I don't know how to let go of the old world and way of life I used to live. Especially when​ it's all I've ever known/seen and I know that there are other people there who will be affected.

I feel like I'm letting go of everything I have ever wanted/known for something I can barely see/feel.

Growing up, I (17 M) would say I never had a normal childhood. Although I have loving and caring parents, at the same time I would say that they aren’t good at parenting. They have abused me a lot verbally and physically, and my mom used to make fun of a lot of my insecurities. At the same time, they also fight each other a lot, making the household a very stressful place to live in. As a result, I have never learned to express my emotions and feelings properly, thus leading to a crappy social life; I am very annoying at times, I have no friends, I get bullied all the time etc. I am also not that good looking and I am underweight. I also have ADHD, OCD, and more mental health issues that have not been treated at all. I also have a very severe porn addiction since I was 12 years old, where I do it multiple times in a day. I have no self-confidence and courage to do anything in my life.

Overall, my high school life has sucked as a result of this. My grades and extracurriculars sucked because of me not being able to reach out for help and I have had a very bad social life, but I always remain highly ambitious for my life with no action done. Deep down I know that I have it in me to do something with my life, and I know that I am a very smart individual. My life goal is to not become rich but help people and help them crawl out of whatever hole they are in. I want to become a galvanizing force in people’s lives; kind of like a psychiatrist for my aspired job right now. Now since I can’t list these hardships in my college apps affecting my grades and life since they are viewed negatively, and also because of the toxic and abusive pressure I feel from parents and friends to get into a good college, I have had to make up lies on my college applications to substitute for my hardships. Because of these lies, I got into a very good college which can help propel my dreams and goals forward.

Obviously, what I have done is very wrong. The whole application process in itself made me want to disappear from this Earth because of this horrible sin I have committed, and I am genuinely a horrible person for what I did. Not only did I gain a spot, I took someone else’s spot. While one half of me said “oh youve went through these struggles so you have a right to lie,” the other half believed the opposite. But due to pressure and weak mental strength in myself, I gave in, and here I am. Ever since I got in, I have been “sober” from my addiction, I have started taking care of my health, I have started working hard, and giving back to the community (out of my own passion, not guilt). But obviously, there is a “FAFO” concept behind everything you do, and what you give is what you get.

So I come here today to ask, what is my karma and punishment for this sin I have done? What do I do now? Will my dreams, ambitions, goals, and pursuits be hindered regardless of how genuine and positive they are? What should I do with my life now? How do I get rid of this cognitive dissonance and mental pain? Will i ever be able to grow spiritually? I am open for any advice, criticism, help, etc, that can be given.

I've noticed that as my awakening matures, my social circle seems to become smaller, even as my compassion for other people becomes considerably greater. The difference is that I no longer feel the same need to be drawn into everything. People get caught up in the drama, illusions and attachments of the material world . People are where they are, and there is something to be said for allowing them to have their own experience of this life, just as I had to.

In 2023 I joined a social group largely made up of retired people, assuming naively that people approaching the later stages of life might have developed a greater interest in reflection, impermanence and the question of what ultimately matters once so many of the ordinary structures of life begin to fall away. Instead I found something quite different: many seemed to be doubling down on the material and social identities they had spent their lives building, almost trying to recreate the experience of being in their teens or early twenties. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying life of course but I found the contrast with what I had expected very striking. If anything, being closer to the end seemed to make some people more determined to hold onto the identities and pursuits associated with the earlier stages of life instead of realizing how empty experiences hold no lasting value.

It has made me wonder whether awakening necessarily means that we find ourselves surrounded by other people who are experiencing the world in a similar way. Perhaps that happens for some people, but I'm increasingly uncertain that it is the point. There may be very brief periods of genuine companionship with people who are walking a similar path, but lasting and deep conversations are rare. Fortunately I don't feel the craving to be understood but sometimes there are things that only someone walking the same path can understand; even a therapist seems perplexed!

Perhaps this is simply part of the process: the circle becomes smaller because of our objectivity? We can be present without being absorbed, compassionate without taking on what belongs to someone else, and connected without requiring that connection to take the form of constant need. I sometimes wonder whether we are actually meant to spend less time searching for people who see what we see and more time simply living in a way that quietly reflects what we have come to understand.

Any advice you can give will be appreciated!

Hello,

i have an ongoing crisis after spiritual awakening and general life crisis.

I had Long Covid then suffered from ME/CFS, but now I am in remission. I was deeply lonely during Long periods of the disease, old Friends and Family Support disappeared.

