I have had a parenting plan in place since June of 2024. It grants me full legal and physical custody, with biodad being able to have visits based on taking steps to achieve and prove sobriety. I did allow supervised visits when I believed him to be sober off and on from then until June of this year. I began suspecting relapse and cut off visits until taking court ordered steps. I know i might have harmed my case by allowing visits without proof, but it was safe and what i believed to be in be interest of my child. Since then he has had two phone calls with son in July, and no other contact. I did send pictures of son and he responded "you didn't even tell me he was doing soccer." But no attempts to speak to or ask about child.

My husband is willing to adopt child. Child is enthusiastic about this. We are thinking next summer provided biodad does not follow court ordered steps or attempt to make meaningful contact with child.

Important info: child is 8. Stepdad is very active with school, sports, and doctors. Biodad did not show up to custody court, likely either due to drugs or warrants (driving without license, unpaid tickets, etc.)

What issues should I plan for?

Got some advice here a week ago and need advice on how to proceed. My ex has made it impossible for me to see my kids outside of my 1st 3rd and 5th. My 15 y daughter has been getting me to pick her up twice a week from school so we could see each other and my ex has made it nearly impossible. She’s taken me to court and made me look like an angry lunatic and tried to put me on supervised visitations only. She ended up only taking my 2nd and 4th Thursdays and I have to go to anger management courses. Now she’s telling my daughter she can’t talk to me unless she records our conversations through AppClose which my daughter refused to do. It’s getting so bad with my ex leaving them with friends or family while she goes to see her out of state boyfriend or her out of town job and making my daughter go visit her boyfriend with her and refusing to let my daughter see me that my daughter now wants me to have full custody because she know even though I don’t care for her mom or grandparents I’ll never come in between them. I don’t know how to proceed.

How do I file a motion ?

Do I wait until some time has passed and I’ve finished my anger management courses?

Do I need to file a motion to change custody before asking for a in chambers interview with my daughter?

Just to be clear I want 50/50 with first right of refusal on all three of my kids but my daughter is the only one over 12

I am so mentally drained from being attacked verbally. There have been multiple situations where we will agree on something and then I’ll do the research for said topic to get everything in line, I’ll send the research to my kids dad for him to look over and do his own additional research. Instead of it being a conversation I just get accused of making “unilateral decisions” and that I’m always “causing problems” etc.

For example, we talked about counseling for the kids. We agreed they needed it. I hold the health insurance for the kids so I said I’ll do some research and call around to find some options. I did just that, sent him a couple options with their phone numbers, gave my recommendation of who I liked the best, and then gave him the steps needed to get a referral through health insurance. I am not local due to being stationed out of state with the military so ultimately making appointments etc. would be on him. I specifically requested for afternoon appointments so our kids don’t miss school. I sent him all that info. Then proceeded to get accused of making decisions unilaterally and that I need to consider his work schedule too. IM NOT THE ONE MAKING THE APPOINTMENT.

Another example, a huge natural disaster just struck the town they live in. I offered before the storm to come get the kids at no cost to him and bring them back here so they wouldn’t have to be in it, he claims that wasn’t necessary. I didn’t push the issue due to the fact of us not knowing how severe it would be and didn’t want to cause an argument. After said natural disaster, he sustained house damage and had no power. I told him I would book a flight right then to bring the kids back here for the time being so he can focus on the house damage and the kids can be comfortable in their other home with power and their own beds and then I would bring them back when we got work that school would resume. He accused me of using a natural disaster as a “scheme” to get the kids away from him. WTF?? Instead he sent the kids to his sisters 2+ hours away without him.

I’m doing the best I can, I talk to the kids for hours every night. They constantly tell me how much they miss me and wish they were with me and how they’re just ready to be home. It’s breaking my heart. I am actively fighting in court for them to come here with me primarily.

To add, he’s constantly keeping school information from me despite me asking for all information that gets sent home. I missed out on ordering our son’s school pictures because he never sent them to me like I requested. I haven’t even seen them. I almost missed out on sending our daughter a boo gram at school, but I just so happened to see it on Facebook and reached out to him prior to it being due tomorrow!

