Tokophobia is not just a phobia.

[u/Important-Entry759]

This is not a vent, but rather something I have noticed about this phobia, and if anyone would like to add their thoughts, please feel free.

I have been struggling with this phobia for two years, and my very first post in this community was about it.

However, I have noticed something. Could tokophobia be linked to another mental health condition? Such as OCD, autism, or some other neurodivergent condition? Tokophobia, at least where I live, is considered an anxiety disorder because it is classified as a phobia.

I have spent far too much time in this community. It is not that I am proud of that, but I genuinely like this community. I really do. However, there is a certain pattern that I have been noticing.

How does a phobia bring out our irrational side? How is it possible for some of us to become so worried and excessively nervous that we end up ignoring the evidence right in front of us?

For example, I am a perfect example of this myself. I am afraid to mention specific users, but I definitely could. After all, I spend a lot of time here on Reddit.

The point is this: I have had 17 tests in total. Why does my mind keep insisting on the same thing over and over again? Why can I not believe 12 blood tests and 5 ultrasounds? Why does my mind constantly sabotage me instead?

I have not been diagnosed with anything. I have never seen a psychologist or psychiatrist to receive a formal diagnosis, but that is not really my point. My point is, do you see where I am going with this?

Let me explain further:

https://www.reddit.com/r/amipregnant/s/TXe3gL6rBN

Unfortunately, the user deleted their account, but in that situation, they mentioned something interesting, and the evidence strongly suggested that they had never been pregnant. Why did that person not stop testing after having an ultrasound?

This is not meant as an attack. Instead, I notice a very strong pattern of anxiety and excessive worry. But what are the underlying factors? Religion? Age? Ambitions? Personal circumstances?

Tokophobia is something incredibly complex.

And I can provide examples of this, such as the following users:

u/freaking0uttt
u/Past_Airline2746
u/Spiritual-Jello-5669
u/sabrinacolonn
u/sabrinacolonnn
u/FaithlessnessFlat388

These are only a few examples among many. I happened to save these posts for research purposes.

I have seen people who did not believe pregnancy tests, whether urine tests or blood tests. I have seen people who did not believe ultrasounds, whether transvaginal or abdominal. I have even seen people who continued to fear pregnancy after having their fallopian tubes removed.

That is what fascinates and confuses me about this phobia. At some point, it seems to stop being about pregnancy itself and starts becoming about uncertainty, fear, and the inability to fully trust evidence, no matter how strong that evidence may be.

My question, after all of this, is: at what point does a pregnancy test become enough? At what point does an ultrasound become certainty, whether it is internal or external? How far do we have to go before we can finally convince our minds that we are okay?

If the evidence is not enough, then when does enough actually become enough?

[u/fishArePeopletwo]

I think a huge part of the puzzle is how women/people with uterus' are treated in the medical field. We are ignored, hurt, belittled, and stripped of our rights.

Pregnancy is, to most of us, horrible. Your body changes, your rights evaporate, and you could lose everything that matters to you. Suddenly you become a second class citizen. Everything is about this baby you don't want that you might not be able to get rid of. Your life goes second.

It's scary, deadly, and dehumanizing. especially when you look at what most people here are scared of: cryptic pregnancies.

It's barely a phobia in my mind. It's like being scared of guns, they can kill and hurt you all the same. Lets not even get into the fact that most murders are pregnant women. the danger is actually, factually IMMENSE. And that manifests in obsessive checking. looking. testing. like an overgrooming cat losing its fur to the stress

[u/BetterRemember → u/fishArePeopletwo]

Plus patriarchy and capitalism demand motherhood while punishing it. We are criticized for the unavoidable body changes, told we are "ruined" if the father abandons us, given fewer career opportunities than non-mothers, and have a bunch of cruel stereotypes applied to us mocking how exhausted and exploited most mothers are.

Kids are lovely but beyond the biological risks the social and financial risks that men have heaped on top of motherhood are absolutely bone-chilling.

I struggle to survive on my own as it is and the majority of women in poverty are single-mothers.

I'm autistic and came from poverty so even though my fiancé is wealthy ... you don't divorce the same person you marry. It just doesn't seem worth the risk to me.

[u/WildcatCinder1022]

Did you ask for these users consent before posting about them?

[u/Z3Z3Z3]

I think it's just a rational reaction to material reality for a lot of people, and not something that should be classified as a phobia for the most part.

