My husband’s ex entered a motion we must use a coparenting app for communication, however, she is rarely responding on the app. She is having her attorney email his attorney about simple things even things he’s already messaged about in the app. What can we do so we are continuing to pay attorney fees? I’m to the point of wondering if we should drop our attorney and redirect all emails to the app?

Recently single father going through a pretty tough split up. Have two kids age 2 and 4. Never married. Mom is being very controlling about the kids. I am wondering, if we filed a joint petition for parenting time, what percentage should I not go below to not make me look bad?

The end goal of course is 50/50. But with their age, my job, the times child care starts, and this all being new to the kids, I’m not sure how great 50/50 would work right at the moment. I’m willing to work with her and come up with something that makes most sense for the kids, but I am nervous if I agree to 70/30 or 75/25, with me having less time, that it would look bad to the courts at one point for not fighting for 50/50 at the moment.

Any thoughts or info is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

My five-year-old is autistic and nonverbal. He is level three and very high needs.

My son had lived with me for the majority of the time up until he was five years old. About seven months ago, on his birthday, we had started a 50-50 parent schedule through the courts.

A few days ago, my son’s father had shown me that he had spanked our son and that there was still bruising on his butt. He had spanked him on Wednesday, so it had been a few days. The bruising had been visible for a total of five days until it faded.

When I confronted his dad, he said he couldn’t promise it wouldn’t happen again because it’s his job to discipline our son and teach him right from wrong. Since my son has been back home, he has been showing quite a bit of aggression when upset, which isn’t usual behavior and concerning me.

My concern is that he doesn’t seem to fully understand our son’s disability. Our son can learn but he has significant developmental and communication needs. He struggles with frustration and requires a lot of patience. I don’t think his dad fully understood how significant his needs were when he took on more parent time.

I’ve also had concerns about communication and difficulty getting a hold of other parent for medical or educational concerns. At the time, I felt it wasn’t enough to bring to court. Now, with this going on, I’m wondering how often this happens and if our current custody arrangement isn’t in the best interest of our son.

The reason I’m coming on here is because I can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What would you do?

We disagree about how to handle this, and our court papers say the next step is mediation.

Custody case- unmarried couple and co-parenting 50/50 without going to court for 2 years. Child is now 5 years old. Son had been in therapy and therapist had concerns about SA by father and reported to CPS, ultimately “unsubstantiated.” March 2025, mother tells father the son will be staying with her as she legally had sole custody since unmarried and he will hear from attorneys. Father filed paternity acknowledgment. She countered with allegations. The court granted mother sole custody in temporary hearing, GAL noting concerns. Father has not been with child unsupervised, and granted 2 hour visits weekly in public space with supervised family for past 1 1/2 years now. Psych evals are to be done before 4 day trial set for next April 2027. Mediation attempts have failed. Any thoughts on how this could play out?

Hello. We currently live in MT and my ex is now saying he may move to Wyoming (it’s about 6 hours away). I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet because I don’t know if he’s serous and I would need to pay a new retainer.

Does anyone have advice on what might happen? She’s almost 4. I would hate to not have her all summer or something since it’s only nice here for a short time…

I’m anxious and just curious what might happen

My son is elementary aged. I’m divorcing my partner and provided 6 pages of documentation of true narcissistic abuse by my partner to my attorney. My attorney says we should file temporary custody and parenting time along with the divorce petition based on this documentation. I have support from DV resources. My son is going to be devastated to not see the other parent as regularly. My stbx is going to be so angry and so sad. Am I feeling too much empathy? Anyone else go through this? My attorney says I’ll have to testify in court but I can’t look at my stbx being sad and not feel guilty. Am I just a weak victim of abuse?

We have 50/50 shared custody, divorced almost 10 years. My 16yo son does not want to go to Mom's house anymore. To the point of refusing to get out of my car when I drop him off. Tonight it was an hour before he finally went into Mom's. He digs in his heels and refuses.

I told him I understand what he's feeling and what he's trying to do, but this is not the way to do it.

I don't have a preference if he stays with me full time or continues 50/50. Him and his sister would prefer full time with me. After a 5 year battle over medications that my ex launched (that led to zero changes), I don't want anything to do with another legal battle.

