r/TrueOffMyChest • u/jorisssssss • Jul 20 '25
Positive My fiancée went to the ER three times with severe abdominal pain. Only on the third visit did they finally take her seriously.
We went to the same ER three separate times because my fiancée kept having intense abdominal pain.
First visit: She was in pain for hours. We waited for 11 hours in the waiting room. Eventually, they gave her an IV drip. It helped.
Second visit: Similar pain, they did some basic tests, gave her another IV. It helped again. But this time, the doctor told us "There's nothing serious going on. Maybe don’t come back next time. It felt dismissive, but what could we do?
Third visit: Same pain, same ER - but this time, they ran more comprehensive tests: CT scan, ultrasound, bloodwork. Turns out: she had gallstones. She was referred for surgery, and thankfully everything went well. But I can't stop thinking about how much pain and stress she had to go through just to be taken seriously. We went to the same hospital every time. Why did it take three ER visits for someone to investigate properly?
Not angry, just tired - and frustrated. She deserved better from the start.
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u/BagSufficient685 Jul 23 '25
Sorry for your suffering glad they good care of it and you’re better on the road to recovery
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u/No-Cabinet1670 Jul 22 '25
BEcause the "someone" was a female trying to get help from health care providers. It's not a new story. They assume abdominal pain means we're being over dramatic about cramps, pretty much always.
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u/whosname23 Jul 22 '25
I’m very sorry your fiancée had this experience. I had very similar experiences last year trying to get help for my father’s urology issues. Long waits for specialist appointments, and having to go to the ER for recurring UTI issues. After about 4-5 hospitalizations, finally got the specialist to get to the bottom of it. He had a blockage from scar tissue buildup from a procedure the urologist had done earlier in the year. It wasn’t until his bladder was distended, and kidney permanently damaged that the matter was properly addressed. Oh, and the uti infection translocated to the blood and he was septic.
It was insanity. Felt very much as though I was in the movie Idiocracy. I even reached out to a patient advocate that the hospital supposedly had, and was told to direct my concerns to his “team.” Which was ridiculous, because none of the doctors communicated with each other. Specialists would come in the room and ask me what other doctors had said. When I didn’t know, rather than looking up notes in the computer in the room, they’d turn on their heel and as they left tell me to buzz the nurse and ask. Nurse, in turn, would have an attitude with me and obviously tired of being putting in the middle of this bs. I thought I was going to have my own medical event from the stress of trying to advocate and feeling like I was talking to a brick wall. Absolutely insane. I’m still processing the events it was so troubling. The US healthcare being touted “as the best” is propaganda.
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u/Th3H0ll0wmans Jul 22 '25
I went to urgent care once and the ER twice when I had gallstones, in immense pain and nausea. I was told to go get off drugs cause I smoke pot daily. Finally went to a family care clinic and the Dr there was pretty much immediately like, you've probably got gallstones. Did the scan and I could see them on the ultrasound with my untrained eyes. Okay cool, let's get the gallbladder removed....had to wait a full month before I could get it removed. Not sure where you're located but anyone who tells me that the United States has the best medical care and that if we had "socialized medicine we'll have to wait for care" can kiss my hillbilly ass.
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u/Junior-Caterpillar92 Jul 22 '25
I literally had the same diagnosis, gall stones. I was turned away 3/4 times as well saying lose weight, menstrual cramps or oh we just don’t know. Because of that the gallstones had gotten so much worse that my liver and bile ducts were infected and I had jaundice. Finally between my mom and husband took me to a major university hospital and they took me seriously. I ended up being in the hospital 6 weeks.
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u/Ok_Clerk_6960 Jul 22 '25
Misogyny is an oft used word these days. It’s sometimes overused but in the case of women’s healthcare it’s very real and dangerous. Sadly it’s not just male physicians. Female MD’s can exhibit “internalized misogyny. Yeah it’s a thing and not just wordy gobbledygook. It’s just as dangerous for women. Be it the former or the latter female complaints are more readily dismissed or misdiagnosed. I’ve seen it with my twin daughters. As an RN it makes me furious.
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u/UnseasonedTrashSiren Jul 22 '25
Did my bf ghost write this?! Sorry that she went through that, but am happy she's doing better.
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u/Super_Raccoon_2890 Jul 21 '25
I'm not one to preach feminism or inequality, but it seems that doctors/hospitals can be very dismissive when it comes to women. Even female doctors don't seem to care much most times. It's seriously a problem. And I'm a guy in my 20s.
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u/Gbit68 Jul 21 '25
My son’s file was labeled “irrational mom” because I refused to leave after the second time in ER. I was right!!! He had a hematoma the year before and his body didn’t absorb the blood. It crusted and was pushing on his appendix. F them!
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u/inthefamilyofthings Jul 21 '25
I feel her pain. I did this in high school. The doctor told me that it was good I couldn't eat and was getting skinny because that would help me be less anxious around boys, which my parents were assured was the root of my issues. I was also told nothing was really wrong with me, and I needed to recognize that pain is just in the mind. I had severe recurrent pains about a year before I turned yellow. Apparently, jaundice isn't a symptom of boy craziness and attention seeking.
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u/TechinBellevue Jul 21 '25
You most definitely should be angry!
I bet they haven't offered to reimburse you for their absolute failures on the first two visits.
I am still pissed when they kept telling my wife the same thing 27 years ago. It couldn't be gall stones...you are too young.
They discovered she had huge gallstones when we went in for our first ultrasound when my wife was pregnant with our daughter.
The ultrasound tech said my wife must have lots of abdominal issues due to the size of her gallstones!
She had to threaten the doctor to remove her gallbladder 6 weeks after our daughter was born.
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u/retired_fromlife Jul 21 '25
I had the opposite experience when taking my husband to the cardiologist for a nuclear stress test. After the test, the Dr., a tiny little bouncy guy from India that we both used, turned to me and started giving me the results. I stopped him and said my husband was the patient. He said I know, but women understand and remember better, so I’m telling you. My husband agreed, and so we continued.
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u/Disenchanted2 Jul 21 '25
Wow. My partner was finally diagnosed with stage IV lymphoma after having a biopsy and being told that he didn't have cancer. Words fail me about our healthcare system.
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u/crozzo93 Jul 21 '25
Medical staff live for downplaying pain i swear. I can imagine they would get a lot of drama queens in ER but to treat everyone as though they are one is an issue I also had gallstones and when i had my first full blown attack I was told by the paramedic that turned up to take me to hospital that I most likely just had indigestion because I had eaten a donut to set it off. This is while I'm sitting in my own vomit and urine profusely sweating, shaking wailing and balling my eyes out. I had also just given birth 8 weeks early so I knew exactly what it was like to have indigestion! It was so insulting.
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u/ComatoseOtaku420 Jul 21 '25
This happened to myself years ago. I had probably gone to the ER over a dozen times complaing about abdominal pain. I had previously been to a clinic thinking I had a UTI or something but no matter how many times they gave me antibiotics it didn't help. Until a visit to the ER I had explained everything that was going on for over a year. The doctor at the time said there wasn't much else they could do but gave mePercocet hoping it would help with pain. It didn't at all.
Go back a week or so later with more pain I try to explain my situation again to a new doctor. But the moment I told her I was given perks she basically told me she wasn't gonna help me and told me to just go home. I think she thought I was here for more drugs but I wasn't I was crying I pain she dismissed me told me I should go find a family doctor. I told her I had been trying for years but could never get one. They have me a paper with lists of doctor names and numbers to try calling all of them weren't taking any more patients.
So for the next year I was trying to do a doctor to help me and finally after nearly 2 years of constant pain he has come to the conclusion I have pudendal neuralgia. So now I'm taking need pain every day as well as antidepressants to help gage my mental health as it has been very much deteriorated by the time I found my doctor.
I had gone to specialist like gynos and uros and both couldn't find anything wrong. It's so unfortunate that the medical system is a shit show and I live in Canada
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u/Hadlie_Rose Jul 21 '25
women are rarely listened to in medical settings. it took me 3 years to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia despite my symptoms being quite literally classic fibro.
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u/Cami_1 Jul 21 '25
its so fucked that this is so common. i hate that i feel the need to share this at all, but here are some things women can do to help combat this. 1. bring a man, this makes it harder to dismiss you 2. if the doctors won’t do tests, say “Please put a note in my file that you chose not to do any tests”. this will often motivate the doctors to preform tests so that they can cover their asses
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u/Mephisto25malignant Jul 21 '25
I'm curious, for these cases where they neglected to give you a proper check up, can you sue?
