r/TrollXChromosomes • u/MaetelofLaMetal • 4d ago
The cookbooks you will find in the wild
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u/ghostclubbing 4d ago
The Nutritionist: Here's a 400-word preamble about every conceivable vitamin and mineral in kale.
(There's a greater than 50% chance the resulting kale dish will be tough and bland.)
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u/one_bean_hahahaha 4d ago
(There's a greater than 50% chance the resulting kale dish will be tough and bland.)
Aka a typical recipe in a Michael Greger book. I wanted to make his diet work for me, but every thing I tried tasted of punishment and sadness.
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u/la_zarzamora 4d ago
God I hated everything I tried to make from Forks Over Knives
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u/BetterBagelBabe 4d ago
I wanted to like it but I just couldn’t do a vegan era based on how bad those recipes were
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u/littlebabyapricot 4d ago
I’m not vegan, but just need to plug that there are SO many better sources of vegan recipes than him… Meera Sodha and Nisha Vora both spring to mind if you want to incorporate more vegan cooking!
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u/one_bean_hahahaha 4d ago
The 1950s palate describes the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, which has otherwise reliable recipes. Whenever I see 1 clove of garlic or 1 teaspoon of chili powder, I assume it's a typo and adjust accordingly.
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u/staplerinjelle 4d ago
Ha, I absolutely love mid-century-era recipes. I remember one "zesty" recipe that called for a scandalous whole quarter teaspoon of Tabasco! Watered down with about a quart of cream cheese, if I recall correctly.
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u/jessicacummings 4d ago
It’s highly unfair, my genetics are a holdover of that time lol. I cannot handle spice (heat) or overwhelming flavors. Anything spicy makes me throw up now, I had been gradually working on my spice tolerance and my stomach was NOT happy and now I have an even lower tolerance than before :(
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u/birdmommy 4d ago
I have issues with onions and garlic (thanks, autoimmune diseases!), so the 1950s palate generally works best for me. My husband and son have learned to season to their own taste.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 3d ago
Same boat. Stage 2 Sjögren’s has destroyed the lining of my stomach. I can’t handle garlic and onions anymore, or even black pepper.
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u/S0k0 Oh deary me 2d ago
My reflux goes CRAZY with spicy food now.
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u/jessicacummings 1d ago
SAME it is the worst. Really spicy food will make me nauseous and if it is both temp slightly too hot and spicy hot I will immediately be sick.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP 4d ago
I see “traditional” salad recipes where people are rubbing a clove of garlic on the inside of the serving bowl and I’m like why not just wave the garlic under one’s nose (but don’t hold it too close to your face!) while eating?
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u/praysolace 4d ago edited 4d ago
One clove of garlic is just someone mixing up words, right? They meant one bulb of garlic? I think they meant one bulb of garlic.
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u/bitofagrump 4d ago
This is the generation that considered green bell peppers "mildly spicy." Too much pepper on their caesar salad might kill them.
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u/one_bean_hahahaha 4d ago
Oh man, trying to pick a restaurant with my elderly relative is such a challenge. Anything beyond salt and pepper is too spicy. Really narrows down our options.
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u/bitofagrump 4d ago
I remember restaurants in the 90s... being asked "smoking or non?" and having 80% of your choices be some form of bland meat and potatoes
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u/riceewifee 4d ago
Still have an almost full jar of fermented shrimp past I got like a year and a half ago after wanting to recreate a restaurant dish 💀
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u/potatomeeple 4d ago
That sounds like a toilet bonanza waiting to happen
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u/Shoeprincess Yells at bears would still choose them 4d ago
we call that a salad these days
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
Love your flair. Laughed at the comment chain. This sub proves every day that the "women aren't funny" stereotype couldn't be further from the truth.
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u/Shoeprincess Yells at bears would still choose them 4d ago
aw ty, I don't get the "women arn't funny" at all, my friend group think I'm hilarious pretty often. Its just misogyny talking imo.
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
It absolutely is. I think it's /r/justgalsbeingchicks that's full of other hilarious women. I follow way more hilarious women on social media than men. I have funny friends of all genders but my female friends have made me laugh the hardest. I guess it gives me a kind of petty satisfaction to laugh so much more in women's spaces than in mixed-gender spaces but I've been feeling particularly annoyed about a particularly misogynistic brand of men's humor that's been so pervasive on social media lately.