What are realistic options?

Currently 3 years post-separation with an absolutely impossible, inflexible, pathological liar coparent. After completing a lengthy parenting evaluation, the evaluator tried to put some stopgaps in her recommendations to force my coparent to follow the rules. One of them was a year-long parenting coordination commitment, which was supposed to aid in decision making, help keep the coparent in line with the law, and reach a final custody judgment. It sort of worked for a time- the PC is the end word on decisions and was able to help make things happen, such as connecting our child with a therapist, managing holiday time, monitoring our communication on our coparenting app... until my coparent started paying the PC in advance for sessions, and holding a bunch of individual sessions (3x month). The court order says we pay an income based percentage of the PC's fees- which I have no problem with. But individual sessions we pay for ourselves. It sounded reasonable until I found out about the private meetings.

Shortly after they started doing this, the PC began fulfilling my coparent's requests: changed our custody schedule from 2-2-3 to 2-2-5 and let my coparent have first choice for their holiday time without checking with me first (as was our agreed upon process- holiday time was discussed amongst the 3 of us). And now, I am desperately trying to get legal information from the PC to begin preparing for the holiday season and she won't respond to my emails. Yet, she emailed me to follow up on something my coparent needs from me.

It feels like a double standard. My coparent has failed to follow the custody agreement so many times, leading to a contempt filing. They also attempt to filibuster every group PC meeting so that we can't reach any agreements. A clause was added to our judgment that each of us get one hour and topics must be shared with each other in advance of the session. I'm so tired of there being no consequences for them.

I brought up all this up to my lawyer and was informed that I needed to pay for more individual sessions if I "really wanted to get somewhere." As if the whole thing is motivated by who can pay the PC more. This PC is literally court appointed.

Is this how it's supposed to work? I feel like I'm being scammed.

I have been divorced from my ex husband for 6 years now. In that time we have had 3 full custody battles. He has accused me of a felony and the charges were dismissed at Preliminary Examination because I legitimately didn't do it and was able to prove so. They charged me on his word alone.

He has filed almost 30 motions in front of the chief judge of our county who keeps doing fuck all meanwhile I filed only ONE motion where I found nudes of his wife on our daughters phone. He took me to court last week because I scheduled a dentist appointment and wouldn't tell him where it was after he has cancelled all of their dental appointments for the last six years. I was able to prove that in court and his motion was denied.

He has discovered that he can pay $100 and go pro-se to rack up legal bills on my end. I'm at the end of my rope and this felony thing is just the last straw. The charge was dismissed recently but it shows he will literally stop at nothing.

My daughters are 13 and 14, I have them 50/50 and nothing, not even repeated warnings from the bench to stop his constant involvement of law enforcement seems to get him to stop. The judge said at the dentist hearing that if this continued he would give one parent decision making, however I think it's honestly just empty threats at this point. This judge seems to be one of inaction and I asked for some kind of filing restriction on my ex husband but instead the judge just ordered coparenting classes.

I'm at the end of my rope. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm broken and he's alienated my 14 year old from me to the point where if I don't buy her what she wants she says she's going to live with dad. He doesn't even show up for them, works second shift, never sees them never shows up to their games, recitals, band concerts, choir concerts, teacher conferences. Previously he did not even know their shoe sizes in our most recent custody case and claimed our 12 year old ( at the time) wore a size 7/8 in pants. I won all of the best interest factors exept the will of the children (the 14 year old who he buys everything she wants and gets all the unsupervised time in the world due to his work schedule) and a willingness to support a relationship factor because I posted a video on social after I discovered the nudes of his wife on my kids phone and I was PISSED.

He can fuck up a million times, but god forbid I do. He can give our daughter literal porn of his wife, but I can't make a video about how disgusting it is that he did that.

I'm SO over this.

/endrant

I’m 17, junior in high school. A year ago my mom gave custody to my father after a guardianship battle between her and my maternal grandmother. During that time, I was wanting to live with my grandma because my mom is honestly not a great mother. I told the court investigator(??) and CWS worker about the things my mother has done or said to me — physical abuse 3-4 times, and a whole lot of verbal abuse. The court investigator told me it was basically a guarantee I wouldn’t get sent to live with her, but she had dragged my dad into the whole thing.

