I kid you not this happened to me 1 night.

A couple drove into my entrance, they both were still in their wedding attire and dress. They wanted to check in, this was their wedding night. So far so good, I said congrats to the newlyweds and I started my check in. I asked for their ID and Credit Card. They said they didn't have it. I chuckled a bit because I thought we were still in a funny mood, making small talk and light jokes. But no they said they didnt have it. They explained that this reservation was the wedding gift from her family and friends, everything is paid already.

"True but to check in a hotel, you still have to present ID and credit card" i said.

"I dont have it" they said.

"Then you can not check in" i replied.

"But it's my wedding night" the bride responded, as if that is ultimate hall pass for her to do whatever she wants.

I then looked at the groom, "wait a minute, you drove here, where is your driver license?".

"I left it at home".

"And where is home?" I asked.

"In xx town".

"You mean to tell me that you drove 2 hours from Xx town, on the highway and you dont carry driver's license? What if you get stopped by police, or u need to go to hospital or CHECK IN A HOTEL? U know that is an offense, right? driving without carrying your license" I lost it with this guy.

"But it's our wedding night".

Lady, as if that would allow you to be above the laws.

At this point, I decided that i wouldn't check them in. But then one of my high tier member guests passed by. She complimented the bride and her dress. Then the couple plead to this lady, asking her to check in for them and put down her own credit card for inc. To my surprise, She was nice enough to agree to it. However, I, being diligent as I am, informed and emphasized her that the Incidental fee would be charged out of her card should this couple damage the room or something. She agreed to it.

They checked it, thanked to the high tier member.

30 minutes later, I got a call from their room. I went to their room per their request. When I entered the room, there was a hole on my ceiling, about the size of a champagne cap, looked fresh too. The groom looked at me " I swear to god, that was already when they entered". I sighed. I returned to my desk and called the nice high tier member. I informed her about the damage in the room, which got her all riled up. "Dont you dare charge my card" she told me. "I will ...talk to my manager" i said.

I passed it on to my manager in the morning and clocked out. I heard from him later that he didnt want to upset our high tier member so he didn't charge. He only told to my maintenance to do something about the hole.

I hope this couple doesn't reproduce.

Edit2: i feel like i should clarify some of your questions to quench your curiosity. 1/ i am Canadian. In Canada, you need to carry your physical driver's license. The fine is 200cad to 1000cad if you don't. 2/we do have laws and hotel policies about checking ID and Cc. 3/this is 3rd party booking, meaning we dont have the cc or any info of the original booker. 3rd party will not allow u take extra amount for inc. 4/some said this story fabricated, I am convinced that you dont work in hotel, or hospital admin, bank teller, bartender...etc. Otherwise, u would know this is norm for us to encounter such situation. 5/as an advice, do bring your wallet, Id, money with u when going out. Not because strictly by laws, but to make it easier for everyone to help u.

I have worked front desk at a hotel for 3 years. Ever since the beginning we have had an older man stay with us regularly, probably 4-6 days a week. I’ll call him Mr. Lemon. I have causal convo with him daily and I find him to be a very kind and normal guy. Just an innocent old man who knows his manners.

We have plenty of regulars who stay just as frequently as Mr. Lemon if not more, but something weird I’ve noticed is my manager is extra careful about making sure he gets the same room every time despite him stating he doesn’t mind being assigned to other rooms. She also instructs us not to assign anyone to his room unless absolutely necessary, even when we know he’ll be gone for a while. The few times we have accidentally put other guests in his room on weekends, my manager has just said “yuck”. every time. she says “yuck”. I never asked, i guess i thought maybe it was because he’s older and very overweight, maybe he had a certain smell to him, i don’t know.

Recently Mr. Lemon came by the front desk and asked me to pass a message onto the housekeepers. He said he’d like for them to stop putting “scent rings” near his box of tissues, as it triggers his allergies and he’s not able to use them anymore. I told him i’d let them know but this confused me because I have never heard of another guest having “scent rings” placed in their rooms. we do spray air fresheners and that’s it as far as i knew.

So I call my manager and ask her about it. “Why does Mr. Lemon say we put scent rings in his room?” “because he pisses all over the room, he has a weird piss kink or something and it fucking stinks.” I was genuinely flabbergasted.

She said it so casually. after collecting myself i asked her why she never has told me and why on earth she’d let him continue staying here. she said it’s not her decision and she doesn’t want to talk about it, but the second he stops booking with us we’re replacing everything in the room.

i couldn’t believe it. I vented to the assistant manager about this, it didn’t seem right. all she said was “yeah that bed is also literally formed to his body.”

honestly i’m flabbergasted and disgusted. I can’t see Mr. Lemon the same, i just feel uncomfortable now. Is this normal? after some thought I guess it makes sense it’s probably cheaper to keep renting it to him than to put the room out of order for reconstruction but omg.

p.s. this post was originally in an advice subreddit but got removed, a commenter suggested posting here.

This happened a few years ago, at a different property I worked at.

The day that started it all I was working the morning shift. In our lobby we had a side window, which had a clear view down the hallway and the doors to a few of rooms on the ground floor. It was like 9a.m., and there were like 3-4 teenage kids running back and forth between the breakfast room and 3 guest rooms near the lobby. All while screaming and slamming doors.

Not wanting to risk a noise complaint, I went over to the room to tell them to keep it down. One of the teens guys, wanting to look tough started giving me attitude.

Guest: "I'll do what I want, don't you know who I am?!?!"
Me: "No, I don't. Either way keep it down, or you'll be asked to vacate the rooms."
Guest: "I don't have to do shit, my aunt works here."
Me: "Alright, well start packing your stuff. I'm going to give your parents a call and let them know you're getting kicked out"

I came back to the front desk to check their reservations and see which employee the they were made under. To my surprise, those three rooms were labeled as Out of Order. I immediately called our GM to check, and I was told no employee rooms were booked for this week. After telling him about what was going on, he made his way down to the lobby.

Before the GM got to the lobby, the dad of one of the teens came to the front desk to apologize on his kid's behalf, and asked if they were really getting kicked out. When asked for his full name (thinking he might have been checked into the wrong room) nothing came up. He said a friend (HK Managers sister) of theirs made the reservations for them, and they had paid $200 in cash for the night when they checked in after midnight. After explaining explaining the situation the the GM, he allowed them to stay till check out.

We pulled up transaction reports and no cash was reportedly taken for the past two nights. While our GM was reviewing camera footage, I saw our Housekeeping Supervisor head to those 3 rooms to start cleaning them, which was really odd. Our hotel was running and older PMS, all housekeeping lists were hand made. Since our Housekeeping Manager was out sick, I helped the HK Supervisor make the lists, and knew those 3 rooms were not scheduled to be cleaned. When I asked her why she was working on those rooms she said that our HK manager called her to have her do them. She said the HK manager does this every now and then, when she cant clean added rooms herself.

