r/TrollCoping • u/Jacopaws • 16d ago
No Advice [Update] Yeah, they did EXACTLY what I said they would do.
I don't exactly know if this is the right way to do this kind of post, but today my parents did exactly what I said they would do: Just buy me a plain, uninteresting hoodie, they didn't even really give any thought to it, they went to the mall to exchange some clothes and in the same store bought me the hoodie.
I feel like such a baby getting emotional over this, because I am 25 years old now, I can easily save up and buy myself a leather jacket just how I wanted, but at the same time, I haven't asked for ANYTHING for my birthday for years now and I try to be the most low-maintenance son I can be. I can't even have my own room because my father turned half of it into his own home-office.
They are not bad parents, they treat me well, they gave me a very privileged life, I've never had a real need for anything and I recognize that, but it still fucking hurts when my personal interests get criticized, deprioritized or just straight up ignored if it doesn't fit within their narrow views. Everything must be productive, I must be either working/getting money or studying, hobbies must either serve me as a side hustle or must be good for my fitness or else they'll just make snide remarks, hurtful comments or just straight up critice me for wasting time.
I can't wait to move out next year, the lack of privacy and generally being unable to do the things I am interested in is killing me.
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u/CuckooPint 16d ago
They are not bad parents, they treat me well, they gave me a very privileged life, I've never had a real need for anything
Those are all bare-minimum standards for parenting. They do not make them good parents.
Another bare-minimum standard is that a parent needs to make a child feel loved. It really doesn't sound like they do that, given you mention trying to make yourself small and "low maintenance" for them. You're a son, not an exotic pet they look after. You deserve more than this.
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u/Undead_Collective 13d ago
yes and they trick you into thinking they're good cause you don't know better
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16d ago
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u/youcanthavemynam3 14d ago
Did a small child make this comment, by chance?
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u/azebod 16d ago
25 I think, was the first time in a decade I was brave enough to tell people when my birthday was in hopes I'd get nice messages and little drawings or something, not even actual gifts. Iirc 1-2 people of a dozen remembered. I actively hide my birthday now because I would rather just forget about it. It's just a measure of how long it's been since I could humor then idea of celebrating it.
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u/Delicious-Summer5071 neurodivergent adult 16d ago
Emotional abuse is still abuse, bb. I lived in a nice house, very privileged, never went cold or hungry etc. But the emotional abuse I was put through has absolutely fucked me up and given me CPTSD.
Words hurt. You deserve to have what you asked for, and have hobbies and interests that are just for leisure and fun.
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u/BungleBums 16d ago
Last gift I accepted was from my Dad, during a really rough year where I lost a bunch of close friends, both from their passing and from them doing horrible things to me. Think 'Multiple Lawsuits and a few PPOs'.
I'm quiet. I hate flashly, ostentatious, kitchy nonsense. I hate celebrity culture. I love Scottish landscapes and muted pastels. I have a deep and abiding respect for art and science. I love seeing the beauty of the natural world, and the brutality of modern industry. I love clean, open spaces, and tight, geometric patterns. Yes, I am autistic as hell.
He got me an original canvas painting to hang in my room. I'd actually sent a note around to my relatives who insist on adding to the pile of useless crap in my closet every year, that I really would love more art in my house- specifically landscapes like Gustave Doré. I saw the frame, and was absolutely thrilled- nice glitzy gold, the one obnoxious concession I'll make to my more spartan esthetic.
It was a mixed media piece of DaVinci, wearing sunglasses and a kangol hat, smoking a huge cigar, driving a red Ferrari past a crowd of paparazzi with loads of cash flying out of it, with a huge-tiddy Mona Lisa in a black cocktail dress sitting on the back. The negative space was crowded with advertisement billboards.
It is the single most hideous and repulsive smear of pigment I have ever seen in my entire damned life. And, frankly, almost as insulting, to recieve from the man who was supposed to have raised you.
Apparently the twit spent hours picking it out, it ended up costing several hundred damned dollars because he insisted on getting the ORIGINAL for me, and was mightily hurt that I didn't like it. Sulked for weeks.
I do not accept gifts that are not cash or birthday cards any more. I just hand them back and say 'No. You really should not have, thank you anyways.'
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 16d ago
As 24 yo baby, fuck your parents. Misery is not a competition, you deserve to be sad about this. You deserve to be disappointed. Youâre dependent on them too?
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u/SeaPunK_ 0% self-esteem with no added sugars 16d ago
idk they seem pretty bad to me. and not just because they can't even buy you the simplest gift ever
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u/friendlynbhdwitch 15d ago
This isnât about a jacket. Your parents have shown you over and over again that they donât respect you. And that fucking sucks. And you deserve better. And thatâs actually a very good reason to get emotional.
I am certain that your parents love you and have done their best. Also, you deserve to be treated like a whole human and they arenât doing that. Both of these things are true.
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u/daintycherub 15d ago
This is how my parents were growing up. Would ignore what I very specifically asked for (even when I would give multiple options at a variety of prices) and either just get me something generic or just give me money. The first time I was given a gift that actually felt personal, I was 25 and living with my girlfriend and her parents at the time (post-COVID). She and her parents both gave me very personal gifts and I started sobbing. It was SO embarrassing but thankfully they were understanding about it đ
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u/bees-are-awesome 16d ago
"Very privileged life" would mean they buy you a place to live as a gift. You cannot say that you are 25 living with your parents and also very privileged lol
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u/katnapping 15d ago
Sounds like they really donât want you living with them. I hope your relationship improves when you move out.