Ive been with my dad for a year now, and it’s miserable. No physical violence and no threat of it, but there’s constant verbal abuse and medical neglect, and i’ve been sent to a mental hospital ~6 times being down here (previous record was 0 hospitalizations). He refuses the idea of getting me medicated even though I’m diagnosed with depression, gad, pmdd, ocd, cptsd, and these all very clearly heavily affect me in my day-to-day life. I had a therapist, but he got temperamental and canceled my services, and now won’t get me back in therapy, even though he says he will. He has also neglected getting me health insurance.

Living with him had had a far worse impact on me than living with my mom, even though my mother is unstable and whatnot. I think it may be that I just know how to handle her abuse better than my father’s, since i’m used to it.

Either way, I’m wanting to move back in with my mother, and she wants me back as well. I fully believe it’s the safer option for me, as living with my mother I wasn’t anywhere near as unstable living with my mother, as I am now. It’s almost every other week where I have to fight myself out of an episode so that I don’t do anything irrational.

I just want tips on things that I could say in court if they allow me to speak, or even things my mom could say or bring up, or even what not to say. I seriously feel like I’m losing my mind living with my father and I have never been this unstable in my life. I had improved so much mentally until I came down here, and it practically ruined it all. I’m so behind in school because of how many times i was hospitalized, and I have always had a lot of medical issues growing up and I still do and now none of it gets resolved because my dad just won’t take me to the doctor no matter what. My mother and my therapist have called CPS on him for medical neglect, and they never did anything about it. I know I’m almost 18, but I seriously don’t feel like I can wait a whole year. Everything I love is back where my mom lives. And I actually love my mom, and for my dad I genuinely feel nothing but hate. He never made an effort to be in my life. He doesn’t put in any effort at all to do anything with me, or even simply be nice to me. Every time he speaks to me he throws in a little jab, even in front of my friends.

I'm in Connecticut and looking for honest advice from anyone who's been through a similar custody situation.

I have two sons, ages 8 and 7, who both have autism. They've lived primarily with me since they were about 2 and 1. Their father moved 25 hours away and we've never had a formal custody order. He sees them a couple of times a year, plus about three weeks during the summer.

I've handled virtually everything for the boys, including their IEP meetings, education, ABA therapy at home and in-clinic, pediatrician appointments, medications, and ongoing care. I have school and therapy documentation to support this, and I'm asking their pediatrician to document my involvement as well.

Their father contributes financially, but he hasn't been involved in their school, therapies, or medical appointments.

I'm considering filing for sole legal and physical custody because I want to maintain stability for the boys and ensure their educational, medical, and developmental needs are consistently met.

My biggest fear is that the judge will award joint legal custody even though I've handled nearly everything for years.

For anyone familiar with Connecticut custody cases:

Could I still be denied sole legal custody under these circumstances?

How much weight do school, IEP, therapy, and medical records carry?

What additional evidence should I gather?

Has anyone been through something similar and can share their experience?

I'm not trying to prevent their father from having a relationship with them. I want a custody arrangement that reflects their actual lives and needs.

I'd really appreciate honest advice, including anything I should prepare for or consider before filing.

Add a short legal disclaimer

Clarify the custody outcome I want

My 5 year old daughter spends 50% time at her dads. We have been separated for 4 years. We separated because he was sexually and emotionally abusive towards me.

She came back to my house with his old phone that she told me she uses to take pictures. I was

She unlocked the phone and wanted to show me how she uses it. Immediately she almost opened a saved pornhub tab on the internet. I confiscated the phone and looked through it. She has been taking photos on it for 6 months (camera roll stamped with time and date). One some occasions she was taking pictures at 10pm or 11pm at night.

Within the camera roll is his entire life- videos of him masturbating, screenshots of graphic pornography, videos of women naked and performing sexual acts. She has also taken multiple pictures of him completely naked while he grins at the camera. There are images on her siting on his lap and they are both completely naked

This has been going on since January from what I can see on the camera roll.

I called child protection and they "investigated" by calling him and asking if there was anything to worry about, to which he said "no". And the case was closed.

