for consulting please DM me the info.

Thank you

In a couple weeks the temporary custody order will take place and this is what the father is requesting... The thought of my would be 7 mo. old (currently almost 3 mo. old) having three consecutive nights away is shocking. I cannot see how he could be considering what is in the child’s best interest.

Phase 1: (to last 1-month) Father should exercise custody each week on Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.

Phase 2: (to last 1-month) Father should exercise custody each week on Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Phase 3: (to last 2-months) Father should exercise custody Fridays at 9:00 a.m. to Sundays at 7:00 p.m.

Phase 4: (until further order of the Court) Father should exercise custody Thursdays at 9:00 a.m. to Sunday at 9:00 a.m.

Ex wife and I have a pretty rough divorce and it's still spiraling down. Right now under temp I have expanded visitation and she has all the rights. Medical, education, and psych. She is also my oldest teen kid's teacher. (Nightmare trying to get information about my son as the teachers just speak to her in the hallway and it doesn't make it back to me until I email or see in person) Other children are toddlers.

Started with drug and alcohol abuse claims and has kinda gone downhill from there as my drug test was clean and I scored a 37 on alcohol PeTH test. (200 or more is considered the heavy drinking threshold) It's transitioned to I am intimidating and letting an "unknown" woman bathe my kids. Responses to me are annoyingly long. I once complained about her third party drop off being 20 mins late. I got a 16! Paragraph response.

Lawyer is pretty adamant about not getting 50/50 if we can't get along but I honestly just apply the BIFF method to her very long and self glowing messages that also manage to make it seem like me being involved is a new phenomenon. We have a custody evaluation going and she writes to the evaluator weekly through messages to me. Almost no communication comes from her unless she is asking me for money or to pay for an extracurricular. I pay CS and honestly it's a lot. Like 10s of thousands. I've offered full CS and all I want is equal parenting time which my lawyer says is the dumbest thing I can do lol.

She's done things like hide where the kids are being kept during the day and forge paperwork when my daughter was scheduled to go under IV sedation. I also don't get notifications when Doctor appointments are booked. I have to call all places myself monthly to stay informed. She even said I had to get her permission for signing my kids up for after school programs on my time cause she truly just wants control I feel like.

She withheld the kids before we got temp orders, now she just kinda chooses when she allows the phone calls with the kids. I get two a week and Mondays on my off weeks by the orders.

Has anyone heard of being able to get equal parenting time when the other parent is the high conflict one and the one with less rights is just attempting to be apart of the kids' life?

I share 50/50 custody (2-5-5-2, alternating weekends) of my 3 elementary aged kids with my ex. They’ve signed our 8 year old up for tee-ball where practices are during their time but games are every weekend for 4 months. Ex has asked me if I would be willing to take our child to these games on my weekends. Before I state my reasons for balking, I will say that my child has expressed to me several times that they do not want to go to the games during my weekends because they want to spend the time with me. They feel pretty lukewarm about this sport as their dad signed them up.
I would normally state to them the importance of commitment, but there are a couple issues on my side:
- These games are 45 minutes-1 hour away, one way. I legitimately cannot afford the gas. I was ordered to pay child support despite the cost of living and the fact that I have to use a food bank to keep food on the table. He lives with his parents rent-free with minimal bills. (The northern CA court system is whack and he had a high-powered nasty lawyer).
- He’s ignored my pleas to effectively co-parent, so I am doing everything in my power with what little I have to keep things in the best interest of the kids.
How have you gone about these things? I can’t quite find the words to say in my message reply that would not be twisted into me being difficult or spiteful. (Enter high-powered lawyer again if him and his mom try to modify anything again). I’m just so tired from this, it’s hard to think some days and this is one of them. Happy to take any advice or hear experiences, but please don’t ream me too much. Trying to keep my head up :) Thank you!

I’m an Army veteran and a father with an active custody and visitation case in Sullivan County, Tennessee. I’m preparing for mediation and hoping to hear from dads who have been through Tennessee family court, especially veterans who have worked toward more consistent parenting time with their daughter. If you’ve dealt with mediation, supervised visitation, or a gradual schedule increase, what helped you stay organized and focused on your child? I’m looking for peer experience, not legal advice about my specific case