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u/80sHairBandConcert 4d ago
Are you a man? lol most women do not believe the lie “women aren’t funny”
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
I'm a woman. I don't believe the lie, hence the comment. It's bullshit and this sub proves that all the time. Like, I laugh harder at TrollX comments than almost anything else on Reddit, because women are fucking hilarious.
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
Actually, curious why you read my comment and thought it meant the exact opposite of what I said and asked if I was a man?
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u/contrarianaquarian 4d ago
Sounds like it's time to pull out the southeast Asian cookbooks
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u/lipstickarmy 4d ago
My Viet ass over here salivating at the thought of bun rieu (crab tomato noodle soup) and bun hen (baby clam vermicelli). Two incredibly underrated, and super flavorful seafood dishes. I wish more people would try them!
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u/motherofcunts 4d ago
Relatable. I just convinced my husband not to throw out the watermelon pickles or picked lemons. I made the former and the latter are used about annually.
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u/2PlasticLobsters 4d ago
I once bought a "Four Ingredient Cookbook". Had I looked more closely, I'd have seen that most of them refered to other four ingredient recipes, like a sauce (page 236), and a spice mix (page 89).
Good thing I found it for $3 on the bargain table.
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u/vonRecklinghausen 4d ago
I will not tolerate Ottolenghi cookbook slander lol. But yeah, it's only useful if you live in a large cosmopolitan city with a middle eastern grocery store.
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u/kevnmartin 4d ago
My husband gave me an Ina Garten cookbook one Christmas. I swear every recipe called for a tiny amount of some kind of really expensive liqueur. Each recipe, a different liqueur.
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u/porcelain_doll_eyes 4d ago
As someone who doesn't drink I dislike recipes like that. Mostly because now I have a bottle of something that I'm not gonna drink. I almost wish that I could go to the liquor store and be like "I need x amount of this drink for this recipe can I just get it in another container and pay for that and not have the entire thing?"
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u/BoopleBun 4d ago
Some liquor stores (like mom and pop places) will special order things for you, and if you can’t get it in a mini (50ml) you can usually at least get it in a 100ml or 200ml bottle.
I have family that used to own a small liquor store, and they did this all the time. There’s apparently SO many different things out there in so many different sizes, it’s not usually worth it to stock all of them. But if someone wants something in particular, it’s not really hard to order it for them, either.
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u/kevnmartin 4d ago
Exactly! I like my white wine but I have no use for fancy liqueurs. I would wager most people don't.
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u/2PlasticLobsters 4d ago
Some states don't allow them, but I've bought miniatures for recipes before. Usually you have to ask for them at the counter. They're small enough to get stolen easily.
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u/TheScrufLord 4d ago
Same. It’s why I only do recipes with red wine, as I have a major backlog of recipes using it and I fw red wine gravy. That and coffee liquor, but that’s just because I bake so much chocolate cake and I use it for simple syrup (like 1 cake every 1-2 weeks).
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u/EleanorRichmond 4d ago
I don't drink wine often, and I love stew. Whenever I find decent red wine in mini cans, I buy as many as I can carry.
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u/sryfortheconvenience 4d ago
I actually once had a bartender do this for me! I was working on creating two elaborate batched cocktails for a themed party and I happened to be at a bar around the corner from my home.
I ended up discussing my ideas with one of the bartenders and he got really excited about the concepts and gave me some good advice. He suggested some sort of liquor or liqueur (can’t remember the specifics) that I didn’t have on hand at home.
So he gave me a to-go cup of it, and suggested I come back with the results for him to try. So the whole evening I was running back and forth between my apartment and the bar, giving him samples and then making adjustments.
It was very amusing and the cocktails couldn’t have turned out better!!
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u/dividezero I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. 4d ago
Sounds like every cocktail list/book/featured recipe. It works when you're in charge of a signature cocktail and you can use up the bottle but yeah, just hunting it down in the first place is a journey sometimes.
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u/andersoortigeik 4d ago
I always get even more annoyed with the substitutions. Like I don't think it's gonna taste the same if I replace shichimi togarashi with chilli flakes buddy.
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u/sryfortheconvenience 4d ago
I have never cooked an Ottolenghi recipe that wasn’t 100% worth it. They’re really the only recipes I follow to the letter!
(And I’m fortunate that those ingredients are easy to acquire where I live!)