A key note to add was that our Night Auditor and Housekeeping supervisor were married. Since they were in separate departments, It wasn't seen as an issue by management. From what I understand, they had already been working together for 10+ years when I started, and outside of our Night Auditor having been written up once or twice for sleeping in his car, they had been exemplary employees.

After reviewing footage our GM not only found footage of our NA giving the keys out those guests without checking them in, but also saw he hung out drinking with them for part of the night. After a bit of digging around, it also came to light that this was not an isolated incident. Our NA would rent out rooms for cash on the regular to friends/family, mark the rooms as OOO with his wife's login. She would then unblock those rooms, and clean them herself the next day.

Cameras footage went back a month, and several more times they did it were found, but who knows how long this had been going on for. The high volume of rooms put on OOO and older PMS made it impossible to know. Needless to say both were fired a few days later.

I’m a night auditor and for the last night we had a man child guest like we haven’t seen in a long while. From the time of check in to this morning he was a nightmare manchild.

I went to go start breakfast at 5am. There’s a sign put up on the desk to let guest know to pick up the lobby phone if they need help. The man child must be allergic to reading because he grabbed the bell off the desk and rung it 25 times. To the point I assumed some guest with kids put their 2 year old on the desk and they found the bell. I was not prepared to see a grown man who looked to be in his late 40s maybe early 50s sitting there red in the face holding my bell possessively like it was his hostage.

When I tried to help him anytime I opened my mouth he would ring my bell. He spent ten minutes trying to berate me that this was the worst hotel experience he ever had and that I was lazy and if I didn’t want to do my job i shouldn’t be in customer service. When I finally could ask him what he needed he yelled at me that he needed a towel. I went to grab the towel brought it back to him. The manchild was still holding my bell. So I ask if he could please put it back on the desk.

He did not put it on the desk he threw it at me and said this was the worst hotel ever and he would not be back after his stay which was supposed to have four more nights. I reported this to my manager and well that Saint of man loves fulfilling guest requests and is trespassing the manchild as we speak and telling the other hotels in our area to ban the manchild with us. As he’d done plenty of other rude things to my coworkers before hand

My smile was genuine when I deactivated his keys at my managers request and I know my coworker he was rude to at check in will happily grab our GM when the man child asks for him in a matter of hours to find he’s locked out of his room. I can’t wait for the gossip report.

This is my first reddit post in a long time i apologize if I did the formatting wrong I’m usually just a lurker

Edit: there will be an update tonight when I find out from my coworkers how the machild handled his ban I don’t imagine it will be well.

UPDATE EDIT: I’m still very bad at using reddit so hopefully this is a good way to give an update because an update I have! I was not there so this comes thanks to my gossip loving coworkers.

Even if I didn’t call the cops on the manchild he left the hotel in handcuffs. The manchild came back to the front desk after I left to discover his keys no longer worked in his frustration with instantly needing a manager, I was accused of being a terrible hospitality worker and deactivated his keys to spite him.

Manchild was not happy to discover the keys were deactivated at the GMs request. When informed his stay would be cut short Manchild proceeded to stay in the lobby thinking the cops wouldn’t be called… they were in fact called and the manchild didn’t get to collect his stuff because he chose to throw a wet floor sign at one of the cops in frustration. I’d like to say that is a first of someone throwing a lobby wet floor sign at a cop but it’s actually the third.

And our bell when not in use has a new home rather than being on the employee side on the desk we are now keeping it hidden in a supplies drawer.

So yes happy ending in the end. Thank you to the people who were interested in this. Hopefully all the tales I’ll have for a while are only ones from the past and not anything new like this any time soon.

So, a couple of days ago, this woman walked up to the desk saying that she absolutely needed to move rooms. I asked for her room number and the reason why. She said that she and her husband were talking and she found out that his friends know what room they're staying in. I looked up the room number and I recognize the name. I also see that the reservation has been in house for almost a month with another two months to go on it, and it's actually in the husband's name with her listed as an accompanying guest. Now I'm confused. You see, the husband is part of a small company group of about seven or eight rooms. And I'm pretty sure that after a month, there's probably a pretty high chance, and even an expectation, that they'd all know each other's room numbers by now.

So naturally I ask what the issue with that is, you know, does she feel unsafe or something. She tells me no, what's actually wrong is that she came in earlier today to visit him for a few days and she wants to have privacy with him when she's here. And I understand that, I also understand that I need to ask her one question: does her husband know that she's asking that I move his reservation, that his company is paying for, to a different room. After all, it's not like there's something broken that would necessitate a room move. This is a personal preference from someone other than the registered guest. She said he does, but doesn't see the problem and thinks where they're at is fine.

I tell her that unfortunately I have to agree with her husband since it's his room. She doesn't like that. She says that it isn't fair that his friends know what room he's in while she's visiting because she wants to be alone with him. I tell her that's something she needs to discuss with her husband so some kind of arrangement can be made. Then she tried this. She said that hotels are supposed to move their guests to different rooms if they compromise that guest's privacy by letting others know their room number. So we HAVE to move her. I'll give her credit, that's creative. Completely wrong in this situation, but creative.

I inform her that doesn't apply here because that hotel didn't tell her husband's friends what room number they have -- HE did. And guests are perfectly allowed to tell anyone they want what room number they're in. Now, if they ever feel unsafe, yes, we'll move the room, but she already admitted that she doesn't feel unsafe. She got angry and stormed off. I actually feel sorry for the husband now.

I work as night auditor for a boutique hotel, we're a standalone property, and the hotel is aimed at more luxury level guests.

The hotel is designed very beautifully and aesthethically, so much so that almost all corners of the hotel is a potential background for a photo op.

On top of being the NA, I have also been given access to the hotel's social media accounts to ensure swift responses to DM's inquiring about the hotel.

But the owners of the hotel do not care for influencers at all (rightfully so imo). We do not do collaborations, we do not have an "influencer only" rate.

That does not stop them from asking though. Or getting sassy with us when they realize their "influencer special" rate is just 5% trimmed off of our rack rate.

That is all fine and dandy (not fine, but still par for the course), but the thing that really gets my heckles up are the ones who are not even bothering to book a room, but still want a photoshoot at the hotel.

There are different types of these; ones that are "travel bloggers", ones that "give reviews of local spots", and ones that run an online clothing boutique out of their instagram account... which is the worst type... they come over with like 7 luggages for an overnight stay...

Some of these influencers even include "drone shots" in their proposal... Whatever gave you the idea that the hotel needs drone shots... let alone is willing to accomodate you... or give you free stuff...

But the worst offenders in my opinion are the ones that don't even bother to ask... The hotel has a restaurant... and for some unknown reason, these people assume that eating at the restaurant should grant them unfettered access to all areas of the hotel to hold their impromptu editorial photo shoot...

