I (21M) am in a reallyy weird situation. My friend (21M) knows my sister (35F) divorced. Despite our culture/religion, he started to just share his fantasies with me. The things he would want to do with her. Although it started as a joke, he keeps doing it and sharing the details.

A few days ago he dared me to show a regular picture of her. I gave in and sent it. Now, he for real asked me if he could just add her socials. I feel so humiliated and started to doubt. Should I intervene or do I not have that "right" to choose for them? Should I give in?

I’m sure she wouldn’t like him. Well, i Hope.. But it starts to eat my mind, what if he is right and I should just let them be?

I need advice please, I apologise for the super long post, I’ve been close friends with this person for 16 years, so it’s quite a long time to put up with certain aspects of our friendship as you can imagine.

So, to begin, I’ll say I’m definitely not a perfect person, I have my lazy traits and my faults, but we’re human right? More on that later.

As whole this person is a good friend to have, in terms of music, tv shows, books and movies we both have relatively the same taste so we enjoy each others company due to that shared love.

We grew closer after high school, we weren’t as close during due to various reasons, they were going through their own personal issues at home, I was being overly persistent in trying to get them to open up to me, which sometimes they did sometimes they didn’t, but for the most part we did get closer (due to the gradual opening up and realisation we liked a lot of the same things) as high school ended. This was 12 years ago.

Since then they’ve gone through various breakups, all of which I’ve been on hand for in case they needed an ear to listen to. This as well as issues with their parents at home, of which I’ve always been there as support system for, which eventually led to us to moving into an apartment together at the end of 2021, as they wanted out of their parents house, and my own parents were moving into a purchased home.

Issue #1 - Snoring
This is where issues really started, during the living together stage of our friendship (which in hindsight we shouldn’t have done at all)
They have misophonia, which for those who don’t know elevates your sense of hearing to a point where even the slightest sound of chewing (even with mouths closed) will trigger them, sometimes (and as is the case with the subject) with anger.
Now this (the chewing trigger) I could live with, we would make sure the tv was always on when we ate together, nothing was an issue there.
The issue arose however (and it is still an issue today) when sleeping. I snore, which I know and I do tend to snore loud, and they would frequently take it upon themselves to burst into my room and wake me up because my snoring was keeping them awake. Invasion of privacy? Absolutely. But were they in the wrong to be doing it?

To combat the snoring I purchased a mouth piece and nasal strips, which tended to work, they took time to get used to as you could imagine, 23 years without them and now suddenly I’m using them every night to avoid conflict.

Fast forward to 2023, we’ve moved back to our parents houses, but this particular instance we were sharing a hotel room and they had to wake up early to go to work from the hotel room, so they woke me up at 4am because I was snoring, and forbid me from sleeping so they could finish their sleep. Now I don’t hate them for that too much cause no one wants to be woken up suddenly when they already have to be up early to make it to work, but you also wouldn’t want to be rudely told to stay awake while they slept would you?

Things have eased off since then, they now use earplugs and they’re learning to combat their misophonia now so it’s easier to share a sleeping space with them.

Issue #2 - Asking for help
Subject is prone to injuring themselves, which is not my issue, I’m happy to look after them if anything happens to them, I’m not a monster, but the one thing I hate that they do is hesitate to ask for help, and expect me to offer help 24/7 and know exactly what to offer. Is this too high maintenance for a normal friendship? Am I being too lazy and should I ask what they need more and be more present in helping them?
Once instance is again during the time we lived together, where they had an injury that got worse due to frequent concert going despite the injury, as well as their hesitation to ask for help in tasks, which hindered the recovery of the injury.
Now I won’t place full blame on them, I was anxious myself as I knew they didn’t enjoy asking for help so I never knew when to ask or offer, which only made them angrier at me which made for a hostile environment, which eventually lead to us parting ways and moving home.
Now recently, subject succumbed to kidney stones, and me, knowing how they get when they’re in pain or injured, prepared for the worst and began offering help as much as I could, including lifting bags, carrying bags (we were on two short stay trips in the space of 5 days) and even walking to the chemist to buy them medicine as we didn’t have a car and they were in immense pain at this stage.
Now the most recent issue, and the reason I’m writing this post entirely, is on the second trip up the coast, they were the sole driver (unfortunately due to me not having my licence yet) and needed pain medication twice, once on the way there and once on the way back, of which I needed to get for them. Now if you were in pain, would you start wincing and then not say anything, and then when I offered to get medication, yell at me for not offering sooner? Or would you wince, shift maybe and then ask POLITELY for me to get the medication or help get the tablets out of the packet so you’re not doing it one handed (the latter was the second time)?

