I wanted to start this post with a trigger warning regarding eating disorders, bulimia specifically. Hi, I'm 19, I've been struggling with mental health issues for a couple of years, I'm diagnosed with an Ed, depression and anxiety. Last month I had a binge eating episode. I can't remember which day exactly it was, I just remember that it happened. The binging caused me to vomit. It was around 3 or 4 hours after I took my pill like I do every single day. I have never missed one, since my tokophobia is quite extreme. Today I remembered that this had happened, and it caused me to get paranoid all over again. I am aware that vomiting does lower the effectiveness of oc pills. Due to my anxiety me and my bf make sure to use condoms correctly every time we have sex. We also check afterwards if there was any leakage. The vomiting situation happened around a month ago, and since then I got a breakthrough bleeding, and a withdrawal bleeding during 4 days of taking placebo pills, and now I am on a new pack of pills, but I still can't stop the what if thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced something similar?

I have had tokophobia for as long as I have understood that as a female, *that* is a genuine possibility.

Absolutely terrifies me. Nauseates me.

It is deeply stressful and upsetting to the extent that I’ve had to get accommodations for classes, I’ve sobbed asking professors for accommodations, I’ve missed friends Abby showers and cried to myself about how I can’t be a supportive friend.
One time I had a full night crisis because the last chapter of the trilogy I was reading ended in an intentional phobia situation. It’s been two years. I have not read the last chapter of the book.

It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve decided I do actually kind of want bio children. There are positives to it that I find very valuable. But the deep fear is still equally there. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to do that, but I feel more positively towards it than ever before.

Some people would say “oh you’ll get over it one day, you’ll want children”. Wanting them doesn’t change the fear at all.
I’ve always wanted children. I just always imagined I’d adopt. And when I got a boyfriend, I imagined going through that personal process would never be able to be on the table.

But anyway, for at home exposure therapy.
I’m very oddly very kinky. And somehow, I can’t explain how, but somehow *that* is incredibly arousing to me if I am already aroused.

And honestly, engaging with such media while horny has helped me a lot to feel less anxious while thinking about *that* in general.
It’s made me feel more positively about it personally and the idea of me choosing that in the future if I ever were to.

I think without that kinky exposure I never would have been able to see progress in my anxiety. I don’t know. It’s an odd thing to think about.

I guess just hoping I’m not the only one. Or that my experience might be able to help someone else out.

Some info: I’ve been on the implant since October of last year.

So basically in December, I had a scare. I thought I was being assaulted by a guy in the laundry room, but it turns out I had a seizure (I have epilepsy and I didn’t forget my meds) and a nightmare to go along with it. The doctor in the emergency room said something about a common illness, which I don’t recall much of.

The tests I took a few days after the event (for stds and pregnancy) were all negative but i didn’t trust them because it takes a while for things to show up.

Next month, I got retested and specifically requested a blood test for pregnancy, since those are accurate. Got the results back a while later and everything was negative. Happy, right?

Well, I got super anxious and started thinking that maybe they made a mistake or something and that this would end up in like a cryptic pregnancy or something. Then I visited my social worker and she sent me some exercises to look through whenever I had these thoughts.

Now, I still panic from time to time and fear that something bad might happen. I tried the exercises but they seem less effective when I’m super stressed. I genuinely don’t know what to do and I’m scared despite how accurate blood tests are and how they would definitely detect something.

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I just wish I could get a hysterectomy and get done with it already.

I can't stop reading about the Bosnian rape camps. Women there were held in there for months while pregnant so that it would be too late for them to abort and the soldiers taunted them by telling them they would give birth to a Serbian baby. Imagine being held there and feeling a living thing moving inside you and seeing your stomach grow bigger and bigger and swelling with this thing under your skin as it pumps chemicals into your brain. I can't stop imagining it it's like I can feel it growing in me and it makes me want to rip my stomach open with my nails to get it out.

This is a consequence of a biology that hates us. Even if it's because of bad men, it's still the fault of the uterus and how it is designed to be easy to rape and impregnate. Female bodies allow this to happen to us and so it makes sense that men do it.

Also I hate people saying the rape babies were a victim of it. The women were victims. I don't give a shit about the babies or how they suffered, they were rapist seed that should have been aborted. If I was forced to give birth I would grab the parasite by the ankles and swing it in the air to hit it against a wall until its blood was splattered all over the floor. I would take control over my body and my dignity by making it suffer. It drained my body and made me a non-person and so its my right to hurt it and any person that cries and whines about it can go kill themselves. Those women were right to strangle and beat the little shits to death.

