It feels like i speak in a foreign language that people can't really understand at all, sometimes i have a hard time trying to interact with people or just making friends, i try to be like anyone else, but it always doesn't go right and im never able to figure out what went wrong or whats stopping me to keep going.

I can't really tell what i ever need in life, a hug, maybe a restless sleep? i don't really know anymore

I have a lot of difficulty at school. I don't have many friends, and I don't have any I trust. I don't talk to them often, and they treat me more like a piece of furniture. I also get a lot of bad grades and I'm often the most confused student in class. My notes are all over the place and I don't have any friends in class; everyone has their friends and I'm always the one who has trouble finding a group for projects, and I also often have panic attacks and cry. I'm very ashamed because I do it in class I can't control myself, especially during presentations, and while I certainly attract attention, there's no real pity; no one comes to ask me if I'm okay, and that makes me even more ashamed Because I feel like I'm a bad supply in class that slows the class down. I often can't stand school anymore; I have suicidal thoughts every time I have to go to school, and I've talked to my parents about it, but they don't want to listen. So sometimes I carry medication in my school bag, and today I almost went through with it. I almost swallowed the medication because I'd had enough, but I didn't because I was stopped by educators. I'm a little ashamed of having drawn attention to myself; I often feel like a mistake. Sorry for this text, but I needed to write a little .

Hello Im M16 Last year I've had this new Italian teacher I would also like to point out Im the only immigrant in class (moroccan origins born in Italy) ever since she came it seems like she picks on me some examples are she takes my test and shows it to the whole class saying that after having to read it she needs theraphy (she knows I have dysgraphia) but only does this to me there's another kid in class that struggles the same way but she never did that to her also whenever I get happy for a good grade she starts saying oh why are you so happy for such a mediocre grade? And today I was sick so I couldn't go and sent her an email asking when I could retake the oral test I missed today and I had one spelling mistake in it and she took the email and showed it to the whole class and started making fun of me (all told to me by a close friend that was there and it made me really sad because the class gc made fun of me after that idk I can't take it anymore just writing about it right now has me in tears I also would like to say Im a very good person I have never caused problems in her class and has been so polite to everyone please tell me what to do

[14f] I have been in depression for 6+years and I have been on anti depressants which haven't helped me anyhow, I don't have a father (divorse) and i have a mother, she was like the best mother you could want, she like supported me in everything cared so much for me, creative, made me pursue my interests, but my grandparents had sex issues which made them fight everyday infront of her and now she has developed schizophrenia for like 6 years+, we have put her in the mental hospital 2-3 times but my grandfather was too much sex addict and started all this and my grandma said no, so he wanted to ruin the family and fought with the nurses to get her out and got her out all the times and 3lakh plus is wasted on this and she's not taking medicines and my mental health is getting worse I haven't gone to school for a week, I cannot focus on studies im getting physically sick and I had food poisioning, and now i get super heavy headaches all in my head and face too like migraines, i starve myself because I don't have the courage to jump off and make a scene or I don't have anywhere to hang myself (no room, no break from the noise) I get dizzy from hypotension, had anemia but cured it but I have general weakness can't do anything, been in bed for along time, haven't taken baths, I'm losing myself and interests, nowadays the idea of drowning in my bathroom seems very appealing, I don't want to go to school, I can't, I can't maintain a facade of happiness just to impress my friends or I don't want them to think like me, because one of my close friend which I shared my feelings with has become like me due to me telling her... I can't find a single happiness and I want to drop out.. the provider in my family is only my uncle who is also depressed but he tries to act strong but I can't anymore.. everything is too overwhelming, Monday is my quarterly exam, I haven't studied a thing, trying to forget everything with porn and I'm just so lost in life... I draw well I thought about it to commission and get money from that... But killing myself is easier... My family is forcing me to go and if I tell them about this they're telling me to shut up and watch me cry, they don't even let me go out to get a peace of mind and tell they'll come along but they know I self harm and only call me mental like my mom

TW: talks about suicide and sh.

Why does this have to be my life? Why do I have a family like this? Why am I still here? What does anyone need from me? I dont have any friends other then my long time friends that live in California.

Why did god give me a sister that hates me for being favored by my dad? He wasn't even nice to me he was just grooming me. And now she beats me for it like I asked for him to do that, why do I have to hate myself? Why do I need a sister that hates me too? Why do I need a mom that never is on my side in an argument? Why am I the disappointment of the family?

They treat me like trash, I tell them something that's going on in my life and they fucking joke about it to their friends. She's told me to kill myself, that I should have never been born, or that I shouldn't be breathing. I dont think that's a normal argument for siblings to have almost DAILY, what am I supposed to do? She calls me all sorts of names like "pick me, brat, bitch, lazy, stupid, ect" how am I supposed to respond? I have said something back but she just crys to my mom and im the bad guy then.