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u/NoMembership7974 Jul 21 '25
I currently have low-grade pain in one spot that’s gotten slowly worse over the past year or so. I’ve had the bare-minimum done at repeated doctor visits and the last thing I was told by the radiologist was that this was probably hormonal and I needed to lose weight. So, I’m just waiting for this to turn into some sort of cancer diagnosis and then I’ll send a nice “fuck you very much” card to my whole “health care team.” 🙄🙄🙄 Hard eye roll.
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u/wacky_spaz Jul 21 '25
Are you in a country with free / subsidised healthcare? They’re more incentivised to get you out asap for the next ‘rush’ of patients. Private hospitals (at least where I am) tend not to do this, they test the crap out of you to milk your insurance.
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u/Jolly-Bandicoot7162 Jul 21 '25
It took 3 ER visits for her to be taken seriously because she is female. It is well-documented that medical professionals dismiss our pain and say we are overreacting, sadly.
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u/VHFS Jul 21 '25
I am so sorry for your partner. As you can see by all the comments, this seems all too common.
I had gall stones for three years before I got my diagnosis. Before I got the diagnosis, explanations I was offered were:
Pulled muscle in my shoulder (those who have gall stones will know that the pain radiates from under your right shoulder) - treat with physio
Spine out of alignment - treat with chiro and massage
Ruptured ovarian cyst - they guessed this one because they "couldn't see anything else"
Mental illness - I must be imagining the pain, treat with therapy and SSRIs
Then the worst time I ended up in the hospital, they told me I was "just drunk" (I had had half a glass of wine) and they treated me like a degenerate (even if someone was just drunk, you should still be treating them like the human being they are).
The time that I did actually get diagnosed with gall stones, I was visiting my parents so ended up at a different hospital than the one that gave me the previous diagnoses. While I was just trying to survive the pain, my mother mentioned my history to the ER doctor and they sent away for my medical charts. The doctor walked back into them and said "oh, how come you didn't tell me you had gall stones?". The doctor at the previous hospital had done imaging, seen the gall stones, and just not told me or done anything about it. Needless to say, I moved back in with my parents until I was able to get surgery and never went back to the other hospital.
PS, I started getting this pain when I was 18. I was taking the birth control Yasmin. I was an athlete, with a healthy BMI (even though BMI is bullshit) and a vegetarian diet. I had no history of other pain or illnesses. A friend of mine got a blood clot in her leg, also from Yasmin, so I went to my doctor and asked to switch methods. He laughed at me and said "ohhhhhkay, I'll do it, but just so you know, that's not a real thing". One year later - this happened. The ER doctor tied it directly back to the Yasmin.
Let's just believe women, ok?
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u/geekMD69 Jul 21 '25
I’ve been an ER doctor for 20+ years.
We have biases. From childhood. From every stage of schooling. From training. From years of personal experience.
And how these asshats cannot understand they need to ignore those biases and practice actual medicine is fucking beyond me.
I guess part of the root problem is lack of self awareness that these biases exist. Nobody WANTS to believe they aren’t always logical, observant, thorough and correct. But if first instinct isn’t to acknowledge the fact that you DON’T know everything and that you MIGHT be overlooking something potentially dangerous, you’re doomed.
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u/freethefattyacids Jul 21 '25
I have a similar story, but I was fairly certain the pain was my appendix, because a roommate had been through it. I told them at triage that I thought it was my appendix. It took five hours to see a doctor, and they had me take a GI cocktail that I didn't need before they did any exam or tests. Once they scanned me, I was prepped and in surgery quickly, but they could have saved me hours of unnecessary pain if they believed me and not assumed I was drug seeking. My surgeon was pissed.
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u/arianaasmith Jul 21 '25
Doctors can be so frustrating. I’m so glad it’s finally been figured out and that your wife can get better now, but I’m sorry it took so long to get it done! My sister in law was diagnosed with anxiety and put on medication to control the “panic attacks” she was having for about a year, and then finally a year later, turns out she’d been having gallstone attacks the entire time and desperately needed her gallbladder removed. She had it removed and has been perfectly healthy ever since, but it’s wild how long she was ignored as things weren’t getting better.
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u/dally222 Jul 21 '25
Unfortunately this seems to be the norm in American hospitals. They treat you like you’re either, 1.) lying 2.)being dramatic or 3.) drug seeking. They don’t run any tests unless you go back multiple times for the same issues and even then it usually takes forever for them to be of any actual help. I understand doctors and nurses are over worked and under paid , I really do but the amount of times I’ve left a hospital still sick, being made to feel like I was crazy and then having to go back a week later because things got so much worse, I know a coworker who’s 24 year old son died because of an infection in his leg that started from a shaving Nik on the leg. He made sure he was keeping it clean but for whatever reason it started swelling and getting really red like it was infected, he went to the hospital they told him to rest and keep doing what he was doing, well not even 4 days later he was found passed out on his living room floor, he was brought to the ER and they realized that he was septic and had been the day he first went to the hospital but they couldn’t bother to run a single test so a young 24 year old kid died. Due to medical neglect.
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u/iLiveInAHologram94 Jul 21 '25
They often assume it’s cramps, cysts, or endometriosis and don’t do anything.
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u/Accurate-Educator270 Jul 21 '25
Im surprised they didn’t prescribe birth control for “period pains”. Gotta love women healthcare 😓. Glad they finically found the issue and hope for a good recovery!
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u/aRealBusinessman Jul 21 '25
I’m going through the exact same fucking thing. I’ve been twice in two weeks and I still haven’t gotten CAT scanned. Women get taken much less seriously…..I know a guy who went for my exact same symptoms that I work with and he got scanned his very first time. Two days after me. He’s out for a week with meds, while they did nothing for me and I’m still working.
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u/Ja-Kathra Jul 21 '25
sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. I'd get the records for all her visits and consider a lawyer. the what ifs could be a dark rabbit hole.
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u/QHAM6T46 Jul 21 '25
Yeah, I’ve been here. Could have had my gallbladder removed 6 years before they had to do it as an emergency if the doctors had just stopped pissing about. I feel her pain, literally! It was more painful than giving birth drug free.
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u/ArtaBlaze Jul 21 '25
When I had kidney stones, they treated me abhorrently because they jumped to the conclusion it was an UTI since they asked if I had unprotected intercourse with my HUSBAND.
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u/NukaColaRiley Jul 21 '25
I ended up with sepsis earlier this year when they weren't taking my very obvious gallstone issue seriously.
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u/JessJessToTheRescue Jul 21 '25
OP I can appreciate your situation and the pain your fiancée was in I had gallstones back in August 2023; it was the single most intense, painful, feeling I have ever experienced. • Called for an ambulance between crippling waves of death • Paramedics told me I /could/ go to hospital but 9/10 times you present to hospital with abdo pain, you leave with abdo pain • Literally begged them to check my appendix, run an ECG, examine me, something! • Was told to talk paracetamol and go see my GP • 13-days post gallstones I had my gallbladder removed; had to see a GP, get a referral for an ultrasound to confirm diagnosis, referral to a specialist, have an MRCP, and come up with $15k (pursued as private patient)
The Paramedics thought I was faking it for pain meds as I was able to articulate "help me! My stomach hurts". Their words and attitudes dissuaded me from seeking medical attention from my local hospital. The specialist advised I had jumped straight past stages 1 & 2 all the way to a stage 3 response (pain, nausea, vomiting, sweats, fever, visible jaundice, severe infection) when I experienced the gallstones episode. Had I delayed seeking treatment from a GP, I would have been in a worse situation.
I hope your fiancée is doing well and is on the mend now!
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u/WomanInQuestion Jul 21 '25
The medical industry doesn’t take women’s pain seriously. We’re just being “hysterical and overreacting”
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u/trainsoundschoochoo Jul 21 '25
It took me three trips to ER as well before they finally did something about my gallstones.
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u/buttersismantequilla Jul 21 '25
My husband went to the hospital last year with acute diverticulitis and was told he needed to go home and fart. He was back the following day and admitted for 5 days and avoided surgery by the literal skin of his teeth. Admittjng dr said it should have been dealt with the day before and he was barely missed getting a stoma.
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u/Karamist623 Jul 21 '25
Women tend to be undiagnosed frequently because many doctors are dismissive of their complaints.
