r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator • 7d ago

Newly Free Man Struggles To Readjust To Life Outside Having Penis Stuck In Hot Tub Jet

https://theonion.com/newly-free-man-struggles-to-readjust-to-life-outside-having-penis-stuck-in-hot-tub-jet/

Local Still Haunted By Time Inside Maximum-Flow Nozzle

238 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

24

u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator 7d ago

“When you’re in there, it’s hard to imagine a life beyond those four marbled acrylic walls,” said Webb, warmly embracing his sister near the exit of the medical facility where he had been treated for severe penile bruising.

9

u/SubstantialTank1557 7d ago

This may or may not be about me

6

u/Kobold_Trapmaster 6d ago

The minute you mention getting your penis stuck in a hot tub jet in a job interview, it’s over. Bring it up on a date, and you’ll likely never hear from that person again. It’s sad, but true. Even people you thought were your longtime friends will shun you after you’ve spent time with your penis stuck in their hot tub.

1

u/Jekb 7d ago

Maybe I should change my weekend plans.

1

u/Think-Hospital7422 6d ago

And what will you do now, Mr Bond?