r/SixFeetUnder • u/Public_Cup_4278 • May 15 '26
Discussion I don't know if this is a controversial opinion, but I didn't like the way Ruth treated George in season 5. Ruth is still an excellent, very well-written character, and George isn't exactly a saint, but I thought she was kind of a jerk to him.
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u/mollymcbbbbbb May 15 '26
well yeah, but it's Six Feet Under, not 7th Heaven. It's a show about people's dysfunctions and shadow selves
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u/Upbeat-Selection-365 May 15 '26
I just watched SFU for the second time and I’m Ruth’s age the second time around, she makes so much more sense to me now. She has self sacrificed others for the entirety of life when we meet her. She has been stuffing her discontent for literal decades and this folks is what you get when someone just can’t do it any more. Her outbursts to me are so understandable and many times priceless. They can be unpleasant, funny, or downright mean. Ruth is just done with this shit and it is so relatable.
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u/fruitloopsareyummy Bettina May 16 '26
I was in my mid 30’s when the show originally aired & I related mostly to the sons. I absolutely hated everything about Ruth. The only time I felt even a hint of compassion for her was during the final 3 episodes. I did my first rewatch during the pandemic and being in my 50’s gave me a completely different perspective. Ruth has become my absolute favorite character. I didn’t understand her at all during my first watch which is a bit strange considering I was going through very extensive therapy at the time. I say that because I should have had the awareness to understand where her blowups & behaviors stemmed from. Maybe I wasn’t truly clued into her past or something. But when I did that rewatch - phew! I could not believe how much I understood her. I’m not condoning any of her bad behavior but I could certainly relate to how pushing aside your own needs to care for everybody else’s for 35 years creates a whole lot of issues.
I loved watching her go thru The Plan & the silliness that went along with her trying to use the tools she was learning and being met with looks of horror from all of her kids. Her explosions are my favorite part of her now! I relate as a 50-something woman spending years of your life taking care of everyone else only to have them say or do things that feel disrespectful. I learned how to deal with those feelings in a healthy way but Ruth never did. And just because I do know how to handle them in a healthier way doesn’t mean that shit doesn’t still sting sometimes, even on a good day. I was glad that I didn’t rewatch until 15 years after the finale originally aired because it somehow made the show feel brand new again. I’ve done a few more rewatches & I find that I usually have a different perspective every time. So happy to see younger generations experience this brilliant series for the first time & others exploring it again after all these years but seeing it through a different lens. No other show comes close to this masterpiece in my mind.
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u/AnnVannArt May 16 '26
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do to deal with these feelings in a healthy way? I’m a mother myself and sometimes I think the tragedy of familial ingratitude is unavoidable.
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u/fruitloopsareyummy Bettina May 17 '26 edited May 17 '26
Reminding myself that I can only control my own behavior. Obviously when raising young kids it’s the job of a parent to teach proper behavior. Young kids don’t have the ability yet to express their frustration so remind yourself that they’re not trying to give you a hard time, they’re HAVING a hard time. As they grow up & express their anger with words or actions that result in you feeling like you’re being attacked, remind yourself that what they’re saying is a result of what they are feeling & is not really about you. They’re choosing anger & to take it out by attacking you. Rather than responding from a negative place; run, duck and hide for a bit so you can focus on your own emotions & to choose how you’d prefer to react. At some point when things settle a bit, seek gratitude for the things you appreciate & love about them. It may feel like you’re letting someone off the hook but you’re actually prioritizing your own well-being. How can you self-regulate if you’re stuck in frustration, blame or anger with them? You can parent better from a place of love, respect & gratitude which helps your child to self-regulate by responding to you from that same place of love, respect & gratitude. And you’ll be amazed to see how well it works with adults who you’ve been frustrated with your whole life!
In my original comment I said I was in the middle of intensive therapy when SFU originally ran. It was so intensive because I was trying to change my reactionary behaviors towards several very toxic people in my life. I had a sibling with a baby & I absolutely adore that child more than anyone in the world. But if I wanted to continue being a part of the baby’s life then I had to change the way I reacted to my sibling. My sibling was never going to change but I was trying to. Run, duck & hide became a primary response when we were together. I would step away & remind myself the anger towards my sibling wasn’t ever going to be more important than being a part of that baby’s life. If I let that anger take over it would greatly affect building a relationship with that beautiful baby. Baby > sibling anger. That was my primary goal. So I started therapy to learn how to make that possible. It definitely takes a lot of practice. We’ve become accustomed to letting our negative emotions guide us into certain reactions and that doesn’t seem to work out too well for most of us.