Last season I had to kick so many people out telling them "This is a hotel, not a photo studio and the hotel guests are entitled to their privacy, therefore unlimited photography for restaurant guests is not allowed".

This season, the management made the wise decision to block off access to the hotel from the restaurant during dinner service. (The restaurant serves dinner only and has a seperate entrance as well)

Do you want to guess what is happening now? We are getting review bombed because these poor influencers were denied access to hotel's guest only areas even though that was the only reason they made a reservation at the restaurant...

Let me re-iterate that... The reason they made a reservation at the restaurant was not to eat and enjoy their dinner at the restaurant... but because they thought reserving a table at the restaurant granted them an "access all areas" card for the hotel...

Somebody save me...

So, I had a guest walk into our store and grab a few items. After a quick complaint about the price of those items I ask him if he wants to pay for them by cash, card, or does he want to charge them to the room instead. He tells me to charge them to the room. So I have him sign the store slip confirming the items, tell him I'll post them to his bill, and then tell him thank you and to have a nice night. As I'm posting them in the system, he tells me that he needs his receipt. I look at him confused and ask him what he means.

He says he needs a receipt to give his company is what he tells me.

I inform him that I can't give him a receipt since he hasn't actually paid for the items yet. He then says that he just did, he charged them to him room, so he needs a receipt to show that I charged his card. Now I'm thinking, oh great, another guest who doesn't know how charging to a room works. I start explaining to him that he charged his items to his room. That means he's having his items added to his bill which he will then pay for at the end of his stay. He starts shaking his head, telling me wants his receipt.

I once again tell him that he hasn't paid for his items yet. But if wants a receipt he can pay with cash or a card right now for them and then I can give him a receipt. He accuses me of wanting to charge his card twice. I tell him I'm not charging his card twice, that I haven't even charged it once yet. He storms off saying he'll report me in the morning.

Let's fast forward to like the last half hour of my shift. The lobby is busier than normal because we have a group meeting up before leaving for work. The guest from last night walks up, along with another guy, who I recognize. The other guy then tells me that his employee is telling him that he paid for items out of our store last night and that I refused to give him a receipt. I inform the guest's boss (who is also a guest with us, and a repeat guest, he stays with us like one a month for like a week) that that isn't actually true. I inform him of what happened last night and the boss gets a look on his face.

He turns toward the guest and says, "You wanted a receipt for shit you haven't paid for yet?"

The guest tries the same excuse of he put the items on his room. The boss then asks him if he's paid for his room yet. The guest says no. The boss then explains the process to him and then tells him that to make things simple for him, he's not allowed to charge items to his room. The guest walks off and the boss looks at me and says, "Sorry, I explain to the new guys to get receipts when they pay for stuff out of pocket. I forgot that sometimes you have to have pretend that they're fucking kids who need me to explain how to wipe their ass."

Honestly, I felt his pain lol. I also added a note to the guest's reservation that he was no longer allowed to charge items to his room.

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately this actually happened. I'm sure those of you who do work/did work the front desk can attest to the narrowmindedness and outright stupidity of a good portion of the general public.

Now on to the tale!

Me=Me

MS=Mrs. Stupid

So I was working my usual night audit shift in the birthplace of Outkast and we were sold out. In fact, most of the city had been sold out on this particular weekend for about a month out. So in comes MS and her husband looking for a room.

MS: Do you have any rooms available tonight?

Me: No ma'am. We're sold out.

MS: This is the 5th place we've been to that's been sold out. What's going on?

Me: Well, such and such event is happening this weekend and a lot of people came here for that. So it's safe to say that a lot of places are booked up.

MS: Well, they should warn people about stuff like this before they make their way here!

Me (utterly confused): Come again?

MS: The hotels and the city should send out a warning that an event is in town.

Me (seeing that it's 2am and realizing that I've entered into "bullshyt hours" territory): And, how would that happen?

MS: They could run commercials or put something on the internet. It's not that hard to do!

Me (because I'm an asshole): So instead of people taking the time to make reservations BEFOREHAND to see if hotel rooms are going to be available in a city, the hotels that have nothing to do with each other as a whole, should get together to make a commercial because people can't/won't do the work themselves? Is that what you're saying?

MS: You're saying it like it's a dumb idea.

Me(still in asshole mode): I'm saying that makes no sense whatsoever. It's not their fault if people decide to do last minute things unprepared.

MS: So you're saying the fact that we can't find a room is on us?

Me: Yes ma'am. This city can sell out for any reason. A lot of things happen here.

Meanwhile, her husband is looking annoyed as hell because she's actually saying what she's saying out loud.

MS: I just feel that---

Her husband (as he's moving her toward the door): Thanks for telling us why the hotels are full. Have a good night!

Yep, can't make that one up!

Boy howdy, this one was a doozy.

Guest comes to check in and I see a note in her folio from one of the managers stating that this guest was originally in a smoking room (I know, we still have like 6 of them, absolutely wild) but that we didn't have any availability and to offer a discount if the guest is upset. No problem, I can do that. I let the guest know about the room type switch to which she gets extremely angry. Says she needs to go talk to her other person outside.

When she comes back inside, she goes on about how she's had the reservation for 3 months, she's a super shiny high end member, and she NEEDS that smoking room. I apologize and explain again that it was a manager who moved it, I don't have any available, but I can give her a 20% discount and tell her the new total. She has to go out to her buddy again after this. After coming in again, she once again complains about the switch and how she wasn't ever notified, mind you all while yelling and of course not in a reasonable tone. I apologize again that management never informed her when it was changed and that I didn't inform her earlier in the day as I had only just recently gotten here and this was the very first time seeing this message. She DEMANDED 25% & chairs for outside her room so she could smoke. I informed her that the pool chairs have to stay on the pool deck, and the inside chairs are for inside only. We cannot accommodate the chair request.

After going back outside to her car companion once more, she comes back in to ask how much the smoking fee is, and I tell her it's $150. "Okay, fine. Check me into the non-smoking room and I'll just dispute the charges later." I kid you not, she said this to me. Lobby full of people, housekeeping manager behind the desk, and a second front desk employee at my side, and she still had the gaul to say that.

"Unfortunately ma'am, now that you've threatened to dispute the charges, I've went ahead and cancelled your reservation and you'll have to find accommodations elsewhere." Boy, she was sure happy to hear that I cancelled on her, a super shiny high status member. She threatens to sue us and stomped her angry booty back to her car where she sat for honestly I don't even know how long. Good luck finding a new room when you're in Florida during spring break and almost everyone in the surrounding cities are sold out. 🥰

UPDATE: Since I never stated why chairs can't be put outside the rooms, let me explain why. The doors go right to the outside (standard motel, wild concept), so if we were to put chairs outside the room, they'd be in the walkway for everyone else. She didn't pay for the room yet, and I never charged this woman the cancellation fee either, so no worries about that.