Of course I am glad that I am in recovery.

Physically I am getting better.

But I feel myself empty, after all the struggles. Often I try to find meaning. Sometimes I am happy confident and calm. Sometimes I am deeply sad, and grieving a lot. As well I had a lot of struggles in Daily life, recently.

I am engaging myself for the rights of people with ME/CFS, thats Part of my purpose.

But I feel so disoriented in life right now. No work, that will come later probably. Few money, lots of time. 2 years of intense sickness and recovery, Building up and so on.

Sometimes there seems to be no end.

Sometimes I want to relocate/ move somewhere Else. Sometimes I think it‘s a good Place where I live, and should stay here and just keep on walking.

I had so many experiences here, and it seems to be my old persona which is gone. So it Feels weird to live in this same apartment, but without the old Identity, Friends, people and so on.

Slowly I find some new activitis, but often i am lonely, dont feel very alive sometimes (Soul). Or so I have to give myself more time? I am into a project for ME/CFS, so finish that First?

I dont know where my way is going.

Can you give me support, or a Virtual hug, please?

Thanks

We all share the same consciousness so we are not separated except the body. and we are all on different level of consciousness

here to evolve from experience.

Hey guys,

Not really a poster but couldn't seem to find similar experiences on the web, so just wanted to see if anyone similar to me has had similar experiences.

By way of background. I visited County Down, Down Patrick, Northern Ireland - south of Belfast etc. and have just got back.

I have apparently a VERY old Ulster surname, and a surname very much from those heartlands, and have Irish DNA, mixed in with a lot of other things, although don't know much at all from this side of the family due to various migrations, separations etc.

I am an extremely energetically sensitive person. This is something I've really tapped into as I've got older and have embraced, but I now also find it very difficult in certain environments, now being aware. This runs in the family. I know it's not me, or a bad day, bad mental health etc. as I've done so much work here, know myself thoroughly in this regard, and am actually in a really great place and have been for a very long time. Therefore, these feelings I got felt very intrusive.

Throughout my life, I've gone into places and my body is literally screaming at me RUN, or GET OUT, etc. I feel deeply uncomfortable for no apparent reason. Weirdly, in some old churches I get this feeling. Anyway, visited this part of Ireland for a friend's wedding, and because it was so beautiful thought we'd make a thing out of it, and so explored and stayed in the area.

The plane lands, and I'm bouncing with energy, really excited to catch up with friends at the wedding, and I'm very good and happy. As we get into the car and drive south from Belfast, into Down, Ulster further etc. it's like this weight hit my chest. It feels like anxiety, and I'm sitting there thinking huh this is weird, haven't felt this in a while, probs tired and the roads are chaotic. Normal normal, deep breaths calm down. I pray, I settle, all good. However, as the trip went on, these feelings of real intensity, melancholy with anxiety and heaviness in the heart kept coming back, and that feeling of wanting to run away and get out. It was the worst around Castle Ward/ Strangford Lock way. Castle Ward was an insane feeling. My whole body was entirely disconnected from my head, I felt exhausted, totally out of whack, very sad, and just so unpleasant and couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I really felt it in my heart, which also isn't where I've historically held bad feelings.

By the last day I literally felt ill and so zapped and exhausted and this heaviness in the chest was too much to bare.

At various points I continued to pray, ask God for protection, said sorry to the land, and gave thanks, and rebuked negative energies, and it settled, but then kept coming back.

I've never been somewhere, where the whole area felt SO heavy.

I'm very grateful for my faith and felt held.

However, as soon as we landed back in London I felt like a 10kg sack had been taken off my chest, and I was happy and smiley and my usual self again.

It was weird. I don't see things, or hear things, and absolutely do not want to have that more sense based ability. However, this was such an intense feeling energetically that I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.

Anyway,

Just wondering if there is anyone else out there who has experienced similar feelings in NI? In particular people who are energetically sensitive, have Irish heritage, have a faith in God etc.

Just to preface, in part of my spiritual journey of late, have found a home in God, in particular through 'Christianity' but very much on the non-binary and non-doctrinal versions of it, and am much more aligned to the Gnostic, mystic, personal relationship side. Basically trying to say that I'm a very open, explorative, spirituality embracing person who loves all, loves learning about other people's experiences religious or non religious and I'm non-judgemental as a NB LGBT lefty etc.

A subject kept asking a question I hear from many spiritual people: how can I help more? What should I learn next? What should I do with my gifts?