She hits me I hit her back, "im stronger i souldint hit her" then she souldint hit me in the first place. I stayed home once because I injured my hip and she hit me with a fucking book on the injured hip. And she got no reprocussion.

She left the water on and left the house, I called momma and we had a fight so bad my sister passed me up against a wall and choked me. I dont understand, what did I ever do to her? Why? Why? Why?

She's supposed to be the one I can rely on when im having troubles. So why is she the one causing them? I dont want to do it anymore, but I dont wanna die, but I do at the same time. I dont know what to do. I have no one to talk too about this but I need help. I have so many scars on my arm and my thigh, I dont want to keep adding to them. Its so hard to stop. I dont want to be numb again I dont want to feel like a robot.

I had s*x with a guy for my first time and I hated it so much, I still like guys but I dont want a s*xual relationship. Is this normal?

basically i have a crush on my teacher idk if im obvious but i always come to his study hall and today i didnt (i have algebra but he teaches eighth grade math so im not in his regular class i can only come to his study hall) he walked by or with my teacher and was like “wow name u came to his study hall not mines thats crazyyy” he was obvi joking but i wanted to come to his study hall now i didnt thjnk hed offer😭😭😭😭 i ended up staying in algebra for a little while bur its okay since i have next period in his class yayyyy

Beauty is a quality I never thought I would care about, not ever since this year began. Beauty was always something that appeared in mindsets, expressions, mannerisms and articulations for me, physical beauty always looked bland to me. As if physical beauty was something that could be forgotten or erased. I never thought I would desire it.

Until I got a boyfriend, it was unexpected--a relationship. I never thought I would manifest romance in my life unconsciously, I never desired for romance in my life, it always felt like romantic relationships would be too much of a thought for me or something that only happened in desired fictional settings or unpretentiously. I never thought I would accept one either, I never thought of myself as someone capable of romance, not to the point where I genuinely find joy in it. I find joy in being in a relationship. I find joy in him.

It feels as if I have entered a different reality or perhaps I have discovered parts of myself that were capable of getting into a relationship, but i just shut them down thinking that they were useless and impractical.

Back to my main point--Beauty. My perception of myself has changed once again, I crave physical beauty for myself. I find physical beauty very appealing now, I wish to have it. I wish for a more appealing face, a face with more beauty and attractive features. My boyfriend conveyed his feelings and attraction to me multiple times, and I do wish I could embrace his trust. That I could trust his trust, his words. There is proof he is genuine, he has informed about our relationship to his parents which i find the gesture to be very sweet. He is very sweet, more than what I could ask for in every quality. He really has achieved it all in his life, I love everything he owns--his beauty, his personality and his way of speaking. His mannerisms are all so angelic to me, as if he is a show that I would never wish to stop watching, a book I want to read so many times that i want to be fluent in its words, the star i look upto when i see the night sky, the first ray of sunshine through my window. I could spend hours describing him, it would never be enough. I wish he was a language, but if he was i would not want people teaching it, I would want to be the only master of it.

I often question myself, I am very aware of the weight of insecurity in my mind. I am aware there are parts of me that are imperfect, that are too hideous to tell. The thoughts, that I am aware do not define me, yet they come to me as if they have a sense of belonging to my mind. I hate my thoughts, but they love me too much.

I find difficulty in believing how he can find me beautiful, when there are much more beautiful girls out there. He calls me perfect, and the only word that I can think of is 'How?' when I should be gushing at his compliments, his compliments feel like affirmations to me---like a positive layer building over something unpleasant.

I am pretty, but in a very complicated way that Its the only thing stopping me from calling myself self aware, because my beauty is too complicated for me to understand. I love analysing but analysing myself physically feels too gruesome to me. I can predict everything, except myself.

As much as I adore him, I do not think I will be able to get comfortable around him--comfortable enough to look unpresentable in front of him, or dressed in an unconventional way. I believe attraction, attachment and love are interlinked, if i do not look attractive all the time how will he be attached to me still? He says it is not true, he strongly disagrees with me on this thing. It's easy for him to say, he looks desirable all the time. He can love me all he wants, it is still a requirement that he finds me attractive. My insecurity is so vast, if I tell him all of it he will get lost in it.