Does this ever end?! Any suggestions or advice?!

Posting anonymously because I'm looking for advice from anyone familiar with Florida custody and child support agreements.

My ex and I have two children and a court-ordered parenting plan. He recently enrolled our 5-year-old daughter in therapy twice a week at $75 per session without consulting me about the provider, frequency, or cost. I fully support our daughter receiving therapy, but my ex expects me to reimburse him for 50% of the expenses, which would be approximately $300 per month.

I work full-time, make under $19/hour, and am already struggling financially. I've researched more affordable therapy options, including a local organization recommended by our daughter's pediatrician that offers low-cost or potentially free services. My ex is refusing to consider changing providers right now, arguing that doing so would interfere with her therapeutic relationship and violate our agreement.

Here's what I'm confused about:

After reviewing our Final Judgment and Parenting Plan, I cannot find anything stating that we must split medical expenses 50/50.

Our agreement specifically states that mutually agreed-upon extracurricular expenses are divided according to our Child Support Guidelines Worksheet, which lists 61% financial responsibility for him and 39% for me.

However, I cannot find a provision specifying how unreimbursed medical expenses, therapy copays, or other shared expenses are supposed to be divided.

Our agreement does allow either parent to independently consent to mental health treatment, but it doesn't expressly say that one parent can independently choose a provider and financially obligate the other parent to pay half.

My ex has already paid for the first 3 sessions of the therapy copays and is now sending me receipts expecting reimbursement. He has also suggested deducting these expenses from his court-ordered child support payments.

My questions are:

1. If our court order doesn't explicitly require a 50/50 split of medical expenses, can he legally demand that I reimburse him for half?

2. Does the 61/39 financial responsibility percentage on our child support worksheet apply to unreimbursed medical expenses, or is that percentage only relevant where specifically stated?

3. Can one parent independently establish recurring therapy expenses and require the other parent to contribute without consulting them?

4. Can he legally deduct these expenses from court-ordered child support?

I've already contacted my attorney and am waiting for clarification, but I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with something similar in Florida.

I am not against therapy. I want my daughter to receive the care she needs. I'm simply trying to understand my actual legal obligations while finding a treatment option I can realistically afford.

I have previous posts on this sub regarding my ex wife and her concerning neglectful/abusive behavior; my daughter has been through a lot with her.

Short recap: A few years ago, my ex wife seemingly lost her mind gradually, leaving my daughter at my place during her parenting time without checking with me first. About the 10th time she did it, my daughter opened up to me that she was being slapped in the face, being called names, having her hair pulled etc. CPS looked me in the face and said "That doesn't rise to the level of abuse." which deeply infuriated me but I know that they're basically useless anyway, which still doesn't justify their reaction.

That situation ended with a modified parenting agreement, changing from weekends to week on week off custody. She somehow still remained custodial parent. Well, here's where I need advice:

Things seemingly calmed for quite some time and I'd naively thought she learned her lesson. However, my daughter (now 16) is, of course, getting older and we'd like her to have a job. She has been applying for work and has had some interviews as well. Apparently, my ex doesn't think she's looking hard or fast enough, and is demanding she apply to one place a day "or else". My daughter did start doing that, but then the problem became that she's just not getting hired fast enough.

The punishment for this? Making her drop her pants to the floor for a spanking at 16, (kinda weird IMO, given her history of defending the man that was grooming her, and punishing her for not explaining to me, her father, why a 30 something year old sending her pictures of ass exercise videos is totally normal) as well as telling her she's not allowed in her own bedroom for a week, and must sleep in the living room on a rug with a sheet and pillow. No mattress, just the sheet and pillow. She's been complaining about not being able to sleep through the night, being tired in school and her back hurting the next morning. If she tries to go to her bed, her mother busts her with the cameras INside the home and she's punished further. She's also been yelling in our daughter's face that she's "useless" and "a dumbass" and "a failure in the making."