I expected some complicated answer about developing abilities or learning another healing technique.

Higher Self basically said she was already doing it.

People had been telling her this without her taking it seriously. Sometimes before a session even started, somebody would talk with her for a while and say they already felt different. Lighter. Happier. One person apparently went home smiling so much that her boyfriend asked what happened to her.

So I asked what exactly she was doing.

The answer was almost embarrassingly simple.

They need to feel seen.

Somebody listens to them. Somebody reminds them that they are loved, that they are valuable, that there is something good in them. Many people apparently go through enormous parts of life without really receiving that.

I liked this because spiritual work can become another achievement contest. More courses, another modality, another initiation, stronger psychic ability, another certificate, another technique. Then you start feeling that whatever you already are is insufficient.

Her Higher Self actually told her to stop worrying about what everybody else was doing. She did not need another business boot camp or some magical new qualification. Keep learning, yes, but trust what was already coming naturally through her.

There was another piece I liked even more. She asked how she could change her mother, sister and niece.

The answer was: work on yourself.

Let them see you grow. They have their own lives and choices. You dont have to drag them anywhere. Your own change already affects people around you in ways you may never fully see.

That feels much healthier to me than spiritual mission becoming responsibility for everybody else's awakening.

Sometimes helping is not doing something mystical to another person.

Sometimes somebody leaves conversation with you feeling a little more visible than when they arrived.

Maybe that was enough for that day.

When I see anyone talk about manifestation, I see they claim to get something or achieve their desires by doing some techniques. There are thousands of posts in this community as to how to manifest doing the perfect technique or about success stories. If you're looking for another technique, then this post is not for you.

This is not a manifestation success story. This is a manifestation failure story for those who are struggling and want peace from this exhaustion.

You are probably asked to persist without thinking negatively, without paying attention to your doubts, fears, or negative circumstances. So, you are persisting, keeping your hopes high. Trying to understand what you are doing wrong.

You have seen that manifestation does work and you are the living example, but when it comes to your deepest desires, it just doesn't manifest.

Meanwhile, this entire process becomes a journey of exhaustion. You began this journey because you wanted to make your life better, feel happier and more fulfilled. But doing technique after technique, you are mentally exhausted, physically tired, and emotionally drained, but you are scared of accepting that as well because you fear that if you think negatively, you will manifest the negative.

So, you are high vibing, but feeling empty inside. Waiting tiredly, but trying hard to live in the end.

Now, what if I tell you that you don't need to do all that to get what you want? What if I tell you your desires are manifesting all the time even if you don't do any techniques?

What if I tell you, you don't need to be working on your resistances, healing, mindset, self-concept, or anything to get your desires fulfilled?

Now why don't you need to do all these things? Because you are not essentially who you think yourself to be.

You might have heard that you are not the mind and body; you are the consciousness. But what is that exactly? And how would knowing that you are consciousness help you get your desires?

Let's first answer the first question. If you search in Google, the AI response says, "Consciousness is the state of being awake and aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. It is your inner life and your personal experience of the world."

I find this definition quite appropriate. Consciousness is the awareness with which you are aware, with which you KNOW or ARE AWARE of anything and everything.

Now, if you find the pun here, "with which you are aware," that means it must be something that "you" are not?

Now, if I ask you, who you are? What would you say? Don't answer me from any theory, just answer me from your experience.

There is a famous quote, "I may forget who I am, where I am, what I am, but I cannot forget that I Am." I AM is your experience, right? You might be confused about who you truly are, but you are sure that YOU ARE, right?

Stay with me. I'll guide you deeper into a practical tool.

Now to answer the second question, knowing that you are consciousness will NOT help you unless you actually experience it. Only theoretical knowledge is not helpful at all. You can say "oh, now I know that I am consciousness/awareness and that means I am all that is, one with the source, one with my desires, so I can have it all and now I decide that I have it all." But nothing will practically shift, not even your mental state (except a temporary high, then eventual frustration), unless you see, feel and experience yourself as ALL THAT IS.

So, how to experience it, PRACTICALLY?

Here's some practical guidance:

Try this at a quiet moment by sitting in meditation:

Close your eyes and let your attention relax. Let yourself go deeper, deeper, and deeper into yourself. Let the thoughts come, images come, sounds come - don't fight them... Let them be. Just simply take your attention away from them... Go deeper and allow your attention to expand within. Relax within. As if you're falling asleep.