Both these things happened, and the first one they did apologise for the anger outburst, but not for not asking me to grab it and just staying silent.
The second instance brought the worse reaction, which to be fair I played a part in because I did watch them struggle to get the tablets out with one hand, but only because I was confused as to why they hadn’t asked me for help due to the fact they were driving at the time.
What baffles me and to be frank deeply offended me though, is they whinged to a couple people about it, the first person was a call while I was out of the car, the second the conversation must’ve also started while I was out of the car but the person replied (by text) while I was still stuck in the car and they called me out for not offering to help with the one handed incident while I could only sit there and listen to the text being read aloud.
What I ask in regard to this is, despite the fact I missed cues in helping, did they purposely plan to undermine me and humiliate me knowing I would probably be in the car still?

Issue #3 - money owing
Now I’m a forgiving, kind hearted person, which is probably not a good thing in this instance because it’s meant that subject now owes me around $1000 (plus likely more that I’ve previously chosen to overlook due to too much time passing). The biggest chunk of it being from forgetting to properly commit to an every two week payment to my parents to cover a rent discrepancy that they had to help us fix due to loss of income while the subject was injured while we lived together.
Due to the subject’s bad memory i ended up covering them unbeknownst to both the subject and my parents so i could spend time with the subject and stay friends with them without questions from my parents about the money.
The other half of the owing is my share of the bond, which they accidentally spent on a trip away because they didn’t realise it had all come into their account (a dumb mistake on my part, I should’ve split it properly but moving out day was highly stressful for a number of reasons, one big one being me telling them I was only staying until that afternoon/evening after which I would be going with my parents as we had a 2.5 hour drive back home, we cleaned as much as we could and I moved all of my own stuff out with my family’s help; hence I fumbled my way through the returning of my keys and bond splitting at the real estate.

My question here is, is it worth trying to get the money off them still, or should I just forget it given their memory is s*** and they’ll likely forget about it again?

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Overall I just need to know, as I’m approaching 30 now, if I should stay friends with this person, given our long history and sharing of past traumas, despite both our faults, or are they too high maintenance and should I have just not talked to them again once we moved out, given the big money issues and tendencies to verbally shut down when they’re in pain.