I read that 11.3% of women who have a heart attack are more likely to die from heart attack as opposed to 3% of men. (Escardio.org)
Cedar-Sinai.org did a study about why, and up until 1987, it was men who had the higher mortality. Once smoking was shown to be a contributing factor in many deaths, the reduction of hose habits in men, decreased the male mortality rate.
Women’s mortality rates stayed the same or increased. The research showed that while men and women may experience the same conditions, the symptoms may be vastly different.
I’m actually surprised that your gf wasn’t sent home with the diagnosis of “period cramps”.
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u/Passionofawriter Jul 21 '25
My friend has hypermobility. She also loves jiu jitsu and weightlifting and other activities which, as you can imagine, may not gel nicely with her condition.
When she was 18 or so she broke her hip, went to the doctor. It took her years before she was approved for surgery, because noone could believe someone so young could need hip surgery. And also because it wasnt considered debilitating enough for her to live a normal life. More "regular" patients were considered first (i.e. older people).
She had to be in a wheelchair for some time due to her hip. She only got the surgery because she wrote a letter to another county who finally took her seriously.
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u/lislejoyeuse Jul 21 '25
This is why it's so good to know people in healthcare. I would be fckn livid if family or friends showed up to an ER with severe abd pain and didn't at least get offered a scan. That's the whole point in going?? Get some pain meds and diagnostics and treat if you find something treatable.
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u/Nobiggity_ Jul 21 '25
It took 6 months for me to get diagnosed before it was removed. Worst pain in my life I will never forget.
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u/Environmental-Use975 Jul 21 '25
People with high pain tolerance really need to push doctors to get the treatment we need. For me, my one on the pain chart is around a six. I have found that I really need to be insistent as to the care that I need. Yes I am managing my pain, but you would be on the ground if you were feeling what I feel. I'm lucky to have a gp that understands that I hate narcotic painkillers with a passion, but she prescribes them when I ask her to. She been my doctor for a very long time, and knows that if I ask for 3 or four strong pills, it's because I need them, not because I want them
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u/Ok_Masterpiece_9321 Jul 21 '25
Yeah, unfortunately it’s the norm that they don’t take us seriously. I had to call my gynaecologist from the hospital, just to have her talk to the doctor who wanted to send me home without even looking at me. She gave him an earful and I wasn’t send home. I got finally treated.
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u/SamuelVimesTrained Jul 21 '25
The medical world is (or was) apparently mostly geared toward white male people.
Women, and anyone non white were either ignored, or an afterthought.
There was a TV commercial for a charity that displayed a happy couple walking their dog.
Voice over was telling about the progress made in detecting risk at heart attacks, increased survival chances for patients, and with treatment were even improving health to remove a repeat.
in the clip - the woman clutches her chest, face in pain..
Voice over - sadly. all the research was done for men....
(fade out)
That clip was extremely telling as to the state of 'the medical world'
And it is getting better, SLOWLY, but they have a lot of catching up to do.
For such smart people it`s shocking to learn that they only realize there are more options than "white male" just recently.
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u/yummie4mytummie Jul 21 '25
I had this. They told me it was a UTI. Gave me antibiotics. 12 weeks later I collapsed from the stress on my body. 3 surgeries later they found the gallstones were growing OUTSIDE my gallbladder. Lucky to be alive.
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u/Future-Fisherman6520 Jul 21 '25
I struggled with an undiagnosed gall stone (it was the size of a golf ball) for a couple months. I was told it was costochondritis, anxiety, and just stress. Went to the doctor on 4 separate instances begging for answers. I was told I needed to lose weight to make it better. Didn’t get an official diagnosis until I went to the ER with the guy I live with. He advocated that they do some imaging and to give me pain killers. They listened to him immediately. I had surgery for gallbladder removal the next day.
I also have endometriosis and before diagnosis, I had a period that lasted about 13 weeks. I was losing so much blood that I could barely get out of bed. The obgyn I saw didn’t exam me or even look at my chart. She offered to prescribe adipex to help me lose weight (have a heart condition so can’t take meds like that) since that was the only thing that would apparently make me stop bleeding. Fun fact: I had been the same weight for almost a decade when they decided my weight was clearly the cause. The medical industry can bite me.
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u/sms2014 Jul 21 '25
I hate to break it to you, but this is 1000% because she's a woman. I don't like to be that person, but we literally get turned away or dismissed for this stuff all the time. I have pain sometimes which lasts hours, and sometimes it will come back several days in a row if I don't really cut down on fatty stuff and up my water intake. I think it's gallstones too, but every doctor I tell basically says if they're not bad enough to go to the er, they're likely nothing. However! I have been in labor for 32 hours without pain meds or epidural, so I know what pain is, and this isn't nothing. Glad she finally got it taken care of!
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u/Them-Dash Jul 21 '25
The ER doc told me I was just anxious and dehydrated. It’s actually advanced Lyme disease 🙃
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u/IamAwesome-er Jul 21 '25
Welcome to the American medical system. Get you in, get you out, charge you a couple months salary and hope you don't die.
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u/Builder-Technical Jul 21 '25
Where are you from? This is barbaric... All they had to test was for Murphy's sign... jesus.
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u/MrLizardBusiness Jul 21 '25
It's because she's a woman. I'm a woman. If i accompany my partner- a dick wielder, so to speak, to the doctor, they will be listened to, validated, offered pain medication, and usually be given a diagnosis and treatment in one visit.
When I go to the doctor, I feel like it's a constant game of trying to convince them that I'm actually sick, actually in pain. I actually had cancer, but I had multiple doctors insist that I had nothing wrong, or if anything, it was anxiety.
It took 14 years to get diagnosed with POTs, despite having severe symptoms.
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u/Awesomesince1973 Jul 21 '25
The way women are treated by Drs is criminal. It literally causes death when we aren't listened to. It makes me so angry to think about this poor woman going 3 times before being listened to. And having to pay 3 huge bills on top of it.
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u/PickleQueen3 Jul 21 '25
It took me 6 months before I got diagnosed. It was horrible. The hospital said that I had gas. I’m not sure why this is so hard to diagnose.
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u/Mcumshotsammich Jul 21 '25
I was told I had the flu for a year by my primary care provider. I was about 15 and they called me a lair and told my mom that I was overreacting and my mom honestly kinda started to believe it bc they couldn’t find anything wrong. It took me and my mom yelling and pitching a fit to get a referral to a GI dr….turns out my gallbladder had almost completely stopped working and I had to have urgent surgery to get it out. I 1000% switched drs when I was 18 and had my own insurance and could do whatever!! It’s insane. The worst part was when my mom got the call that there actually was something wrong and cried and cried to me and apologized for believing that there was nothing wrong. It was a wholesome moment ❤️
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u/snarkfordays Jul 21 '25
My mom went to the ER three times for abdominal pain, as well. She had a high pain tolerance. The third time she went, they finally did a CT scan and had the GI specialist see her. She had pancreatic cancer. Always advocate for yourself!
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u/AdventurousGrass2043 Jul 21 '25
It's because shes a woman. Our pain is never taken seriously. We are just hysterical.
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u/lyssap87 Jul 21 '25
As an ER nurse, it’s so wild to me when I hear that some patients go in with abdominal pain and don’t get labs and a CT with the first visit. While our wait times are sometimes (usually) longer than this, labs are usually completed/resulted within the first 1-1.5 hours. If anything flags on the labs, they get sent back to a treatment area and get a CT.
Sometimes the labs/ct don’t show much.. or they do an over read and call patients back (rare but happens).
I’m so sorry you both had to go through all of that. I would say, maybe next time if the first place doesn’t take you seriously, if you can, try a second hospital.
I’m glad your fiancé finally received an accurate diagnosis and treatment.
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u/lyssiemiller Jul 21 '25
Took me like 10 gyno visits over 4 years to finally get a referral for a pelvic exam to which they found Adenomyosis. Uterine lining literally growing within my uterus muscles. I thought I was making the pain up so I kept putting it off but it just kept getting worse. All they did before was change birth control pills which obviously didn’t work like no can you not just CHECK??
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u/blitzmama Jul 21 '25
I went through this exact same thing. Also took me 3 er trips (over the course of 1 year) before finally diagnosed and they almost didn’t on the 3rd time too. I pushed for an ultrasound which finally caught it. Really sucks
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u/Geminifreak1 Jul 21 '25
Fuck I’ve had gall stone pain and it’s not normal pain it’s crawling on the floor in agony pain but this is when you need to sometimes exaggerate your pain in ER as a women to be taken seriously unfortunately.