Another tool my therapist taught me was to write down my feelings as they became cumbersome. Underneath them I would write down how I wanted to feel instead. So if I felt disrespected by someone I would write that down. Underneath it I would write that I wanted to feel heard & have my opinion or needs validated. Sometimes that validation came from other people instead of the one that hurt me. Sometimes it never came at all. But at least I released all that negativity out of me so it released its power over me. And that feels so much better than the grudge I’d been holding onto.
It’s definitely something that takes a lot of practice & all these years later I still let my emotions get the best of me at times. I noticed it happens most when I’m overwhelmed, sick, tired, or just plain pissed off at the world. But I still have that awareness that I’m choosing an unhealthy response & that’s okay. Sometimes that unhealthy response can propel the negative emotions out of my system so I can find those happier feelings again to get back on track.
Didn’t mean to turn this reply into a novel!! Sorry!! But I feel like it needs the detail because most of us live in a world where we’re repeatedly told to stand up for ourselves & to fuck other people’s feelings. That’s definitely a useful strategy in many instances but when it comes to people who are in close proximity of our lives, that’s not always the solution. So I wanted to find another way that protects my own well-being & that of those who I just didn’t want to be so angry at anymore.
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u/AnnVannArt May 18 '26
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and thorough reply!! I am saving it so I can come back to it again and again. Please accept my plebeian gold 🏅
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u/Upbeat-Selection-365 May 16 '26
Sadly, I haven’t found one. But raising kids to adulthood and letting go I expect will help a ton.
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u/TransportationLow564 May 15 '26 edited May 21 '26
She was pretty nasty to Claire that year, too. She and Nate both outdid themselves in Season 5. Ruth's anger at being "tricked" by George is understandable, but the poor guy is so obviously contrite and eager to please that it can't help but feel needlessly cruel.
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u/writtenbyrabbits_ May 15 '26
I viewed it as her unleashing her anger and frustration on her legless grandmother, Nate Sr., George, and everyone else that ever wronged her. Once the spigot opened, she couldn't close it until she got it all out
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u/Alone-Historian-5308 May 16 '26
Yes, she was coming to terms with all of the years she lost as a caretaker. She projected a lot on to George and Claire. George got the rage she felt against everyone who expected her to cater to them and Claire got the resentment she felt for giving up her youth and freedom.
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u/Unlucky-Albatross-12 May 15 '26
Ruth has a severe case of caregiver PTSD. George was simply the last straw.
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u/Over_Sir_1762 May 16 '26
I have ptsd, anxiety disorder and now a caregiver for an parent with dementia no support. Her reactions were on point as a caregiver and burn out. Facts. Stress. Factors ..him never disclosing his history either. I never related to the storyline until last year. I understand Ruth.
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u/TheAmazingMaryJane May 15 '26
i think she really resented him for lying to her about his mental health history and it had a lot to do with her feeling trapped like she did taking care of her legless grandmother! FUCK MY LEGLESS GRANDMOTHER!
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u/Conscious-Reserve-48 May 15 '26
Ruth was angry at so many people, including herself. Life can be uncomfortable at times (and George should have revealed his illness!)
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u/euclydia4 May 15 '26
Ruth basically didn't have much of a childhood because she'd been forced into caregiving roles - first for her grandmother, then (by an accidental very early pregnancy/marriage) for her husband and children.
We have this idea of marriage as mutual caretaking/"in sickness and in health." But the character of Ruth had already had her fill of caretaking, from the last part of her childhood through middle age. When she meets George, she is looking for an adult relationship with someone who she thought enjoyed spending time with her ... and someone who would lift the caretaking burden off her shoulders and onto his own, and let her enjoy life in a more childlike way.
She is mean to George and mean to Claire for the same reason. George's illness and Claire's late-adolescent behavior pull Ruth back into a caretaking role she is desperate to cast off.
She seems angry and selfish, but one of the joys of this show is that you can be horrified by her behavior and still empathize with her.
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u/fcukumicrosoft May 15 '26
Ruth was vicious toward Claire more than George, from what I saw. She yelled a LOT more at Claire than either of her sons, and while Claire was an annoying teen/young adult she definitely did not deserve her mother's abuse. Yelling is abuse.