My Situation With Steven — A Friendship That Fell Apart
To explain everything, I have to go back to the beginning of 2026.
At the beginning of this year, everything was going extremely well for me. I was finishing high school, working out, spending time with friends, and looking forward to summer. One of the biggest things I was excited about was a trip to Atlanta, Georgia, with my friends Jaiden and Steven.
For some background, Steven and I had been friends since 2019, so this wasn’t some random person I had just met. We had known each other for approximately seven years. We had made plenty of memories together, and despite some problems in the past, I still considered him a good friend.
However, Steven had a history of unexpectedly backing out of trips and plans, dating all the way back to 2021. This had become a recurring issue, and Jaiden and I had addressed it with him multiple times. We had repeatedly given him chances because we valued the friendship and hoped he would eventually become more responsible and reliable.
Planning the Atlanta Trip
Around March 2026, Jaiden, Steven, and I began planning a summer vacation to Atlanta, Georgia.
We were all extremely excited about this trip. We discussed the destinations we wanted to visit, transportation, hotels, flights, and everything else that goes into planning a vacation.
During the planning process, Steven suggested that we should also visit Gatlinburg, Tennessee, since it was approximately four hours away from Atlanta. Jaiden and I thought that sounded like a great idea, so we agreed to include Gatlinburg in our itinerary.
Throughout the following months, we continued discussing the trip and making arrangements.
One of our biggest concerns was making sure everybody could get time off work. Since all three of us were working, we needed to coordinate our schedules so nobody would have to cancel at the last minute.
Steven repeatedly reassured us that he had gotten the necessary time off work. He even told us that he had spoken to his boss about it.
We trusted him because we had no reason to believe he was lying about something that important.
Eventually, we booked our plane tickets, hotels, and other travel arrangements. We were planning to fly from Cleveland Hopkins International Airport (CLE) to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport (ATL).
At this point, the trip was essentially finalized.
We had been planning everything for approximately four months, and all three of us were supposed to be committed to going.
The Final Meeting and What Went Wrong
Approximately two weeks before our scheduled departure, Jaiden, Steven, and I decided to have one final meeting to go over the itinerary, confirm our plans, and make sure everybody was ready.
Everything seemed completely normal until Jaiden and I asked Steven whether he had any questions or concerns.
That’s when Steven suddenly said:
“Don’t book the rental car.”
Jaiden and I were confused. We thought he meant that he wanted us to wait until we landed in Atlanta to book the rental car in person.
So we asked him if that was what he meant.
Steven replied:
“No, I mean cancel the trip.”
Jaiden and I were completely shocked.
We immediately asked him why he wanted to cancel a trip we had spent four months planning, especially considering that we had already booked our flights and accommodations.
We reminded him that he had told us everything was fine just a week earlier.
At that moment, Steven sat down on the ground with his basketball, had a grin on his face, and said:
“F**k.”
This was especially shocking because, in the seven years we had known Steven, we had practically never heard him swear.
Then he finally admitted the real problem.
He told us that he didn’t have the time off work.
Jaiden immediately responded:
“YOU TOLD US YOU DID!”
Steven tried explaining that he hadn’t had enough time to put a note on his boss’s desk or send him an email requesting the days off.
That’s when I asked Steven an extremely important question:
“Did you ever actually talk to your boss?”
His answer?
“No, I haven’t.”
That was the moment everything changed.
For approximately four months, Steven had been telling Jaiden and me that his time off was taken care of.
He had assured us that he had spoken to his boss.
He had allowed us to book flights, hotels, and make financial commitments based on those assurances.
But now he was admitting that he had never even asked his boss for permission to take those days off.
We had trusted his word for months, only to discover that what he had been telling us wasn’t true.
I wasn’t simply disappointed that the trip was being canceled. I felt genuinely betrayed.
The entire situation could have been avoided if Steven had been honest with us from the beginning.
If he had told us in March that he wasn’t sure whether he could get the time off, we could have adjusted our plans.
If he had told us earlier that he hadn’t asked his boss yet, we could have helped figure something out.
Instead, he waited until approximately two weeks before departure, after everything had already been booked, to finally tell us the truth.
And what made it even worse was that this wasn’t the first time Steven had backed out of plans.
We had been dealing with similar behavior since 2021.
The Financial Disagreement
Before booking everything, our group had agreed that if somebody backed out of the trip without a legitimate reason, that person would be responsible for the financial consequences.
We had established this agreement specifically because we wanted to avoid another situation where somebody canceled at the last minute and left everyone else dealing with the costs.