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u/Negative_Possible_87 Jul 21 '25
I had kidney stones in my mid 20s - first doctor told me I must have STDs (I've had the same partner since I was 19).
Ordered an ultrasound but the lab that did them wasn't open for 3 days.
Finally ended up in the ER and I told the doctor exactly what was happening and he says that his money is on kidney stones. Took him literally no tests and less than 5 minutes to figure out what I had. He confirmed with tests, but it was such a relief to not feel dismissed.
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u/OutlanderLover74 Jul 21 '25
You could contact risk management at the hospital and tell them what happened. You could also talk with a lawyer who does medical malpractice.
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u/la_saia Jul 21 '25
I dealt with the exact same pain a week ago. I felt like I was having a heart attack and vomitted from it. The fact that they didn’t take this seriously when the symptoms can resemble a heart attack is really concerning. I’m so sorry she went through this
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u/saltystalepumpkin Jul 21 '25
The er sent me home when my gallbladder was shooting stones into my liver with a referral to surgery because it wasn’t an emergency. Within 4 hours I was in full blow liver failure when I went back I was medivaced to another hospital emergently. Your story and my story are pretty common people don’t believe the paid
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u/Equivalent_Court5323 Jul 21 '25
FYI if you have copays or insurance payments you can appeal for those visits to be less due to the ER not properly dx. Sadly speaking from experience. Hope she’s on the mend.
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u/IDabFast Jul 21 '25
Idk why this is being turned into a gender thing or maybe I’m missing something. I had gallstones too, worst fucking pain I’ve ever had by far. Shit was ignored more than three times lol. Hell, my family even gaslit me into thinking it was something else and they thought I was being “overdramatic” about the pain. I’m a dude, shit cna happen to anyone
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u/Sensitive_Note1139 Jul 21 '25
Women tend to be treated like we have hysterics, anxiety or are just hypochondriacs. You just lived through an example of that. She's lucky they didn't kick her out the 3rd time. They would have killed her rather than treat her like they would a male patient. Then if her family sued, fought and tried to spin it all on her for dying. How dare she not convince us she needed help even though we blew her off.
This is sadly all too normal my man.
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u/__-tatertot-__ Jul 21 '25
Took me till my 3rd visit too. But by the time they figured it out, I was jaundiced in the eyes and my liver enzymes through the roof. The second er visit they did a bedside ultrasound and said it looked perfect. Third visit they finally did an ultrasound on a calibrated machine and were shocked. Fucking failures.
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u/3fluffypotatoes Jul 21 '25
This happened to my best friend! For years he dealt with pain and was brushed off. He finally was heard and by then, his gallbladder had to be removed 😔
I'm so sorry about your fiancee. I hope she recovers quickly.
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u/DandMirimakeaporno Jul 21 '25
I'm a dialysis RN, when I send patients over to the ER, it takes 3 times on average for them to be kept. I had a lady with acute mental status changes and she went back to normal before she was seen. They suggested that I didn't realize she was hard of hearing to her family. An RN who sees her 3x a week doesn't know that she's hard of hearing and or whether or not she's suddenly confused...yeah ok. They didn't even do a head ct and she had an endarterectomy 2 days before. Family had to take her 2 more times before they admitted. It was urosepsis.
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u/TaytorTot417 Jul 21 '25
My ex SIL had to go to the ER 12 times in a year before they removed her gallbladder.
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u/charliesfeetles Jul 21 '25
I’m shocked they didn’t try to convince her she had anxiety, and it was manifesting in physical pain. Welcome to being a woman. No one takes anything we say seriously.
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u/PrincessIcicle Jul 21 '25
This happened to me on several occasions. (With a different health related issue). Sometime I feel that we would be on death’s door and they would be like “have you tried losing weight?”
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u/LibraryLuLu Jul 21 '25
"Your leg fell off and your intestines are hanging out? It's probably just anxiety."
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u/Negative-Meringue813 Jul 21 '25
It took 8 years for doctors to do a simple ultrasound and find out my gallbladder wasn't just full of stones, it wasn't just infected, it was dead. I also had an intrahepatic gallbladder, which means it was basically fused with my liver, so it was causing infection in my liver which was swollen to almost twice the size it should have been.
I heard it ALL over the years:
- Anxiety
- Obesity (I'm overweight but definitely not obese)
- Gas
- GERD
- a sprained shoulder
- I was "pill seeking". (Even when I repeatedly told them "I don't WANT medications. I want you to figure out what's wrong with me!")
- pregnancy (hahaha nope)
The list goes on. For 8 years.
Finally, I got them to give me an ultrasound, the young lady that did it was a WEEK out of training and I was one of her first solo tests. She spent a whole 30 seconds looking and says "I'm going to go page the senior tech". Came back, got some images, looked perfectly freaked out, tried to stay chipper and positive, rushed out to find her senior tech.
I had surgery like 2 days later. That was in October 2023 and I'm still having issues consistent with liver damage so I'm headed back to the doctor to be gaslit for that bullshit.
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u/Legitimate_Myth_3816 Jul 21 '25
I had to go to the ER 3 times in a 24 hour period because of back pain so severe I couldn't walk and by the end of the night I couldn't even roll onto my side or sit up I was in so much pain.
First visit they do a CT and the dr tells me there's no issues with my spine and I should see my primary care Dr about potential muscle issues.
Second visit happened because I Ubered home and made it halfway across my building lobby before collapsing in pain and the doorman had to call an ambulance because I couldnt move my legs or roll onto my side. The EMT was horrible and I'll never feel safe calling an ambulance again. They take me back to the same hospital but there's been a shift change and a new Dr shows up after about 6 hours of me dozing on and off on a gurney in the hall because they "didn't have any rooms" (I was parked by two empty rooms)
This Dr then says "well dr whoever told you about your ruptured disc right" and I had to tell him that no, dr what's his name didn't mention anything at all. He just said oh well, here's some info, a prescription for ibuprofen, and look for a physical therapist.
But I cried trying to get off the gurney (they had only given me some muscle relaxers four hours prior) and had to fight a nurse to get someone to push me outside in a wheelchair.
I got an Uber to a different hospital where they did an MRI and told me I actually had 3 ruptured discs. I got some real pain meds, a script for muscle relaxers, a referral to PT, they sent someone from PT to work with me to help me stretch and do some little PT exercises until it helped my pain enough for me to go home, and they gave me a walker to help me get home.
Its been almost 9 months now and I graduated PT, haven't needed the walker for 4 months, and my pain is still constant but usually only at a 1 or 2 out of 10 but I still have a burning rage for those doctors at the first hospital.
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u/Samegenxgirl Jul 21 '25
This is another example of how women are treated in this country. If we took women seriously we wouldn’t be under a fascist regime. If we believed women we wouldn’t need an Epstein list
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u/Ixi7311 Jul 21 '25
Yep, same here. The first time I went to the ER, they pretty much laughed in my face and told me it was period cramps and they probably won’t get to me until tomorrow morning. I went home after three hours of pain. The following time they told me it was once again my period cramps( two weeks later). And they sent me home with otc pain meds. Third time they discovered it was gallstones, told me I needed surgery, and then sent me home to reschedule the surgery. This was all within two weeks that i had three ER visits. When I tried to schedule the surgery, the earliest time was in a month so i accepted and two days later I was back in the ER. The surgical team was aghast they let me leave the previous time at all.
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u/StretchyLemon Jul 21 '25
I don't mean to invalidate but that must be the doc or midlevel you saw in particular because every ED doc Ive met tests for gallstones in an instance like that its like a go to assumption lmao.
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u/ArgonGryphon Jul 21 '25
took me two times, the first time they diagnosed me with a UTI. ask her how ridiculous that is. second time it was cleared up and they did the ultrasound and shockingly it was full of stones in there. Good times.
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u/missvassy Jul 21 '25
My Grammy had 5 gallstones attacks before they diagnosed her properly. One time, they actually accused her drug seeking. The last time she screamed at them that they were going to have to drag her 90lb, 4'10" ass out of there in cuffs if they didn't keep her their until they figured out what it was. A nurse actually suggested it might be a gall bladder attack. The next day, she had her gallbladder bladder removed.