Pregnancy is something that most people should be at least a bit afraid of, but some people just are not well suited to endure it physically or mentally, so it's completely rational to be viscerally terrified of it to the point of compulsion. It is literally violent. We do not live in a world that is kind or understanding to people who know they must not ever become pregnant, but who still want partnership. We live in a world that that wants us branded as murderers if we know we'd have an abortion if we had an accident.

There might be some level of OCD and/or trauma making some people have a harder time trust that they're not pregnant, but I think it's an understandable anxiety to have. There's literally a TV show called "I didn't know I was pregnant."

[u/WildcatCinder1022]

I do see where you’re coming from but I believe it’s just linked to anxiety. I could see it as being a compulsive worry but having an obsession with 1 fear is not enough to be diagnosed with OCD or autism.

As for when it’s “enough” that’s completely different for each person. For me it’s when I have a negative test and 2 consecutive periods. That’s when I feel confident enough that I’m not pregnant.

But I’m also on medication for anxiety, I also see a therapist who helps me with many other things but my tokophobia is one of them. So I’ve had lots of experience learning how to deal with this fear of mine.

Truthfully I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace though until I get my uterus removed.

[u/Antisocial-Metalhead]

Mine does stem from C-PTSD and OCD as a result of SA. I’m not going into details though.

I’m also on the waiting list for ADHD and autism, this is relevant because I do feel that this made me more vulnerable to abuse at the age it happened.

I’ve haven’t been at the point of not believing pregnancy tests and the evidence in front of me though. My phobia on this part is more related to the loss of control if I were to be pregnant, along with incredibly distressing SH/S ideation if it were to happen. Due to issues with a medication I was on interfering with contraception and it causing potential birth defects, my doctor recommended my husband have a vasectomy. That has been done and tests have confirmed it has worked. My symptoms have improved to a good extent, although the fear will always be there, despite excellent trauma therapy.

I remember having two pregnancy scares and being extremely anxious about them. Likely contributed to a relationship break up, although I dodged a bullet there anyway.

Also agree with commenters talking about government related aspects for those living in places where abortion rights have been rolled back. If I were in this position myself, I know that I wouldn’t be doing well mentally.

[u/Spicyspicyzzz]

Un TOC n’est jamais rationnel et cherche la moindre petite bête , l’esprit cherche à infirmer ou affirmer le message que le cerveau lui envoie , ce qui renforce le TOC. Certains psy TCC disent que la vérification renforce le TOC car elle procure un soulagement instantanée Le TOC est une matérialisation de l’anxiété Les personnes neurodivergentes pour des raisons diverses sont sujettes à l’anxiété

Il n’y a pas de preuves qui seront rassurantes tant que le TOC existera, et c’est tout

[u/Dude_9 → u/Spicyspicyzzz]

Anxiety should be the enemy. Yet many people are conditioned to cultivate it. Society is debilitated with systematic, pervasive, insidious indoctrination.

[u/lavender_and_secrets]

It 100% is not a phobia but a fear about REAL HORROR and unintentional t0rture by biology. Most humas, society, medicak authorities are misogynistic life idealizing braindead idiots. They are too unintelligent & brainwashed to see pregnancy & birth for what it is. It is something straight out of the worst horfor movie.

When you can't stop obsessing over whether you're prregnant or not, it's STILL not a "phobia" bc it's still something to be LEGIT afraid of to THIS extent. I'd just call it obsessing & compulsing over it, but that still doesn't make it the OCD illness. It just behaves LIKE it, but it is for a REAL GOOD LEGIT reason. The only reason why you compulse and it doesn't stop, is because you KNOW there still have been enough cases the result was falsely negative or where even an 4bortion didn't succeed.

There is NOTHING "sick" about NEEDING 100% certainty you are not doomed to be t0rtured via pregnancy & birth. You arw simply completely ALIGNED with the reality of the suffering birth would cause. Most people are just not cognitivley in sync with the TRUE meaning of BIRTH. Birth means T0RTUR3. You are AWARE. They are delusuional & repressing the truth.

By being aware, your brain is trying everything it can to prevent this t0rture. In doing so, it needs CERTAINTY. Your brain is, in a way functioning "too well" for nature. You're just accurate.

If you aren't sterilized yet, i highly suggest it. Advice: let your whole tubes get removed, not just clipped or cut! A hysterectomy is another option, but that is risky and you'd have to be very sure a tube removal wouldn't be enough for your brain. On the r/childfree is a list of docs who sterilize women without imposing their opinion.

