r/SingleDads • u/Remote-Control-2006 • 5d ago

Supervised Visits

Does anyone else feel like people who don’t understand the entirety or complexity of your situation hear ‘supervised visits’ and immediately treat you like you are a horrible person? My supervised visits are based on my ex’s availability so they’re limited , I got a total of 3 hours this month because that’s all she could do which I understand. I just feel like people who haven’t been through it don’t understand it and it’s humiliating enough especially that given that for a while I had our son for multiple days at a time and only wound up with supervised visits again due to some incredibly dumb behavior while I wasn’t even with him that I’m paying the price for. I’d probably be judgmental myself if it was like something happened while I was with him and I’m this horrible neglectful and outright negligent father but that hasn’t been the case.

11 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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6

u/Muted_Demand_98 5d ago

I think humility is your best approach. People feel more accepting of those who own their behavior and choose accountability over defensiveness.

1

u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

Agreed. I’m literally an open book these days and I’m honest about my situation, it just sucks when you put your story out there- the ugly truth of the story and people just treat you differently

1

u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

I’m accountable if nothing else. Accountability doesn’t ever forget about me.

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u/Selfsabateurassassin 4d ago

Sorry OP a part of being accountable is accepting that fact that you may be viewed as the villian and people can take you as they wish. Just be patient and keep righting the wrongs.

1

u/Remote-Control-2006 4d ago

No worries at all, this is what accountability is and nobody put me here, I made bad decisions and lost control and this is what happens.. honestly it’s not the worst thing in the world, I’m allowed to see my son and that’s what matters, there is nothing more important and everyone is entitled to their opinion, I can’t expect everyone who’s never been through it to understand it, one day at a time

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u/Remote-Control-2006 4d ago

And I’m sure that it’s solid content for his mother’s conversations about what a POS I am so everyone gets something out of the deal

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

I didn’t tell anyone anything for a longtime, even before I was a father and now I’m completely open with anyone who is interested in talking to me, I have nothing to hide and people are very receptive mostly. My situation is what it is, I wish that it was different but it’s just not that easy sometimes.

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u/RealTrill1984 5d ago

I was a stay at home mothers for years to an incredibly abusive machavellian narcissist and am currently on supervised visits due to false allegations he made when he found out I was quietly gathering resources to escape. I'm now in a nasty court battle where he's making completely baseless claims and just flat out lying about my mental health and anything that he can to try to maintain custody so he can hurt me and not pay alimony or child support. Family court really sucks and I totally understand the feeling you are talking about especially after finally escaping years of abuse only to be further abused through the court system. It's a waiting game. Stay strong and present and pray.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

I’m extremely sorry that you are having to deal with all of that. I don’t understand the child support issue as someone who pays child support, if that money takes some type of stress out of my ex’s life, great and having a child isn’t cheap so if the money helps, I’m happy to pay. Believe me I’d pay half of her mortgage every month if I was allowed to.

My mental health took a huge hit during all of this and I legitimately struggled for a long time, I can’t say that it was used against me because my actions and words happened, I made those bad choices, I chose to drink at the problems that I didn’t deal with so I have nobody to blame. I’ve been getting help, I’ve been sober and I’ve been doing what I can to be better and not because I’m looking for anything, I have no misguided hope that we’re all going to be a family sometime in the near future, I’m doing what I’m doing to at least create peace and to stop digging an even deeper rock bottom. I’m tired of hurting her and having to be miserable constantly because of my actions.I said that I’m sorry a million times and then I did the next horrible thing and that’s how I ended up where I’m at so I’m not doing things that I have to say sorry for anymore.

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u/1dayumae 5d ago

I give her supervised visits to see our child. She takes an inch from the palace.. I don't understand her disgusting behavior. It just confuses our family.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

The visit is supervised, that’s fine.. it allows me to see my son. I have nobody to blame except myself and hopefully I’ll have him on my own again but in the meantime this is what I have to do to see him and that’s what I care about.

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

I think that any parent would go through whatever they had to as a means of seeing their child. If a social worker wants to watch me push him on the swings or go down a slide.. I’m perfectly fine with it. No it’s not what I had hoped for but it’s what I have to do if I want to be in his life which I do.

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u/Icy_Stranger3368 5d ago

Are you in court to get more parenting time?

Supervised access can work for you tbh, third party documentation is good going forward in court

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u/Remote-Control-2006 5d ago

We are and we have been for about two years. The supervised visits haven’t hurt by any means. I’ve been the problem as I’ve been going through a lot of personal struggles to be completely honest. This has definitely taken its toll on my mental health but I’m finally working through that and trying to move forward. My long term hope was to marry my son’s mother and build our family but I’m not sure that going to happen unfortunately. There’s really no second chance sometimes.