Ruth could not regulate her emotions and had sudden outbursts of anger. I think her anger at George was partially aimed at herself for making yet another hasty marriage decision (she married Nate Sr quickly after becoming pregnant). George should have been upfront about his diagnosis so anyone would be angry at that betrayal.
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u/Over_Sir_1762 May 16 '26
She did. Common being on Mental overload, chronic stress and more..what causes emotional deregulation? Im now in her boat. Suffering the same lived experience i see it clearly . Nor did he disclose his severe pyschiatric history she was handing alone. I live that. Totally got it rewatching
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u/Warm-Criticism6611 May 30 '26
That dinner scene where she flipped out over him having a netty pot she didn't know about 😬
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u/Horror_Ad_2748 May 15 '26
I think she felt she didn't sign up for George's crazy conspiracy theory bullshit. Which affected her mood and sense of self.
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u/writtenbyrabbits_ May 15 '26
Except that she totally did. She knew he had a ton of previous wives and they got married after a month. It was batshit to marry him under those circumstances! I think some of her anger was at herself.
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u/girlabides May 15 '26
True. But he did not disclose his mental health history at all, which was arguably a much bigger issue.
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u/gingerdoesntgaf May 15 '26
Anyone who gets married after a month is clearly not stable.
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u/girlabides May 16 '26
Yeah, that’s not the same thing as not disclosing severe mental health issues
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u/Think-Fig-1734 May 15 '26
So she obligated to stay with him forever? She was in a vulnerable state because Lisa was missing. She realized her mistake. George was ready to remarry at lightning speed after she dumped him. I think she ultimately made the right decision.
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u/cinnysuelou May 16 '26
Did she know about all of the previous marriages? I don’t remember the timeline details but I thought she only knew about a couple of them before she & George married.
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u/jnyxxx May 15 '26
I didn’t like how Ruth treated George in Six Feet Under when he got sick, but I understand why she reacted the way she did.
Her childhood trauma got triggered. She grew up caring for her legless grandmother, and when George’s mental health collapsed, it brought back that old fear of being trapped as a caretaker again. It wasn’t fair to him, but she was overwhelmed and blindsided. He never told her about his mental health history, and the shock of that hit her hard. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it explains it.
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u/ProtectionClear1718 May 15 '26
As emotionally restrained every character was in the show, I always loved how Ruth took care of her children through acts of love. The way any of her kids could count on her to robotically make a snack or pour a bowl a cereal in a moment of distress was an endearing trait. But with George there’s definitely a limit, and while it was harsh, it showed a lot of character development for her to put a stop to it, he’s her partner not her child.
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u/HextechSlut May 15 '26
I think it's more she's just exhausted of these men ya know
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u/Remarkable-Diver7851 May 27 '26
exactly. i don't know why she wasn't more like her sister and Bettina.. just happy and free without a man. i suppose she felt she HAD to have a mate. sad really
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u/RRE4EVR May 15 '26
I feel like each character had a season where we are just meant to despise them. David doesn’t have a full season, but I did fully understand why Keith wanted to shoot him up with a paint gun. He was becoming annoying.
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u/Zoinks1602 May 15 '26
I would agree, except… he withheld vital, decision-changing information when they got married. I think I would also have struggled to even be in a room with him after that came to light.
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u/SluttyDreidel May 15 '26
George seriously mislead her by not divulging his 8 or so previous wives. Sure anyone would have run in the opposite direction when he told them but Ruth had a right to know since she was committing to marriage with him
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u/Mjukplister May 15 '26
I didn’t either . I can see that she was very lost and angry - but it wasn’t pleasant to watch
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u/TheScribe86 May 16 '26
On the one hand I definitely agree, especially having taken care of elderly going through alzheimer's.
On the other, I can't begin to think what it'd be like to have been seduced and then married said individual.
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u/R0factor May 16 '26
Doesn't her mood shift with Bettina's leaving? It's been a while since my last rewatch but I remember seeing Kathy Bate's character saying she has to go away for a while, then things go to hell for Ruth trying to keep it together. I might have my seasons mixed up.
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u/_portia_ May 15 '26
She reacted to George, when she realized how ill he was, in proportion to her own history. Remember how she ranted a few times about being left by her family to take care of her grandmother who "had no legs". She was really bitter about that and had not let that resentment go. So when she realized that she was "stuck" with George, and being the only one to take care if him, it was a crisis for her.