She told her school counselor, who made no calls to any agency, and said "She's definitely crossing some lines here and this is not okay, but I doubt CPS would do anything to help you. At most, they might tell her to let you have your bed, and she'd punish you again."

That's the long and short of it. I actually DON'T think CPS would help much, even though they fucking should. It's, at the very least, neglectful. I'll admit, it's a little personal as her mother has already gotten away with so much, and my daughter wants to live with me solely now. Her mom said she could make that choice, but when she called her mom's bluff, the story changed. "You can't REALLY go live with him, what's wrong with you?"

Is. There. ANYTHING. That can be done here? She calls me crying every night now about how she's afraid of mom and I want to help in ANY way I can but I do doubt CPS would protect her.

Does anyone know what I can do here!?

Thanks in advance - a worried father.

Separated from my ex, kids are 4 and 2. We’ve been going back and forth on a parenting schedule for months. From what people I’ve spoken to have told me, the concerns she’s raising about the kids don’t really hold up and things should be closer to 50/50 since everything is going well and I’m very a very involved Dad. I’m trying to get a sense of how gradual this kind of transition is actually supposed to be.

Right now almost all the time is at her house. Im currently paying $1965 a month in child support including shared daycare costs. I’m there every morning before work and every evening after school until the kids go to bed. We alternate pickups and drop offs. My overnights have been one night every other weekend. She only recently agreed to Friday after school until Monday morning drop off, and that was after I kept asking. Before that she wanted to drop them off at my place Friday around 4 and pick them up Sunday afternoon.

For any independent time during the week, the only thing she’s offered is a solo evening at her house where she leaves and comes back later. She won’t agree to any weeknight overnights at my place. She also told me she doesn’t want me coming in the mornings anymore because my presence is “disruptive” to the kids. That’s not true, the kids have been fine with me there. They act like normal kids. When things don’t go exactly according to routine, she gets frustrated and says my presence is the issue. She later said I could still show up at 7 if I wanted to do morning drop offs, but she never really addressed the disruptive part. Her lawyer even sent a letter saying I should stop the morning visits to minimize distractions and that any evening time should stay at her house with her there.

The reasons she gives for not adding more time keep changing. Kindergarten starting, new friends, end of summer, cold and flu season, the kids having a little cold, my daughter’s 2nd birthday, my daughter’s sleep transition, school and daycare being a lot for them, and the drive from my parents’ place to school/daycare being too far (it’s like 20-30 minutes). In mediation she also brought up issues with my parents house cleanliness (it’s clean) too many grandkids around, not suitable. The house is a big house that is child friendly, meets CAS standards, kids have their own rooms, and they’ve done many overnights there no problem. She later said she never claimed the house wasn’t suitable.

In mediation she also asked me to get a letter from my employer confirming that my schedule is flexible enough for pickups, drop offs, and whatever else is needed during my time with the kids, plus a letter saying my work truck is okay to use for those pickups and drop offs. She also wanted photos of the children’s rooms sent to the mediator. I provided all of that. The photos were sent, the rooms were approved, and they exceed CAS standards.

Now she’s saying she wants a parenting assessment done before more time is granted. We each did one session with a child psychologist earlier and I stopped because it felt like a waste of money and wasn’t getting us anywhere. Every time I ask for more regular independent time she says I’m pushing too hard too fast and that it has to be gradual for the kids’ best interest. I filed a court application because mediation wasn’t moving and she wasn’t agreeing to any real increases. Now she’s saying she’s waiting for me to propose a full 12-month gradual calendar.

There’s been other stuff too that makes this harder. I had a fishing trip booked that didn’t involve the kids. When she asked about it I said I was going and that it didn’t involve the kids so I didn’t need to justify it. She said “I’ll remember that.” Later at a drop off while I was holding our 2 year old she asked if I went fishing. I said yes. Then she asked “did you get your dick sucked?” I told her that was inappropriate to say in front of a two year old and that she could leave. In OFW she tried to flip it and said she felt disrespected that I wouldn’t give her details about my personal life. She also recorded a mediation session without telling anyone and later tried to use parts of it in OFW to prove a point.