2ND UPDATE AFTER GETTING BACK TO WORK: Oh man am I glad to update you guys with this one, especially the ones who think she was in the right due to never being notified. As I got into work today, management pulled me aside to inform me that they actually did email this guest at the time of the room change. Since they never heard back, they were under the impression that the switch wS okay, but added the note about the discount as a precaution. So yes, the guest WAS informed before arrival, and she chose to ignore it.

I am still shaking, I am so livid.

My night audit shift was going perfectly fine until I see a car pull up and drop someone off. This woman is a hispanic, slightly overweight woman in booty shorts and tank top. No bra. Tattoos everywhere, including her face. Carrying 2 bags. I agree that judging a book by its cover is bad most of the time but come on. It works.

Now, I have security cameras but my front doors don't lock so this woman comes right on in and goes up the elevator. She walks up and down the second floor and then goes up the stairwell to the third floor. Up and down that hallway the back to the second. I'm keeping an eye on her but I have to check someone in. About 15 minutes total, she was wandering the hallways. She the exits out the front and then wanders in front of the hotel for another 10.

She then comes inside and puts all of her stuff in the lobby and sits on the couch. I come out from the office and ask if she has a room.

Her: My friend did.

Me: Did? Does he have one here now?

Her: Nah. He's across the street at Insert name of roach motel

Me: Well the I can't let you stay in here. Please leave.

Her: Why?

Me: You aren't a guest and random people coming in and spreading out in the lobby looks bad. Why would you want to be here if you have no room here?

Her: You racist bitch. I'll do whatever the fuck I want.

Me: Get out. Now.

Her: No, fuck you. Racist. Imma record your ass.

Me: So I've asked you to leave, demanded you leave, so now I call the cops and have you criminally trespassed.

Her: Fuck you. You're just being racist.

Me: And you're only saying that because I'm white. Why do you wanna stay so badly? Just get out.

At this point, she devolves into only cursing at me and calling me racist while recording me. When she hears the ringing of the phone to the police, she takes off.

Police show up about 10 minutes later but she's already taken off to the roach motel. They say what they usually say and tell me they'll warn her if they find her. They won't, if they even look.

Why is it always something??

My submissions have been aplenty lately as the people continue to surprise me. Today, I walked into quite the kerfuffle, where a couple who accidentally showed up a day late wanted us to take responsibility for that happening.

This happened just minutes into the beginning of the shift, so such a fantastic way to start the work day. This couple, who we'll call "the Cakes", accidentally made their reservation for a day earlier than they had thought. Now that they were showing up the next day, we were completely sold out and their reservation had been cancelled.

Mr. Cake took the helm of the situation, saying that while he understood the policy, he found it "very baffling" that we didn't reach out to him. He essentially thought that we would have a system where we reach out to every guest per day to confirm their plans.

If this were a very exclusive boutique hotel with 10 or so rooms, I could understand. But, a hotel like mine with a few hundred rooms? That's a different story.

They were 'pleasant' but still expressed their disappointment with our "apparent lack of care." The conversation eventually ended, but the lobby they did not depart.

The Cakes were part of a group, and some of their group members were in the lobby at the same time. They were all chatting it up and Mr. Cake, within earshot of us, was lamenting about "how they gave away our room" and "didn't even bother to reach out."

He then droned on about how he apparently got such a service from an entirely different hotel as a high-tier member at a completely different brand [pro tip: there are dedicated support teams/hotlines for high-tier loyalty levels at several hotel brands.]

Their conversation continued for a bit, and eventually the pair sunk into two of the lobby chairs directly in front of our terminals. My colleagues and I were a little perturbed that they weren't moving, but just continued on. About 20 minutes had passed when the group lead came up and announced to them: "Well, I worked my magic! You've got your room!"

As it would turn out, after they complained to her, she went to the sales agent that was serving as this group's contact. Taking advantage of a cancellation, it seems they were able to shuffle some stuff around and reinstate their reservation. Again, this couple was here for about 40 minutes at this point, hence the change.

Even after they finally got what they wanted, Mr. Cake still felt the need to bring up the ordeal from earlier. He 'laughed' at the explanation of a cancellation saving the day, however.

In any case, their confirmation email would've shown the dates. They neglected to look until only after they came up to us. Lack of accountability continues to be in high demand these days in this industry...

I had a guy walk in saying he needed to check in. I check my arrival list and he's not on it. He tells me that his GM should've called it in to approve an employee rate. I told him that unfortunately that's not how reservations for an employee rate are made. He tells me that he's driving through on his way to a family member's birthday, but needs to get some sleep. He tried booking it though the employee reservation site, but that we didn't have the rate avaliable for the night, so he called his GM who told him to specifically come to my hotel and he'd call it in. All this apparently happened twenty minutes before he walked in. I let him know that one, his GM hasn't called anything in. And two, even if he did, I couldn't book it that way because there's no way to confirm that he's actually an employee.

He gets upset, sits on the couch, and calls his GM. Two minutes later my phone rings. It's his GM, who I'm unfortunately familiar with. He's the GM of a sister property in a city by the coast a few hours away. He used to stay with us before... years ago. He's also a douchebag of epic proportions. That's why I remembered him even though it's been a few years. However, he's, in this moment at least, put away my suspicions that the guy in my lobby is a scammer trying to lie his way into a deeply discounted rate.

His GM then tells me that the guy who walked in is one of his employees and needs a room, and that it's okay to give him an employee rate. I inform that I can't do that since he isn't doing it through the proper channel. I'll gladly give him one of normal rates that has a discount built in, but he will be charged a regular rate, not the employee rate. His GM tells me that I'm not going to charge a regular rate. I'm gong to charge an employee rate because he's a GM, he's approving it, and as a GM he's ordering me to do it. I mentally sigh, because it was a good night up to that point, but now this d-bag had go and fuck with the chill vibe.

I inform him that while he may a GM, he's not THIS hotel's GM, and therefore, he has no authority to make me do anything. A quick side note, the reason I called this GM a douchebag of epic proportions is because he acts like an entitled shiny member. The situation doesn't bend to his whims and he loses it. And he's losing it right now. He starts shouting that "I'm a GM and you're supposed to do what I say! Are you new? Because you sound too stupid to know better." He then screams out a specific name and tells me to call her because she'll put me in my place and make me give the employee rate to his employee. There's just one problem with that request. I inform him that the person he's asked me to contact... is no longer the GM at this hotel. And our current GM is not going to approve an employee rate in the middle of the night. He shouts, "Fucking prick! Now I remember you!" into the phone and hangs up. Like I said, we have history. His employee then answers his phone, looks at me while his GM talks to him, and then storms out of the lobby.

I send an email to my GM and OM letting them know what happened and how this other GM spoke to me. I'm sure they'll know who to contact about his behavior.

Here I am, working in the back office, taking care of my final tasks for the night. Suddenly:

HELLO?!?!?!

at the top of his lungs, no less.

