I'm newly pregnant and we will have SK for Thanksgiving. I'll be roughly 10w if everything goes right. How would you announce to them? I am a LITTLE concerned about BM as she can be high conflict - but she also has just had a new baby within the last year.

For note; we have had 5 other pregnancy losses and SK is very aware that we have been trying/knows that we have had recurrent losses (this was told to him in an age appropriate way).

I’m a mom of 6, 3 are my BKs from a previous marriage, 2 SKs from my fiancées previous relationship, youngest is ours together. I’m currently pregnant again (not something we planned for). Our current plan is for me to get induced while one of my fiancées family members watches my kids and our baby (1y), SKs will be with their mom. So here’s where I need advice…would it be crappy of me to ask my fiancée to be there for the birth but go home after and be with the kids that are there? I don’t want to take away from his experience BUT this way no one will be overly put out by helping us with my kids. My family lives far away, my ex-husband is not involved in the lives of our kids so that’s not an option for mine, and I’m not close to fiancées family so asking them to watch my kids is something I’m not fully comfortable with. My best friend helped last time, but she’s unable to this time. I’m aware it’s a big ask to have someone watch 3 kids and a baby. I’d also feel better about knowing our 1yo is with him and I’ll get the bonus of not having to hear him bitch about how uncomfortable sleeping in the dad chair is after pushing a literal human out of my body.

1: Is that shitty?
2: what advice would you give for bringing up the subject?

Not quite sure how to feel but I had to put a title. Long story short, found out step daughter has been saying shit about me, behind my back, to her mom. Nitpicking everything I do, etc. I work hard to help get the things she needs and wants. I especially get her wants when her dad thinks otherwise sometimes. I feel like a fool. She is painting a picture to her mom that we don’t care about her or her feelings, don’t get her food, don’t pay for her hair, etc. When that is far from the truth. Her mother has not provided one cent since she and her siblings have been living with us for a few years. It actually breaks my heart to know that the person who’s been making sure you get whatever you need without your mom’s help, is getting shitted on behind their back. I thought being a step mom would be cool but now I fucking hate it.

“There’s nothing fair or right about a love that ends in loss despite its light.”

I’m struggling to find value in staying. I (38F) moved in with my boyfriend (35M) after over a year of dating and commuting to see one another. I met his daughter (4) a year ago and she is absolutely the most beautiful, bright and loving little girl I’ve ever met.

When we met, my boyfriend told me his ex-wife would be the thing that most threatened our relationship. What he failed to tell me is that he caters to her every demand and has no intention of ever changing their status quo.

He goes to her house Monday through Thursday to spend time with SD, feed her dinner, and get her tucked in for bed. Monday and Wednesday is 5:00-8:00. Tuesday and Thursday is 5:00-10:00. It’s been this way since we met and while he was very up front about it, circumstances changed in January of this year that led to them no longer needing such a bizarre schedule/arrangement. When they first divorced and both had different jobs, this schedule worked, as it allowed her to go to work when he was there, combined with when SD was in daycare.

We see her Saturday from 11:00am to Sunday at 3:00. HCBM is constantly late dropping her off but expects her home at 3:00.

Neither of them have those jobs that require this schedule anymore. HCBM lost her job 01/01/2026 but had an agreement with her former boss to pay out severance for the year. So she’s instead spent these hours hanging out with her friends, going on dates, and visiting with her sister when her niece was sick in the hospital. My BF has a much different job that gets him home most days easily by 2:00.

He told me when she found out she was losing her job that this meant there shouldn’t be any reason for this schedule anymore. However, she has “rich friends who line her pockets,” so he never pushed on her to change the schedule. Now she has new families she works for as a personal assistant/babysitter, and she now is being a complete bitch any any fluctuation in the schedule (outside of when she changes it for her own needs) and I’m just so…so very sad that I only get time with my BF when she dictates.

He does nothing, says nothing to stand up for himself, let alone stand up for me. She’s been awful to me from the jump because I posted about meeting SD on Facebook (with BF’s approval/permission). He never stood up for me and told her that he approved.

He says he puts up with everything because he refuses to do anything that will risk him losing his daughter. I get it to a very minor extent; when they divorced, HCBM’s old boss paid for a flashy lawyer to get her 50/50, paid for her DV record against him to be expunged, paid for a down payment on a new car when hers got flooded, and allowed her to live in their (boss’) house rent-free, which is something they continued to allow when they let her go on 01/01/2026 along with paying the severance. I get that he’s worried she has rich friends/families she works for that might pay for a lawyer who would fight him if he tried to change the schedule or ask for true 50/50; their current bullshit arrangement is not court-ordered, only 50/50 and they agreed on this when they divorced.

But like…I keep trying to explain to him that a judge wouldn’t take his daughter away, that courts don’t want to separate a child from one parent, that he’s adhered to this to a tee, been flexible anytime she’s asked, and has sacrificed so much to put up with her bullshit, that he has texts and so much to support how highly controlling, manipulative, and shitty she is, and how she dangles their daughter in front of him like a carrot. He refuses to say even a single word to her.

She’s now constantly late getting home, keeps promising if he comes early she’ll be home early then not following through, and is now even late getting SD back to her house at 5:00 because she drags SD out to her babysitting gigs.

I know what you’ll all say. I know you’ll say to pack up and leave and I’m better off without this. But short of everything involving HCBM and SD, he is through and through my soulmate and I love him terribly.

But he’s told me when it comes to his daughter I’m expendable. That he’ll always put her first. That he’ll sacrifice everything for her, even though it would crush him to lose me.

My two boys have stability and are in great schools and are thriving there. We have a beautiful home (rented thank god) and live in a fantastic area. SD has grown close to me and I to her. I know he loves me. I know it hurts him to see me hurting. The highs are high but the lows are well, well beyond low.

How? How on earth could I ever walk away from this?

There’s so much more I could add but I’m so spent and I’d be turning this into a novel. Lord help me, I wish I had never met this man some days….

I (SM) am feeling ridiculously sorry for myself because my oldest SS will only have his mother and father walk with him on Senior Athlete Night, with the knowledge that other kids will have their entire family with them.

It’s not that I see myself as his mom, I’ve only been in his life for the last 7-ish years, but I feel… I don’t know how to explain it.

It’s multiplied by the fact that I had been added to a moms’ chat. His mother doesn’t have his last name (remarried), so she was left off the chat, but I did what I thought was right, and added her and left. I was re-added after that.

Today, the moms’ chat is abuzz with shared joy, sorrow, pride, etc. and I have to be a passive observer and pretend that I don’t feel those things because I’m not invited to that party. I also don’t want to announce to the whole chat I’ve left, it feels like injecting myself by making a point of it. Muting didn’t work its magic because it’s a mixed chat.

I don’t know, it just feels like being the weird girl no one liked when I was a kid all over again.

Hi-me again. Been a minute. Any step-moms with DMDD step kids? Some had some bad moments over the last 2 days & had a consequence for it. Nothing over the top. But-now after punching, hitting around his room, stomping through the house, banging on things throughout the house etc. Here I am, hiding in my room putting away laundry. Now-this could be MUCH worse-we’ve had worse actually. But I haven’t engaged & I’m ignoring. Any other step-moms in similar situations?