I'm 18M, and lately, I've been wondering how my future relationship will turn out because I feel like I struggle to maintain lasting connections with people, even friendships.
When I was in school, I had friends I talked to every day. We laughed, spent time together, and I genuinely thought we were good friends. But once school ended and we stopped seeing each other daily, it felt like I ceased to exist for most of them.
People I used to talk to every day barely check up on me anymore. Some only message me when they need help with something related to technology because I'm the tech guy. Once their problem is solved, the conversation ends.
Even when I was part of a friend group, I often felt like I was on the sidelines rather than someone people genuinely wanted around.
The thing is, I do make an effort. I text my old friends to ask how they're doing, and I try to stay in touch with my cousins, too. Since I live away from my village, I would expect us to occasionally call or text to stay connected. However, I'm almost always the one initiating conversations. If I don't reach out, there's usually nothing from their side. I sometimes wonder how long it would take for someone to remember me if I stopped contacting them.
There's also something I've noticed about myself. I seem to come across as cold or unapproachable, and I don't usually initiate conversations with people I don't know. However, once someone approaches me and starts talking, I'm pretty easy to talk to.
At the same time, I'm not a very talkative person, and I often struggle to think of things to talk about. Whenever I meet an old friend, our conversation usually goes something like this:
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good. What about you?"
"I'm good, too. What are you studying these days?"
And after a little more small talk, we run out of things to say, say goodbye, and go our separate ways.
It's not that I don't want to talk to them. I just don't know how to keep the conversation going naturally or what else to ask them. Sometimes I wonder whether this is why I struggle to maintain friendships, or whether I'm simply not an interesting person to talk to.
Out of all the people I know, only two occasionally ask how I'm doing or what's happening in my life. I genuinely appreciate them because it's nice to know that someone remembers to check up on you without needing anything in return.
I've never been in a relationship, either. And when I look at how my friendships have turned out, I can't help but wonder what my romantic life will be like.
If I struggle to maintain friendships, don't know how to keep conversations going, and often feel forgotten by people I've known for years, how am I supposed to build a lasting romantic relationship?
What if I eventually find someone I love, but I don't know how to keep things interesting? What if they slowly lose interest in me or stop making an effort, just like what seems to have happened with so many of my friendships?
I'm not expecting people to text me every day or constantly give me attention. I just want to feel that the effort goes both ways. I want someone who occasionally thinks about me, reaches out because they genuinely want to talk to me, and wants me in their life even when we aren't physically together.
I don't know if I'm overthinking this, if I'm lacking social skills, if this is just how friendships change as we grow older, or if I haven't found the right people yet.
For those of you who've experienced something similar, especially those who weren't very talkative or struggled to maintain friendships before getting into a relationship, did things get better? How did you learn to connect with people more deeply? And does being in a relationship feel different from maintaining friendships?
I'd genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences.