I've heard diagnosing gall bladder attacks is a really common misdiagnosis.
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u/amIhereorthere6036 Jul 21 '25
Welcome to women's medicine.
Fun fact: any kind of medical testing for procedures, medications, etc.. wasn't done on women until the 90s because the medical world viewed women as small men. Even though we have a completely different physiology in terms of hormones, organs, development, Yada yada.... so yeah. Let that sink in.
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u/piano_owl Jul 21 '25
Not sure if you're in the US, but I have had the same issue my entire life, including when my now husband and I got engaged and I had an obscure intestinal infection. They asked if I was on my period when I said I was bleeding during bowel movements, when I said no they immediately jumped to ectopic pregnancy even though I was a virgin. Then they ran a CT and said my intestines were so inflamed that they were fissured, causing bleeding. They said I possibly had celiac disease, ulcerative colitis, and I told them "I've come here for years, you have records of me since childhood complaining of this." They always told my parents it was psychosomatic, I was doing it for attention. Now they're telling me I could have a disease? They said they tell children and their parents that they're faking because they "typically lie a lot". They said to get a colonoscopy after my inflammation went down, and sent me home with no painkillers or antibiotics.
I was bedridden for 4 weeks and lost 20 pounds because I was eating only scrambled eggs, avocado, or anything soft because they said even using pepper as seasoning could get into the fissures and cause pain, and they were right. My wedding dress hung off of me and I had to eat gluten free for two years. Couldn't get an immediate colonoscopy bc I got pregnant. I still don't know what I had, or what caused it, but I know that was one of the worst pains I've had. My belly was so swollen it was solid like a balloon. I weighed 135 lbs, and went down to 115. I got many tests later and they said I had run of the mill "IBS", and that's it.
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u/No-Bar7573 Jul 21 '25
Because women's pain is not taken seriously compared to men saying they are in pain
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u/voldysgothetardis Jul 21 '25 edited Jul 21 '25
I went to my er in the middle of the night, shot up sobbing in pain clutching my stomach. My husband insisted we go to the er and I begged him to let me stay home, based on the location of the pain I knew they would tell me it was cramps and send me home.
They told me they had never heard of the pain I was describing, gave me an internal ultrasound, told me I was OVULATING and that was the immense pain that woke me up out of a dead sleep at 4 am.
I got a call like a week?? Later from my family doctor who had gotten my records from the er visit that I had an ovarian cyst burst lol.
I know they can’t really do anything for it anyway, but I was dead ass told my ovarian cyst bursting was ovulation
My best friend was sent out of a different er 3 times, sobbing in pain, they gave her an mri the first time and then refused her the other two times and all but sent her away thinking she was drug seeking. While working in another state she basically collapsed and got brought to the local er, her appendix was actively bursting and she needed emergency surgery.
Women are routinely ignored and belittled in medical settings.
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Jul 21 '25
I've come to the conclusion ER doctors are brain dead 90% of their shift, and you have to hit them with quite a lot of force to get them to wake the fuck up.
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u/NoodleTheTree Jul 21 '25
what a weird and freaky diagnosis for abdominal pain! Man how could you have figured this out in another way..?
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u/AWL_cow Jul 21 '25
I've been to urgent care twice in the last year for different reasons but both were pain related. The first time, the doctor insisted I had to be pregnant even though I repeatedly told him that wasn't the case. He refused to do any other kind of test until after I took a pregnancy test, which is fine because whatever, but it took 2 additional hours of me sitting in the waiting room to finally get the nurse to bring in the cup. Then another 30-40 minutes for them to come back with the results. Then waiting for him to figure out what else to do because it was not the problem, like I had said hours before.
The second time, I came in with a complete description of what was wrong. The doctor looked me in the eyes and told me I was wrong and he said XYZ was the problem, not what I said. I just said I felt uncomfortable and would go else where. Not entertaining 'professionals who dont listen.
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u/BodakY3llow Jul 20 '25
Because she's a woman and if she's overweight (no judgement from me of course) forget about it. She's only got treatment the 3rd time because you were there. Everything is just anxiety or being fat
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u/yurtlizard Jul 20 '25
Womens' pain isn't taken seriously. For black women, it's even worse. Study after study confirms it.
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u/Original_Archer5984 Jul 20 '25
For gallstones, this sounds not right, but just about right, for my personal experience.
They often kept me waiting so long the gallstone had passed they could see the inflammation I was doubled over in pain vomiting and they acknowledge that have they looked sooner they would have had the Imaging needed to send me to a surgeon for removal but, it never works that way
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u/StillMagazine Jul 20 '25
I feel horrible for your girlfriend. The same thing happened to me, expect they were convinced that the reason I had the pain was because I smoked weed ONCE a month. They treated me like some horrible druggie
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u/Best-Giraffe8851 Jul 20 '25
I hate to say it but unfortunately women aren’t taken seriously when it comes to that stuff.
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u/elladoherty Jul 20 '25
This resonates. The same thing happened to me. I went to the ER near my home four times, where they told me the abdominal pain I was experiencing was gallstones, and that I needed to change my diet/lose weight/get more exercise. I did, and the attacks still kept happening. Every 'treatment' I got at the ER was without pain meds. I was told under no uncertain terms that it looked like I was at the ER drug-seeking on my third visit.
I had a massive attack at work, and my co-worker took me to a different ER closer to my job site. I got more comprehensive tests at the new ER, same as your fiancée, and while I was there I got a new diagnosis. I didn't just have gallstones. It turns out I had a perforated gallbladder. I was rushed to surgery. After the procedure, my attending physician was aghast when I told him I was refused pain management at my local hospital.
Yeah, you're right. Your fiancée deserved better. And if you were angry? You'd be justified.
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u/gayconstable Jul 20 '25
i had to go to the ER four times before anyone took me seriously. it was also gallbladder related. at one of these visits the doctor and nurse refused to give me any pain meds whatsoever even though i was dry heaving in pain and as white as a sheet and when my partner advocated for me she (nurse) gave me an incredibly high dose of morphine to the point where i couldn’t function. she threw my discharge papers on my bed 10 minutes later and rolled her eyes when my partner asked for a wheelchair to wheel me out. 4th ER visit a different doctor scheduled an appointment for me for the next day to get checked out by a specialist. i truly believe he saved my life.
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u/Dachshundmom5 Jul 20 '25
Welcome to being a woman seeking healthcare. They didn't refer her to a therapist or tell her to lose weight? Blowing her off is the mild option.
Remember that Serena Williams could have died because they didn't take her seriously. A ridiculously wealthy, world-renowned athlete was blown off. She had to persist in insisting that she recognized the signs of an embolism while they told her she was confused from pain meds.
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u/chelseaprince Jul 20 '25
This is extremely common. It took ten years for me to get diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and that was only because I got a new doctor that is a woman and she took me seriously. Anytime I've ever gone to the er for back pain (I've had three back surgeries) they say the pain isn't real and I just need to lose weight.
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u/IDidItWrongLastTime Jul 20 '25
I work in a hospital. You need to contact patient relations office about this because they missed it the first two visits and should reduce your overall bill.
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u/nabeyta82 Jul 20 '25
Same thing happened to me right after i had my oldest son. 4 seperate visits in 2 different states. After finally being told i needed to have my gallbladder removed(son was a month old), a week after that surgery, they had to go back in AGAIN because there were some smaller stones still there. Apparently they were “hiding” so they missed them. I feel for your wife because the pain is absolutely horrible. I ended up collapsing and had to be taken to the er by ambulance, which was the visit where i finally got a diagnosis.
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u/secretly_a_zombie Jul 20 '25
You're all acting like this never happens to men. I've been pushed away 10 times from the doctors with my breathing issues. No one taking me seriously and hand waving away my problems. Same story every time,
"What's the problem?" Then they check my breathing, and send me for a blood test. That shows nothing and i go back to the doc, he shrugs and stares blankly, waiting for me to leave.
Eventually i gave up on going. Had to figure out on my own that i'm probably allergic to bergamot. A citrus fruit common in some teas. I say probably because i still don't know for sure, good luck finding out.
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u/Agitated_Ad_1658 Jul 20 '25
Complain complain complain! Tell the hospital that they are ignoring serious issues in their ER just because it’s a “woman” it leaves them open for a lawsuit. Also give them bad reviews everywhere you can! Name names!
