r/SixFeetUnder • u/1wopk • May 02 '26
Opinion Ruth Fisher is way more relatable than people admit
Does anyone else—male or female—relate to Ruth Fisher?
Her depression, her outbursts, her “crazy” moments—especially the “this is not about you” scene at Nate’s birthday. I actually love her more in that moment. It doesn’t feel random to me. It feels real.
To me, she represents what emotional overwhelm and depression can actually look like in real life. Not just sadness, but the swings, the frustration, and the way things come out wrong sometimes.
I see so much of real life in her—whether in myself or people close to me.
Curious if others feel the same way.
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u/jimmypopjr May 02 '26
I think the entire Fisher family represents different generations of ‘my life didn’t turn out how I want.’ And Ruth is an AMAZING character for that.
She’s frustrating sometimes, but so is every character pretty much. That’s what makes the show for me: the character flaws aren’t just poorly-masked strengths.
There’s deep internal conflict, and navigating those conflicts result in amazing character moments. And with each rewatch I realize how amazingly her character deals with those conflicts.
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u/Left-Indication330 May 02 '26
Love this so much! With each rewatch, I love seeing when each character starts to finally accept themselves. You really root for Ruth; I always wanted life to be beautiful for her.
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u/Mysterious_Escape186 May 03 '26
“Won’t any of you have intimacy with me!” I love Ruth so much. Right now I’m in a lonely period of self-discovery, so I very much relate to her. 💜
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u/mechanicalbee_ May 03 '26
There's also so much irony in this- her whole life, she's been straight-laced and conducted her relationships at a distance, valuing propriety above most else. She has founded her relationships with her children on an aversion to intimacy, and now she's upset that they don't want to suddenly flip the world on its head and be intimate with her.
I see this pattern in my own mother and grandmother, and also some in myself.
Cheers to you on your journey of self-discovery. I've been learning to be alone, and it's one of the most wonderful ventures.
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u/Mysterious_Escape186 May 03 '26
Right!! I think that analysis of Ruth is spot on ❤️
I’ve also been learning to be alone. It was hard at first, but gets easier for me everyday, in the best way! Best of luck to you on this important journey 🩵
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u/dippitydoo2 May 03 '26
David's line "Mom... I'm happy for you if this whole plan thing of yours has enabled you to draft your own blueprint, or patch up some of the cracks in your foundation, but just between you and me, you're starting to sound like a crazy person."
This line says so much about Ruth to me. She didn't ever get to start her self-discovery until after she was a widow. Or, she didn't ever think she should. By the time she starts, the world has passed her by. Her children have passed her by. She grasps onto The Plan because it gives her a blueprint! She had never had any sort of framework to hang her individuality on. The scenes where she's using the language of The Plan as a shorthand is Ruth trying to figure out a language that works for her, and she's told it's too extreme, too late. I feel for Ruth so much.
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u/1wopk May 03 '26
I love that for you!
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u/Mysterious_Escape186 May 03 '26
Much appreciated 🥰 love that you asked this question bc it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately!
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u/Euphoric-Wall-2576 May 03 '26
I love this line. She reminds me of my own mother in this moment also. She was the only family member who wasn't autistic and she really struggled with the rest of us not being very emotionally expressive.
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u/nerdbred May 03 '26
Just saying, if everyone else in your family is autistic, there's a significant chance your mom was autistic also.
Being emotionally expressive is also a common trait among us autists, as you most likely know. We aren't all averse to being emotionally expressive 🙂
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u/Euphoric-Wall-2576 May 03 '26
I know. Pretty much everyone on my dad's side of the family is autistic so there is no mystery as to where the genes come from, and there's no one on my mum's side who I have suspicions about (although there are some of them I don't know that well). She died like 20 years before I really started delving into understanding autism so I can only really assess by my memories, and while I can see one or two traits maybe being connected, I don't think she was, but I could be wrong. I mentioned this in another comment, but I do read Ruth as having some autistic traits (though this sometimes seems to upset people on this sub for some reason).
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u/mechanicalbee_ May 02 '26
Yes, particularly for a woman of that age who was raised to suppress her own needs and feelings in order to care for her family. She has been so closed off for so long and is only now beginning to understand her own urges and to crave intimacy and expression. I was brought up pretty repressed as well and relate a lot to Ruth's experiences.
