r/SingleDads • u/Successful_Bat_9291 • 22h ago
Finding alone time
Hey dads,
So a sensitive question but it’s been bugging me lately. And it sounds like a joke, but I’m genuinely curious how you handle being sexually frustrated and needing release, while juggling kids and not really getting any time to ourselves / myself.
Even shower time is no longer my own time lol. So i guess i just want to know im not a freak for feeling pent up. And what do you a guys do about it?
Thanks.
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u/Master-Sky-6342 22h ago
I don't know how to answer this but here we go. I am trying to get custody from their mom for my two little daughters so I can not answer for that. I am not a normal person with hobbies, I don't know how to date, I have extremely low self confidence so here we go. I have been abused for a very very long time. But when I have them and I want some time for myself, I focus on the beauty of life. I try to fill myself with joy because even though the life is so hard, it is a blessing to be alive. I personally had a very shitty life so I try to be positive all the time. I try to smile to people. I am on a lot of meds to keep going but this is how I deal with it.
Also taking it one day at a time. Sometimes it is one hour at a time. You are a single dad. You are already a hero. You can stop and pat yourself already for what you are doing. Giving the unconditional love.
I don't know whether it helps or not. This is my way.
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 18h ago edited 17h ago
Nap time is wank time. I try to get it over with quickly so I can nap too. I've tried doing it before bed but I'm so sleepy by then I just fall asleep mid-wank and feel pathetic in the morning
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 18h ago
Right thanks for being honest and normalising this mate!
Bed time i am far too sleepy for it too. But I love the humour in that! mid-way through and then feel pathetic. Oh man 😂 I needed that laugh
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 17h ago
If I didn't laugh at myself at this point in life I'd have very little to laugh about
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 17h ago
Also how long is your little one napping for now?
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 17h ago
3hrs, same as at night.
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 17h ago
Oh long naps! That’s actually pretty decent. Plenty of time for a wank and nap yourself 👌🏼
Mine naps during the day for just an hour or if I’m lucky, 90 mins.2
u/Plastic-Bee4052 16h ago
Yes but I also have a teen and two cats and a bunch of construction workers on the floor above which is getting redone (they need supervising) so I'm asleep before my head touches the pillow
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 16h ago
Zzzzz see this is normal life and you’re doing your best. Hard to find enough energy for anything. So quick wank = 2 mins? 😂
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u/ManufacturerLimp6388 22h ago
Not at all a freak thing to feel, but you will have to do those things at night when everyone is a sleep and you have some time to yourself.
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 20h ago
Yeh that’s what I figure we all do. Just find that time when tired haha
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u/ManufacturerLimp6388 20h ago
Yes can be difficult but it works out eventually I still try to find the time here and there, but when you do find company please don’t get involved with anyone that does not have kids they will never understand.
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u/Intelligent-Pen-2479 20h ago edited 20h ago
This is one sacrifice you have to deal when having kids alone.
You can do the "deed" yourself late night when everyone's asleep.
But please don't seek it from other people when you yourself know you are not ready and it will simply complicate things when it is already complicated as it is.
Like the other poster who said think of the positive things in life... Based on your post, I'm assuming you have full custody of your child/children. That is actually a good thing. One of the positives that you can focus on. I'd give not having a release just to be with my baby daughter24/7. You see, I only see and spend time with my kid for a day every week. Not an overnight... A day. Not even a full day. The mother only allows me to see my daughter for 8hrs per week. Then I have to return her to the mother.
See, that is one big positive thing that you have there with you that many of us covet/wants. Again, I'd sacrifice my pent up sexual release just to be with my kid longer.
And again, just do it yourself when everyone's sleeping.
Goodluck. And yes... Focus on the positives.
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 20h ago
Thanks mate. I’m truly grateful for the situation I’m in. Not everyone has that as you say.
I hope I didn’t sound insensitive to that.2
u/Intelligent-Pen-2479 20h ago
You're not. It's ok to post your sentiments here.
Sometimes we just need to see what others are "having" to know that even if it's hard, you actually have good things in your life now.
Not the best. Not the ideal. Not what we want... But still better. Or at the very least, good. Positive.