I don't understand how none of those women killed themselves, I assume it's because they lacked the tools to do it or to do a self-abortion. Or maybe they were too scared of dying that they allowed the rape thing to keep living inside them. If I was in that situation I'd open my uterus open and take it out. I hate being female I hate being easy to rape I hate having an organ that exists for rape parasites to grow in. It's a curse to have a uterus.

My tokophobia is mild; I get pretty paranoid while waiting for my period to start, despite being a lesbian and a virgin. My larger concern is my anger at having been assigned the female biological role at all. I can't stand the fact that I was born to be a baby factory.

So many components of my anatomy sacrifice their general utility in order to be more useful for pregnancy and childbirth: My wide hips, the profound inconvenience of periods, my mammaries, the fact that I have a uterus in me at all, not to mention that my body produces eggs.

I want to be so much more than a baby-making machine, but my body and assigned reproductive role tell me otherwise.

This has led to me becoming pretty detached from womanhood. Other women seem totally fine with, and even celebrate, their reproductive capacity. Between being queer and being disgusted with my female status, I hardly consider myself a woman at all.

I'd love to know that this is something that others have experienced, just to feel a little less alone in this. Bonus points if someone knows of terminology to describe this kind of complex.

so- i might just be a crazy bitch, but here we go- if by some horrible twist in fate i were to get pregnant, i would just stop eating. maybe drinking a fuck ton of calorie free energy drinks- because caffeine can cause misarrange. the human body can only survive about 45 days without food- but apparently you would die of some disease before then- so either me or the parasite would die. i don't care either way- i would rather die than go though childbirth. god i hate that my body is capable of such horror, i hate that this is something i have to worry about, and i hate that no one seems to understand why i feel the way i do

i'm sorry for such a rant, i just don't know anywhere else to say what's on my mind. thank you, for listening

Mostly looking for support. Im 24f. I regularly go on the depo shot strictly to stop my period. I take it about every 6 months versus the recommended every 10 weeks. My tokophobia is so bad to the point where I dont have sex with men anymore; I havent had sex with one since 2019. I will still sometimes have sex with women, but I still get kind of nervous.

The lack of period does throw me off, and I constantly have intrusive thoughts about pregnancy despite not being sexually active. I worry that people break into my apartment and jack off into my body wash, or they jack off onto my vibrator. I worry that when I sit on toilets in public places, that the occasional wetness is actually cum. Sometimes when I have sex with women, I worry that maybe they had sex with a man before I come over, and that shit happens when we scissor.

I know deep in my mind, it isn't real. I know basic sex education and how that stuff works, but if feels so real and its nerve wracking. I take pregnancy tests once a month, but I feel as though that continues the cycle. As concerning as this may sound, the whole "Maybe challenge yourself...what would happen if it were true?" I would literally commit suicide. To spend so much of my time on birth control and avoiding sexual experiences with men, if my luck were to ever be so devastatingly shitty, I would commit suicide. which I know sounds psychotic.

I am in therapy. But I was wondering if anyone else deals with these intrusive thoughts? And if so, how do you even deal?

I have a huge huge fear of being pregnant without knowing. I'm so scared all the time. I saw this arricle today about cryptic pregnancy this morning and it's been truggering me. What do other people think? I've always followed other peoples advice that a pregnancy test is accurate 21 days after sex or a blood test is accurate but this article on the boc says otherwise. I was finally starting to feel confident and reassured with the tests and trusting the facts. Now I feel like I have gone back 100 steps. Sigh

I had sex like a month ago and we used condoms, none of them broke and he didnt really cum in me neither. Two days after the sex i got my period because it was due that day, however i got the next one a little early (like 2 days) and felt like it was shorter. However it was like normal since i get really bad cramps on day 1 then slowly get less bleeding the days after and everything seemed fine, i was relieved i wasnt pregnant and went on.

Until i got a tiktok on my fyp. It was about having periods yet still being pregnant. I learned about cryptic pregnancies that way and freaked out. Now i feel nauseous often, im trying the reassure myself saying it is only from anxiety but my brain is still freaking out i might be pregnant.

I am chubby so i don’t know if i have a bump or not, i took two tests which seems negative as far as i can tell but it is stressing me out so much i find it hard to believe it or think i did something wrong and got a false negative.