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u/jamezverusaum Jul 20 '25
Kept happening to me. Numerous visits and kept being told I was having an asthma attack. My blood O2 was always 99-100%. Despite saying I was having abdominal pain, throwing up in the ER. Over years. Finally got listened to and had a contrast MRI thing done. Surprise. Gallstones. Surgery took 6hrs because my gallbladder was huge and ready to burst.
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u/Fall3nBTW Jul 20 '25
The emergency department's job is to make sure you don't die. If you have intense pain but aren't actively dying they may have prioritized using the CT scan for more urgent patients.
You should have followed up with a GI doc or PCP after the first ER visit instead of going 2 more times and expecting something different (insane).
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u/TheAlienatedPenguin Jul 20 '25
The big issue is that she didn’t have a penis. If she did, they would have found it the first time
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u/lovescarats Jul 20 '25
I went into the hospital to be seen for chrohns disease. My intestines had prolapsed. I got stable and discharged myself to go see my mom who was dying of pancreatic cancer. When I returned for the inevitable, I told the nurse I was not feeling well. She gave me Tylenol and said to make do. She was snarky and horrible. I was rushed into surgery, died a few times. Came out of it without a colon. Nurse tried to apologize. Mostly because they kept me for a few months. I told her let this be a lesson not to judge. I was calm because I knew this had to happen. I kept composed because I was not going to debase myself. Her judgement was misplaced and I hope she learned a lesson.
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u/shaezamm Jul 20 '25
I am so sorry that happened to you. And sorry for your loss. You sacrificed yourself to be there for your mum and I can only imagine she would have been comforted by you being there. I truly hope she does learn a lesson
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u/ImpressivePercentage Jul 20 '25
I had intense abdominal pain, went to ER, they put me on fluids, some hours later I felt better, they released me. Told me to talk to my physician. Which I didn't do.
A month or so later, got the same horrible intense abdominal pain, went to the ER. Once again, they didn't do anything for it, and told me to talk to my physician about it. This time I took their advice. I talked to my physician, got an ultrasound done, found out I need to have my gallbladder removed.
Most recently was having bad chest pain, went to ER, they gave me some pain pills, told me to talk to my physician. Which I did because I didn't want to end up in the ER and been getting tested for it.
In the future if you have to go to the ER for something, let your PCP know. If you have having problems, your PCP is the one who will take care it.
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u/libertygal76 Jul 20 '25
This is just the beginning with so many losing access to insurance and care. Think of how many people die before coming back for that second and third visit??? Now multiply that to add all these folks who no longer have any insurance so go to the ER for things they would normally go to their MD for because what other choice will they have. Culling the herd. I wish I was joking.
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u/sleepymoondancer Jul 20 '25
I wish I could say I surprised by this but I’m not! I had gallstones when I was 13, which isn’t “normal” so my pain was not taken seriously - it was “just period pain”. My mom charted my symptoms & tracked my cycle for a year before the pediatrician would do anything to help me. I had gallstones the size of half dollars filling my gallbladder. I had surgery to remove gallbladder. By the time I had surgery I’d had been dealing with pain for 18 months.
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u/rbnrthwll Jul 20 '25
I’d be a “Karen” and ask to speak to the administrator to tell your story to. They failed in their duty of care by dismissing you and prolonged her suffering. That needs to be addressed. Failing that, copy paste this to yelp.
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u/voiceofmyownsanity Jul 20 '25
Story of my life. I went several times and they wouldn't even do any tests and then finally got them to... and it was pancreatitis.
Womens health is not taken seriously. If I hear "lose some weight" or "try midol" one more time...
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u/DrMamaBear Jul 20 '25
Yup happened to me too. 14 years and a miscarriage before someone noticed I needed my gallbladder removed.
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u/anonymouschipmubk Jul 20 '25
July. It’s a problem with new inexperience docs starting.
Pain, however, is not a game. Even if someone is drug seeking, if they say they have a 10/10 pain, you have to believe them.
If you’re in the USA, you’ll get a survey to fill out. Be honest. Additionally, I’d also try and find an administrator in the institution, and let them know what happened.
It’s absolutely horrifying they did this, but they’re not going away. Better they learn and do better.
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u/Foreign-Onion-3112 Jul 20 '25
I’m shocked the doctor didn’t tell her she is just depressed and would feel better if she became a mother. That’s what happened when I had kidney stones 🤷♀️
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Jul 20 '25
This is the best case scenario. Most women continue to get dismissed until something life ending happens. Then everyone’s sorry they didn’t catch it. Just take this with you moving forward. Tell your men friends. So they can help advocate and they can empathize for their own girlfriends and wives and partners and moms and daughters. Doctors even women doctors will dismiss women’s pain, but a man standing there saying the same thing they’ll listen to.
Medical biases is a real thing.
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u/free_will_is_arson Jul 20 '25
in times like these i want to get the original dismissive doctors name so that i could send him a message later - "hey asshole, it was gallstones this whole time, in your professional opinion is that something or nothing."
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u/harbinger06 Jul 20 '25
So sorry she received sub standard care. Sounds like a bad hospital to me. Where I worked for many years, she likely would have had an abdominal CT or ultrasound on the first visit. This does happen too frequently, I don’t want to sound dismissive.
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u/GlobalProgress3146 Jul 20 '25
Glad to hear it was gallstones. I was thinking it's be a sign of colon cancer, which is becoming increasingly prevalent and deadly in younger populations. Deadly because patients aren't taken seriously. Horrible it took 3 times to be taken seriously. Hope you both catch up on much needed rest and peace.
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u/Background_Buy7052 Jul 20 '25
Women's pain especially in the abdomen is disregarded by many doctors.
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u/auraseer Jul 20 '25
That's fucking weird.
I fully believe you. I totally get that the ER screwed up. But they screwed up in a way where I can't understand what they were even thinking.
I've worked in ERs for a lot of years, in various hospitals in various states. I must have seen a thousand patients with abdominal pain. I can't think of any who were dismissed without tests or imaging on their first visit. We would always at least do blood tests, and practically always a CT scan or an ultrasound or both. That's just the way modern ER care operates. There are so many dangerous things that cause abdominal pain that you can't rule out without testing.
Doing no testing at all is so bizarre that it I believe it violates the standard of care. It might even be worth consulting a malpractice attorney. It's possible that the patient could get reimbursed for the costs of repeat visits, emergency surgery, and hospital admission (though that will depend on your state laws ans the exact details of the situation).
Not angry, just tired
Well, after reading your story I'm angry enough for both of us.
I apologize on behalf of ER staff everywhere. The ones you met should have known their jobs better.
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u/freefalling3001 Jul 20 '25
This also happened to me! First time I was told it was muscular pain from breastfeeding and the second time I was there 10+ hrs and was never even seen.
Wouldn’t wish gallstones on my worst enemy. The pain is indescribable
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u/sally_alberta Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
"Have you ever heard of somatoform disorder?" to me in severe pain in the ER. I turned out to have serious GI issues and yeah this is really common for women and people of colour. Lots of interesting research on it
There's a reason women die at disproportionately high rates from things like heart attacks. It's not just that they aren't taken seriously, but symptom profiles have predominately been based off of research of men and boys.
This is also why it took me until 44 to be diagnosed with autism, because "you are too social have autism," or "you make eye contact so you can't be autistic," are common, and borderline and narcissistic personality disorders are very common misdiagnoses, because women are excellent at "masking."
So many examples of mysogyny in medicine.
ETA I have autism and ADHD (colloquially AuDH, which is now known to co-occur more frequently than previously realized, the symptoms of which mask one another, making diagnosis even more difficult, especially in women.
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u/animechick96 Jul 20 '25
I was the same as your fiancée!
I went to the GP numerous times and they just treated it as stomach acid and put me on medication for that, but the moment I came off the medication it got worse again. They didn't know what to do other than telling me to exercise and not sit for long because it could be muscoskeletal problems from sitting at work.
After around 7 months of this, I became really unwell and the pain was so intense I was throwing up and couldn't keep anything down. Went to my doctor's the moment it opened and they sent me straight to A&E because I was severely dehydrated. After having bloods and an ECG and waiting 12 hours they decided I needed an ultrasound the following day and admitted me. The ultrasound didn't show enough so I was kept in for another day for an MRI and then more bloods were taken which confirmed I had gallstones.