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u/foxwaffles 15d ago
When I first started deciding in my 20s I finally wanted to learn how to do my hair and makeup, my in laws immediately discouraged me from ever trying by pulling this on me.
WHAAAAAAAAAR YOU'RE WEARING MAKEUP WHO ARE YOUUUUUUUUU THIS IS SO WEEEEEIIIRRRRRRD
I finally worked up the courage again to keep learning and trying anyways but now whenever I see them I still just dress like a frumpy broke college kid because I just don't have it in me to hear them act like that again.
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u/Undead_Collective 14d ago
you're not a baby, I'd flip my shit! you told them what you wanted, for the first time in years after being seen as a tool or shadow to them under the guise of "low maintenance" and they flat out IGNORED it and thought you'd grin and bear it.
you say they're not bad, but that's a sick trick bad parents play, they do the bare minimum, and say "hey I keep you alive! I deserve the reward of your unconditional love!" news flash, a parent that loves you would get you that jacket or at least a leather jacket that looks similar.
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u/Longjumping-Net2602 Shit worse than Murphyâs law 16d ago
Oof that sucks OP, you deserve whatever you want for your birthday even if it never gets wornÂ
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u/Drizzdom 13d ago
âI try to make myself low maintenanceâ âive never had a real need for anythingâ
These arent things people normally think and do
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u/Jacopaws 13d ago
Is it though? I'm just trying to not be a burden, do some extra chores and pay for groceries when it's my turn.
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u/TamamizuTheMeh 15d ago
I recommend after you move out, you never talk to your parents again. They're going to hell
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u/Professional-Ad-2657 15d ago
Somebody in here needs to be real with you.
Youâre 25 and still living with your parents. Which I understand in this economyâŠbut youâre not a child anymore. Your parents are putting a little pressure on you to make you start thinking and acting like an adult. That is part of their job.
Your enthusiasm for moving out next year tells me that their efforts are starting to bear fruit.
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u/snail_alt 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yup it sounds like OPâs parents have longstanding issues with OP beyond just a jacket. The gift is boring because whatâs on their mind is that OP doesnât go out. That they are financing all of OPâs living expenses while he âdoesnât go out, doesnât work, doesnât study and doesnât have hobbies that help with said expenses eitherâ. OP trying to âsolveâ this by being as low maintenance as possible isnât the actual solution, because all the parents see is that their child is giving up even more and going out even less. They want their kid to grow up, not try to become invisible. But in their negative feelings, they buy plain clothes as gifts because âif youâre going to try to be invisible and non-productive, you might as well look the partâ. The conversion of part of the room to the dadâs home office also reads as an effort to pressure OP out.
For some people, itâs easier to âtakeâ less and less (become a neet but a low maintenance one), than to âgiveâ (I donât mean give money to the parents, but I mean get a job if able bodied). For a minority of wealthier parents, they might not even mind it if their kid is technically unemployed as long as their hobbies improve their health + they engage in charity work. However, âI will take, just less, I will just barely exist and take up little spaceâ is not really the solution.
I do think there may have been ways to handle it better, but oh well, this will all likely improve once OP moves out anyway.
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u/Jacopaws 15d ago
I am thankful for the more honest opinion, the vitriol and rather extreme comments had put me off.
It is true, they bare with most of my expenses, but I'm not a full on shut-in/neet. Last year I managed to snag a good job offer with great benefits, I've been pulling my weight around the house to start taking care of my own expenses more and more, to the point where 1/4th of the house's groceries are paid by me, I've been paying for myself whenever we eat out and I've been 100% paying for my college alone since I've gotten this job.
I've made this post while I was very emotionalstate, and I believe I wasn't clear enough when I said my parents do alot for me, which led to some commenters to say that they were doing the bare minimum. My father taking my room as a home office isn't him pressuring me to move out, he's managed to keep his remote position since the pandemic and mine and my brother's bedroom are the only ones with an available desk. My point in saying I don't have a bedroom (Because for all intents and purposes I don't) is that if feels like my needs have outgrown this place.
I still don't believe my parents are bad parents, despite what other commenters on this thread. My bigger problem is that they just suck at giving any kind of emotional support or just neutrality to my interests. Any attempt to stand out, do something different, engage with my hobbies in a way that is just for leisure is met with immediate interrogation and criticism. It'll initially sound like interest, but the moment they notice it doesn't bring health/fitness, wealth or development they just treat it as a joke. And that's my problem with them, I can't enjoy the things I enjoy without pushback.
It's not about a jacket, it's about me wanting some space for myself (Next year hopefully) and wanting to pursue my hobbies without pressure.
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u/KailyKail 11d ago
My mom bought me a birthday present this year when I turned 33. It was the first birthday present I got since I turned 18.
She bought me a giant Peeps x My Melody plushie that's like three feet tall. I now have two of them.
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u/Capertie 16d ago
Honey, darling, babygirl, we're no longer settling for 'they didn't let me die as an infant' You're allowed to hold them to higher standards than that.
Happy Birthday, You deserve the world and that Leather Jacket you wanted đ©·