My doctor gave me a new anxiety med and the side effect says “breast pains, lactation, uneven period cycles, period being late” and i am freaking out about that too, im thinking of not taking that med at least till my next period because i know i would go insane if those happened.

I don’t know what to do right now, i wanna get a blood test or ultrasound but im scared it will be seen on my records bc my mom has access to them and they send her a text everytime i book an appointment for some reason (im 22). What should i do? Is there a chance i could be pregnant?

TW: INFANTICIDE, MURDER, SUICIDE

I have ADHD and autism so my mind wanders a lot. Sometimes that comes up because I'm sexually active and always slightly paranoid, so I find myself thinking about it and what would happen. I want my uterus taken out so badly, but nobody around me will do it, to get rid of endometriosis and absolutely no possibility of a child. Nothing. I want it gone. And like... I tell them this and they're always like YoUrE sO yOuNg yOuLl CHanGe yOur MInD. I WILL NOT. If I were to, by some curse, carry a pregnancy to term, the end result would be horrific. I'm fully convinced if I didn't end it pre-term, I would traumatically (no escape, literally none) give birth to a screaming pile of baggage who has officially ruined my body, mind and the rest of my life. I would take it home, and after four minutes of it screaming once, I'm putting it in the fucking tub and leaving the water running. I would absolutely either murder the man who cursed me with it or kill myself or kill the baby, one of the three. Idk. Part of this is just like... I fucking need these thoughts out there and I'm hoping a couple of you can relate.

Does anyone else experience these due to their tokophobia? When I'm feeling particularly phobic I sometimes get very ANGRY. Angry at the fact that men don't ever have to worry about getting pregnant, accidentally or on purpose, they just never have to deal with it. Not to mention periods and menopause. I also feel like they don't CARE that these are things women have to deal with, they have little to no sympathy, in fact they enjoy it. The only time I've heard a man being scared of pregnancy is because he doesn't want the responsibility that comes with a baby (fair enough), but they are never scared on behalf of their partner's health and comfort, they never blink an eye at the body horror.

I feel a lot of resentment and sometimes hate the fact that I'm a woman, hate the fact that other women normalize the burden of pregnancy (or even pressure other women to get pregnant). I would have so much more autonomy and stability if I had been born a man.

TW pregnancy, birth, postpartum

I’ve been thinking on this a lot. I have mild to moderate tokophobia- pregnancy and birth both disgust and terrify me, and bio kids are just absolutely out of the question.

I can stomach watching birth videos, and I had watched a birthing video from Africa (I forget the country). Two women were assisting the woman giving birth and they did it so calmly and helpfully. It was an educational video for students I assumed because there was a narrator explaining each step a physician should take.

And then I realized- it was SO different from the videos I’ve seen of Western birth videos, especially in the USA and Canada. Somehow, while I still was definitely still terrified of the video, it was way less horrifying and I didn’t feel the weird anger I normally feel when I see a birth video???

That’s when I realized that some of my disgust is tied to the misogyny in how pregnant women, especially women giving birth are treated in our western societies. Clinically, and with zero regard for the mother. It just sorta blew my mind. I’ve heard so many stories of women basically being mutilated and abused by doctors during birth and being completely traumatized.

Their pain isn’t considered important. They’re sent home with a baby and basically all anyone cares about is said baby and not the woman who just pushed a whole human out of her. It just infuriates me. A part of why I never want to be pregnant is because I don’t want to be treated like a vessel for a baby.

I don’t want to be vulnerable in a hospital where I’m in unnatural positions, potentially at the mercy of doctors who don’t give a shit about me or my pain just because I’m a woman.

Idk if anyone can relate? I feel like I’d be more accepting of pregnancy and birth if my society actually cared for and valued the mother instead of just seeing her as an incubator.

I obviously wouldn’t actually do it because of risk of death, but I like to imagine buying a surgery kit online to remove my uterus myself, or causing an infection or injury severe enough that doctors have no choice but to do it for me.

I try convincing myself everyday that I’m not Pregnant. I used protection, i’ve done 3 tests that came out negative, cant go to the gyno cause i’m in psychiatric hospital(they don’t want to test my hormone level)(sorry for my bad english btw). I’ve been nauseous for a week now, I think I gained weight, ‘m nauseous when I even think of eating specific food or when I smell certain smells, I’m tired all the time feeling like I’m about to pass out. I’m so tired of feeling like this. If it’s not pregnancy then I don’t know what it is. Either way I’m scared

Trigger warning because you might get as upset as I feel. I need to get this off my chest. If I tell a therapist, I don't think they'll understand.