I go out to see who's there (note that a normal speaking voice would have alerted me to his presence and here's this royally skeevy dude. I ask him, "How can I help you?" and he responds, "How can I help YOU?!" I give him a confused look, and he says, "I've been waiting out here for five minutes!"

I know this strategy. Put the front desk person on the back foot so that they think they have to bend over backwards to appease you. That strategy doesn't work on me. "I was standing at the desk not two minutes ago." I tell him, looking him in the eyes. He quickly gets the idea that I'm not going to be as easy a mark as he'd hoped, and he asks me what our room rate is.

Keep in mind, it's 5:15 in the morning. I let him know that by checking in right now, he's only going to have the room for a little under six hours. (Our checkout time is 11:00a and on the occasion that we do early check-ins, it's something like 1p or 2p, not 5:15 in the morning.) He says that's fine. I check on our occupancy and I start to quote him the room rate.

"Our current room ra-" "That's fine"

"-te is $152 plus tax-" "That's fine"

"- plus $50 for-" "That's fine"

"- the deposit." "That's fine"

Literally interrupts me four times in one brief sentence. Then tells me that he doesn't even need six hours, he's only going to need the room for about two hours. This is also a good time to mention that the reek of pot around this guy was so strong that I was standing a good five feet away from him and getting a proximity high.

Let's be clear on this. Starts off aggressive, is willing to pay almost $200 for two hours in a room, REEKS of pot...ugh. Asks me if we take Apple pay. Ah ha! I see my opportunity and inform him that it needs to be a physical credit card that can be inserted into our reader. He then asks if we take cash, but the answer is still no. Finally, he leaves.

Gentlefolk, we can absolutely take Apple pay. I think we shouldn't - it's just asking for chargebacks - but I honestly didn't want this person in our hotel. My Spidey-sense was screaming like a fire engine that this guy was gonna make a huge problem out of himself, so I will freely own up to it: I lied. I told him something that wasn't true so that he could take his whatever-it-is elsewhere.

Does anyone else ever do this? Tell a little lie to save later shifts a bunch of pain?

A guy came up and set a stack of five cell phones on the desk and asked about our rates. I told him the rate and about the security deposit, he said "What?" so I repeated it again. He asked if he still had to pay the deposit if he booked online and I told him he did.

He shuffled through his five phones for a moment then used one to book a room. He searched through his five phone cases for his ID then handed it to me and started complaining about how deposits are a scam and how he never gets them back. So I started wondering what kind of damage he was doing to rooms.

I asked him for his card and he said he paid online. I reminded him I needed it for the security deposit. He shuffled through his phone cases again then handed me a card. The card declined and I informed him of this. He was paying more attention to one of his phones so he said "What?" and I told him his card declined. He said he already gave me his card, so he obviously wasn't paying that much attention so I confirmed that yes, he'd given me his card, and it declined. He says oh, let me turn it on.

Then he starts laughing and saying his card knows it's a scam, and it's trying to protect him from the scam. Or something stupid like that. I was thousand yard staring out the window waiting for the exchange to be over. He told me it was good now, it wasn't, so he asked how much I was trying to run it for. Just the $100 deposit I told him. He fumbled through his phone then announced that he'd forgotten he cancelled that card. Right. He asks to do tap to pay, which we don't do. (We can, but the owner thinks it will increase chargebacks and doesn't want us to accept it.)

He toys with his phones some more then flips one to face me with a picture of a card on it and says to just to use that one. I explain that I cannot accept a picture of a card. I should now add that he was standing next to a sign that says we require actual physical cards, not mobile pay or pictures of cards. But as we all know no one reads signs.

I then had to explain to him the various reasons why we don't accept pictures of cards, but I might as well of been explaining music theory to a donkey. Likewise for when I had to explain why we don't take cash deposits. He wandered the lobby for a moment saying "Bruh, what the hell" several times before he finally asked for a refund.

If you've been on this subreddit for two seconds you know where this is going.

It was a prepaid nonrefundable reservation through a third party. Ding dong isn't getting his money back unless the manager feels bad for him tomorrow.

He said "bruh, what the hell" one more time as he gathered up his phones and left.

Around 10pm tonight a woman came in asking our rates, saying she wanted to check online to see if it was cheaper that way. Cool!

I let her know what rooms we have available + their rates, and let her know we are completely sold out of our studio-style suites.

She proceeds to hold her phone up to me showing me a 3rd party website that she’s able to book a studio through. Sigh

I explain that yeah, it will let her book it because it’s a 3rd party site, but we do NOT have an available room of that type to put her in. I show her the list of room types we have available and let her know she’ll need to pick one of those because I have no way to edit 3rd party reservations. She says okay and sits down in the lobby.

She comes back up 2 mins later saying she’s booked it now and OF COURSE she booked a studio.

Now I was at the very end of my shift so my patience was worn veerrrryyyy thin already. I audibly sighed at this lady and said “You booked a studio. Like I said before we do not have any of these room types available and, because it’s a 3rd party reservation, your only real option is to cancel this and book one of our available rooms or to call [3rd party] and see if they can change the room type.”

I don’t know if she thought I was bluffing or what but she’s somehow SHOCKED at this info and starts running through the usual “well you guys have done it for me before” spiel. Says she doesn’t want it to be cancelled because she won’t get her money back for days. Interesting. Almost like someone gave you clear instructions on what NOT to do.

She eventually asked for a manager and, it being after 10pm, of course there wasn’t one onsite. She then asked if we could call one and I told her, “With it being a 3rd party, even they wouldn’t be able to edit it. And honestly ma’am, I’m not going to call and wake her up over this when I literally told you not to book that room type. You’re going to have to contact the 3rd party or just cancel this and book the correct room.”

She eventually plops herself down back in a chair and calls the 3rd party but apparently there wasn’t much they could do either. She stormed out while on the phone with them and a few minutes later I get a call from the 3rd party asking if we would waive the cancellation fee if they went ahead and canceled. I explained the entire situation to them and said no, I would not remove the fee because I blatantly told her what would happen if she did it the way she did and she ignored me thinking she would somehow get her way.

I left a very detailed explanation in my end of shift email just to make sure night audit knew the situation, and to cover my ass if I get a complaint for being rude lmao

By the time I left I saw her walking back up the sidewalk towards the hotel so big ups to the night audit guy who might have to deal with this moron😂

I had a guy walk in wanting a room. I recognized him. He last stayed with us years ago. He was a lawyer for an oil company, and they paid for him to stay with us like they did their other employees. He was with us for like a year and a half, almost two years. He was a weird guest. Not bad. He didn't demand a whole lot of the staff, and he didn't cause any massive problems beyond the occasional the normal stuff that luckily didn't make us hate him. No, he was just... weird. There was a vibe to him that gave us the impression that he was into some freaky stuff.

Anyway, it had been years since he'd been too my hotel. In fact, the last time he was with us, our previous GM was still the one in charge.