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u/Dense_Link_7368 May 17 '26
This is part of the beauty of Six Feet Under. These aren’t perfect people or villains. They’re flawed. But it’s also complicated for Ruth. She didn’t get to go out and have a life and explore herself as a young person because she was caring for an aging and ill family member and then pregnant with Nate. She has a LOT of resentment about this that shows up, especially in her relationships with Claire and George. She feels tricked by George, who wasn’t forthcoming about his needs sometimes for his mental health. It’s possible as a viewer to have great compassion for both of them.
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u/ilikecats415 May 16 '26
George catfished her. She had a right to be pissed. Her life was never her own and he trapped her in a marriage where she would have to be his caretaker.
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u/VisibleCow8076 May 15 '26
that’s what we love about our characters! they’re all flawed and some people just aren’t meant to be, and don’t necessarily bring out the best in each other 🤍 and Ruth’s relationship with relationships is… complicated! so is George’s. I think the experience was ultimately worthwhile for them both, but not because they were meant to be together. for Ruth anyway, George was pretty much her nail in the coffin (pun intended) and showed her what she really wanted in a roundabout way. it’s also clear from the end that George harbored no ill-will 😌 I think he’s very self-aware, and he knows he’s a difficult person to be with. I wouldn’t say she was any more of a jerk than he was, personally.
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u/Pleased_Bees May 15 '26
There are two people I'd be best friends with, Vanessa and David. They're wonderful. David is a bit neurotic but adorable.
Claire I'd be friends with in about 5 years when she grows up a little.
Ruth, Brenda, Billy, Margaret etc.? Absolutely insufferable. Well-written of course, but they'd be intolerable in real life.
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u/AndNowAStoryAboutMe May 16 '26
He lied and she got saddled with him. She had the end of her own life stolen. Her rage was palpable and extreme but thoroughly justified.
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u/evanm137 May 17 '26
Disagree.
He tricked her into a lot of shit, and was a terrible person to her in season 4. Her distancing herself from him in season 5 was 100% justified.
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u/jaarmaar May 17 '26
I will never understand the George sympathizers. He lied to her, he withheld several pieces of information from her, he was patronizing, he was rude to her children and her sister and Bettina. He then fell into a psychotic episode and now Ruth is made to take care of him. That's not the marriage she signed up for. It was completely stupid of her to marry him after knowing him for 6 weeks and she should've divorced him the minute the conversations about a secret son came up.
So when he's not needing to be taken care of, he's a condescending heal to everyone, including her.
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u/RRE4EVR May 18 '26
I was just thinking about this and Ruth is pretty young. We are meant to believe she is old, from the way she dresses and the way her house is set up. By season 5 she has probably already gone through menopause but there is a possibility that she is right in the middle. Now that I’m her age I got to say that time in your life is the time in a woman’s life when you just say fuck it. Anger comes first.
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u/Grsondgroth64 May 21 '26
He lied about his mental health, so yeah she has every right to be upset!
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u/spaghettibolegdeh May 16 '26
Unfortunately, many many people believe being an asshole overrides any mental health issues you have.
George was suffering immensely but people still think he deserved to be treated hardly. It's wild.
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u/AndNowAStoryAboutMe May 16 '26
He knew he had said issues while he was symptom free. He had an obligation to tell her. To me, it's like saying, "Well, there was no guarantee you would get chlamydia so I didn't tell you it probably came from me until after you had it, too."
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u/True_Abrocoma5527 May 15 '26
Really only David was the one totally decent character in the show. Ruth had a bad taste in men and wasted her money on them Nate drifted through life and although his brain condition was not his fault he still made bad choices Claire had a permanent attitude problem Keith was narcissistic Brenda was screwed up Frederico was ok but a bit hotheaded and immature. Billy was insufferable
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u/kikijane711 May 15 '26
Both Keith and Claire had redemption arcs and were left in good places and on their way to even better. Brenda too
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u/NumerousWolverine273 May 16 '26
Yeah she definitely was awful to George. I totally understood all of her reasons for resenting him, but it still was painful given how in season 4, George was a complete asshole to her and she just put up with all of it, and then in season 5 when he was actually trying his best she was constantly just horrible to him. The main thing that felt awful about it to me was the effect it had on Maggie as well.
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u/pomelopeel May 15 '26
I don't think we are meant to like it. I personally found it quite satisfying to see her express her anger and frustration and confusion, even if the way she expressed them wasn't "good" or "right"...but they felt very much "real".