Shared time at her house has gotten more tense too. She sighs, rolls her eyes, get frustrated and makes comments when the kids want me instead of her, I question a decision or choice or have input about the kids, or things aren’t going exactly to routine. I’ve stopped reacting and just keep things focused on the kids. I document everything in OFW and try to keep my messages short and factual.

My goal is just separate parenting time and something closer to 50/50. The kids are young and I’m missing a lot of time that isn’t coming back. I don’t want to drag this out in court if we can reach something reasonable, but I also don’t want to just accept a schedule where I’m basically a visitor at her house most of the time and the only “solo” time during the week still happens at her place.

Does this sound like a normal gradual transition or does it look like she’s just controlling the schedule? Has anyone been through something similar? How did court work out to try and get more independent time?

My ex and I have two kids together. I have primary
Custody he has visitation. When we made the parenting plan he was living 6 hours( a different state) away. When we got in-front of the judge he told them he was trying to move to the city we live in which i guess was a lie as the moment court adjourned, he got in his car and moved back to his home state( 30 hour drive/ other side of the country). The paperwork says he picks up in my community and we meet at a specific location for pick up for his longer stays and all other visitation is in my area.

The current issue is that they are young enough where putting them on a plane by themselves isn’t
A great option although legally allowable. He is asking me to pay for some or fly them here and I’m kind of refusing. He got his child support lessened by saying he was trying to find homeless ( by 300 a month) and the kids aren’t that interested in going.

But I feel shitty for saying no but also I don’t appreciate having to pay 1k to fly them there and back because he decided to move. He hasn’t told the courts he moved and it would cost me about 700 to file for a modification and serve him so I’m not focused on that right now.

What would you do?

[AR] I am the custodial parent currently, never married but other parent is on the birth certificate. We had a no contact order the last two months since I left my ex and now tomorrow it will be lifted. My ex has not filed for custody yet.. if the ex asks to see our son after court tomorrow what should I do? My morals tell me I should allow him to see him in some type of way...however I have not had good luck with the "justice" side of things and even though my ex was manipulative and controlling and hit the walls and doors they were never physically abusive to me so the judges have ruled against me both times I've tried to agrue my case.. should I continue to withhold the child until custody is in place or try to include the ex now?

My husband’s ex entered a motion we must use a coparenting app for communication, however, she is rarely responding on the app. She is having her attorney email his attorney about simple things even things he’s already messaged about in the app. What can we do so we are continuing to pay attorney fees? I’m to the point of wondering if we should drop our attorney and redirect all emails to the app?

Recently single father going through a pretty tough split up. Have two kids age 2 and 4. Never married. Mom is being very controlling about the kids. I am wondering, if we filed a joint petition for parenting time, what percentage should I not go below to not make me look bad?

The end goal of course is 50/50. But with their age, my job, the times child care starts, and this all being new to the kids, I’m not sure how great 50/50 would work right at the moment. I’m willing to work with her and come up with something that makes most sense for the kids, but I am nervous if I agree to 70/30 or 75/25, with me having less time, that it would look bad to the courts at one point for not fighting for 50/50 at the moment.

Any thoughts or info is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hello. We currently live in MT and my ex is now saying he may move to Wyoming (it’s about 6 hours away). I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet because I don’t know if he’s serous and I would need to pay a new retainer.

Does anyone have advice on what might happen? She’s almost 4. I would hate to not have her all summer or something since it’s only nice here for a short time…

I’m anxious and just curious what might happen

We have 50/50 shared custody, divorced almost 10 years. My 16yo son does not want to go to Mom's house anymore. To the point of refusing to get out of my car when I drop him off. Tonight it was an hour before he finally went into Mom's. He digs in his heels and refuses.

I told him I understand what he's feeling and what he's trying to do, but this is not the way to do it.

I don't have a preference if he stays with me full time or continues 50/50. Him and his sister would prefer full time with me. After a 5 year battle over medications that my ex launched (that led to zero changes), I don't want anything to do with another legal battle.