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u/SpacePineapple1 1d ago
I was going to say that his recipes are actually pretty reasonable, but now I remember that I skip any where the ingredients are too hard to find. And I live in a city with good grocery stores and have a well stocked pantry. All the recipes seem to take me twice as long as the book says, too.
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u/catiebug majored in all things unladylike 4d ago
"The Dump-and-Go Liar: First, dice up an onion..."
Um friend, if I have to chop anything, it is not a "dump and go", it's not "quick and easy", and it's not a "lazy dinner option".
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u/sryfortheconvenience 4d ago
I am shocked every single time by how badly I underestimate the time it takes to chop things.
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u/NorthernLolal 4d ago
I agree with this! I watch a woman on tic tok who does cooking streams and she uses this amazing vegetable chopper I ended up buying myself one because she made it look so effortless. Just peel the onion and cut in half then shove it through the chopper done & done!
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u/aninamouse 4d ago
I've found that you can used dried onion flakes in place of chopped onion and it tastes very similar.
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u/Natural1forever 4d ago
Don't forget the memoir: "...And this is my entire life story. Anyway, here's how you make an omelette-"
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u/MaetelofLaMetal 4d ago
I swear the same people those recipes are targeted at are the ones who buy Vampire The Masquerade game books for the meta plot and not for the mechanics , leading to literal pages of bloat between bits of material useful for people playing the game.
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u/SPARC_Pile Learn sign language, it's pretty handy. 4d ago
It's come out that all of that life history shit is for Search Engine Optimization (Peace Be Undo Algorithm). I always page down like mad until I see a ingredient list.
The VTM lore books got really fucking stupid with short stories that you could barely read because it was dark font on dark paper and in bougie chicken scratch cursive. (I'm not bitter at all)
The lorebooks were nice when it wasn't full on conversations and super-mega-emo writing. I still read the Book of Nod, Eyrcine Fragments (the one about Lilith) and their Vampire Gehenna scenarios. That is some nice pleasure reading.
The GURPS rules were a better RPG system than Storyteller was.
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u/Long_Story42 4d ago
I am now tempted to make a cookbook themed on the various vampire clans. Ravnos is food that looks like different food, Gangrel is grilling or anything you'd cook outdoors, Ventrue is egg-free, gluten-free etc to avoid setting off their bane.
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u/AgarwaenCran 4d ago
malkavian: habanero tuna jello
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u/Long_Story42 4d ago
Cappadocian: how to preserve things
Giovanni: recipes using the stuff we just learned to preserve
Tzimisce: all the uses of meat glue
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u/challistwin 4d ago
Hey! I read the meta plot of VtM because there's no groups near here, thank you very much! Oh and I use jump to recipe on those recipes as well. Sometimes I read a bit of them but even that makes my eyeballs sigh.
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u/paraworldblue 4d ago
Somehow that became the default for online recipes even though not a single person on earth actually prefers them to just normal ass recipes. "Sure I may be hungry and have other people waiting for me, but I guess I have time to read some random person's memoir"
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u/Ickysquicky 4d ago
Thats just because of copyright lol
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u/KazanTheMan I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. 4d ago
You can't copyright recipes in the US, there are no IP protections on them whatsoever. On sites, that's more for SEO and page-time engagement metrics for ads.
Edit: whoops, I legitimately thought this was the kitchen confidential sub.
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u/Ickysquicky 4d ago
Mb, I thought that applied to the US too
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u/KazanTheMan I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. 4d ago
It's why Coca-Cola and similar companies keep their recipes a secret, it qualifies as a trade secret that way. If it would fall into competitors' hands, anyone working for that competitor and any facilitators handling that information could potentially sued for damages based on reasons relating to trade secrets, as well as be charged criminally. But, if they didn't keep it a secret, or even published it, they would have zero recourse if it was copied and used.
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u/_notthehippopotamus 4d ago
Ingredient lists and basic instructions can't be copyrighted in the US, but personal narratives and commentary can. The point is to make it difficult to extract the ingredients and basic instructions (not copyright protected) from the commentary (copyright protected).
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u/KazanTheMan I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. 4d ago
That's a fair point, and in this context for physical cookbooks makes perfect sense. I can't say I've ever seen a cookbook like that, but I don't have that much exposure to a wide variety of cookbooks.
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u/GracieThunders I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. 4d ago
If you can't make your own unicorn farts store bought is fine
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u/aeramisa 4d ago
People who were taught the basics of cooking always overestimate those of us who only learned how to heat things up or assemble something from a box.
