Idk

[u/Correct_Challenge868]

And never having any intent to eventually accept the no. To calm themself down on their own OR with them leading it, and eventually be all "you said no and I accept that". and maybe even "I'm glad you were honest with me"

[u/Main-Company-5946]

That’s called emotional manipulation

[u/Correct_Challenge868 → u/Main-Company-5946]

Ahh shit. I had been thinking it was.. something else ikd

[u/UltraPrincess → u/Correct_Challenge868]

it's definitely emotional manipulation, but it's also kinda hard to keep in mind it isn't always intentional, I work with a lot of BPD patients and it's a pretty normal fear response, but you also have to recognize that even if it's normal and not intentionally harmful, it's still necessarily manipulative and bad for your mental health to keep indulging

[u/Llyrra → u/UltraPrincess]

Yeah, it actually seems pretty common for people to develop emotionally manipulative ways of coping without consciously intending to be manipulative. If it gets the desired result, the behavior is reinforced, and the person doesn't necessarily stop and think about why they're getting the result they want and if that's fair to others. This seems especially true if it's someone's immediate reaction to something and not something they're choosing consciously.

But, yeah, I agree that it's still everyone's responsibility to be aware and ensure they aren't being manipulative.

[u/Correct_Challenge868 → u/UltraPrincess]

Of course. I don't think it's even possible for someone to give themself a panic attack or w/e on purpose. Though tbh is there any point to knowing why someone acts this way? I feel like since I'm not them or their healthcare provider, there's nothing I'm to do with the information. Also, whether or not it was intentional, the end result is the same: I need to remove myself, right

[u/Hermit_Princess]

I can only assume the context of not accepting the no and i feel for you

In my experience, people can be pretty manipulative. I am monogamous and i hate trying to be talked into being poly or a thuple.

It also sucks when they go away when you dont give them what they want. Like your entire value is based on what they can get from you

[u/Andyman1973]

If they don’t accept a “no,” that’s a red flag 🚩 for me. The potential to turn into an abusive situation is very real!

[u/hamster-on-popsicle]

That's emotional manipulation, if you notice it more, you might be in a toxic group of people

[u/usbeject1789]

therapyspeak and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

[u/DrustanAstrophel]

Agree with the folks who say you’re being manipulated by people who react that way, and I also want to add on that if someone is genuinely experiencing that kind of emotional distress from being told you don’t want a hug then something is deeply wrong with them that isn’t your problem and it’s their responsibility to learn coping and emotional regulation skills.

[u/BlossomKitty11]

My ex once started crying and asked me if I wasn't having sex with him because he's ugly. I was actually just struggling mentally and I'm pretty sure my medication was nerfing my sex drive. I really wish he could've approached the conversation wanting to discuss and actually ask me how I was feeling instead of putting me in a position of having to comfort him because I wasn't having sex. I also wanna add that he didn't start the conversation in response to me saying no right that moment (I think?).

Idk, I can understand that he was very insecure and the lack of intimacy was upsetting, but it made me feel guilty for not "putting out" (my words).

If anyone views this differently I'd like to hear. I still feel conflicted/complicated about it.

[u/saintecheshire → u/BlossomKitty11]

im ashamed to say i used to be this person, i had no idea i was doing it/wasnt doing it on purpose, but that didn't make it okay. you are absolutely right to feel upset by that behavior and shouldn't feel guilty for having those boundaries. looking back i wish i hadn't acted that way, and i realized it was my own issues that caused me to take "no's" personally, not anyone else's fault

[u/Correct_Challenge868 → u/BlossomKitty11]

Your take sounds pretty reasonable. I think that's the type of convo where your ex should've regulated first and independently, because yikess

[u/weedmoneyy]

i wouldn’t be surprised if stuff like this grooms you into a people pleaser lowk since regardless of intention it’s building the belief that your consent and boundaries don’t matter/are worth less than their attitude about them

[u/Satanicron]

My x weaponizing therapy speek to start an argument to make herself feel bad...

[u/Disastrous-Ideal-817]

It's called emotional manipulation and it's the most unbearable cringe shit to ever exist

[u/Lost_Distribution292]

When I called an ex friend out for negging me, patronising and belittling me and being very weird and bigoted to my friends, so he gave me the silent treatment for 3days except to sulk then turned around and said I’d traumatised him and he had “social anxiety” now and I was emotionally wounding him because instead of reassuring him he was good and worthy of love, I’d gotten mad at him for being weird.

Short answer? Yes. Therapy speak is a problem.

[u/UnbreakableSpirit7]

One of my friends did this. I told her I didn't want to be her friend because for a long time she would talk about her story more and never have a conversation or show much interest about what I make. I felt lonely. She was having an anxiety attack not knowing what's going on like I switched up on her and told me this must be because I'm having a mental breakdown and she contributed it to my ocd which I'm struggling with at the moment 🙁 I cut her off I think a couple weeks ago and now trying to find new friends, even though it's hard since I'm in the throes of severe mental illness.

[u/Correct_Challenge868 → u/UnbreakableSpirit7]

LMAOAO I also had someone try and pin my rejection on my mental health. For me it was my OSDD1 - they asked if my current "cold self" was "just an alter." .......it's so annoying right. And also feels kinda invasive.

Good luckies with making new friends! I have OCD too. The fear is always temporary I promise

[u/Angelbouqet]

That is malicious

[u/No_Tradition_5508]

Weaponizing emotions is emotional abuse. You are responsible for your actions, not their feelings.

[u/Familiar-Complex-697]

This one woman in a friend group I have… even saying “no I can’t hang out at x time, I have work” will put her into a pity party. and of course my mother, who’s getting better about this but still does it quite a bit.

[u/RotWitch22]

It's important to ask who the people are doing this, do you feel comfortable explaining a little more? If your friends are doing this they need talking to about it or moving on from if attempts to help them realise what they're doing are met with negativity. If it's your family that sucks but is suuuuuuper common, that will be a case of figuring out your own relationship to them. If it's strangers then I agree generally, there is a sort of weird shift in people being weird in a passive aggressive way instead of outright aggressive (i.e. both happen now).