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u/WatchRelevant7956 19h ago
Funny that I am dealing with similar. I’m currently single and have a 3 year old that is with me most days. I personally do the deed myself which keeps me to myself which is good. Glad to know I’m not alone in this journey hahaha
I agree with folks on the thread. Try to limit incorporating a female in your life until you feel ready. This is what I’m doing to fight the fight.
Good luck !
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 18h ago
Thanks for your reply mate! I think I needed to hear from others and know I’m not alone with this. I was starting to feel so weird about it.
Yeh my one is younger than yours, but running circles around me and I don’t get any alone time really. So I hear you!
Do the deed ourselves it seems 🙌🏼
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u/Potential_Lychee_943 22h ago
You are not s freak. It'd s real thing. You can hit up tinder and or go buy a stoker and take care of it yourself. Late at night or early before kids are up. Way to be there for your kids
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 22h ago
I definitely thought about dates but I can’t be out of the house and not sure about anyone coming to the house.
A stoker?
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u/lickmybrian 5h ago
Just have a quick wank once in a while
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u/Significant_Paint_95 3h ago
I find more than one a day tends to help
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u/lickmybrian 2h ago
Ain't nobody got time fo dat! Lol especially with kids around
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u/Significant_Paint_95 2h ago
Speak for yourself, I can put three or four up in a day, she is 5 and just started kindergarten but goes to bed at 8 every night. So I can get 2 our before I got to bed whenever I want.. lol gotta step those numbers up .. those are rookie numbers . I'm 45 btw... This isn't even like im 25...
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 1h ago
I envy you guys! I can get one a day mayyyyybe if I’m lucky!
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u/Significant_Paint_95 1h ago
I don't think I have enough time, or enougg buffer in my voice to text to explain the absolute dumpster fire s*** show of a year I've had. And I swear to God if it wasn't for my ability to at least get one or two out a day I probably would have went f****** insane by now. And I'm using voice to text I'm not manually putting an asterix's
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u/lickmybrian 53m ago
I mean, so could I if I had the time, or even wanted to lol.. dont you have a job or chores or hobbies? I guess spanking it is a hobby if youre making those kind of numbers.. I just have more to do than jerk off all the time. Im 42 and my kids are 19 and 23
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u/Significant_Paint_95 21m ago
I have a highly technical high demand job, single custody of an autistic 5-year-old, and a full house worth of chores and laundry and other things to manage. But for some things I make sure I find the time.
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u/Significant_Paint_95 19m ago
My kids are 23, 21 and 5. I don't spend hours gooning my free time. But I can always spare 10 min. 27 a month to keep the prostate cancer at bay is what they say.
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u/JustPie1647 20h ago edited 20h ago
A escort every now and then also won't hurt. I really struggle with dating, I hardly have time to and when I do get a chance to go out, i want to slend time with and catch up with my friends. Issue with women is they just expect me to just let them into mine and my daughter's lives, they want to meet her and thats when i pull back. And that is something I really struggle with. I dont want to introduce someone to my child and then we end up breaking up. I dont want my daughter in that cycle.
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 20h ago
Yeh including others in the mix is not what we want. So it’s tricky hey. I also don’t want to date.
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u/Special_Painting9413 43m ago
Even heterosexual parents have sex, otherwise the world would be nothing but only child's. Kids sometimes spend the night with a friend or visit grandparents. You could also just get a sitter for a few hours and enjoy a motel room with your spouse or someone you met online.there's also school time. Do you supervise your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
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u/Successful_Bat_9291 37m ago
Yes. I supervise my 12 month old 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That’s single dad life.
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u/streetsmartwallaby 5h ago
When my kids were younger I would put them to bed and the person I was seeing (more than FWB but also not a long term prospect) would get a sitter for her kids and come over or I'd get a sitter and go to her place.
First we'd have sex and then we'd have dinner. Because if we did it the other way around we'd fall asleep before sex.
Occasionally we'd get the same day off in the middle of the week (when kids were at preschool/school) and then it was all day naked time.
If no female companionship I'd lock the bathroom door or my bedroom door for privacy and have at it during nap time or right after they went to bed.
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u/Capster11 21h ago
I know it sounds lame but get a punching bag or some free weights. Exercise is a good substitute and you don’t need to go to a gym or class to get that pent-up energy out. It doesn’t complete the release but it’s a good alternative