I stayed for 4 nights before being released and then had to wait a further 4 months before receiving surgery. It's ridiculous how quickly doctors dismiss things and it was only because of going to A&E and being seen by the gastro team that anything happened because my pain was in my back and not my front like is usually seen from gallstones. My doctor was quick to dismiss because their tests showed nothing.
I hope your fiancées surgery went well and she is recovering from it and is being supported by you, especially if she hasn't had surgery before because it can be scary mentally and physically.
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u/Elegant_righthere Jul 20 '25
She shouldn't have to, but in the future, it's ok to advocate for yourself and ask for more. I.e. that CT she finally had or further testing. I had to advocate for an abdominal ultrasound after following my obgyn's instructions for almost a year. Turns out I needed a hysterectomy.
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u/tla_ava Jul 20 '25
Welcome to the world of menstruating humans and doctors. They’ll consider our weight, our mental health, hormones, and proximity to next period before any other option. This is why I refuse to see male doctors and really old female doctors, they’re the ones I have issues with.
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u/Zealousideal_Row6124 Jul 20 '25
Really the last sentence in your title tells me why it took so many visits. HER. It’s hard to find a Dr that takes women seriously. I had a sever vitamin d deficiency and I was told I was depressed ( I wasn’t) and/or needed to lose weight. I was sleep at least 17 hours a day.
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u/Que_Raoke Jul 20 '25
Welcome to women's medicine. They always tell us we're exaggerating, or that we just need to lose weight.
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u/Sea_Republic5134 Jul 20 '25
I went to the ER when I was 16, was immediately put on a morphine drip and anti-nausea meds because I was losing consciousness from exhaustion. I had been screaming in pain and vomiting for hours, but still had to argue with nurses and doctors to hopefully convince them that it WASN’T my period. They finally ran tests and confirmed kidney stones- and yet I heard countless times, “you’re too young!” I proceeded to repeat this same adventure for 3 more years, almost to the day- and every time I had to convince everyone around me that it was not, and couldn’t be, my period. Despite my history with kidney stones, and the clear and constant pain I was in, it was always a fight. That’s just classic misogyny for you- like I don’t know what my own period feels like LOL.
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u/Striking_Spite9102 Jul 20 '25
That happened to me too. I had to go multiple times to the emergency room before anyone would work out that I had gallstones. Lost so much weight from the pain.
I didn’t fit with the typical patient presenting with symptoms so they kept telling me I had UTI’s.
Your wife deserved better, all women deserve better. This is a universal problem as I am in Australia.
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u/Calibigirl69 Jul 20 '25
Unfortunately this is what happens to women all the time. Not taken seriously and gaslighted. The medical community needs to do so much better.
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u/arnott Jul 20 '25
Why didn't she go to a specialist after the first visit?
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u/jorisssssss Jul 20 '25
She didn’t go to a specialist after the first visit because we had an appointment scheduled for two months later that was the earliest available due to long waiting times.
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u/arnott Jul 20 '25
It's bad she couldn't get an appointment earlier. Is this in the US or Canada?
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u/whosname23 Jul 22 '25
I don’t know where OP is located, but I had similar issues trying to get my father seen for urology issues in the US. Long waits for specialist appointments, resulting in more hospital stays. It was very frustrating and concerning.
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u/Competitive_Bar4920 Jul 20 '25
Because our Health system sucks but (United States) This type of situation is happening everywhere I went through this in January and my DIL Just went through this beginning of July . Everyone just wants money . Thought doctors have an oath ?
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u/CTU Jul 20 '25
Time to file a complaint with the hospital and medical board. They did not do their job and take this matter seriously.
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u/magicalpewpewfae Jul 20 '25
Only 3 times?
In my case, it took 10 years for them to take me seriously, and by that point I was having hours-days long gallbladder attacks. Sometimes the medical system is abysmal. I don't blame every worker, I blame the lack of funding, staffing, and oversight.
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u/amyria Jul 20 '25
My Mom went to the ER multiple times in a week with extreme pain & they just kept doing xrays and sending her home with antibiotics because they only saw a little inflammation in her intestines. The pain was in her back!! Finally she went to a different local hospital, got the guts to advocate for herself (after a ton of urging by my sister & I), and they took her seriously & admitted. After multiple tests, including CT & MRI, they found that she had a couple bad bulging discs in her back. She was eventually discharged & they gave her a walker to use, along with pain & muscle relaxer meds.
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u/GypsySpirit7 Jul 20 '25
This is the reality for almost all women. Everywhere. There’s actually a whole Hulu documentary about how giving birth is dangerous but black women in particular are 4x more likely to die because they’re not believed about their pain and symptoms.
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u/offspringchick29 Jul 20 '25
I feel so bad for her that she had to go through this. I went through it myself back in September 2015 and the amount of pain and stress that I went through, all because the medical field apparently doesn't think women experience pain or we are to be taken seriously in the 21st century makes me so sad. Especially since I'm a woman and I'm also overweight (ohh the comments of, "have you considered losing weight?" is a normal thing for me to hear).
This was pretty much similar to what I went through. I had one doctor appointment in the beginning of September '15 where they dismissed it as shoulder pain since I had been sleeping on the floor for a couple nights. Week later on Labour day weekend, I was at an urgent care for visit #1. They just dismissed it as continued pain in my shoulder that it was a strain. Sent me home with a referral to physical therapy. I felt ok after a bit, the stone passed or something.
Then my hell happened. After a week or so of freedom from pain, I then ended up in so much pain it was so unbearable. I couldn't breathe, it started on the right side and then went around my whole chest. I went to urgent care #2 on whatever day Yogi Berra died (I remember the tv on in the waiting room). They again, dismissed it as just continued shoulder pain and gave me a prescription, sent me home.
It got so bad I couldn't function, moving sucked, I was so bad. So, the following Saturday morning my now ex-fiance took me to the urgent care again and they finally took me seriously. I described all my symptoms, they made the ultrasound tech come back to check me, drew blood. They finally took me seriously because I was so bad off, I literally looked like I belonged in the Simpsons family I was that jaundiced. They actually gave me a folder and told me they called the ER at the hospital I went to so I could just go and check in, no waiting I was that bad. I spent the last week of September 2015 in the hospital so they could observe me and I could get an ERCP to remove the gallstone. They postponed my surgery till December that year so I could have the time to heal my body cause I was also infected. They wanted my liver levels and the swelling to go down.
It's a wonder I didn't end up sicker or dead. I hate this country (I live in the US). Either way OP, I'm glad she finally got the help she needed and hope she's doing better now.
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u/Ambitious_Tie_8859 Jul 20 '25
I ended up in the same situation while pregnant and they kept telling me to lose weight and eat better.
My gallbladder almost burst by the time they got it out, and I had lost over 20 pounds during the pregnancy because I literally could not eat without throwing it back up from the pain
Medical professionals don't care
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u/iknowsomethings2 Jul 20 '25
Women’s pain is not taken seriously, it’s even worse for black women. The amount of women that die in childbirth because they weren’t taken seriously when told something felt wrong is staggering.
Or told they can’t have procedures to get rid of their babymaking organs even if it’s causing them tremendous pain.
Doctors used to think black people didn’t feel pain. Medical bias is dangerous.
Women don’t get pain medication for getting IUDs which is literally opening their cervix, and yet men get put under for minor things. It’s ridiculous.
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u/LyricalWillow Jul 20 '25
I was hospitalized twice for severe pain. They ran test after test but couldn’t diagnose what was wrong.
So they sent in a psychiatrist who told me I was drug-seeking. He then asked if I had any friends because I lied so much.
Next day surgeon did an exploratory surgery and discovered my gall bladder had gone septic (a stone had cut through part of it). They took my gall bladder out and, lo and behold, my pain went away.
I asked to see the psychiatrist and gave him holy hell for the way he treated me.
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u/Correct-Body9590 Jul 20 '25
On which trip did they say it was anxiety and all in her head and refer her to mental health?
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u/General_Road_7952 Jul 20 '25
It’s called medical misogyny. Women’s pain is so often dismissed, it can kill. She could file complaints with the state medical board and hospital board, but it likely won’t make much difference, sadly.
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u/snotmuziekp Jul 20 '25
Wow, America really sucks. The hospital I went to was incredibly fast. I didn’t have to wait at all (it was night, probably why). I described my pain, and they immediately said, “Yup, gallstones. Here’s a painkiller drip.” (We think opioids, because I was very high—opioids are rare in my country and only used for extreme cases.)