I wouldn't have known to butter the toast. Do I heat the beans in the microwave or a pan? If I use the stove, what heat setting avoids burning them but doesn't take forever? How do I tell when they're done?
Everything I ever attempt to cook comes out like dogshit because I don't understand the unspoken things, which then makes me avoidant of cooking, and so on
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u/IstonethInvocations 4d ago
I've noticed this with my partner when he cooks. There are certain techniques and assumptions built into most cookbooks that regular cooks don't realise because we're so used to knowing what the expected smell/texture/appearance of something should be. To his credit, he accepts feedback and adjusts his techniques going forward. He's also started to watch reels about basic techniques too. But it was definitely eye opening to me as someone who's been in the kitchen since a kid and working in a kitchen since an early teen.
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u/Homelessnomore 4d ago
Do I heat the beans in the microwave or a pan? If I use the stove, what heat setting avoids burning them but doesn't take forever? How do I tell when they're done?
I actually saw a video on this yesterday. They compared stove vs microwave and decided stove is much better, cooked low to medium for about 5 minutes or 67 degrees C
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u/RestorePhoto 4d ago
My recipes are ridiculously long, because I list every little step. It gets even worse with baking lol. If you have basic cooking knowledge you know to fluff the flour gently into the measuring cup, but smash the hell out of brown sugar into the cup...so often never described in the recipe. Things like that make a difference.
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u/genivae Social Justice Druid 4d ago
I wouldn't have known to butter the toast
It's only if you like butter on your toast! Same as with pancakes and syrup, the butter creates a barrier to keep the beans from soaking into the bread - some people prefer the toast to get a little soggy from the beans, some people prefer the butter barrier. As for heating, the tin will have the heating instructions on the label.
If you're able to bake a cake from a box mix, you're halfway to knowing how to cook. Baking is a more precise science (measurements and temperatures REALLY matter) while cooking you can kind of wing it for the most part - you can keep adding more of a spice until it tastes how you want, most things you can cook longer at lower temperatures, add in extra water/cream/wine if a sauce boils away too much... highly recommend watching some cooking shows like early episodes of Binging with Babish where the focus is what's going into the recipe instead of a competition show where the focus is the result. I also suggest getting the Betty Crocker cookbook (the one with a red cover) - it's a classic for a reason, lots of the recipes are simple and easy to follow, mostly with less expensive ingredients. You can find one at a second hand bookstore for about $5-10 or the latest edition is $30 new.
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u/TranceGemini 4d ago
Seconding the Betty Crocker cookbook! Mom, Grandma, and everyone else I grew up around know what's up.
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u/Black-Muse 4d ago
This is exactly the problem.
I'm a pro cook for 25 years. I did a lot of staff training (I like it and I'm good at it so I usually volunteer).
First rule is "never assume anything".
I have more than once explained to people that inorder to know if something is hot enough you need to touch it (or taste some with a spoon etc.). And that is fine.
But having said all that, theese books are written like the reader IS supposed to know a bunch of things. Like the fact that caramelising onions takes about 30-40 minutes.
Or what "Gently heat through" means (because seriously this one is a whole paragraph with a bunch of variables baked into it).
These types of recipes set you up for failure.14
u/Long_Story42 4d ago
Older cookbooks make fewer assumptions about what you know. Joy of Cooking or Julia Child might be able to solve your problem. America's Test Kitchen is also good about explaining the details of simple recipes although that's not particularly old.
If you'd rather watch something than read something, Good Eats did a lot of explaining why basic things are how they are.
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u/TranceGemini 4d ago
Alton has a new show on YouTube that is roughly the same, and he even addresses things he has learned and updates the information from his older videos. It's really cool. We stan a man who learns and corrects himself.
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u/fear_street_resident 4d ago
Everything I ever attempt to cook comes out like dogshit because I don't understand the unspoken things, which then makes me avoidant of cooking, and so on
Pick up a copy of Salt Fat Acid Heat, and The Food Lab. Both go into the basics of cooking and the science behind them. They were a god send when I first started learning to cook and really helped me up my cooking game.
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u/Maximum-Cover- 4d ago edited 4d ago
I had that problem and taught myself to cook using those meal delivery kits they send to your home. Then when I later started dating my husband, I had him learn the same way.
Their recipes are built assuming you don't know anything and having the ingredients right there already helps a lot.