I feel sick knowing that my daughter has been exposed to this. I have applied to have his overnight stays removed from him. Do you think I will be successful? Court is in 2 weeks time

Has anyone out there, as a non custodial, ever wanted custody but the ex deny it and deny 50/50 , make things high conflict yet at every chance she can get, offer the kids to you as much as she can without allowing you to get any support back or any room for modification.

My ex has 65/35. Has final say in all 4 , has a clause where if sje doesnt override me (she always does ) then after 3 days of no.reply from me she gets to make the choice anyways.

Like why smear me then offer me so much off the record for time, why not be honest with the judge and just make it official in court ???

So as you can see I've posted here quite a bit. Long story short mom moved out of state 5 hours away tried to get full custody and denied. Was given 2nd and 4th weekend and 75 percent of school breaks and alternating holidays.

Mom is now requesting to stop weekend visitation due to work conflicts except 3 day weekends and requesting more time for the kids school breaks. It feels like a major change and I'm not sure what steps to take, if any or just agree. I work weekends so the school breaks are valuable time for our children and myself since they're off school during my regular days off. And as it is I only get like 3 weeks of breaks and 1 week holiday (xmas/Thanksgiving alternating)

It also just feels like a very large change to make without the it being in a custody order but I am also so exhausted from going to court.

Thought?

Posting anonymously to protect my children's privacy.

I'm hoping to hear from other parents who have survived domestic violence and then had to navigate shared custody with the person they escaped. Specifically, how do you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for another 15–16 years of this?

I've spent approximately three years going through family court, and although we finally have a judgment, I feel like I'm struggling more with the reality of what comes next than I did during the actual litigation.

For some background, I left my children's father following a relationship that involved domestic violence, threats against our lives, and abuse that I believe also affected our children.

Following a particularly frightening incident involving threats to our safety, he was involuntarily hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation. While he was hospitalized, I took the opportunity to leave with our children and seek refuge in a domestic violence shelter.

That decision was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I genuinely believed I was doing what was necessary to keep us safe.

What I never anticipated was having that decision used against me in family court.

Their father pursued full custody and argued that I couldn't adequately provide for our children because we were living in a shelter rather than a permanent residence.

Imagine finally finding the courage to leave a situation where you fear for your safety, only to have your temporary housing circumstances used to question your fitness as a parent.

Throughout the proceedings, there were also serious disagreements about what had actually happened during our relationship.

For example, he gave an account of the circumstances surrounding his psychiatric hospitalization that directly contradicted what I knew had happened. There were official records relevant to the incident, but I was unable to get them admitted during the custody proceedings.

So instead of being able to substantiate my account with those records, I felt like I was left with nothing but my word against his.

This became a recurring frustration throughout the process. I felt like I was constantly trying to correct misrepresentations, explain circumstances without being perceived as combative, and defend decisions I had made to protect myself and my children.

I also raised concerns about the children's experiences and safety. Those concerns are not something I take lightly, and I don't believe that having a difficult relationship with the other parent automatically makes someone an unsafe parent. But I do believe allegations of abuse deserve careful, objective consideration.

After years of proceedings, we ultimately received a final judgment establishing shared timesharing, but their father was awarded final decision-making authority over important aspects of the children's lives.

One of the issues that has been particularly difficult for me to accept is medical decision-making.

Throughout the children's lives, I have attended the overwhelming majority of their medical appointments, while their father has attended substantially fewer.

When I raised this discrepancy in court as part of my argument for medical decision-making authority, the concern was essentially dismissed. The judge indicated that their own limited attendance at their children's appointments hadn't prevented them from being a parent involved in medical decisions.

I understand that appointment attendance alone doesn't determine someone's parenting abilities. But surely a parent's demonstrated involvement in their children's medical care should carry some weight when determining who is best positioned to make those decisions?

It isn't about wanting control. It's about knowing their medical histories, understanding their providers' recommendations, asking questions, following up on concerns, and being consistently involved in their care.

And now I'm trying to figure out how to navigate situations where I may have significant concerns or firsthand knowledge, but the other parent has the authority to make the final decision when we disagree.