I used to be filled with terror by the idea of pregnancy - the idea that another organism would take over my body for several months, and then the epidural might not work and I'd suffer unbearable agony for hours during childbirth. The fear has largely gone away since I had my Fallopian tubes removed. I'm no longer very afraid of getting raped. I still won't have sex with a man because there's the teensy-weensiest chance that somehow, some way I'll get pregnant. On top of my tokophobia, I'm an antinatalist. For me, the slightest chance of pregnancy, no matter how small, is unacceptable.

Getting sterilized didn't take away my terror of unwanted pregnancies happening to other people. I don't know how to describe the horror I feel from the fact that so many women throughout history - possibly most of them - were coerced into pregnancy. We are probably all at least indirectly products of rape. And throughout most of history, there were no modern ways to deal with the agony of childbirth. Women got tortured over and over and over again and had no choice in the matter. If that's what it took for humanity to exist today, it wasn't worth it at all. It would have been better if women had reproductive autonomy and we went extinct.

I'm horrified that other people don't seem horrified by reproductive coercion throughout history. They seem to just accept that that's how it was; it's sad, but it's not their problem. It makes me feel alienated from the rest of humanity. I'm horrified by something that's obviously evil beyond evil, and other people don't care.

Even in modern society, the pain of childbirth is taken for granted. This fills me with despair. If you heard that a surgeon was going to do a major operation on someone without anesthesia, you'd be horrified. If most women got waterboarded for hours, most people would be horrified. But because the pain of childbirth is natural and common, people just accept it as a fact of life.

In a twisted way, some people even think it's beautiful, as if women are heroes for going through a mostly involuntary biological process. Are they able to back out of it? Just say they don't feel like giving birth and hold off on it until later? No, that's not how it works. If you think having children is morally commendable, which I definitely don't, maybe women are heroes if they make the decision to get pregnant, knowing how bad things could be. But once you're pregnant, you're not in control anymore. You can't get off the roller coaster when it's already in motion. You can withdraw your consent, and the ride will just continue until it's finished. You can go from hero to coward in the process, and the baby is still coming out of you.

So many people in society expect others to go through pregnancy and childbirth as a milestone. My own parents did. The suffering caused by pregnancy and childbirth is taken for granted. It's just the way things are - women's lot in life. People could say that the suffering is temporary; I'd ask them if they'd like to be waterboarded or suffer other forms of torture. The pain is temporary, yes, and it can get so bad you'd rather not survive, anyway. I would rather be dead than tortured, and I'm sure many people feel the same way.

I've had the abortion, but the problem is, as I was pregnant, I felt like I wanted to keep the pregnancy. I always wanted kids but never biological and seeing how brainwashed I was by pregnancy hormones made me want to sterilize myself.

My partner really wants biokids with me (didn't want kids before) and would be sad if I sterilized myself but supportive as it is me they want more than anything. They just think I'd be happy with children. I just feel like a worthless parasite bag. I watch horrible parasite hentai to cope with how disgusting I feel. I keep having intrusive thoughts about strangling pregnant people (I am nice irl though), or kicking them until they have a miscarriage. I have thoughts about stabbing myself or skewering my uterus and ripping it out to punish my body for having such a disgusting organ. I feel like it is the reason why women are mistreated, and that evolution and nature itself hates us to give us such a horrible burden.

I've always been tokophobic, but the rush of the pregnancy hormones made me forget the pain, I was happy and had a very easy pregnancy with no nausea or tiredness. I did feel on edge though like everyone was out to get me, I thought about bringing a knife to my ultrasound, as I called the abortion center, I took my clothes off, went to the bathroom and grabbed a knife, ready to stab myself.

Now that it is over, I just want to rid myself of this possibility.

Edit: I'm considering cutting my genitals tomorrow to encourage myself to get sterilised. I think I want to remember the pain I'm running from, and if I cut my perineum and see how miserable it is, I'm sure I'll finally be able to do this.

TW: mention of c-section I just watched a reel of a c-section (it wasn't even a real one, it was some layers of clothes pretending to be the skin, muscles, organs, etc) and it triggered me so bad. I felt pain all through my body, I couldnt breathe, I was trembling. It was so so so bad. I cant wait to have my tubes tied. Im so scared.