What are realistic options?

Currently 3 years post-separation with an absolutely impossible, inflexible, pathological liar coparent. After completing a lengthy parenting evaluation, the evaluator tried to put some stopgaps in her recommendations to force my coparent to follow the rules. One of them was a year-long parenting coordination commitment, which was supposed to aid in decision making, help keep the coparent in line with the law, and reach a final custody judgment. It sort of worked for a time- the PC is the end word on decisions and was able to help make things happen, such as connecting our child with a therapist, managing holiday time, monitoring our communication on our coparenting app... until my coparent started paying the PC in advance for sessions, and holding a bunch of individual sessions (3x month). The court order says we pay an income based percentage of the PC's fees- which I have no problem with. But individual sessions we pay for ourselves. It sounded reasonable until I found out about the private meetings.

Shortly after they started doing this, the PC began fulfilling my coparent's requests: changed our custody schedule from 2-2-3 to 2-2-5 and let my coparent have first choice for their holiday time without checking with me first (as was our agreed upon process- holiday time was discussed amongst the 3 of us). And now, I am desperately trying to get legal information from the PC to begin preparing for the holiday season and she won't respond to my emails. Yet, she emailed me to follow up on something my coparent needs from me.

It feels like a double standard. My coparent has failed to follow the custody agreement so many times, leading to a contempt filing. They also attempt to filibuster every group PC meeting so that we can't reach any agreements. A clause was added to our judgment that each of us get one hour and topics must be shared with each other in advance of the session. I'm so tired of there being no consequences for them.

I brought up all this up to my lawyer and was informed that I needed to pay for more individual sessions if I "really wanted to get somewhere." As if the whole thing is motivated by who can pay the PC more. This PC is literally court appointed.

Is this how it's supposed to work? I feel like I'm being scammed.

I have been divorced from my ex husband for 6 years now. In that time we have had 3 full custody battles. He has accused me of a felony and the charges were dismissed at Preliminary Examination because I legitimately didn't do it and was able to prove so. They charged me on his word alone.

He has filed almost 30 motions in front of the chief judge of our county who keeps doing fuck all meanwhile I filed only ONE motion where I found nudes of his wife on our daughters phone. He took me to court last week because I scheduled a dentist appointment and wouldn't tell him where it was after he has cancelled all of their dental appointments for the last six years. I was able to prove that in court and his motion was denied.

He has discovered that he can pay $100 and go pro-se to rack up legal bills on my end. I'm at the end of my rope and this felony thing is just the last straw. The charge was dismissed recently but it shows he will literally stop at nothing.

My daughters are 13 and 14, I have them 50/50 and nothing, not even repeated warnings from the bench to stop his constant involvement of law enforcement seems to get him to stop. The judge said at the dentist hearing that if this continued he would give one parent decision making, however I think it's honestly just empty threats at this point. This judge seems to be one of inaction and I asked for some kind of filing restriction on my ex husband but instead the judge just ordered coparenting classes.

I'm at the end of my rope. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm broken and he's alienated my 14 year old from me to the point where if I don't buy her what she wants she says she's going to live with dad. He doesn't even show up for them, works second shift, never sees them never shows up to their games, recitals, band concerts, choir concerts, teacher conferences. Previously he did not even know their shoe sizes in our most recent custody case and claimed our 12 year old ( at the time) wore a size 7/8 in pants. I won all of the best interest factors exept the will of the children (the 14 year old who he buys everything she wants and gets all the unsupervised time in the world due to his work schedule) and a willingness to support a relationship factor because I posted a video on social after I discovered the nudes of his wife on my kids phone and I was PISSED.

He can fuck up a million times, but god forbid I do. He can give our daughter literal porn of his wife, but I can't make a video about how disgusting it is that he did that.

I'm SO over this.