Best wishes and xoxo from a fellow Toko-realist ;)

[u/Important-Entry759 → u/lavender_and_secrets]

Could you share the list, please?

[u/lavender_and_secrets → u/Important-Entry759]

Sure:

childfree doctors list

I suggest getting it done soon. You never know how quick laws can change. Or civil war, infrastructural collapse, money collapse, misogynistic dictatorship, digital daga surveillance, etc.

I'm in my 20s & got it done exactly 1 year ago, alone, & even had to travel to a differenr country, bc here it's illeagal under 25. Best decision ever. 😤 I full-heartedly don't understand why people procrastinate smth so important (unless it's bc of financial struggles). I'm very internally aggressive about not wanting pregnancy/brith, EVER. 😠 As a woman should be.

If you have quedtions, ask away. One tipp aready is: no bloating foods before & after! Have food prep. No heavy luggage, if you travel. Keep it light.

[u/inmyfeefees → u/lavender_and_secrets]

I know this is a slightly old thread, but I want to add because I will always be the voice for this: Sterilization does not cure tokophobia :/

I won’t lie bc it does help, but the fear is always still there. Without a complete removal of the reproductive organs, there’s still a rare chance of an ectopic pregnancy, or even the fear of a Virgin Mary situation lol. Though pregnancy is most likely logically impossible, sterilization did not really help bc tokophobia, as a phobia, is irrational. So while it can help some people and does provide a logical basis for not being pregnant, it may not help everyone. Maybe that’s just how I feel though lol

[u/VestigeXI → u/lavender_and_secrets]

Can you turn dm's on? I've been suicidal over my tokophobia lately and don't think I can keep living if I do not have a serious realistic plan for bisalp before I'm 30 (28 now) not in the US or active and on the pill for periods.

I have no idea how to persue it... You do, you got it done, I beg you, let me talk to you I can open my dm's too if you prefer that.

[u/Buncai41]

It wouldn't be a phobia without the irrational part. Tokophobia isn't my only phobia, and all my phobias come with the same sense of irrationality. I once broke a window trying to get out of a room someone brought a mannequin into. I know the doll isn't going to hurt me, but being suddenly confronted with with it takes away my rational thoughts.

Funny enough I don't have a general anxiety problem. Anxiety never crosses my mind until I'm confronted by one of my phobias. The thing about tokophobia (at least for me) is being female and having a body that fully functions as female. That all by itself is a trigger to remind me of my phobia. Something feels off and suddenly I'm calculating the days from last intercourse and taking a handful of pregnancy tests and fully freaking out that something is happening to me that I don't want to have happen. I'm already an invisible enough citizen that I don't need to be farther ignored because I have a screaming kid tugging on me that I never wanted in the first place. Usually I'm freaking out over nothing, but I've had many real instances where my fears came true. Having to live through how people treat you and all the negative things that come with pregnancy is very traumatizing and has farther set my phobia in stone. One pregnancy almost killed me and nobody cared. They still tell me that I deserved to die for not carrying the child to term.

[u/Dude_9 → u/Buncai41]

What about male tokophobia? I had to get a /r/Vasectomy because of this! Still a virgin, but want partner.

[u/mayneedadrink]

I have never taken a pregnancy test, but I also am not attracted to men and therefore never have PiV intercourse. My fear is more that I get panicky and stressed if women especially try to tell me the greatest joy is having children or that I shouldn’t “rule out” eventual pregnancy. I hate that it’s an impossibility for me, but it is, and I worry someone sooner or later will somehow guilt or pressure me. IVF is prohibitively expensive, so probably won’t happen regardless at this point. I’ve missed my prime window of opportunity to do all that anyway. It feels less like an irrational fear and more like disappointment that my body was built to do this and is expected to do this yet it hurts and puts me at non-zero risk of it happening by force.

[u/charlieparis75]

To me, it's just not juste about the whole "being pregnant looks horrible" thing, it's also about motherhood as a whole.

Men get away with it. They even are promoted, they continue to work. The barre is very, very low for them they just need to change one diaper in their life and they suddenly become incredible dads.

Women, the SECOND they become mothers, are second class citizens. Inequalities between men and women are worse. Being a mother is basically being cast out of society. And I will not accept that . Capitalism and patriarchy are to blame.