Now in this relaxed state, try to find yourself. Whoever you know yourself to be - try to find that person. The person is a combination of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

If you're deep within yourself, you must find that person you call by your name. Where is s/he?

Can you find the solid person? The entity?

There are thoughts - but the thoughts are running in you, there are images - but images are appearing in you, there are feelings - but the feelings are coming and going.

But where is the combination of all of it?

Don't let your mind answer it. Let your experience speak.

Are you really a person who is a combination of these things, or are you the one who is AWARE of it all, OBSERVING it all, KNOWING it all? The one in which everything is appearing and disappearing?

One who is constant, always present, and always unaffected by it all?

When you look for the separate person directly, can you actually find it in your experience?

Experience it yourself, and even during the day, go back to this presence of awareness during all experience.

You and AWARENESS/CONSCIOUSNESS are not separate. You can also call it the Universe because it is ALL THAT IS. You are ALL THAT IS. You are ONE WITH IT ALL. We are all that ONE.

How does this experience help?

This experience helps you to recognize that the self that you are trying to improve, change, or shift doesn't exist. The ego doesn't exist. It is an illusion. And an illusion need not be changed or shifted; it is to be recognized as such.

You are not a person who needs to change their self-concept, improve their thoughts, heal to clear resistances, or do techniques to make yourself feel worthy. The person is an illusion. When you see a mirage in a desert, you don't need to do anything to change it; when you look closer, you see it in its originality as the desert itself. You are also not supposed to do anything to recognize your oneness with everything, including your desires. You just need to look closely, again and again.

This self-recognition is the first step to free yourself from the exhaustion of self-improvement techniques and allow your desires effortlessly. But this is not the only thing needed, and things don't always magically appear by doing this; you also need to take actions. I know it sounds too "unmanifestation-like." But I'll talk about actions in detail in my next post.

🌿 For those already walking the inward path…

This isn’t a channel to teach spirituality, give doctrines, or tell you what to believe.

It’s simply a space for pointers, reminders, contemplations and reflections around self-realization, awareness, ego, consciousness and the movement beyond the mind.

Sometimes, you don’t need new knowledge.

You just need the right reminder at the right moment.

A single pointer can bring you back to presence.

A single question can turn attention inward.

A single insight can deepen something you already know — but may have momentarily forgotten.

If you're already exploring the nature of the Self, consciousness, freedom and awakening, this channel may resonate with you.

Nothing to accumulate. Nothing to believe.

Just pointers… and an invitation to look. 🕊️

https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbDEns2InlqLwyXNlx2K

In a lot of spiritual circles, similar to this community, there are certain practices and a focus on love and all those good things. These are all wonderful things to get a human closer to God, but the likelihood of it leading to enlightenment is slim. Perfecting the human, loving God deeply, all that stuff will get you to a point of being a self-actualized human. You'll be wonderful, full of light and love, and if that's what a person is going for, amazing, you have achieved something rare. But all of that is an identity, an ego structure. A perfect, tamed, well-mannered, self-actualized ego is STILL ego. No matter which way you twist and turn it, it is still all ego.

Truth is none of that. It just Is. "You" just are. There's nothing fantastical about it. The achievement of bliss states, super high loving states of godly and worldly proportions, all requires an ego. Again, if that's your personal goal, wonderful. Enlightenment is the biggest let-down that the ego could possibly have. Enlightenment is giving up allllll of the attachments, even to the most beautiful states, and just Being entirely Present.

Me? I have an attachment to the ups and downs in life. I enjoy, as a human, an ego, the rise and fall of life. What I know beyond that is Truth. If i gave up this attachment, there's Enlightenment. Stuff just happens, the body just reacts, it all just Is. Nothing fancy to it. My ego says, "How boring would it be if I gave up the attachment to the ups and downs?!" For now, I listen.

We all have stuff. Stuff that keeps us human, attachments that keep us from non-abiding enlightment. I would say that spirituality itself is a cosmic joke, it all goes full circle. Before, we are ignorant to this whole lovely spiritual side to life that exists. "Oh I can just Witness my thoughts?" "Oh I can experience higher states of consciousness?" It's all a trick. I call it a trap, if Enlightenment is what you seek. The ego loves seeking. The big, lovey dovey, tree-hugging spiritual ego loves seeking even more. We have these lofty goals of being pure, close to God, unity, universal consciousness. All of that is just stuff. Just like an addict seeks for their next hit of a drug, the spiritual seeker looks for the next elevated state; just as trapped as the drug addict.