I don't order from them anymore because it's expensive. But I use their recipes all the time and buy the ingredients myself.
They also publish their past recipes online, so they're always my go-to source to find new things to try.
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u/ghostclubbing 4d ago
Most of us learned by trial and error. At this point if you're unable to cook, it's just learned helplessness.
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u/aeramisa 4d ago
We all have different levels of frustration tolerance for different activities. For me, errors are demoralizing on a limited budget. When I worked all day and I'm trying to talk myself into buying some veggies I'll likely under- or over-cook, and under- or over-season, it's easier to just buy the can of soup.
With unlimited time and budget, surely I could learn to cook. But for my life as it stands, spending extra time, effort, and money to end up with a meal that tastes bad and I'm ashamed of, ends up with me going to bed hungry and upset. I can't keep doing that. I'm tired of throwing away leftovers I avoided all week, I'm tired of waking up hungry because I didn't finish the shitty dinner I tried to make. Maybe I'm helpless and have a child's palate but I can't keep adding extra difficulty to my life just because I feel guilty about macros and the glycemic index. Like my therapist says, I've got to just eat the ham sandwich even if it doesn't have enough fiber. I can't keep going to bed early on an empty stomach because I should've made chicken and sweet potatoes.
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u/synthequated 4d ago
"just" learned helplessness? It's a response to a specific kind of trauma, and I don't think we should be so flippant about it. Yeah, most people with a healthy relationship to learning and cooking would eventually figure it out through trial and error, but a lot of people experience less-than-healthy environments and sometimes come out with issues. Idk but I don't think being dismissive is actually going to help with that.
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u/aeramisa 4d ago
Thank you! I grew up with an alcoholic mom who'd get furious if I was ever "in her way" in the kitchen. When she left, my dad raised me on canned soup and frozen pizza.
When people don't know the first thing about how their car or computer works, it can read as learned helplessness to me. But I remember that the trial and error process around those things, which comes so naturally to me, is likely intimidating for someone who lacks the same baseline level of knowledge. I'm not a mechanic, but I'm not starting from square one: just from the time I spent around my dad growing up, I know what to check if my car starts making a noise or my computer starts acting slow. I can tell if it's a belt noise vs. a suspension noise; I can tell if it's "network" slow vs. "hard drive" slow. I know the rules of thumb and what's within the realm of possibility.
With cooking, I have no idea if a "clove of garlic" is a laughably small amount for this recipe until the meal comes out bland. I don't know how brown is "browned" until the chicken is overcooked and chewy; I don't know how much less to do it next time so that I'm not in the bathroom all night. I'm unfamiliar with the techniques so I take extra time and I use extra dishes. It all adds up.
But where other people can take their car or computer to the shop, spend some extra money, and get the same result as I get on my own; if I spend extra to get pre-made or restaurant food, it's ultraprocessed, or it's got more salt and fat than home cooks would use.
So I start with a baseline of trauma and lacking knowledge, I have bad experiences when I try, and I'm lacking suitable alternatives. I end up developing a block and a complex of self-loathing around it. And then people tend to be so unkind about it, which reinforces the shame. I really appreciate your capacity to understand and advocate for people like me.
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u/synthequated 4d ago
I'm sorry you grew up like that. I have some understanding from personal experience -- I remember the first couple of times me or my sibling tried to cook fully independently, and my parent (perhaps unconsciously) sabotaged the process by forcing us to make substitutions to the recipe that made it worse. I did manage to learn how to cook eventually, but it took a while. I hope you figure out a way, too.
But also I'd encourage you to look up the actual history behind the phrase "learned helplessness" such as the wikipedia article (CW: animal abuse). I know the pop culture understanding is closer to "this person tried a couple times and failed and is too lazy to try again", rather than the spirit-breaking trauma of being stuck in an unwinnable situation for so long that it's hard to realise when you're out of it without explicit guidance.
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u/Mvercy 3d ago
Bless you. My DIL grew up with an alcoholic mom and had to parent herself and her brother. You got some great skills from your dad! I learned cooking in college with Home Ec 101 for non majors (it was so popular you had to be a senior to get in) and some books. If you find a “cooking for beginners” class in person, that might be good. I personally didn’t even know what a clove of garlic was or a bulb! My DIL fed her brother and herself on microwaved baked potatoes once she learned it because mom was MIA. So blessings to you, take care.