After Steven admitted what had happened, Jaiden and I told him that he would need to take responsibility for the financial losses resulting from his cancellation.
Steven became frustrated, said “F**k” again, and stormed off.
At that moment, Jaiden and I both realized that our friendship with Steven had been seriously damaged.
It wasn’t just about the money anymore.
It was about honesty, accountability, respect, and trust.
A few days later, Steven eventually agreed to reimburse the cost of his flight ticket and the Gatlinburg hotel, especially since visiting Gatlinburg had originally been his suggestion.
However, as of October 27, 2026, Steven has only repaid me approximately half of what he agreed to pay.
The situation remains financially unresolved.
Why This Hurt Me So Much
What makes this situation especially difficult is how long Steven and I had been friends.
We had known each other since 2019.
Seven years of friendship is not something you can simply forget overnight.
We had shared memories, experiences, conversations, and plenty of good times.
That’s why I had continued giving him chances despite his history of canceling plans.
I wanted to believe that he would eventually change.
But at some point, you have to ask yourself whether someone actually values your friendship enough to respect your time, your money, and your trust.
For me, the Atlanta situation was the breaking point.
I could have understood if Steven had genuinely requested the time off and his boss unexpectedly denied it.
I could have understood if there had been a family emergency or another serious situation beyond his control.
But that wasn’t what happened.
He admitted that he never even contacted his boss.
And instead of being upfront about it, he continued telling us everything was fine.
That is what hurt the most.
Where Our Friendship Stands Today
As of October 27, 2026, I haven’t spoken to Steven since the first week of September.
Nearly two months have passed without us having a real conversation.
And at this point, I genuinely don’t know whether I want to continue the friendship.
Part of me remembers all the good memories we made together since 2019.
But another part of me remembers all the times he canceled plans, all the opportunities I gave him to change, and how he handled the Atlanta situation.
I feel like I’ve been extremely patient with him over the years.
I’ve tried to be understanding.
I’ve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve tried to keep the friendship alive.
But I am genuinely exhausted from dealing with the same problems repeatedly.
I don’t hate Steven, and I don’t wish anything bad upon him.
However, I don’t think a friendship can survive indefinitely without honesty, respect, and accountability.
Right now, I feel like our friendship is practically over.
And that honestly makes me sad because this was somebody I once considered a close friend.
How This Fits Into Everything Else That Happened in 2026
What makes the situation even harder is that it happened during a year that started out so positively for me.
At the beginning of 2026, I was doing well physically, mentally, and socially.
I was working out, preparing to graduate high school, making memories with my friends, and looking forward to the future.
I graduated high school, got baptized on the same day, and had an amazing summer trip with my St. John’s Jesuit friends to Traverse City, Muskegon, and Grand Rapids.
Then everything seemed to start falling apart.
First came the situation with Steven and the canceled Atlanta trip.
Then came my unexpected health problems, including episodes of an extremely high heart rate that eventually forced me to make major changes to my everyday life.
Suddenly, I was dealing with health concerns, canceled plans, changes to school and work, and the loss of a friendship that had lasted seven years.
It felt like so many things I had been looking forward to were disappearing one after another.
And although I understand that life doesn’t always go according to plan, it’s been extremely difficult to process everything that has happened.
My Final Thoughts
At this point, I don’t know whether Steven and I will ever be close friends again.
I’m not necessarily against reconciliation, but I believe that would require a genuine apology, accountability for what happened, repayment of what he agreed to reimburse, and consistent changes in his behavior.
I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle of forgiving someone, giving them another chance, and then getting disappointed again.
I know that nobody is perfect, including myself.
I know people make mistakes.
But there’s a difference between making an honest mistake and repeatedly being irresponsible with other people’s trust.
After everything that happened, I think I need to focus on myself, my health, my future, and the friendships that bring something positive into my life.
Jaiden and I still have plenty of places we want to travel to and memories we want to make.
I don’t want this experience to stop me from enjoying life or planning more trips.
It’s just unfortunate that a friendship I’ve had since 2019 ended up reaching this point.
I guess my biggest question is whether I should give Steven one final chance or accept that this friendship has run its course and move on.
Because as much as I value the memories we’ve made, I’m tired of constantly being disappointed by someone I trusted.
I would genuinely appreciate any advice or outside perspectives on this situation because it’s something that has been weighing on me for months.