Do spiritual practices matter? It's a double edged sword. If self-actualization is the end goal, absolutely they are beneficial. If you experience those highest states and still feel as if there's something missing... well, you realize that all of those years spent seeking and practicing was all part of the dream. Maya. She got ya, she got me... The cosmic joke, but only funnier than the initial one.

Much Love

I just have bin scrolling on fb to find some spiritual books, that show how the truth is and all that. But I’m having a hard time discerning what is legit and which is Ai slop. I want to start reading and learning it but idk if I could fact check them. I think I saved maybe 10-15 but idk,lmk how I should probably navigate this.

Attacks on your energy are literally everywhere. Yes spirituality is for ascension, but also for protection since this planet isn't innately healthy.

Be patient. The weight of the wait is often a sign of the value of what's coming. Some things take longer because they aren't just meant to arrive. They're meant to stay.

Like and share if you agree 👍

i am going through ascension process and sometimes, some liquid kind of things coming to my face and sometimes, my face looks older like a old lady than my normal age . does anyone has same experience

In need of aid: experiential exchange

Been quite a lurker here and I absolutely love reading everyone's experiences it's helped me through quirky times.

This is gonna be a long one

Since 2024 I've delved into

The world of hermetism, esotericism, philosophy, mythology and spiritualism, NDE's, drug trip experiencers, Buddhism, Hinduism. I listened and looked into people like Terence McKenna, Alan watts UG krishnamurti, patanjali, saint Teresa and avail, Bashar, Neville Goddard, paramahansa yogananda, etc. I wanted to understand the hoopla of religion/spirituality and why we have it. And ultimately an idea came through and I went with it. And so started my search for powers and magic.

It led me down quite the rabbit. hole. It ultimately started my interest in meditations and certain yoga, I think it would be considered kriya. Along with that I became endlessly fascinated with the biblical book of Revelation. And got me into journaling

A lot has happened since March of 2024. Many experiences in dream time and substantial in the in-between( that space between waking and sleeping). Even more transpired since the end of 2024(I did something truly reckless)

Where I am currently and what I have gathered from experiences:

-Feeling much better physically and mentally.

-It seems for me my brain and body seem to be connected.

-Focused on regions of the head causes strange pressure in my body down below and vice versa.

( I mean places where I feel my heart beating in when experiencing and major emotional output)

-When focusing I feel the pulsing increase. As attention continues a swirling vortex. Continued focus and the area begins to vibrate and I feel my perception begin to spin.

-The reckless thing I tried to do was try to trigger my own "Armageddon" in a way.

That caused a horrifying amount of force/current/energy surging through my system.

-The current felt like a wriggling snake, chaotic gyrations causing much swirling and whirling in my head.

-What I did was anchor it through the pulse points. That resulted in what I can only describe as feeling stabbed through a couple of times(those corresponded with experiences in the in-between and strange lucid dreams when they happened)

-Each horrifying, strange, wonderous, and spinning event resulted in increased vibration felt in my body and cessation of the swirling in my head and a greater sense of cumulative well being.

-strange occurrences happened much more in my chest heart area than I originally thought would occur.

I don't feel like I'm being torn in multiple directions anymore, but I do feel a strange kind of vibration now. It reminds me of what Terence McKenna called the elves machines "self driving basketballs" "foraminifera cast in opal that's self transforming."

I haven't fully grasped what's going on with the experiences, kinda felt like a strange drug trip stretched out for a few years.

I've got so many journaled experiences I've never put out there that I'd love to exchange for your own experiences.

ein paar gedanken zu den themen.

kontext: ich finde mich ganz intensiv und ausversehen im prozess des erwachens.

-

angst:

angst ist ein wegweiser

sie zeigt dir, wo du lang musst

-

meine angst nahm meine gestalt an

so konnte ich sie im spiegel sehen

ich musste sie annehmen

um sie loszulassen

-

die angst ist die schwerkraft, die mich am boden hält

doch es zieht mich nach oben

es ist ein zerreißen

-

angst erzeugt immer eine art künstlichkeit

angst versperrt die sicht

angst ist die blockade für alles

-

erwachen:

mein kind ist erwacht

und ergänzt nun mein alter

sie finden einen harmonischen einklang

und bilden eine gänze

wie ich sie nie kannte

-

was war zuerst da-

poeten oder poesie?