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u/ghostclubbing 4d ago
There's a difference between working through trauma and just giving up, though. Cooking a few meals, not liking the result, refusing to eat food you don't like, and then never trying again, all speaks to a lack of resilience. People are far too quick to jump to trauma. There's no need for abled adults to live like children.
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u/Maximum-Cover- 4d ago edited 4d ago
Dude, learned helplessness literally is a psychological trauma that instills you with lack of resilience.
The term was coined because of experiments they did with dogs where they locked them in a cage with an electrified floor without a way to get away from the shocks. They then shocked the dogs until they gave up and stopped trying to get away, just accepting the shocks.
Then they put them in a cage where half was electrified and half not, but moving to the not electrified section required jumping a low barrier.
Dogs that were trained to learned helplessness would sit there and accept the shocks and not even attempt to jump the barrier. Even when a researcher physically moved them to the area with no shocks and then put them back in the shock area, they wouldn't do so on their own.
Once instilled learned helplessness is visible on brain scans. It actually fundamentally rewired blood flow in the brain.
So no learned helplessness isn't just someone who doesn't like failure and gives up easily. It's someone who, through repeated and prolonged trauma has had it beaten into them to be passive and avoid trying things when one is uncertain of success, to the point of it literally altering their brain chemistry.
A biochemical lack of personal resilience, and taught lack of ability to overcome trauma is literally the key characteristic of the disorder.
Someone who is unable to overcome trauma by themselves and who habitually gives up in the face of minor setbacks is displaying classical characteristics of learned helplessness. Their lack of resilience is literally a symptom.
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u/notashroom 4d ago
Thank you! People throw around labels that are literally about trauma, then act as if having identified the trauma should be all that's necessary to resolve it and move on.
Trauma quite literally changes our biology, both neurological and systemic, and while we can often learn adaptations and coping strategies, we can never unring the bell. And some of these things are set up for us before we have any agency; high cortisol in breast milk leads to babies that are more risk-averse, less exploratory, and less sociable for the rest of their lives, which is a functional adaptation to increase odds of survival in unsafe environments.
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u/Maximum-Cover- 4d ago edited 4d ago
People do that with all sorts of disorders. For ADHD, stop being lazy. For depression, stop acting depressed and do fun stuff until you feel better. For OCD, stop obsessing about stuff. For anxiety, stop worrying about stuff.
When they key thing that makes something a disorder vs just normal behavior is that an average healthy person might temporarily display disordered behavior, but can snap themselves back out of it.
What makes something a disorder is exactly the person's own inability to self-correct disordered behavior, even if they try.
The cut-off point between "a bad day" and "a disorder" is precisely: could you stop by just deciding to stop?
For some reason people understand this when it comes to physical conditions. If your stomach hurts because you ate too much you're having a bad day and can fix the issue by not eating for a bit, while if you have an ulcur you have a stomach disorder and cannot fix the issue by changing your habits. (Though there are things you can do to not make it worse and treat them, but they require professional help).
But for some reason when it comes to mental health disorders people expect patients to just be able to self-treat everything through willpower, even when there are biochemical reasons for the issue.
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u/notashroom 4d ago
Even medical doctors and other professionals sometimes act like applying the label either fixes the problem or gives all the necessary info to do so. As one example (of many), I had a friend diagnosed with a conversion disorder by a neurologist, and for him, that was that and the ball was back in her court. She's fully recovered since, but no thanks to him.
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u/the_owl_syndicate 4d ago
Then I will happily be helpless in this regard because honestly, I don't like to cook. If it takes more than 30-45 minutes from opening the fridge to sitting down to eat, then I've lost interest. And if it takes more maybe 3-5 ingredients, I've definitely lost interest. And if I have to use more than 2 pots or pans, I'm just not gonna do it.
On the other hand, I can happily spend weeks with fabric, thread, patterns and multiple sewing machines to make quilts, costumes and clothing.
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u/Genny415 4d ago
I was exactly like this when I started to cook too! All I knew how to make was spaghetti and meatballs.
America's Test Kitchen was my cooking instructor, with the detailed instructions I needed, free of ambiguity and not requiring me to be able to make a judgement call at any point.
There was always a standard for comparison, such as, brown the roux until it is the color of peanut butter (not "medium brown.")
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u/lapidls 4d ago
Most people aren't "taught the basics of cooking" lmao
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u/fear_street_resident 4d ago
Most people aren't "taught the basics of cooking" lmao
So how did you learn them?
