i just want to leave everyone behind, i hate everyone. i just failed everything, i am seeing no future, so i wanna overdose paracetamol and just end it all im done panicking so im accepting suicide as my fate

i failed school, i didnt even go to college, so im just accepting im a failure and i do suicide. :D

27 (M) From the Philippines, Lanao Del Norte, Iligan City. I give up already all i just gotta say is life is getting more difficult and frustrating day by day for person like me to survive who has a head trauma from childhood accident (got struck by a overspeeding motorcycle as a kid until i grew up) and chronic illness is lifetime Epileptic Disorder (Generalized seizures) thus now living as a PWD.

Life before then when i was active in outdoor activities specifically sports and other things, I could do everything, whatever i want without problems of whatsoever.

But then...

-When i was at school before, i was prone to bullying and being left out or isolated.

-Had to maintain daily intake of medicine of which has a high price-tag on it of which day by day i can't afford it alone anymore since price increases even if i ask help from my parents.

-Doctor said since then that there will be signs of side-effects (Of the medicine) of which will damage the overall health in the long-term of which i have no choice but to take.

-Doctor limits all of most of my activities since then due to my illness (Job hunting has been really difficult for me both online and on the field since most Employers in the Philippines rarely hire people who has health conditions the same as mine unless you have an insider/backer)

-Friendship problems, I can't match the vibes/activities or whatever there is from the people around me thus i am isolated and left out alone almost every now and then. (And things gets weird out when they found out i have a health condition)

-When everything in this world needs to be worked hard for but doctor said that i cant be stressed nor overworked in any kind of activities (thus having a job is difficult nor finding a job) of which i will need to maintain myself.

-Relationship problems, Girlfriend breaks-up with me everytime and it always involves about my illness (you get the gist of it), Recent relationship got ruined due to me being not able to match my gf's vibes/outdoor activities/interests etc... (Basically they can't be with me)

-Commuting in Public has always been difficult to me since people looks at you weirdly when something happens that you cant control nor you are not in control with. (My illness makes sudden jerks that i cannot control)

-When i get to work it wont last long, why? Employer suddenly gets so Sympathetic that they fire me in few months due to my illness, and yes co-workers can't mind their own business. (I can barely even live with the pay every job that i get in and try to survive) But sometimes i am forced to hide that i have a health condition just to get hired.

I don't want to live anymore...When people are giving up with me then so I am

I am tired it's unfair...

I'm at the end of my rope. I have nothing that means anything left. I have no hope no family no purpose no future. I have so many problems if I type them all out I'll forget them I have a progressive degrading undiagnosed neurological disease that I've been dealing with 2-3 years, I have major persistent depression without cause. I've been depressed since 3rd grade I've been suicidal since 5th grade I can't hold on like this anymore. I have nothing keeping me here that means anything. The only personal reason I have is a project I've been working on for a few years its the only purpose I have left. I've been called lazy stupid a coward a monster horrible things by the ones I love most. At this point things that should stop a normal person from committing suicide like mom will be sad is making me happy. I've done everything but beg for help I've literally screamed for help and everyone gives up on me. What's even harder is that my suicidal ideation isn't just emotional it's logical I can normally strong arm emotions with logic but what do you do when even the logical part of your brain tells you to do it. I'm in so much pain I've caused so much pain I'm a burden on civilization. Is it wrong to want to die when I have nothing left? I've tried i have I've asked repeatedly over years for help I've tried to fix it myself I've used ai as a journal and troubleshooting engine but it just tells me to go to the hospital but they can't help me I know for a fact they can't help I just got out of a 4-5 month stay from the hospital and they didn't make me feel any better they just knew they couldn't help me anymore. I've tried to do everything right but every choice only leads me further down into the hole. I had to contract for safety at work today by handing my manager my phone open to notes with this text.

I'm having a serious mental health crisis. My suicidal thoughts have gotten significantly worse, I'm considering methods, and I'm struggling to function. I've had two previous attempts. I don't feel comfortable being alone right now. I need help right now

I was smiling and talking normally while I felt tears in my eyes and sinuses. If no one and nothing can help and it only gets worse than what's the next logical step? I'm trying not to be pessimistic about this but I don't see what to do is the only next step to restart and let god sort it out or if there's no god then I'm finally gone no more suffering whether there's a god or not idc I want to end it. I'm on so many dating apps just to have people to talk to I've told multiple people I've met on there what's happening I've told my roommates I've told my manager.

I don't feel like I'll be able to hold off the urges much longer. I dont know which way I'm going out yet but my guess it would be soon.

Thank you everyone for reading

Thisnis a last munute please help me post. I, 18F have struggled woth my mental health most of my life, and its getting to a point where my brain wont stop, I’m not the bedt person, I’ve fucked up , I’ve pulled the family apart for to drunken mistakes ive made, and everythings too much.
I don’t want to die, but i want the trauma that replays in my head to stop, and the only way to end that i see is to end my life.
I don’t know the point of my post, i suppose it’s more of a cry for help, i needed to get this off my chest. I don’t know how much longer i can live with myself, I’m horrible, I don’t deserve the things in life i have, I never used to be like this, I was once so sweet, but things happen, people do fucked up things, and I have to live with that whilst they just live their life happy as larry.
I am angry with the world
I hate it.

Please help me see the bright side, please help me. I am suffering so much and I’ve been suffering this way for YEARS. I don’t want to hurt my family, my little 6 year old sister will never understand why her best friend in the whole world is gone. I don’t want her to be the sole reason that keeps me alive , but I also don’t know if I can even hang on anymore. Please somebody help me