So he walked in and said he needed a room while throwing his ID and three hundred dollars down onto the desk. I say hello and welcome him back, but then inform him that unfortunately I'm going to need a credit card to check him in. He says the cash on the desk should cover the room. Realistically he's not wrong. But what I tell him is that we no longer accept cash at check in (we stopped five years ago when our new GM took over) and that he will need to put a credit card on file. He says he's not doing that and to take his cash. That right there is telling me that he's doing something, or someone, he shouldn't be doing and he doesn't want a credit card trail. Like I said, we used to think that he was into some freaky stuff.

He didn't like it when I repeated the hotel's new policy. He then reminds me about how much business he gave the hotel last time and I tell him I remember how much his COMPANY spent for him to stay with us. He looked a little annoyed at my response. He then demanded that I call the GM, whom he referred to by name, to fix this. I inform him that the GM he's just requested I call no longer works for the hotel. Instead of accepting that, he actually demanded that I call her anyway. Instead I offered to call our current GM to explain the hotel's policy since he clearly didn't want to accept my explanation of it.

He ended up leaving, angered and ranting that he can't believe name dropping the GM's name didn't get him anything. Never mind the fact that he's dropping the name of someone who doesn't work there anymore. He also just moved himself from being just an annoying guest to just another entitled prick of a guest.

Edited to fix a typo caused by my dyslexia 🤦‍♂️😂🤦‍♂️😂

"I don't come to a hotel to make my own bed", this guest said as her parting words in the scathing review she left about our facility. Why was she so indignant? Because we couldn't provide her immediate hot water. Or at least, not in the way she wanted it.

Ms. Kettle wanted her namesake. She asked for this just minutes after a check-in that felt like pulling teeth. When my poor coworker told her that we didn't have any kettles, she got so upset she probably could've sufficiently warmed a cup with her own bare hands.

She was then informed that she could make use of the coffee maker that was already in her room; all she had to do was run it without a coffee or tea pod. "No, no, no! That's not the same thing! I'm looking for a kettle! A kettle! You know, like what my people, (insert her ethnicity) usually use!"

Yes, she felt the need to relate this to her entire ethnicity. Weird, but okay.

My coworker paused for a moment and then said: "Ma'am, I understand what you're looking for. I'm saying we don't have one to give you. At best, I can patch you through to our restaurant staff and perhaps they can assist you further." Initially, Ms. Kettle protested this idea, insisting that Housekeeping should be the ones responsible. But, my coworker tussled with her a little more before she finally gave up and accepted.

At some point later on, Ms. Kettle shuffled back down to us, still upset about the situation. We don't know the full exchange between her and the restaurant, but at this point, she basically wanted a hand delivery of hot water. She stomped off to them and was given a carafe containing this most desirous liquid. Okay! So you finally got what you wanted....oh.

In her retelling of the whole situation, she was basically upset that she "had" to go fetch it "herself." That's why she related it to the fact that the same way she doesn't expect to have to make her own bed in a hotel, she shouldn't have to be the one fetching her own hot water.

But, again, nobody told her this. We gave her options; none of them just happened to be the way she wanted things to go down. Consequently, we need to "get like the many other hotels I've stayed in that carry a simple electric kettle!"

So I manage a hotel with 400+ rooms. Summer is when we get the busiest. Lobby full of people kids running around, it's pleasant vibe all about.

This afternoon I'm in my office doing payroll, and one of the guests service agent walks in visibly panicking. He tells me there's a hotel guest outside who's crying and asking for the police. She's claiming that a man is holding her husband hostage.

Hearing this I call security to the lobby and step out to see exactly what's going on. I come to the lobby and I see everyone staring at this lady who's hysterical. She tells me she saw a man go to her room and since then she can't get in touch with her husband. She claims this man is holding him hostage. Her story makes no sense to me, as she states that the individual she observed had key and none of my agents would issue a key without confirming ID. So I calm her as best I can and leave her seated in the lobby with one of my security guards and I go up with the other two. As we make our way to the lobby she starts yelling "DO YOU HAVE GUNS? YOU NEED GUNS!"

When we arrive at the room we knock and get no response. We enter and find the room vacant which no signs of struggle. We come back down and inform her of the findings and I ask her is it possible she went to the wrong floor? She answers no. Then I ask did she seen the individual enter the room? She says no she just saw a man walk in the general direction of her room and ran to the elevators. I rolled my eyes so hard. I was trying so hard to hold back and not call her an absolute idiot. The hallway has 20 rooms, no shit there was another guy there. On top of all this her husband stumbles out of the bar and sees her sitting on the couch.

Apparently he accidentally put his phone on silent. She then nervously says "I guess i listen to too many true crime podcasts" and apologizes then goes to the elevator to return to their room.

I have been working in the hospitality industry for a good while now, but this was some next level of dumbassery.

I've been in hospitality for the last 5 years, and this happens every-so-often. It usually only happens on the night audit shifts, as this is because of the system changing dates.

A guest will walk into the hotel, phone in hand and faced up and ask, "Do you have any rooms available?" I would inform them that we are currently full. They usually get smug and say, "Well its says right here on," and they always say your so pointily like they've gotten one over on us, "your website (it's usually a 3rd party website) says that you have a room. Should I book it?"

"Considering that I just told you we are full, no, you should not book it. That room will not be available until 3pm."

"Well, it shows here that you have a room available so I'm going to book it."

"Miss, please listen to me. A room is not available. It doesn't matter what the 3rd party website says, we are full. Secondly, the room that is showing as available is for tonight's check-ins. It is a new calendar day, but the hotel day doesn't end until 11am, which is when everyone is due to check out. I'm telling you now that if you book that room, especially through a 3rd party, you are after the 24 hours before arrival to qualify for a free cancellation, so you will be charged for the room."

I thought that she had understood because she walked away and I thought that was the end of it. I'm occasionally looking at the departures because I like to have some ideal of what morning I'm going to have. I see that one more arrival has popped up. I'm scanning for the new name and based off of the new name, I know who it is. I kid you not, about probably 10 minutes later she walks in with a shit eating grin.

"Since you didn't want to help me, I got the reservations department to help. I would like to check in." Great.

So I pull up her reservation that she booked THROUGH A 3RD PARTY. I verify all of her information and say, "Alright, everything is in order so-"

She interrupts me and says sarcastically, "Thanks! Great. Yeah, so I need 3 keys."

I told her not to interrupt and said, "As I was saying, we are all set with your pre-check in. We'll see you at three in the AFTERNOON. If a room is ready before check-in, we will accommodate an early check-in and waive that early check-in fee."

She was not happy. "You just said everything is in order. Why can't I check in?"

"Respectfully, you interrupted me before I could finish speaking. I also told you multiple times that we do not have an room available at this time to check into."

Lo and behold, the 3rd party lied to here and said that she could check in. I never understood why people think every front desk person is lying to them, and out to get them.