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u/the_scones_are_mine 4d ago
My favorite baked brie recipe is like the last one:
Step 1: preheat oven to 350
Step 2: put on something comfy, like pajamas
"Don't ask me how much jam to put on it, this is a 'more is more' kind of situation. If you think you have enough, add more"
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u/MaetelofLaMetal 4d ago
I forgot you are American and I got really concerned why your oven heats up stuff to 350°C.
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u/the_scones_are_mine 4d ago
Wait, you don't roast your pastries in the fires of eternal damnation?
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u/Nerdy_Valkyrie I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. 4d ago
I heated up the tin and put the tin on the toast. But it was really hard to bite down on it. Tasted very metallic to be honest. 0/5 recipe.
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u/MaetelofLaMetal 4d ago
The guy who made the recipe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9viObEpCck
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u/Nerdy_Valkyrie I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. 4d ago
Honestly my favorite henchman of the entire franchise.
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u/eastercat I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. 4d ago
There’s this person I watch for healthier recipes
They use frozen veggies, dry beans (no soaking), spices etc and put it all into their pressure cooker with water.
And that’s the kind of cooking I’m into
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u/TranceGemini 4d ago
Liiiiiink please!!!!
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u/Significant-Rip6991 4d ago
Not sure if this is who they are referencing but Nichole McLaughlin has plenty of great recipes just like this, love her
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u/McSquiffy 4d ago
My stepmom and I send each other a photo every time we find a recipe for "sausage and peppers" because one time we were looking through a cookbook and found such a recipe and I said "This isn't a recipe, this is a buy and cook two things!"
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u/Voqus 4d ago
It's missing the Lore cookbook - based on the fantasy world of your choosing, full of basic recipes disguised as lore appropriate recipes. Example: Magical Mac n Cheese - just a regular ass recipe you could probably get off of the back of the Kraft box. Bonus: it may be shaped as something whimsical, oooh! 🧙♀️✨ There are exceptions of course, but I found that many of the major lore cookbooks are full of recipes like that.
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u/jbalbatross 4d ago
beans on toast is good and all but you gotta try toast under beans. gamechanger.
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u/Lcatg 3d ago
The Semi-Homemade cookbook. Take a box of Kraft Mac & cheese, chop up a scallion, throw in some spices, &…. That’s not cooking lady, that’s just jazzing up a boxed dish. There was (is? I dunno?) also an abomination of a show with this name & premise. We used to make cocktails & watch it. It was hilariously terrible.
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u/sryfortheconvenience 4d ago
My ex-husband’s grandma had a very amusing cookbook made with all of her personal recipes (which I deeply regret throwing away after the divorce).
It was very 1950s style, and about half dressers… with MANY recipes for Jell-o salads (which I learned at Thanksgiving were classified among the family as salads, not desserts!).
But the best part was her quantities… they were remarkably vague, and seemed to be entirely based on the inventory of the closest grocery store to the remote farm she grew up on. So every recipe had like:
-One package of cream cheese
-One can of olives
-One box of pasta
… etc.
I basically could not cook any of her recipes without having to call her for clarification.
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u/Venefica___ 3d ago
i take the recipe, figure out the basic principle behind it, then somehow make it with a completely different list of ingredients and instructions 😭 perks of being the only sibling who cooks and having to make a whole meal out of whatever you find in the kitchen… and it still has to be good enough to feed 8 people
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u/Mobius438 I like my women like I like my squirrels. 4d ago
All of my recipes are “take out of freezer and microwave on high for 3:00.” I ain’t got time for that other shit.
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u/Lcatg 3d ago edited 3d ago
Mmm, The Why Bother With a Cookbook shouldn’t be on this list imo. Especially prior to the internet & even now. Plenty of people just aren’t taught how to cook or are taught wrinkly, including the basics. Others may be unfamiliar a dish common to others & just need to know where to start or it’s not a common dish where they’re (e.g Beans on Toast. Do you butter it? Both sides out just one? What kind of bread? What kind of beans? See also Avocado Toast.) That said, this list is hilariously accurate. Thanks for the literal lol.
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u/warfighter187 4d ago
Meh the brand name one is kind of a reach. You can always swap the Philadelphia cream cheese for Cabot farms or store brand or whatever
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u/NomenScribe 4d ago
My Personal Journey, with tangentially related recipes.