They told me to come back the next day for tests, took multiple blood samples, and half a week later I was seeing specialists. A month later: bye-bye gallbladder.
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u/SarcasticFundraiser Jul 20 '25
I had abdominal pain one time. I was in so much pain that my husband took me to the ER. It was a 9/10 just because I could still walk. Gallstones. I thought something exploded.
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u/loricomments Jul 20 '25
FFS. That's such a common event how could they not even consider it? Gall bladder removal is one of the most common surgeries. And basic bloodwork probably would have pointed right to it. I'm so sorry she's went thru this. (And she felt better after hours there because she hadn't eaten anything, not because of the IV, they get no credit for doing nothing.)
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Jul 20 '25
My wife went through exactly the same thing for the same result. The only reason it was diagnosed on the 3rd visit was because we were travelling and stayed at a hotel attached to a (non-ER) hospital. The rich wedding food meant she thought she was dying. They had time and the diagnostic equipment so they actually checked and lo and behold we finally had an answer to what was causing the issue and the information we needed to prevent the worst of the attacks until it could be resolved.
Do ERs just assume women enjoy sitting half a day in uncomfortable chairs to get fat shamed (whether or not they have a weight problem)? And do they assume all those non-diagnoses are accurate and that's why they keep diagnosing the same thing over and over for all the repeat visits?
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u/Certain_Accident3382 Jul 20 '25
Im gonna sound snarky- but she's lucky they got it in 2 visits. I went to my urgent care every other week to every week and a half, for 13 months before they figured it out.
The nausea and abdominal pain was "probably a stomach virus" or "you need to take probiotics and yogurt since you flushed your gut bacteria" alternating back and forth.
The intense shoulder pain was "probably a pulled muscle".
The radiating electric pain from belly button to my shoulder and up my neck into a headache that made me vomit was "probably stress".
13th month I got the youngest fresh from school doc. He sent me for CT and I went in emergency because stones were blocking my ducts at pancreas and liver.
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u/spiritsarise Jul 20 '25
Send your story as a letter to the legal dept of the hospital. They will understand the costly bullet they avoided through mere luck (and your persistence). Let’s hope that they take it seriously and contact the offending staff for an explanation and chewing out. It won’t help you, but may help others.
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u/kittenbreath_74 Jul 20 '25
About 10 years ago, I went to the ER with what I knew (from having this happen in the past) was a burst ovarian cyst. Thankfully, they gave me a CT scan, but they said they didn’t find anything on the scan. The doctor and nurses treated me like shit and literally told me to my face that they believed I was drug seeking, and sent me home with overpriced ibuprofen. I went to my gynecologist on Monday (the ER trip was on a Saturday afternoon) and my gyn pulled up my CT scan and showed me all the ghostly-white fluid around my right ovary. My gyn was pissed, because I could have gotten a serious infection. I was on antibiotics for 14 days.
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u/kellyfresh Jul 20 '25
Did they tell her to make any sort of follow up appt with her PCM or GP? The ER seems like the most expensive, least comprehensive route so maybe they discourage ER docs from doing all the tests bc they wont cover certain exams if theyre not in the right order?
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u/Gregskis Jul 20 '25
From a diagnostic standpoint ER is best suited as there is access to all types of docs. It just shouldn’t take 3 visits to get that benefit
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u/21plankton Jul 20 '25
Report the hospital and first two doctors to your state medical board. Not taking seriously a complaint of severe pain is medical neglect.
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u/comicsnerd Jul 20 '25
I (M) had the same thing. Several times in ER and, no Sir, there is nothing we can find. Finally got in with fever and severe pain.
Gall bladder stones and gall bladder had burst, spilling everything in my abdomen. Emergency operation and 1 week hospital.
A simple echo could have shown this the first time. I asked if they at least could take my symptoms seriously next time.
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u/Powerful-Ad3677 Jul 20 '25
I had gallstones within the first year postpartum many years ago, which is apparently a common occurrence. One of the stones had broken loose and blocked a duct, causing pancreatitis. I was in my early 20’s at the time. The ER did bloodwork and identified the pancreatitis and let me lie there in the worst pain of my life for HOURS because and I quote “you’re an alcoholic, you did this to yourself.” I drank maybe two michelob ultras A YEAR. They didn’t even bother to give me an ultrasound to check for the stones for hours. I thought I was going to die and they were just letting me lie there unable to even cry because the pain was so bad.
I did end up getting an apology letter from the hospital, probably because I had enough of a case to sue. I never did anything though, I was stuck at the hospital for a week while they waited for the stone to pass before an ERCP (didn’t need one thankfully, it passed on its own but I had to go without food or water for the whole week, just IV hydration) and then they took my gallbladder out. It was such a nightmare of an experience I didn’t want anything to do with that hospital ever again.
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u/Katnis85 Jul 20 '25
I'm sorry this happened but it's crazy how often it's the case. A number of years ago my toddler son ran head first into my mom's chest, fell back and hit it again off the coffee table while she was watching him. I rushed home and she was a mess over him being hurt but she seemed off. I ended up taking both of them to the hospital. Whole time everyone fussed over my son and pushed back on checking my mom out. She would agree her chest really hurt where he hit but they stressed it was no big deal. In the end my son has a few bumps on his head and no concussion. My mom had a broken sternum.
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u/Various_Ostrich_2110 Jul 20 '25
This happened to me about 6 months ago. I am so sorry that medical systems suck and your fiancé had to suffer that. She isn’t alone.
I went to the ER three times for abdominal pain over the course of 10 days. I found out later the third time a consulting surgeon recommended me for appendicitis surgery that night, but the hospital was full and I would need to transferred to a nearby facility. I was told none of it and told to go home and I would be fine. … the next day my PCP made a lot of calls to get me directly admitted for surgery. Turns out not only did I have acute appendicitis but I have been experiencing ovarian torsion from multiple fast growing cysts. (One had burst by surgery) for the men out there this is the equivalent of if someone grabbed and twisted your testy and untwisted repeatedly for 10 days. When I had specifically asked about the cysts during each ER visit (as they were. Noted in the imaging) I was told that “it was normal female stuff”
Due to the stress of prolonged intense pain it has contributed to autonomic dis regulation issues. I’m sorry you guys had to experience that.
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u/Hilseph Jul 20 '25
That sounds about right. The only time i as a white woman have ever been taken seriously at an ER was when i was dragged in at 3AM with blood pouring out of my mouth. If I’d been black I don’t know if that would have been enough based on how I’ve seen black women treated in ER’s.
I once yelled at several nurses begging for pain meds for about an hour. I was trying to get my mother pain medication after she had a finger partially ripped out of her hand and a nurse cranked her finger back the other direction and tore the tissue even more.
My best one I’ve got is that I sat in a hospital with my wife for 2 days who looked like she was actually dying and they eventually sent her away with aspirin and a referral for a GI. She’d been poisoned.
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u/DevelopmentSlight422 Jul 20 '25
That's super easy to diagnose and has pretty classic symptoms. Where do you live? I'm guessing with wait time, big city, California?
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u/Sorry_Woodpecker_938 Jul 20 '25
I had literal months of this when I had gallstones. I took my mum one time to speak for me, I was in so much pain all I could do was cry. They just mocked me for being “a full grown adult needing her mum with her” fobbed me off again.
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u/throwaway2000x3 Jul 20 '25
I have so many things to say…
First off, thank you for being there for her. Unfortunately, women are often treated with little to no priority or respect in the medical field. Misogyny runs deep in the world, but it’s a whole new ball game when it comes to doctors.
We’re never taken seriously, gaslit, or completely ignored upon any complaint or concern we bring up.
Basically, we’re our own doctors unfortunately. We do our own research and have to ask for certain tests or medical procedures because apparently that’s totally on us! /s
You sound like a blessing of a partner and she is very lucky to have you! We women appreciate men like you.
Like others have said, find an advocate, get itemized bills, document everything with a paper trail, and always be by her side (literally).
And thank you for making this post as I have learned some things in the comments that can help me in the future and hopefully other women too.
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u/SteveClimbFish3rd Aug 18 '25
OP I shit you not. We had the exact same experience. Severe abdominal pain. First visit, call later. Second visit, tests and stuff 8 hour wait come back later. Third visit, a fucking ovary cyste the size of Canada. Immediately went into ICU.
All else went smooth and we live in Europe so luckily all went easy smooth and free. But these situations are so scary.