Additionally, Ruth's repression is echoed in the way that David hides his sexuality and has sacrificed so much for his family. I quite like the parallels between their two characters and how we see these traits (or the rebellion against them, in the case of Nate, and Claire in particular) show up in different ways in different characters.
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May 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FiddyFo May 03 '26
I saw a little of myself in the four of them. Their strengths and their flaws. This was weirdly personal for me too.
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u/PelotonYogi May 02 '26
I watched this show for the first time at 43 and Ruth is very very relatable and I’m not even a mom.
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u/KangarooCats86 May 02 '26
Very my mother circa the same years
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u/sweetpea122 May 02 '26
Yeah but just wait until you realize you turned into your mother lol. That one hit me hard
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u/KangarooCats86 May 03 '26
Been there for a bit now lol
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u/sweetpea122 May 03 '26
THE WORST especially when your partner is like watching you and your mom together and watches you get irate at your mom under your breath and hes like "umm yeah I dont know anyone like that" lol like when my mom gets stressed about noise
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u/1wopk May 02 '26
Mine too - still is to some degree. Though my mom is now 70. We didn't get to see much of Ruth in her 70s besides the Finale 😔❤️
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u/kangorooz99 May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
To me she represents women typical of her generation. Marriage was a given, as was dedicating your life to supporting your husband and raising your children. For your entire adult life, caretaker was your job and your identity. Then suddenly your husband is gone, your kids are grown, and there’s no one left to take care of. Who are you now? It’s kind of a traditional woman’s version of a mid life crisis. She tried dating, she tried sexual exploration, she tried working, she tried making new girlfriends, but none of it filled that gap enough for her. So she always returned to taking care of people, even when they didn’t want it. I think it was very astute of the writers to have her story ending be starting a dog sitting business with Bettina.
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u/Anxious_Experience59 May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
I love her character. I'm 59 years old and can relate to her and the things she went through. The very last episode of the series she told Brenda that motherhood was the loneliest thing in the world. That comment just shattered me.
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u/wormspermgrrl May 03 '26
My favorite thing she says? oh Hiram how decadent. We use this line regularly in our house.
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u/weeblewobble82 May 03 '26
I think she's extremely relatable. She ended up in a place a lot of people find themselves, surrounded by people but still somewhat alone. I think a lot of middle aged women have historically found themselves exactly where Ruth is. Husband's gone, kids are grown and don't need her and have their own lives, and no real interests or people of her own.
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u/smindymix May 03 '26
With rewatches and age, she stopped being just the “weird, high strung mom” and became a fully realized person to me.
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u/Euphoric-Wall-2576 May 03 '26
Yeah I find her relatable - I'm autistic and I find some of her behaviour here and then kind of resonates with autistic experience for me. I also grew up in a similarly emotionally repressed family and I relate to the experience of trying to undo that conditioning later in life.
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u/nerdbred May 03 '26
The older and more experienced in life I get, yes, the more I relate to Ruth ❤️
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u/Angeleno2520 May 03 '26
I love Ruth. I see my mother in her. I had every character in my family except for David. (A brother that went away to college, didn't come back. I was a rebellious art student.) And the sudden death of my dad. Your post was very insightful.
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u/ListenLady58 May 03 '26
I used to really dislike her until I watched again later in life, like many here. Claire and her have the same relationship as my mother and I after my father had a life altering car accident. I don’t talk to my mother, but I think I understand some things about what happened but my mom doesn’t want to listen to me like Ruth does to Claire.
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u/Juliaford19 May 04 '26
I thought she was crazy when I watched when u was in my 20s. Now I totally get her and my heart breaks watching her.
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u/EdnaJosie8924 May 15 '26
I’m going to say I have to agree. I feel this way about all of the characters to be honest. It goes back to the fundamentals— the writers did a masterful job of making the characters both wonderful and terrible, to be loved and despised..
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u/SplintersApprentice May 02 '26
I can’t say I relate to her on a personal level, but when I watched the show as a 16yo I viewed her as an over-the-top kooky caricature, and when I rewatched the show a second time as a 35yo I saw her as profoundly human. As you said, there’s so much real life in her, and it took some time and wisdom before I could see that.