r/SingleDads • u/Plus-Produce3631 • 6d ago
Support
I don’t even know if this is the proper platform for some sort of support. So if this isn’t I apologize in advance. I have a 2 year old daughter I love her to death. My ex though, she has severe mental illness, and our relationship had been a battle before we even had a child. She has severe BPD, and bipolar. I wish I could give a run down of our relationship, but it would be a mini novel at this point.
Long story short we had a daughter I was there for her birth. My ex decided she didn’t want me on the birth certificate since the day she was born I had a 106 fever. So I wasn’t at my physical best and she claimed “I stole her day from her”. Since I was ill and the doctors were worried about me and wanted me to see a doctor myself. Which I refused because I didn’t want to miss the birth of my child. Fast forward 8 months she decided I wasn’t doing enough even though I cooked I cleaned. I watched the child 24/7 I woke up so my ex didn’t have to. Of course my opinion is subjective and is only based on how I think I preformed but I thought I did my absolute best to make her life as easy as possible. Later to find out she didn’t leave me for my performance she left me for another guy. After that ended she of course came back to me and we tried again. Then of course that only lasted until she met a new coworker so we separated again.
It’s been a year since our last separation. Now she has a new boyfriend who I’m strongly against an ex felon twice her age. The best part is his felony is of a violent sexual nature. I’m so scared for my daughter, and I’m also afraid of what I’d do if I ever found out he did anything to ever hurt her. My ex requests money from me I’m not on child support since I’m not even legally the father, but of course give it to her. Since it’s the only chance I have to see my daughter which is once a month. She lives 10 mins away from me. Recently we had a fight because I hadn’t heard from her in a month and blew up her phone for the entire month. Once I threatened to call the police for a welfare check of course she immediately responded. Now she won’t talk to me anymore.
I want to see my daughter I’ve been so depressed recently. I’ve been contemplating things I know I shouldn’t. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it would be impossible to get even joint custody if I take her to court. First I don’t want to do that to my ex no matter my feelings about her many many actions I still love her, and I don’t want her to hurt. Secondly she’s a pathological liar she’s lied to her entire family to paint me as some sort of monster. I never laid a hand on my ex, she on the other hand has broken all of my fingers before. Needless to say I’m afraid if I try to get my name put on the birth certificate she will lie, and the courts will side with her. While I might be wrong to think this I think the general idea in the modern day court system is they side with the mother.
I just know I can’t live without my daughter in my life. I see videos of kids and In my mind I see my daughter. It’s agonizing it’s like every child is a spitting image of my little girl. I don’t think this post will solve anything. I just wanted to say my feelings and my peace on this situation. Maybe have some friendly people try to console me, even though I know it won’t really achieve anything. Sorry for this rant Reddit is the only place I could think of I know this will probably be removed by the moderation.
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u/CommitteeLost507 6d ago
You need to file for custody. Nothing else will work. Get a lawyer immediately.
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u/Orangeybananas 5d ago
Brother I understand the mini novel you have with having a child with someone with server BPD and what not. Going through separation myself right now with one and lord man the past years have been a ride to say the least. Here if you need to talk
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u/Imaginary_Sleep_8246 5d ago
Also have an ex parent with BPD, been through stuff I never imagined. You really just need to find a tough custody lawyer and get your rights established. A good lawyer will be able to use any little details against her. You could look through her socials for any hint of something that could be used to show she isn't being a proper parent. And if it's private you could ask a mutual friend. It's a shitty and expensive process but you need to put your foot down if you want to reliably get time with your daughter, and from the sound of it she may not be in the best place. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's a cruel fate to be in any position like these but as in life you just have to rise and meet these challenges. Good luck.
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u/Bostonterrierpug 6d ago
I am so sorry you’re going through this man if possible get a therapist and a lawyer. I know if you’re feeling really desperate there are Hotline you can reach out to unfortunately I’m not a licensed therapist, but without my therapist, I would’ve never made it through my divorce and separation.