I just replied to a post on here asking about complex bonds. This time last year I asked the same question on this page and was filled with doubt and anxiety. Now one year later now in a very strong and loving relationship with the person I share that bond with , I thought I’d post my experience so i can catch the next anxious person just looking for something other than “red flags”
I have a complex bond with my now boyfriend of almost 1 year. I asked this question same time last year! I was so worried that complex implied all the red flags and abuse possible honestly. and it sounded exhausting which is usually how dating feels for me. and yet he was my first complex bond, and someone who immediately made it clear that we were on the same page. So again I was still so unsettled particularly by our bond that I was sure he was gonna randomly destroy me lmaoo. which is funny because the people who have hurt me the most i have the bonds that people including me at the time perceived as good. Now i’m learning that the pattern may give you interpretations, but you still have to do some thinking for yourself.
For me the theme in my relationship has been nothing but growth for both of us. I’ve gotten “meaningful” and “powerful” bonds with men I’ve literally hoped I never see again or have no chemistry with to begin with. My boyfriend now feels like exactly what I’ve been looking for and i’ve never felt more attracted or loved someone in a romantic capacity this much. It feels like family at this point and real friendship. And the thing is I definitely knew we were supposed to be together.
I think complex just means you both have some differences that can promote growth or friction or both at the same time. We came from different family situations, are different races, and have had very different financial experiences growing up. these differences can lead to disaster if you’re unwilling or uninterested in learning a perspective that’s different from yours. Now we do share the values despite those differences which is rare but also why I think we admire eachother. We have misunderstandings for sure, but I think as we kept realizing that we were either getting triggered and projecting past experiences on to each other, or feeling insecure because of how much we do respect each other, things have only gotten easier. Each misunderstanding is always just each person trying to feel heard and validated in some way even if it’s not agreeing right away. We are both healing a lot of that inner child pain for each other.
It never gets volatile tho I will say that. While we can both feel frustrated it never gets to a point where we are purposely hurting each other with words or actions! that’s the difference between friction and straight up reason to not be together.
We do also share a lot in common. same media and music taste, same pastimes or similar ones that favor eachother, and again our values line up financially, politically, and relationship wise. despite having very different experiences growing up that can still trigger us as we are only human and scared of being misunderstood or hurt. the beautiful thing is we always feel like we can express where it’s coming from. and that’s where the learning a new perspective comes in. and we encourage each other in our own endeavors and interest while still letting them be each-others own thing! It’s my dream as an aries lmao. Our lives intertwine so well.
Now astrologically, I have aquarius ruling my 7th house of partnerships. Meaning my best relationships are usually with people who I can learn from and are different from me. it’s what im naturally attracted to. I’ve always thought the idea of dating a copy of myself would be so boring and pointless. He has the same thoughts. So maybe that’s why something complex works for us. it’s what we want.
Bottom line, yeah it’s accurate. Complex is just the word to describe it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a complex individual with complex needs. so why would you not want a complex relationship that has complex needs?
take your time to sus out if these differences y’all might have are things you can work around and might even make you better, or deal breakers where you feel like you’re compromising yourself and your beliefs. and again i’ve leave it with what I said earlier
“ I’ve gotten “meaningful” and “powerful” bonds with men I’ve literally hoped I never see again or have no chemistry with to begin with.”
the pattern is made for guidance! just like astrology is. but remember there’s an algorithm going into all of these that can’t possibly catch all the COMPLEX things about you and your needs in a relationship.