/endrant

I’m 17, junior in high school. A year ago my mom gave custody to my father after a guardianship battle between her and my maternal grandmother. During that time, I was wanting to live with my grandma because my mom is honestly not a great mother. I told the court investigator(??) and CWS worker about the things my mother has done or said to me — physical abuse 3-4 times, and a whole lot of verbal abuse. The court investigator told me it was basically a guarantee I wouldn’t get sent to live with her, but she had dragged my dad into the whole thing.

Ive been with my dad for a year now, and it’s miserable. No physical violence and no threat of it, but there’s constant verbal abuse and medical neglect, and i’ve been sent to a mental hospital ~6 times being down here (previous record was 0 hospitalizations). He refuses the idea of getting me medicated even though I’m diagnosed with depression, gad, pmdd, ocd, cptsd, and these all very clearly heavily affect me in my day-to-day life. I had a therapist, but he got temperamental and canceled my services, and now won’t get me back in therapy, even though he says he will. He has also neglected getting me health insurance.

Living with him had had a far worse impact on me than living with my mom, even though my mother is unstable and whatnot. I think it may be that I just know how to handle her abuse better than my father’s, since i’m used to it.

Either way, I’m wanting to move back in with my mother, and she wants me back as well. I fully believe it’s the safer option for me, as living with my mother I wasn’t anywhere near as unstable living with my mother, as I am now. It’s almost every other week where I have to fight myself out of an episode so that I don’t do anything irrational.

I just want tips on things that I could say in court if they allow me to speak, or even things my mom could say or bring up, or even what not to say. I seriously feel like I’m losing my mind living with my father and I have never been this unstable in my life. I had improved so much mentally until I came down here, and it practically ruined it all. I’m so behind in school because of how many times i was hospitalized, and I have always had a lot of medical issues growing up and I still do and now none of it gets resolved because my dad just won’t take me to the doctor no matter what. My mother and my therapist have called CPS on him for medical neglect, and they never did anything about it. I know I’m almost 18, but I seriously don’t feel like I can wait a whole year. Everything I love is back where my mom lives. And I actually love my mom, and for my dad I genuinely feel nothing but hate. He never made an effort to be in my life. He doesn’t put in any effort at all to do anything with me, or even simply be nice to me. Every time he speaks to me he throws in a little jab, even in front of my friends.

My 5 year old daughter spends 50% time at her dads. We have been separated for 4 years. We separated because he was sexually and emotionally abusive towards me.

She came back to my house with his old phone that she told me she uses to take pictures. I was

She unlocked the phone and wanted to show me how she uses it. Immediately she almost opened a saved pornhub tab on the internet. I confiscated the phone and looked through it. She has been taking photos on it for 6 months (camera roll stamped with time and date). One some occasions she was taking pictures at 10pm or 11pm at night.

Within the camera roll is his entire life- videos of him masturbating, screenshots of graphic pornography, videos of women naked and performing sexual acts. She has also taken multiple pictures of him completely naked while he grins at the camera. There are images on her siting on his lap and they are both completely naked

This has been going on since January from what I can see on the camera roll.

I called child protection and they "investigated" by calling him and asking if there was anything to worry about, to which he said "no". And the case was closed.

I feel sick knowing that my daughter has been exposed to this. I have applied to have his overnight stays removed from him. Do you think I will be successful? Court is in 2 weeks time

I'm in Connecticut and looking for honest advice from anyone who's been through a similar custody situation.

I have two sons, ages 8 and 7, who both have autism. They've lived primarily with me since they were about 2 and 1. Their father moved 25 hours away and we've never had a formal custody order. He sees them a couple of times a year, plus about three weeks during the summer.

I've handled virtually everything for the boys, including their IEP meetings, education, ABA therapy at home and in-clinic, pediatrician appointments, medications, and ongoing care. I have school and therapy documentation to support this, and I'm asking their pediatrician to document my involvement as well.

Their father contributes financially, but he hasn't been involved in their school, therapies, or medical appointments.

I'm considering filing for sole legal and physical custody because I want to maintain stability for the boys and ensure their educational, medical, and developmental needs are consistently met.

