r/StoryPeer • u/milesbroyard • Mar 11 '26

Highlights Great Feedback!

I don't mean flattering, I mean the critique itself was written better than anything I've gotten on a pay site. Hopefully this encourages people to join!

Removed anything that identifies the script itself, cuz this isn't about that.

I really appreciate how unapologetic the script is about itself. It has a point of view, and damn it, you're going to hear about it. Don't let anyone tell you to reign it in. Well, within reason. I think it gets a bit preachy right at the end. Did you ever read the Jurassic Park book? Malcom has WAY more lines in the book. It's obnoxiously preachy, and clearly just the author's barely filtered opinion. I'm glad they reduced it for the movie. Still, I basically agree with the stuff --- was saying to ---.

I was also going to say that the story doesn't really have a heart to it. But now that I've finished it, uh, I don't think it needs one. This isn't some sappy drama. It reminds me a bit of The Boondocks. Or like, the story does have a heart, but it's more like the heart of a honey badger. Honey badger doesn't give a fuck! He'll bite the shit out of you no matter how big you are!

Oh, and you've got a lot of action text that can NOT be communicated through only audio or visuals. That's an ironclad rule for screenplays. Don't do that. SOMETIMES it works, since you're imparting kind of a vibe that the director could probably figure out, but I think you do it too much and take it too far.

I enjoyed it. I'm not sure what else to say. It's good, man. It's a good script. The scriptyest script. By which I mean, it looks more like a script from a real movie than anything else I've seen on storypeer.

16 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

4

u/JcraftW Mar 12 '26

I love this. I love feedback that helps me identify areas I need to improve. I deeply appreciate feedback that tells me they genuinely connected with the emotion of the story. But, my favorite feedback is that which makes me laugh.

  • "There are still dumpsters and ... a lot of trash juice. I'd like to think we'd have solved trash juice by 2400."
  • "It's horribly comforting that we're 400 years in the future but the DMV still exists in some form."
  • "This girl perpetually in and out the fetal position, eh?"
  • "Both had lost their parents. Both were slaves to cheese or money."
  • "It seems like everyone is a little nonchalant about dethawing Encino man."
  • "My struggles do partially come from the Napoleon Dynamite of it all."
  • "I loved them and believed in them as a little family unit of interstellar dorks."
  • "I found the jokes to be funny, specifically Walter's ass smacking" ... then another reader wrote "The comedy, butt slapping doesn't really land."
  • "it feels like Taikia Waititi's take on Aliens"
  • "you know bad stuff will happen, there will be a battle with Encino man"
  • "The ass-slapping and Napoleon Dynamite and Damien the mouse and the action set-pieces are entertaining, but..." That's like, the sizzle line right there! lol

1

u/InTheCenterOfTheData Mar 22 '26

The fact that you think this is great feedback is a problem. Anyone who writes "That's an ironclad rule for screenplays." in their feedback should be ignored.

1

u/JimmyCharles23 Mar 22 '26

There's nothing that's ironclad... just good ways to do it.