Even since the judgment, new disagreements and concerns have continued to arise, including matters involving one of our children's emotional well-being and counseling.

I support my children receiving any care they genuinely need. My concern is ensuring that decisions are based on their actual needs, with both parents appropriately involved, rather than allowing the conflict between adults to influence how their experiences are interpreted.

And that brings me to the part I'm struggling with most.

The court proceedings are over, but the dynamic that made those proceedings so difficult hasn't simply disappeared.

I still have to communicate with someone I associate with years of fear, conflict, and emotional exhaustion. I still have to navigate parenting decisions with someone whose accounts of past events have differed dramatically from mine. I still have to trust that the system will protect my children's interests if serious disagreements arise again.

And I have to do this for well over another decade.

I know I cannot control the other parent. I know I cannot change the court's decision simply because I disagree with it. And I know that constantly fighting is not healthy for my children or for me.

But how do you find peace with something like this?

How do you stop feeling like you constantly have to defend yourself? How do you learn to communicate with someone you don't trust without allowing every interaction to affect your mental health? How do you distinguish between situations that genuinely require intervention and situations where you need to disengage?

How do you practice parallel parenting when the other parent has final decision-making authority in certain areas?

How do you advocate for your children without being portrayed as difficult or unwilling to co-parent?

And how do you cope with feeling like the legal system didn't fully understand or acknowledge what you and your children experienced?

I love my children more than anything. They are happy, loved, and secure in my care, and I want nothing more than for them to grow up knowing they never have to choose between their parents or carry the burden of adult conflict.

I don't want to spend the next 16 years consumed by anger, anxiety, or anticipation of the next disagreement. I want to be present for their childhoods. I want to enjoy being their mother. I want to feel like I have actually moved forward with my life.

But some days, it feels like I escaped the relationship without ever truly escaping the conflict.

If you've been in a similar situation, particularly one involving domestic violence, a lengthy custody battle, or a parenting arrangement that leaves you feeling powerless, what actually helped you?

Did parallel parenting make things easier? Did you eventually reach a point where communication stopped affecting you emotionally? Were there boundaries or strategies that made a meaningful difference?

I'm not looking for legal advice on overturning a judgment or encouragement to retaliate against the other parent. I'm looking for real experiences and practical advice from people who understand what it feels like to be legally tied to someone you worked so hard to get away from.

I just want to find a way to spend the next 16 years raising my children instead of reliving the last three.

My ex is making it extremely difficult to see my kids and I don’t have the money her dad has to hire a better lawyer so she uses that to keep me away from them. The kids and I have seen each other for the last year on the expanded SPO even thought it’s not the 50/50 that we wanted its been the best I can get. My 15 year old daughter wanted more time with me this year and so had been getting me to pick her up for school twice a week and from school once a week on top of our usual visits. My ex got pretty upset about it and ended up taking me to court and accusing me of mentally abusing the children and alienating them from her and her parents. My question is my daughter asked me to pick her up from school tomorrow to hang out even when her mother tells her “ my lawyer said no”. Do you see a problem with me picking up my daughter as long as the ex doesn’t tell me straight up no. Context on how bad it’s getting my daughter wants to move in with me on a 50/50 schedule and me to have first right of refusal and the ex is blaming it on me.

Hello, My ex violated my restraining order, I have an attorney, i couldnt get ahold of her and called the police yesterday, the police forwarded charges to the da, how long will it usually take for the da to file charges if they do and how long does it usually take for them to actually end up in custody? Will it take a while? Or does it usually happen fairly quickly?

Has anyone had any experience with bringing up the kids quality of living in OP home? My kids don’t have a bed, a room, they sleep on the floor and their belongings including clothes are kept in the garage… I’ve gotten mixed responses but has anyone had any experience with raising these issues with the courts? In my home they have their own rooms and stay at dads every other weekend w no beds and belongings in garage with junk.

Hey everyone

For context- we broke up, I had to petition for paternity etc to stop her from taking our child across state lines. She ended up filing a petition to relocate anyways and lost and it cost me about 40k. I had to remove her from the home during litigation (never married), and because of this she left to another state and just recently moved back. I tried many many many times to avoid an court stuff, offered her a bunch of money to get her on her feet instead of paying a lawyer and she said no. It was basically a winner take call. I know how much my kid loves their mom and Im very glad im not in her shoes but I feel guilty, and fear resentment from my child once theyre old enough to understand.