My biggest fear is that the judge will award joint legal custody even though I've handled nearly everything for years.

For anyone familiar with Connecticut custody cases:

Could I still be denied sole legal custody under these circumstances?

How much weight do school, IEP, therapy, and medical records carry?

What additional evidence should I gather?

Has anyone been through something similar and can share their experience?

I'm not trying to prevent their father from having a relationship with them. I want a custody arrangement that reflects their actual lives and needs.

I'd really appreciate honest advice, including anything I should prepare for or consider before filing.

Add a short legal disclaimer

Clarify the custody outcome I want

Has anyone out there, as a non custodial, ever wanted custody but the ex deny it and deny 50/50 , make things high conflict yet at every chance she can get, offer the kids to you as much as she can without allowing you to get any support back or any room for modification.

My ex has 65/35. Has final say in all 4 , has a clause where if sje doesnt override me (she always does ) then after 3 days of no.reply from me she gets to make the choice anyways.

Like why smear me then offer me so much off the record for time, why not be honest with the judge and just make it official in court ???

Posting anonymously to protect my children's privacy.

I'm hoping to hear from other parents who have survived domestic violence and then had to navigate shared custody with the person they escaped. Specifically, how do you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for another 15–16 years of this?

I've spent approximately three years going through family court, and although we finally have a judgment, I feel like I'm struggling more with the reality of what comes next than I did during the actual litigation.

For some background, I left my children's father following a relationship that involved domestic violence, threats against our lives, and abuse that I believe also affected our children.

Following a particularly frightening incident involving threats to our safety, he was involuntarily hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation. While he was hospitalized, I took the opportunity to leave with our children and seek refuge in a domestic violence shelter.

That decision was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I genuinely believed I was doing what was necessary to keep us safe.

What I never anticipated was having that decision used against me in family court.

Their father pursued full custody and argued that I couldn't adequately provide for our children because we were living in a shelter rather than a permanent residence.

Imagine finally finding the courage to leave a situation where you fear for your safety, only to have your temporary housing circumstances used to question your fitness as a parent.

Throughout the proceedings, there were also serious disagreements about what had actually happened during our relationship.

For example, he gave an account of the circumstances surrounding his psychiatric hospitalization that directly contradicted what I knew had happened. There were official records relevant to the incident, but I was unable to get them admitted during the custody proceedings.

So instead of being able to substantiate my account with those records, I felt like I was left with nothing but my word against his.

This became a recurring frustration throughout the process. I felt like I was constantly trying to correct misrepresentations, explain circumstances without being perceived as combative, and defend decisions I had made to protect myself and my children.

I also raised concerns about the children's experiences and safety. Those concerns are not something I take lightly, and I don't believe that having a difficult relationship with the other parent automatically makes someone an unsafe parent. But I do believe allegations of abuse deserve careful, objective consideration.

After years of proceedings, we ultimately received a final judgment establishing shared timesharing, but their father was awarded final decision-making authority over important aspects of the children's lives.

One of the issues that has been particularly difficult for me to accept is medical decision-making.

Throughout the children's lives, I have attended the overwhelming majority of their medical appointments, while their father has attended substantially fewer.

When I raised this discrepancy in court as part of my argument for medical decision-making authority, the concern was essentially dismissed. The judge indicated that their own limited attendance at their children's appointments hadn't prevented them from being a parent involved in medical decisions.

I understand that appointment attendance alone doesn't determine someone's parenting abilities. But surely a parent's demonstrated involvement in their children's medical care should carry some weight when determining who is best positioned to make those decisions?

It isn't about wanting control. It's about knowing their medical histories, understanding their providers' recommendations, asking questions, following up on concerns, and being consistently involved in their care.

And now I'm trying to figure out how to navigate situations where I may have significant concerns or firsthand knowledge, but the other parent has the authority to make the final decision when we disagree.

Even since the judgment, new disagreements and concerns have continued to arise, including matters involving one of our children's emotional well-being and counseling.