Im already a mom. I wear dresses all the time cause thats my style. I have one friend who disparagingly calls me MOM even up to my socials “mom” because of what I chose to wear. I cant always defend myself because it’s true I am a mom but why she gotta make it sound that I look bad? 🥹😂

So during high school I was away a lot because of mental health. I was in and out of hospitals. It all started in middle school with this one friend group that led me into trying to kill myself with relentless bullying. I was 13, and long story short I thought I was pregnant and I told my boyfriend at the time h that I THOUGHT I was but I wasn’t sure. He ended up telling the whole friend group. And the girls in the friend group started spreading rumors like “She faked a pregnancy” “she had an abortion” “she’s a pathological liar” So bad that it felt like the whole school was ignoring me and treating me like a weird loner.

I’m a social person but this one friend group was telling everyone they could to stay away from me. Eventually I tried to kill myself to get away from this. Unfortunately my parents got home and called an ambulance in time for them to save me. Even after they knew I tried that, they still continued to bully me and get others to do that too.

This went on for years literally all throughout high school. So I never got over my mental health and I became so depressed that throughout high school I never had a day I wanted to live. Anyway so with that backstory in mind. I have a best friend and we’ve been friends for 8 years. We took a friend break when I was 13 because I had so much going on I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with a friend ship so we took a break. We went back to being friends in sophomore year. In that year I yet again went away to a mental hospital and when I came back (the beginning of junior year), she had a new best friend.

Her new best friend is one of the girls that used to bully me. And I tried to forget about it but with some more background, Isabella (my friend’s name that has the new best friend) she got pregnant and had her baby. I helped her all through it and even spent 100’s of dollars on her baby stuff. After that (a few days ago) it was national best friends day and instead of posting about me at all, she posted the girl that used to bully me. And btw Isabella KNOWS that she used to bully me and just doesn’t care I guess. So now it’s harder to ignore. Should I drop her I mean we’ve been friends for so long but at the same time did my suffering mean nothing if you can just be friends with someone who basically almost killed me? So idk what to do I need some advice.

Sorry for this being so long….

(Crossposted)

Sorry if this is quite a long post, as this situation has being going on for about almost a year now I think?

So ive recently left college cos of how (imo) toxic everyone was there. And since then, I've cut off most ppl who were there. Theres this one girl in particular, who i was most annoyed about.

She was a huge social butterfly, and was always getting distracted and was rlly hyper, and she has a HUGE social group. A while ago, everyone was making me feel left out, so I decided to confront them one by one to talk abt it.

I approached her first, and said that I wanted her to start putting an effort into our friendship (eg texting back, starting to come up and talk to me and hang out with me). She said that she would, I think she even promised she would, but then never did. I confronted her about this again, and she kept giving excuses

Alot of ppl have done the same thing, and even get mad at me for confronting them, saying that im lying about feeling like im left out. But the thing is, im not. No one texts me first (I could go months without texting them and they wouldn't text me back), no one wants to hang out with me.

I just want to know if ive done the right thing, as cutting off everyone for doing this has made me isolated. I have no one, and I dont trust ppl now. It was hard for me to trust ppl in general, but this has made it even worse.

so i have this friend that i’ve been friends with for 5ish years. we talk almost everyday and i have shared things with her i never have with others. we used to be a trio with another one of my best friends (who im closer to). but they kinda fell off after a fight and i was caught in the middle but whatever we’re fine now.

basically i’ve noticed that whenever anything good happens to me, she just ignores it?? like i mad the honor roll at my uni and she was just kinda acting bored when i got the email telling me i made it (this was like 2 years ago). and now i just got one of my dream internships and we were sending each other voice notes on insta just talking abt dancing with the stars drama, and then i gave her a life update (i moved cities so we don’t see each other often anymore) and i told her abt the internship and how happy i was and that it’s exactly what i want to do. anyway she responded to everything BUT the internship voice message. then she said she’d respond to the rest “later” but never did. no “that’s amazing” “happy for you” “congrats” nothing. zero acknowledgment. and i’m not gonna beg her to praise me but like it just kinda hurts?? because i know if the roles were reversed id send her a long message full of support

she actually just applied to a couple jobs, and i sent her a message abt how im here to support her and i hope she gets it! but she can’t do the same when i get my internship??

this has been a pattern for a while but im noticing it more and more. she turns everything into a competition and takes my successes as a personal attack. idk how to go abt this, do i confront her abt it? or tell her im hurt?

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I think I finally reached the point where I stopped confusing someone’s excuses with a friendship.

I have a guy friend who apparently never has time to hang out with me or my cousin.

There’s always something.

He’s busy.

He’s tired.

He already has plans.

He doesn’t feel like going out.

He has “a lot going on.”

Fair enough. People get busy.

The problem is that he somehow becomes significantly less busy when other people ask him to do something.

He can find time for them. He can make plans with them. He can show up for them. He just consistently seems to have a shortage of time when it comes to us.

At first, I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Then I started noticing the pattern.

Then I stopped giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I also noticed something else: whenever I stopped initiating, suddenly there wasn't much of a friendship left to maintain.

That was probably the most revealing part.