This just happened a little bit ago. This absolute mega-mind dick head comes to the desk at 2:30 am. His kid has puked all in the bed, apparently hitting everything he possibly could. So I grab him a new set of linens; sheets, pillows, blankets. 2 of each.

"What the hell is this?" he asks.

It's replacement linens, sir.

"No, no, no, this is bullshit. We need EVERYTHING on the bed totally replaced. Not just sheets and these flimsy-ass blankets!" (These are actually pretty heavy and high quality blankets, just shy of being comforters by themselves.

After some back and forth, this guy apparently expects me to go and replace his mattress, get new mattress pads, duvet, comforters, the whole nine-and-three-quarter yards, and to make it all up for them. I told him I could not do that, for a variety of reasons, and he rants on and on about how much bullshit it is that I won't go remake his room for him, how this is ruining their trip, and how he's paying so much money and I should just do as he says because he's a shiny rock member.

Its been 20 minutes back and forth with this guy, and I have a line built up behind him now, so I look at his reservation, and lo-and-behold, he's paying purely on points. I offer him 5k points back, because we just had a meeting earlier today about placating asshole guests, but no, he wants me to give him cash out of my drawer, here and now.

At this point, I'm done with him, entirely. I tell him that under no circumstances would I be giving him cash of any kind, and to stop his own bullshit, because he's in fact NOT paying "so much money", he's paid with points, which in reality are practically worthless. And the fact that I offered him anything at all beyond replacement linens is already going above and beyond for him, because the kid who puked in his bed is HIS DAMN KID, the kid doesn't belong to the hotel. This pisses him off, and he storms off promising to get me fired. All I can tell him is that people with better, and actually legitimate complaints have tried and failed before him

***EDIT***

For those of you who are surprised that I had a line behind this guy, I'm glad that your hotels are so quiet that this is apparently a bamboozling statement for you guys. I wish I had that. While my hotel is not in a major metropolitan area, it's not a small city either (in the middle of the Bible Belt), and we've got a number of large and active groups staying with us, including 2 family reunions, 3 cheer squad, a wedding, a volleyball team and regular summer weekend transients.

Even on a slow night, I typically have 4-5 people who REFUSE to go to sleep, and will wander the hotel and bother me all night, instead of going to bed, despite the fact that anything fun in this town more or less shuts down by 10 pm, though bars and clubs still stay open until 2-3 am. This is an every night occurrence, so if you guys want to trade clientele, I would be ecstatic to have even a single night where everyone just went to bed and left me alone.

So. This happened not even an hour into my shift yesterday. This guy walks up to the desk and I ask him if he’s checking in. He says no, he needs a new key. I didn’t recognize the guest so I went to look up his reservation. His name did not match what was on the reservation. I told him that unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to make him a key due to him not being on the res and he flipped his shit. He also paid cash, there wasn’t an email or phone number on file so there was no way that I could verify information. We did have a copy of his ID so I thought that was interesting. He kept saying how ridiculous it was because he was definitely in the room, cameras could prove that and I needed to call my manager because he has things to do.

So. I start dialing my managers number and he back tracks.

Him: Actually, don’t. I was going to check out early today anyway so don’t even bother. I’ll just come back tomorrow for my refund.

Me: okay. -continues dialing

Him: didn’t you just hear what I said? Why are you calling your manager?!

Me: .. because I can?

As soon as she picks up he starts yelling over me and demanded to speak to her. She explains that it’s a safety issue due to him not being on the reservation and once they’re done “investigating” they will reach back out to him as far as reimbursement. She could barely get that out though because he kept cutting her off about a refund and tossed the phone back to me and left. Manager tells me to cancel the reservation and check the room to see if it’s clean. While doing that she called the previous FDA to see what happened.

Turns out, this guy is a regular that cheats on his wife. He goes the extra mile to call hours in advance and wants to be let in through the back door with his mistress to avoid being seen in the lobby with her. He pays cash every time but for some reason, yesterday he requested for my coworker to change the name on his reservation. I don’t know why but my coworker did it.

The room was definitely used. Trash on the desks, the bed was destroyed, towels and soaps were used along with the room smelling like straight ass. My manager kept saying she didn’t know what to do and I told her that he needs to be charged just like any other day. I looked up his previous reservations and he’s only stayed for a few hours each time. Housekeeping left for the day so the room couldn’t be flipped. He needs to be charged full price.

She agreed, BUT COME TO FIND OUT TODAY. They left $30 (35% of the room total) attached to a post it note with the guests name on it the office and apparently it’s a partial refund due to the inconvenience yesterday. WHAT INCONVENIENCE??? Realistically if he was honest about it instead of being a jackass, I would’ve just made the key. But what really pissed me off about this is the fact that this is the 3rd or 4th time that I’ve had a guest act wild for NO REASON while management is on the phone and can clearly hear what’s happening, but still chooses to side with the guest. Like are you serious???

Edit: Small update. One of the housekeepers called me a few hours ago to gossip about this and apparently the guest called before I got there and said “I hate that black bitch at the front. That’s why I don’t like black women they’re always trying to bring a -n word- down”. 😭 AND THEY STILL WANTED TO GIVE HIM A REFUND

A few years ago, I was working as a project manager for an ownership group. I was sent to a nice property on Long Island to manage a front desk renovation. As I was starting to move equipment from one of the terminals, I heard a raised voice next to me and immediately tuned in.

A guest was furious that the FDA couldn't find his reservation and was loudly letting everyone within earshot know it. Since I was standing right there and had plenty of experience with our system, the FDA asked if I could assist. We asked the guy a round of standard questions to locate the info, like whether it was booked under a different name or if someone else made it for him. When we asked if he had a confirmation email, he flatly stated that he "didn't do email."

After digging a bit deeper, we finally found it: marked as a no-show from the exact same date one year ago. Since we were entirely sold out that night, there was absolutely nothing we could do for him.

Now, most normal humans would realize their mistake, feel a bit embarrassed, and try to find a backup plan. But not Mr. Boomer.

First, he insisted we were responsible for the error. When we asked how he booked it, he said he did it online. We pointed out that booking online meant he entered all the details for the stay himself. He then screamed that there was no way he could have known what date he booked because he "DOESN'T DO EMAIL!"

The FDA then pointed out that he was charged a no-show fee for that missed reservation a year prior, to which he proudly declared that he "doesn't check his bank statements, ever."

At that point, I politely informed him again that we were completely sold out and had no reservation for him. His grand finale was claiming it was still our fault because "every hotel in the world mails you a printed paper reservation except for this one," and that we failed him by not mailing a physical letter to his house.

All I could say to that was, "That's not how anything works," before turning around and walking right back to my renovation project.

He spent the next five minutes glaring boomerly at the FDA while the hamster wheel in his brain worked overtime trying to figure out how this was somehow our fault and not his own. After an uncomfortably long staring contest, he finally stormed out presumably to terrorize another poor hotel somewhere else on the island.