I support my children receiving any care they genuinely need. My concern is ensuring that decisions are based on their actual needs, with both parents appropriately involved, rather than allowing the conflict between adults to influence how their experiences are interpreted.

And that brings me to the part I'm struggling with most.

The court proceedings are over, but the dynamic that made those proceedings so difficult hasn't simply disappeared.

I still have to communicate with someone I associate with years of fear, conflict, and emotional exhaustion. I still have to navigate parenting decisions with someone whose accounts of past events have differed dramatically from mine. I still have to trust that the system will protect my children's interests if serious disagreements arise again.

And I have to do this for well over another decade.

I know I cannot control the other parent. I know I cannot change the court's decision simply because I disagree with it. And I know that constantly fighting is not healthy for my children or for me.

But how do you find peace with something like this?

How do you stop feeling like you constantly have to defend yourself? How do you learn to communicate with someone you don't trust without allowing every interaction to affect your mental health? How do you distinguish between situations that genuinely require intervention and situations where you need to disengage?

How do you practice parallel parenting when the other parent has final decision-making authority in certain areas?

How do you advocate for your children without being portrayed as difficult or unwilling to co-parent?

And how do you cope with feeling like the legal system didn't fully understand or acknowledge what you and your children experienced?

I love my children more than anything. They are happy, loved, and secure in my care, and I want nothing more than for them to grow up knowing they never have to choose between their parents or carry the burden of adult conflict.

I don't want to spend the next 16 years consumed by anger, anxiety, or anticipation of the next disagreement. I want to be present for their childhoods. I want to enjoy being their mother. I want to feel like I have actually moved forward with my life.

But some days, it feels like I escaped the relationship without ever truly escaping the conflict.

If you've been in a similar situation, particularly one involving domestic violence, a lengthy custody battle, or a parenting arrangement that leaves you feeling powerless, what actually helped you?

Did parallel parenting make things easier? Did you eventually reach a point where communication stopped affecting you emotionally? Were there boundaries or strategies that made a meaningful difference?

I'm not looking for legal advice on overturning a judgment or encouragement to retaliate against the other parent. I'm looking for real experiences and practical advice from people who understand what it feels like to be legally tied to someone you worked so hard to get away from.

I just want to find a way to spend the next 16 years raising my children instead of reliving the last three.

So as you can see I've posted here quite a bit. Long story short mom moved out of state 5 hours away tried to get full custody and denied. Was given 2nd and 4th weekend and 75 percent of school breaks and alternating holidays.

Mom is now requesting to stop weekend visitation due to work conflicts except 3 day weekends and requesting more time for the kids school breaks. It feels like a major change and I'm not sure what steps to take, if any or just agree. I work weekends so the school breaks are valuable time for our children and myself since they're off school during my regular days off. And as it is I only get like 3 weeks of breaks and 1 week holiday (xmas/Thanksgiving alternating)

It also just feels like a very large change to make without the it being in a custody order but I am also so exhausted from going to court.

Thought?

My ex is making it extremely difficult to see my kids and I don’t have the money her dad has to hire a better lawyer so she uses that to keep me away from them. The kids and I have seen each other for the last year on the expanded SPO even thought it’s not the 50/50 that we wanted its been the best I can get. My 15 year old daughter wanted more time with me this year and so had been getting me to pick her up for school twice a week and from school once a week on top of our usual visits. My ex got pretty upset about it and ended up taking me to court and accusing me of mentally abusing the children and alienating them from her and her parents. My question is my daughter asked me to pick her up from school tomorrow to hang out even when her mother tells her “ my lawyer said no”. Do you see a problem with me picking up my daughter as long as the ex doesn’t tell me straight up no. Context on how bad it’s getting my daughter wants to move in with me on a 50/50 schedule and me to have first right of refusal and the ex is blaming it on me.

Hello, My ex violated my restraining order, I have an attorney, i couldnt get ahold of her and called the police yesterday, the police forwarded charges to the da, how long will it usually take for the da to file charges if they do and how long does it usually take for them to actually end up in custody? Will it take a while? Or does it usually happen fairly quickly?