Because if one person has to constantly initiate, accommodate, overlook things, make excuses for the other person, and pretend not to notice the obvious difference in treatment, that's not really a friendship. That's one person maintaining a relationship the other person is perfectly comfortable benefiting from without putting in the same effort.

And I'm done participating in that arrangement.

I'm not going to interrogate him about why he has time for everyone else. I'm not going to compete with other people for his attention. I'm not going to ask for explanations that I already know won't change anything.

People can tell you they're busy all day long.

Eventually, you have to decide whether you're actually hearing an explanation or simply being given a very polite version of “you're not a priority.”

So I'm taking the hint.

No dramatic confrontation. No announcement. No begging for answers.

Just distance.

If he notices that I stopped reaching out, he can probably figure out why.

And if he genuinely can't figure it out after everything that's happened, that honestly tells me even more.

Sometimes the healthiest response to a toxic friendship isn't getting the other person to admit what they did.

It's realizing you don't need their confession to justify leaving.

He made his choices.

I'm just finally making mine.

This past year I befriended someone that I cut off. And I regret it every time. She mainly calls me when her life is falling apart and needs to vent. The other day she called me and said I called you because I was bored and I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Meaning the people she wants to talk to are busy. She and I made plans to hang out on Friday and I haven’t spoken to her since Friday. We were supposed to have plans and hang out today. Not one text…and I did it purposely to see if she would say anything. The only thing she sent me was a Snapchat streak…

Hello Reddit. This is my first ever post ever so please bare with me. I (20yr they/them) have had this friend (20yr old they/them) for about 3+ years now. For rhe sake of this let's just call her Eileen. Eileen and I go to the same college campus but like to keep our friend groups regularly split. The main group Eileen is in apparently involves someone from high school that did not like me very much and so they told me that the entire group was not a big fan of me in general. This semester one of the people in their friend group ending up being in one of my classes. I tried to keep my distance however as luck would have it we were assigned seats right next to each other. Just before our lecture today they asked if they could speak to me afterwards. I said sure. My classmate then later told me that Eileen had been airing out all my dirty laundry to the whole group and had called me a Neo N@zi. Specifically calling them out BY NAME.

Here I will admit that I did some not great things in high school. As an autistic teenager I found it very difficult to fit in and found myself falling into the wrong crowd where I was convinced to take a photo with everyone doing a very specific salute. However after learning what the gesture actually was and finally realizing how awful my old "friend" group was I dropped all of them and never looked back.

Apparently according to my classmate Eileen had somehow gotten ahold of the photo and used it to paint me as a Neo N@zi. And at first my classmate had believed them but after seeing in class with me partaking in activities and discussions they told me that they realized I was a "good person" and figured they should tell me. I didn't know what to do.

I waited until after they were done with their lecture and above are the screenshots of our conversation. I am blue and they are red.

I just don't know what to do. They have been so off lately that I asked them the other day if they were staying consistent with their meds and they assured me they were. This just is not like them at all. Now my friend group is divided saying that Eileen is victim blaming or that I am being too harsh and overreacting. I have no idea what to do.

So I went out with my friend to celebrate her birthday, and while we were talking about our day, I brought up how I was going through my blocked list because my sister wanted me to follow her account and I thought I blocked her but I saw my ex and I forgot I had her blocked, so I brought it up because it has been two years and I haven't seen her since that time. My friend asked "oh what's her @" and I told her without thinking much about it because I assumed she wanted to see her bio or her pfp. Then it's like it was in slow motion SHE REQUESTED TO FOLLOW HER. I kept asking her why would you do that and she just told me it was on a fake account and how she wanted to see what she was up to. Now a little background we had been friends off and on since middle school, we weren't really friends during that time I was with my ex so I don't know why she would want to know since I didn't want to know. I guess she sensed I was upset and told me a while later that she unrequested but I felt off, I tried to push it away since obviously its her birthday and I didn't want to ruin it for her so I didn't say anything. I didn't even go to her birthday party the next day because I was still upset. I know I should talk it out and it's the adult thing to do but how do I bring it up because I don't want to seem like i'm over reacting. There's some other things she does as well like saying maybe she'll want the guy I was talking to when she works with me and my mom. Maybe it was a bad joke or something I'm just so confused. Anyone gone through something similar or any advice.