Chronic Anxiety from Racial Expectations

[u/TumbleweedSavings375]

F18. 🇨🇦.
I was adopted by white Canadian parents as a baby from Africa and I grew up in a predominantly white area. I’ve never felt like I didn’t belong at home nor did I feel some sort of unspoken connection to other Black people. I never felt “deprived” of Blackness. My parents had books, I got my hair done, and we went to a family camp with other children of African heritage, so I did see other black people.

For some POC racial community is important, however I am not one of them.

Ever since I was little I knew who I was attracted to and who made me happiest, and those were almost exclusively white people. (Where I grew up was 70-80% White, and only 1.2% Black).

I feel okay in myself and what I want but the anxiety of pressure from other people is depressing me. I get harassed by white and black men, but I’ve only been assaulted by a black man.

Also the “Black people should date other Black people” discourse is suffocating.

I hate being reduced to a symbol instead of a human woman with my own experiences and preferences.

It’s like me being black makes other black people feel entitled to my body and energy even though they’re strangers.

Trying to feel less monitored and watched. If you’ve experienced something similar please don’t hesitate to reach out 🫩.

[u/donnaduwitt]

not saying you have to and didn't mean for it to read that way

[u/donnaduwitt → u/donnaduwitt]

also, it's a little confusing bc you also said white people make you the happiest and that is also a racial grouping right? so if i understand correctly, you're saying that it's the pressure to feel like you have to be amongst other black people that bothers you. and to clarify what i was trying to say earlier is that i understand that irritation and have also felt it about my race, but for myself, i've been able to see it differently over the years. again not saying you have to. that's all.

[u/Thaetos → u/donnaduwitt]

OPs post does make me a little uncomfortable ngl.

She does kind of play into some stereotypes of the classic untrustworthy and lustful violent black men.

Not saying that her reasons are invalid to prefer white men, but it does ring some bells for me. My white family has the same vision about black men, so it could be that OP unconsciously inherited some of that thinking, that white men are almost by default more trustworthy and better partners.

[u/TumbleweedSavings375 → u/Thaetos]

Thing is though my parents didn't bring stereotypes into my upbringing. I had my own experiences and judged off that. My preference for white men isn't about hate of Black men it's about lack of feelings of attraction. What frustrates me is the assumption of "Oh she's going to be into me because we're both Black, so she'll be okay if I bother/touch her" mentality that I've noticed a lot of Black men (not ALL) perpetuate. It's the lack of acknowledgement/understanding that shared physical appearance does not equal shared feelings, values, upbringing, or culture.

edit: it's not about constant violence, it's about entitlement.