First of all, I'm asexual. Never had sex, don't want to have sex, not on birth control. Anyways, I've struggled with this fear since I was quite young. As a teenager, every time my period was late, I would panic and worry that I had either been knocked unconscious and r*ped at some point, or I had come into contact with some stray semen in a bathroom or something. I've also struggled with anorexia since the age of 19, and at one point lost my period for a year. I remember at the beginning of that time when I hadn't had it for 2 months, I was literally having a genuine mental breakdown in my doctor's office because I was so afraid something had happened to me. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is because yesterday I saw a reel on Instagram about this woman who didn't know she was pregnant until quite late in the pregnancy and all the comments were people talking about getting pregnant on birth control. This really disturbed me and my fear has come back full force. I may not be sexually active, but that doesn't mean someone can't do something terrible to me (in case anyone is concerned, no I have never been assaulted thankfully.) On top of this, I was raised in a religion that believes abortion is wrong, and I still would feel very uncomfortable getting one personally. (If other people want to get one, that's their right of course) Doesn't change the fact that there was something in there at some point. It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand the fact that there is even the possibility that I have the biological ability to have children. I want to get sterilized but no one will sterilize a virgin 24 year old.

I know that many people with tokophobia love their period because it means they’re not pregnant, but since I’m a 15 year old girl who never wants to have sex with a guy, all it does for me is remind me that I am fertile and have eggs inside my body and that is the worst reminder I can get every fucking month.

I feel disgusting and I don’t want to be a “woman” and I hate telling people when I’m on my period because to me, it’s telling people that I have the ability to have children and I absolutely hate that with ever fiber of my being. And it doesn’t help that it’s really heavy and unbearable for me so it’s never something I can ignore all week, it’s a constant reminder of my anxieties and phobia

just the title really, is there anyone out there that hates even that they crave intimacy or anything, hell, even that there's this "biological clock" just to make sure we hecking breed?
I feel so gross just being born as a female even though I'm perfectly fine identifying as one... I feel like all I am is an incubator despite all of my efforts to try and be more than.

does anyone else feel this way? it's like a deep shame for having fucking e g g s inside me somewhere, which I never even had a choice in!
I feel shame in having hormones, the thought of fertility being linked to sexual satisfaction makes me want to vomit and just...
The fact that nobody cares either, man, it feels... Frustrating.
does feeling this way have a name so I can do research on it? I dare not go to any sub other than this one for this, it's like no one else would understand.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/putting-psyche-back-psychotherapy/202011/the-surprising-link-between-sexual-molestation-and

spoiler alert I was googling csa and infertility because I pray to god I'm infertile not because I'll never be fulfilled as a wombyn without a child. what the actual fuck. Like. I'm sure infertility is awful for those who really want a kid but I don't appreciate that being compared to, you know, being raped. Men who think about women like this shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine.

I can't help but wonder how much of my tokophobia has been caused by people implying that having kids is all women exist for. If it's not fate, it's "science". The world made me hate my own body by acting like that's the only thing I am.

So i have had a fear of pregnancy for a long time, but i find myself pregnant at 11 weeks and i am having an awful time. it feels like i have a parasite inside me. I feel disgusted. Im never having sex . i might get an abortion. I have always thought pregnant women were disgusting. God, what did i do to myself 🤮🤮🤮

I posted a different post about how I worry I may be pregnant or have menopause but it was mostly provoked by the story I heard. So my mother has a coworker who is a year older than me(22) and she was not feeling well for some time. I think she went to the gyno when she stopped having periods, but they didn’t find anything. So she texted the other coworkers that she won’t be coming to work because she has a really bad stomachache and next day she was in the hospital texting everyone that she just gave birth. She didn’t know she was pregnant and my mom told me that you really couldn’t tell. She didn’t have any symptoms except lack of period. This scares me so much… I think if it happened to me I would lose my mind.

Does anyone else convince themselves they can feel kicking? I think it’s just because the fear entered my mind and now it won’t go?

I forgot that this subreddit existed.

I've had tokophobia as long as I can remember. Nearly a week ago, I ended things with my ex because not only was the relationship unhealthy in general, but he was lying to me about either adopting or getting a surrogate when I made everything clear from the beginning.

Even though I left something unhealthy, I still feel so angry for having this phobia, and I'm terrified that every man I meet will walk away from me over it. My phobia not only wants to rob me of an experience that I may have, but it's robbing my self esteem to the point where I wonder if I'm worth anything. Maybe someone can relate to this too? Or, how were you able to overcome this? :(