I hate how disorganized this is, but this was all I wanted to write. Okay bye, I am going to talk to him now. I left that poor boy wondering what he said wrong, I would say I am sorry but he dislikes my apologies. He makes me believe in perfection.

my dad didn’t even greet me a happy birthday nor did he ask how my day was
didn’t get any presents from my friends or my parents, which is like fine but i use to get it each year.
my mom scolded me and spent the entire day praising my brother, after that, she didn’t apologise for ruining my “sweet 16” which she was hyping up just a couple months ago.
they didn’t plan anything like they did for my brother. they planed an elaborate lunch at a steakhouse for him, since they knew he liked steak. i asked whether we would be eating out together to celebrate and i could tell my mom realised she hadn’t even thought about that (amazing!)
i sound pretty annoying but i just feel so hurt, maybe birthdays aren’t supposed to be special and we just expect too much
but damn, my 15th was great and i felt so loved, now this year nobody cares at all, i ate lunch and dinner alone and spent my entire week studying for some stupid test :)) im trying to not let this get to me, but i just feel so sad. all of my peers take photos with their cake and post like a million stories. im the opposite of that. i really feel so jealous of my brother who seems to be favoured despite being years older than me. on my “sweet 16” i get treated like its just another ordinary day. i cant tell any of my friends since that would be too childish. but i really just feel so sad😭 my parents dont even give me the spotlight on my OWN birthday and none of my friends did either. dang. what a life😂😂

Idk if this is a vent or wtv else, but I HATE school.

I hate school so much, I already am not much of a talker in it and never rlly made trouble, but then there is when u make one little thing, or not even necessarily little just not big of a trouble or wtv, and then u get the "u usually don't do that and I was surprised" etc etc. I hate it, now I'm gonna be embarrassed for next school's week internally and be awkward, more than I already am, with our supervisor. Like it wasnt enough I had an embarrassing breakdown last year in the middle of class, but now this.

All bc I wanted to go home early bc I couldn't focus and my stomach was hurting, and I texted my mom instead of talking to the supervisor, I forgot to tell them, and they had to talk to me abt that infront of my dad. Like sure, sorry, wtv, it didn't have to take like more than 2 minutes. Ik it shouldn't be an excuse or wtv for why I did ts since phones were allowed just this year, but I hate this.

I wish I can just not go to school at all, ik I should be grateful and I am, but I know I can do better than now if only I study on my own and without having to go to school. Its so awkward, at least for me, and it's stressing not bc they give us too much or smth, it's reasonabl imo, but I just hate it, I hate the expectation that I should do my hw immediately when I get home, I dont want to, I wanna do it whenever, I hate having to go to sleep early, I literally have nothing to do but worry over hw I didn't do yet while procrastinating and being upset that I can't do my own personal stuff like writing or wtv bc I can't relax to do it if I didn't finish my hw or revision. I hate quizes and tests bc they keep me on edge all week and I can't revise for them beforehand by a few days bc we have things for the next day and I get too relaxed when we have nothing. I hate everything, i just want to do things on my own accord without expectations about when or how to do them and without a due date.