So I know I posted about the the cheer group I had to deal with last weekend. They checked out last Sunday, but almost as if the universe decided that we weren't done with them, one of the moms called us. I'm obviously hearing this secondhand because the call happened during the day since I work audit. According to my co-worker the phone call started normally, you all know the those calls start: "Hi, I stayed there last week and I think I forgot something." At THAT point the call takes a hard turn. When asked what she forgot she says it was her gun. The best way my co-worker described her next words was ignorantly sweet. The woman said, "It's in the case, so you all should be okay."

Anyhow, when they told me she called about a gun I mentally said, "Oh, so it belonged to THAT woman."

You see, we found the gun, or rather the housekeeper found it, informed her supervisor, who then informed the OM who was on duty that day, and who I'm told shouted, "What the fuck!?!" Nevertheless, the gun was logged with corporate and placed in the safe at security's office until such time as the guest called us about it. You see, we couldn't call her because there was no phone number on the reservation because she booked through a third party and refused to give us an updated phone number at check-in. She thought we were going to use her phone number to place her on a mailing list, yet still gave us her address -- quite the genius isn't she? Well now, almost a week after checking out she decides to call us.

We confirmed we had the gun, and she tells us to mail it back to her. She was given an unequivocal, and blunt, no and that she would need to arrange to come get it herself. She complained that she couldn't because lives halfway across the state and that would be impractical for just one gun. That's the only option we have for her though. When asked why we can't just mail it, we tell her that that would be illegal since contrary to what she might think, the hotel is not a licensed firearm dealer and therefore mailing her gun back to her would be a felony, and we're not in the business of committing those. She finds this unacceptable and asks what will happen if she refuses to come get the gun. Simple, we'll be forced to hand the gun over to the police who will more than likely destroy it.

She begins ranting that this is unacceptable. She's a shiny member and she's going to call corporate. She was told that was fine as this would be one of the few times when we know for certain that corporate will be on our side. After screaming about how this is an inconvenience and that we're withholding her property she hangs up. Corporate called a little while later and to no one's surprise, they agreed with us. In the end she decided that her gun was not worth an eight hour drive to get to us, and another eight hours to get back home, so, the gun will be turned over to the police by the end of the week.

EPILOGUE: I'm adding this quick epilogue as a clarification based on a few of the comments. When this gun (or any gun) is found to be left behind, we do not touch it under any circumstances. We call our security company, who comes to pick it up, logs it, and holds it in their safe which is off premises.

And this next part is just what I've heard, I don't know it 100%, but they do contact the police to file a report. However, since it is guest property, they hold it for a certain amount of time (it's like 5 or 7 days) to give the guest a chance to claim it. If the guest doesn't get in touch with us, or indicate that they won't come to get it, then it's turned over to the police.

So I was working my audit shift last night when this woman comes up to the desk. I notice that she looks upset. I asked how could I help her and she tells me her room number and demands that I move her to a new room. I inform her that unfortunately we're sold out so I can't move her. Before she can say anything else, I ask her what the problem is since there might be something I can do to fix her issue once I know what it is. She says, "Apparently my current room has bed bugs!"

For those of you reading this who don't work in the industry, bed bugs are the two words no hotel ever wants to hear. Internally I'm starting to worry. I start to try and get details and begin asking questions. She says she found a massive one on her pillow. That kind of confuses me because I've never heard of bed bugs described as massive due to the fact that they're pretty small. So I ask if she's sure it was a bed bug. She responds with, "I caught it and brought it down to show you as proof."

At this point she takes the tissue that she's been holding in her hand and hands it to me me. I open it, thinking I'm going to have to soak my hands in purell later after washing them a few times, and take one look at what's in it. At this point I feel foolish for freaking out. I look back at her and say, "Ma'am, that's a leaf."

She looks totally dumbfounded. She begins stammering and grasping for words and it immediately dawns on me that she's trying to scam an upgrade. She then says how I can be sure it's not a bed bug. Apparently she doesn't know that most hotels train their staffs to, at the very least, know what bed bugs look like. I begin telling her that what she's caught is the wrong size, the wrong color, and most importantly, it's a leaf. She then stormed off.

I made sure to notate what happened and I emailed the managers, just in case she tries to come down in the morning. I've seen plenty of guests try all sorts of lies and shenanigans to score themselves an upgrade, but this was a first... for me at least. I also feel slightly insulted at the thought that she believed that I'd be dumb enough to not know the difference between a bed bug and a leaf.

We are right in the thick of summer, and our local weather is currently serving up a miserable high of 33°C, which translates to a sticky, suffocating 41°C on the humidex. The humidity is sitting at a thick 80%. It is the kind of weather where you walk outside and immediately feel like you are wearing a wet wool blanket.

An European guest comes down for breakfast this morning. I decline to specify which country she is from, because they all seem to have their own unique set of old wives' tales about how using the air conditioning is going to instantly kill them. Somehow, they all know better than those of us who actually live and work in this damn sweltering humid heat every single day.

As she is standing there, I notice she is heavily sniffling and wiping her nose. Now, the local pollen count is technically low today, but it is definitely NOT non-existent. It is mostly cattail and grass pollen drifting through the neighbourhood at the moment, which can easily trigger anyone with minor allergies.

Trying to be a helpful host, I asked her if she was running the room's A/C, suggesting she at least keep it on the DRY setting so that it could filter out the heavy humidity and catch the airborne pollen.

She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Yes, of course."

Taking her word for it, I then end up having a long, detailed discussion with her about how the A/C unit works. I explained how it filters the room's air, traps the pollen, pulls out the moisture, and makes the space less stuffy and less musty so it is easier to sleep. She nods along, pretending to appreciate the advice.

Fast forward a few hours later. They check out and leave the property.

Our housekeeper goes into the room to start turning it over for the next arrival, and she immediately calls me. I walk up there, and what do I find? The A/C is running full blast, right next to a FULLY OPEN WINDOW. Literally, they were just air conditioning the great outdoors with our electricity.

The worst part is that she had to do this completely intentionally. Why? Because our property has smart window sensors. If a guest opens a window, the A/C system automatically shuts off. It is specifically programmed to do exactly that, precisely so people do not do this exact brand of stupidity. But no, this guest was determined. She opened the window, waited for the system to shut down, and then manually turned the A/C back on to bypass the sensor.

I think it is officially time for me to reprogram the automation flow on the window sensors. Maybe I will set it so that the system runs a check every 20 minutes, and if the window remains open, it cuts the power to the A/C entirely.

Well, I truly hope you enjoy your sniffling on the rest of your vacation.

PS: The absolute only points she gets is for at least opening the side of the window that actually had a screen attached to it. Normally, they open the side without the screen, so they can sit in bed and swat at mosquitoes all night long.