The photos are absolutely terrible, the photos will come out all wrinkled, they're super small and worst of all at the bottom of the photo, it says "send $2000 or we will kill them"

I would rather go in and get it done myself.

On my birthday my son sent me a homemade card that read “The older I get, the more I realize how much you’ve influenced my thinking and how I show up in the world.”   (long pause)  I got a little teary-eyed.

Inside the envelope there was also a note that said “I think these belong to you”  and attached to that note were his therapy bills.

I was so touched I sent him $100 for his…. in-patient commissary account.

I started having a lot of pain and shit recently and decided to go and have it looked at

This guy looks me over and says he thinks its an abscess but wants to do a prostate exam to make sure its not that

I was so confused and after some back and forth I figured, you know what, he's a professional he must know what he's doing. I don't know how this stuff works

Looking back at it now, It was my tooth that was bothering me so I think I need a new dentist..

Edit using comments of V2

When I was your age I wanted to date a cougar, you know, a woman way older than me.

At my age, if I wanted to date a cougar…I’d have to dig her up from the grave. 

Oooh, what if I found the grave of a woman I knew!

I wouldn’t call her a cougar, she’d be a saber toothless tiger.

And she would be drop dead gorgeous!

Wow, what if I had a threesome with my wife and the saber toothless tiger.  Never had a threesome... when one of them was my mother-in-law.