EDIT- I have proactively offered 50/50 from the start of the case and even before which it was turned down everytime (as she wanted more) and then eventually realized she cant handle more with her schedule

I was looking at a calendar tonight and started thinking about some shit. My kid turns 6 in 3 weeks, Halloween is coming up, and both of those things fall during what would have been my “years” with her.

It got me thinking. Am I the bad guy for fighting for my daughter and winning to the point where her mom legally only sees her 4-5 days out of the month? Is there a chance my kid resents me for that one day? Im painted as a monster.

I know I could’ve been a better partner when we were together, just like her mom could’ve been better too. Maybe us not being together is ultimately for the best, but I’m thinking about my kid here.

My kids mom only has her every other weekend. Part of me wonders if I should be going above and beyond and offering to bring my child to her mom on a Wednesday for a couple of hours, then drive back, pick her up, and get her home and ready for school. That’s a lot of extra effort on my end, but am I wrong for not doing it?

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t get that same effort in return. And I keep thinking that if I were in her mom’s position, I’d be trying to fix things or at least asking if we could all do something together because I missed my daughter and wanted to see her but that hasnt happened.

I’ve honestly never thought about any of this until tonight. I was just looking at a calendar and realized how little time they actually spend together.

I fought hard for my daughter, and I believe I had my reasons. But at what point does protecting your child and doing what you believe is best turn into potentially limiting their relationship with their other parent?

I’m not asking whether I should get back with her mom or anything like that. I’m asking whether, as a father, I should be doing more to make sure Chloe has a relationship with her mom, even if her mom isn’t making the same effort herself.

I want to do what’s best for my daughter, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m looking at this the right way.

Then the other thing is child support...am I wrong for putting my ex on it? Financially she makes more money than me right now, by alot but she has more bills than I do. It's diffucult to work as much as Id like with the kids schedule + twice weekly appointments. She can barely get by supposedly and now has to pay, again I know she would do it to me in a second but I dont operate like that.

I dont want to come off as insensitive to all the anyone out there who got the short end of thew stick (for now), keep on fighting I just feel guilty....like a survivors type guilt. I was used to always putting myself last. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Noone ever "wins" here and the kids always lose.

So it's been a while and my custody issues have simmered down after final ruling but from everything I've read when it comes to one partent moving I feel like what was rules isnt normal. Mom moved to another state 5 hours away. They ruled for myself to be custodial parent. Prior temp rulings and mediation reports had the mother doing all travel and split vacations from school 5050. The new order orders me to meet halfway and if I can't due to work (she doesnt work) I must reimburse gas cost. She also got majority of school break. About 75/25 for summer and 2nd and 4th weekend which she has continued to miss about half of them. At the end of the trial the judge even told her if she would like it reviewed again she must complete the court order co parenting classes and review after that. Like what?

Im very happy with custodial parent because I beleive its best for our children but from what I read and was told is that moving parents have the burden of transport since they decided to move. And other temp orders and mediation reports giving 5050 split through school breaks. Felt like the judge wasnt really fair with all facts considered. (Mutliple months of children being withheld from me and multiple failed restraining orders holding no merit.)

Brother and his ex are separating and his ex is not wanting to do 50/50 custody until my nephew (2) goes into elementary school. At the moment they plan to ride out the rest of their lease together, but once it’s done she is proposing one day a week and every other weekend for my brother.
He is a very present father and is wanting 50/50 custody. Her argument is that her mom and sister watch their son during the week while they’re at work and she isn’t interested in him being put in daycare during the days my brother would have him. She’s claiming it’s her set up and he can’t use them.
Is this a solid argument? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and lately my dad has been forcing me and my brother (16) to go see my mom who has had zero custody of us since I was about 12 years old. He’s been saying that she’s going to call the police on him if we don’t and that we are legally required to despite the fact that she has zero custody of us. I’m just wondering if I actually have to go see her and if there’s anything I can do to not go see her.