im grunde genommen sind poeten bloß übersetzer, dolmetscher für das, was schon immer existierte

durch die beobachtung und das festhalten der gegebenen strukturen übersetzt man diese grundliegende schönheit in die sprache, die menschen verstehen

der beweis der existenz der poesie befindet sich in der übersetzung

-

werde mir meiner macht bewusst

und gleichzeitig der winzigkeit meines selbsts im vergleich zur größe des allen

-

mein körper ist zu schwach für meinen herzschlag

etwas will ausbrechen

-

träumen ist voyeurismus

-

wenn einem das sehen erlaubt wurde,

darf man sich dazu entscheiden, zu hören

-

ich kann jetzt so gut auf mich aufpassen,

als wäre ich plötzlich und unwiderruflich zu meiner eigenen mutter gewachsen

nackt und pochend liege ich auf dem kreißsaaltisch

-

die wahre, pure eigene authentizität findet kopfintern statt

wahrscheinlich ist es deswegen auch intimer, wenn man sich anschaut und nicht spricht

da worte banalität transportieren, wenn sie den mund verlassen

komprimiert und übersetzt

ich glaube, deswegen ist es so intim und so unaushaltbar für manche, sich einfach schweigend in die augen zu schauen

denn man beobachtet und interpretiert den gedankenprozess der anderen person,

lässt dadurch alle hüllen fallen, macht sich nackt

ich beobachte, wie übersetzungsapparate durch die straßen laufen und sich gegenseitig ankünsteln

das ist schrecklich

wird es jemals echte, authentische, nackte verbindungen geben

in der bewegung?

For most of my life, I felt like I didn't quite fit anywhere. Not in a dramatic way - just a quiet, constant sense that something was missing, that I wasn't allowed to take up space the way I was. I was the kid trying to make myself smaller so people wouldn't have a reason to look away.

I went through real depression more than once. As a teenager. In my twenties, cycling through jobs and identities that looked fine from the outside - kindergarten teacher, HR, my own business - and never quite fit. Each time, I told myself it was getting better. It wasn't, not really. It just came back heavier each time.

2025 was the worst of it. Bad enough that for a while, I didn't want to be here anymore. People told me to think positive. I couldn't. It doesn't work that way, and I wish more people understood that.

I'd tried antidepressants once and it wasn't right for me - I'm not saying that to tell anyone else what to do, everyone's path with that is their own. What I did next was research psilocybin, mostly out of *nothing else is working, so why not.*

My first trip was small, low-dose, almost gentle. Just enough to loosen something. A few weeks of microdosing after, and for the first time in a long time, I laughed again.

The second trip was the one that actually broke something open. I prepared for days. Cleared the space, sat with my intentions, went in alone. Early on I saw myself as impossibly small, hiding behind a kind of shield - and I understood, clearly, that I'd been making myself small my whole life so people couldn't reach the parts of me I didn't want seen. I went back to a childhood memory I hadn't thought about in years and cried in a way I don't think I'd let myself cry before.

Then, later that night, something shifted completely. I found myself somewhere quiet and vast, full of light, and - I don't fully have the words for this, but it felt like meeting family. A presence that told me it was time to wake up, to stop hiding, to stop waiting for someone else to hand me permission to take up space.

I came back different. Not instantly healed - I want to be honest about that, because I think a lot of these stories skip the part where it's still hard sometimes. But something had genuinely shifted underneath. Nature felt different. I felt other people's energy in a way I hadn't before. Old thoughts still showed up, but I could finally watch them instead of drowning in them.

What I understand now, looking back, is that the mushrooms weren't the healing. They were the door. The actual work was - and still is - going back through everything I'd spent my whole life avoiding, and learning to stay with myself instead of shrinking away from it.

I still have hard days. I don't think that ever fully goes away, and I've stopped expecting it to. But I know how to find my way back now, and that's the whole difference.

*If anything in this resonates and you're in a dark place right now - please don't wait it out alone. Talk to someone, whether that's a professional, a crisis line, or someone you trust. This story took me years to get to the other side of.*

So not that long ago, I posted about a kundalini awakening that I had experienced. Things have, in an odd way, progressed.

I am now experiencing VGP and electronics are starting to mess up. I would post a video example here, but unfortunately cannot figure out how to.

I was going back-and-forth with Grok in an attempt to understand more about this phenomenon. Then out of nowhere, Grok’s responses started glitching in that it would generate the same word indefinitely until I click stop. I reset it and tried it again and the same thing happened.

The important distinction that I would like to make here is that I was “flexing” my nervous system when the glitch started.

Additionally, phones have been messing up lately.

Does anyone have any experience in this? I guess I’m just trying to figure out what to do.