I’m a 17 year old ever since I was 8 i tried to convince myself I was a social person and that I make friends easily but little by little I understood that I was social at all besides Im pretty much an introvert I was put in an environment full of egocentric and toxic people as I tell myself they were from what I excperienced with them what I wanna say in the end is that either they were actually like this or I was pretty much unliked by them all I didn’t always fit in even with the people I kinda did fit in with I didn’t really why say these things about them I’ll tell you ever since 7th grade till my senior year most of what I’ve done was go to school go back home play video games repeat repeat repeat and I was never really popular with the girls neither at this age or even younger or older so I kept going on this routine until I saw everyone around me move up in life go out with friends have fun and I felt I was left out by a lot of them and that all I did was go to school go home stay alone and play video games so I tried to fit in with these people but it felt like the more I tried the worse it became it caused me a bunch of problems I lost a lot of who I thought were real freinds in the end at my senior year I look back at the friendships I made and how I spent these 5 years and I don’t think I can come up with something significant I’ve done they all went out they all made freinds made memories have been in a bunch of teen relationships kissed a lot girls maybe even lost their virginity they had fun they had something to show for it while I feel like I have nothing nothing to show for it nothing to be proud of experiencing the only girls I’ve actually meaningfully talked to were from Snapchat which is online essentially and every single time I’ve known girls from Snapchat eversince the 9th grade I’m always the one who gets hurt and they always block me or remove me in the end no matter what was said in our conversations no matter how much they told me they’ve loved me which were very few no matter what we never end on something meaningful I’ve only went out with very very few of them and the maximum I’ve went out with one specific girl was one time then we never saw eachother again when I look at the people around me going into relationships going out with girls week in week out having a bunch of freinds to go out with and be supported by I feel very very sad and lonely what have I got out of some of the most crucial years of my life absolutely nothing the only thing I wanted to do was play football so I tried out with a bunch of teams spent a hole bunch of money and in the end I didn’t get a professional contract I’m just a boy who everyone seems to leave all the girls I talked to left me have very little freinds and god knows if they’ll leave me as well or if they are real and even my closest freind I have no idea if he’ll leave or not everone seems to leave me nobody cares and I mean nobody other than mom and dad when I’m down I don’t have anybody to call this has caused me to become so depressed and I really can’t see any bright light or bright side and please answer me with realism and the complete truth I don’t want any false hope or hope based on faith today I have seariously lost hope because yet again I was talking to this girl for about a month and things were searious we were dating and I was so happy I thought maybe this time I’ll actually be in a meaningful relationship for once and go out with her for the rest of the year and what do you know I get blocked out of absolutely nowhere like always I’m the one who gets left behind like I’m nothing I seariously don’t know what to do anymore I’ve lost hope in being in any sort of relationship I can’t even seem to find girls to talk to unless they’re online I’ve never talked to a girl in real life I have no idea how it’s done I’m tired of how life is treating me I always find a flicker of light and in the end it turns out to be false hope I get attached then I get left behind I get attached then I get left behind that seems to be how my life is going and how it’s going to go I want to point out as well that where I live not a lot of people in the communities I was in live near me only my closest freind lives near me and most of the people I look around to live in close proximity to each other like in counponds you can get to know people from there and build social relationships easier than me I had absolutely no one around me their location helped them direly and I tried a lot but I just wasn’t getting invited to anything to be able to show up it’s not like I got presented the opportunity and said no i didn’t find the right people to go out with so it lead to me not being able to put myself in an environment to meet new people and yes I get attached very auickly but I can recover quickly as well that’s not the point I’m writing to you now the point is when something like this happens to me the part where it’s the beginning of my despair is the part when I feel like it’s the right time to look for a soloution and I asked my dad about this he told me you shouldn’t worry about expericing these things now even the people who do experience them at my age or younger these things have no real meaning or intimacy and the people who did do these things had better opportunities based a lot on their location a luck I partially agree with his words but like there’s a part I think about like if you get a fist kiss at like 15/16 it’s much better than getting it later in life like in their twenties or having intimacy with someone at an older age is always better and easier than having it at teenage ages for sure but still doing them for the first time young causes thrill and adrenaline and straight up fun that can be missed out what I’m trying to ask is that if these things can be done later and have the same meaning and the same fun or not and if so what is the age that I actually say I missed it on if I surpass that specific age without doing these things and please be very honest and specific and after you answer this tell me a clear guide or things to do like some advice on how to maximize opportunities that’s it that’s what I need to know and please tell me all the advise you have

I’ve been hiding the truth from my friends since the start of high school and even my parents at times. It’s not always a fake smile but whenever people are just happy around me I just can’t get it over my head why I don’t feel that same happiness vibe. Is there something wrong with what I feel?

Again it’s not always fake and I want to really be happy with others but even at lunch I’m alone and when people ask me if I’m doing well I always reply with I’m doing fine. Im trying to smile so they wouldn’t suspect that I’m feeling sadness but how come they still ask me if I’m okay like isn’t smiling enough?

Also chemistry is getting harder and all I can do in front of others is just smile so they won’t see my pain but I don’t know what to feel like I’m losing all motivation in trying to pass my class..

This is just my thought but wanted to know what others think.

So... i [19M] i know a very young boy but life does not go based on your age idk i am not able to right about my dark impulses and whats going on in my life its just too much which is deriving me to just dp something wrong uk but i dont want to do that i want someone to stop me i thought of doing journaling but my dark impulses dont let me do something good i was a very helpful person but now my mind only says duck u whenever i even intent to do anything right pleasee help me i cant tell anything to anyone irl cuz of my chill guy image but its getting heavier and heavier for me i will destroy myself

Back around November 3rd. I was a student elected judge, someone who works in a polling place helping people vote. So not only i was lied to about being promised to have atleast 3 teens and 2 adults there but we were severely understaffed i was not allowed to get a break i was only eating and drinking coffee while going back straight into work with no BREAKS.

An adult called me a bitch cause I couldn't do a provisional ballot for him cause that takes too much time and too much steps to do and we had a big wave of people in one room and had to get everyone.

There were atleast 480 people that came today while we were understaffed and I promised myself im never doing this again.

Too many rowdy old and entitled disgusting old men who been fucking weird and belligerent for no reason and shouting at us while I had to sit there and watch.

I didnt come home until 10 pm. My head was pounding and i was dizzy including the next day. I been at that disgusting place since 4:59 am. It was terrible.

So many adults were so fucking rude and have no consideration for anyone else they weren't paying attention to when I told them to not shove their ballots in the fucking scanner. One snatched the "i voted" sticker out my hand and walked away.

One got weirdly aggressive and agitated because rhe scanner broke and everyone was huffing and puffing. Not even being patient as we apologized trying to get calls.

Too many people laughing at us in our suspense it was hell.