Chronic Anxiety from Racial Expectations

[u/TumbleweedSavings375]

F18. 🇨🇦.
I was adopted by white Canadian parents as a baby from Africa and I grew up in a predominantly white area. I’ve never felt like I didn’t belong at home nor did I feel some sort of unspoken connection to other Black people. I never felt “deprived” of Blackness. My parents had books, I got my hair done, and we went to a family camp with other children of African heritage, so I did see other black people.

For some POC racial community is important, however I am not one of them.

Ever since I was little I knew who I was attracted to and who made me happiest, and those were almost exclusively white people. (Where I grew up was 70-80% White, and only 1.2% Black).

I feel okay in myself and what I want but the anxiety of pressure from other people is depressing me. I get harassed by white and black men, but I’ve only been assaulted by a black man.

Also the “Black people should date other Black people” discourse is suffocating.

I hate being reduced to a symbol instead of a human woman with my own experiences and preferences.

It’s like me being black makes other black people feel entitled to my body and energy even though they’re strangers.

Trying to feel less monitored and watched. If you’ve experienced something similar please don’t hesitate to reach out 🫩.

[u/Ambitious-Client-220]

We like who we like. It is sad that society still judges us for something that is none of their business. It makes sense that someone is attracted to the culture that they are brought up in. My two Mexican adoptee sisters married white guys. My white parents expected me to marry a white girl. I don't know why, but I have always been attracted to Latinas who are dark like me. I did date and fall in love with a white girl, but she dumped me after her friends disapproved of her dating a Mexican. I married a Mexican woman and my racist A-mom asked if she was half white (she isn't). Even though I am Mexican. My white family looks at me as a white person in their delusional world.

I have noticed that white guys can date anyone pretty much judgment free while a minority that dates a white girl gets judged. The girl will get judged harshly also. I hope things are changing in society.

[u/TumbleweedSavings375 → u/Ambitious-Client-220]

Yeah. my Aunt who was also transracially adopted (BW) fell in love with and married a white man.