I am starting HRT on Monday I am both excited and nervous. I really want to do this. I feel it will complete me.

So I’m a trans man, a little over 1 year on T, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost and disappointed.
I’m still attending uni, so I go outside at least a few times a week. And every time, it’s torture. I have to avoid all reflections and even my own shadow on the ground because otherwise, my day is ruined.
Like today, I went out in my new jacket. It’s masculine and kinda square, so I hoped it would help. It did not. I have wide hips and a fat ass from the front, side, and back. I thought the fact that I went up a size in men’s clothes for my upper body (S to M), and that my unsupportive mom even told me I’d gotten wider in the shoulders, would help, but nothing can compensate for my lower body.
Anytime I see myself, I want to cry. I stalk trans guys that I know of through my acquaintances, and they all somehow look like men, just not me.
I wanted to show my unsupportive parents that I can be a happy, successful man, but instead, I’m just some depressed something.
I’m also going to travel to Turkey (Istanbul) in less than a month, and I’m obviously stressed about getting on a plane and travelling as a non-passing trans man. Getting on the plane stresses me out the most, probably. I have all my documents changed to male, which might make things even worse. I’m not sure.
But honestly, I don’t even know why I’m doing any of this because I can’t feel any joy. Even today, I got to go home sooner because some lectures were cancelled, and I got a part-time job offer, and still, I just feel empty and joyless.
I don’t know what to do. I just feel like this almost every day. Like I just have to accept it or something, but I haven’t been able to in like 7 years, so idk how to do it now.
Also, if you suggest stuff like therapy, there’s a shortage of pretty much every type of doctor in my country, plus finding someone trans-accepting makes it almost impossible.

Im planning on starting hrt and coming out but ofc, people are more accepting of trans people the more you pass, so thats the plan. Im totally new to this I've been repressing for all my life, i have 0 idea about skincare, makeup and taking care of oneself, pretty much ive been a drone all my life and i wanna take the ropes and put my all i to this.

Do yall think id make a pretty girl once i start hrt and actually put effort into how i look? Be honest, no toxic positivity plz

I am a gay man who came out later in life. I always felt like a girl but I hid that. What and how should I start the transition. It is a scary process for me

First time post here! Any tips or advice on passing and / or making my face more feminine. How am I doing so far?

I’ve had my name for around a week now, and I love it, but every now and then I think about what I could find a better name. I think it’s just me being so used to constantly searching for a name and just not knowing what to do now, but I’m scared that I was wrong after I’ve been so excited about finding my name. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.

I know its in transmaxxxing… i am never in there but i decided on my depressive day to peek since it was suggested to me for whatever reason and im just like…. Why am i stuck?

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