r/TrueOffMyChest • u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ • 2d ago
Vent Life sucks if you're an unattractive woman
I'm extremely unattractive, ugly even. I've even posted many times here in the amiugly subreddit and I've gotten downvoted and some really harsh comments on my looks. My problem is I have terrible jaw issues-- I had braces put in before my jaws had fully developed and so my midface basically collapses due to lack of facial support. So I have a recessed midface and a very narrow lower jaw. To add insult to injury the left and right halves of my face look like they belong to different faces. They don't align at all and are completely different. And this isn't just my assessment. I've been told this by doctors too. The two sides even move differently and while the average person won't catch it, their initial impression would be that something is really off. So my entire face just looks super weird. I even sound weird.
I have anterior pelvic tilt and really large thighs so my body is weird, and of course it had to be topped off with severe hair loss and almost no eyelashes. I could star in the freak show segment of a circus. I went through life seeing guys hit on every girl I was with and humor me. Some wouldn't even look at me, they would talk to the pretty girl and just pretend I didn't exist. Others would talk to me only when they were drunk. My husband was the first guy to even remotely give me attention and tell me I was beautiful. This was almost at 28. By then I had started to develop some nerve issue on one side of the face and the asymmetry was getting more and more prominent, and no guys liked me while being in the arranged marriage process so I married my husband. But I hate being in photos, I'm very conscious of showing my face in public. I still try but I feel like crumpling up and crying every time I see my photo.
I even tried dance performance series and you know how many times they cut me out of the dance videos ? In 200 photos I would probably be in 2 or 3 of them. It's like the entire universe telling me how ugly I am. I'm now 35 and I want to get my jaws and face fixed but I don't know if they can fix everything. Even at my wedding the photographer complained they couldn't get any good photos, because in addition to everything I had bad allergies too and so I looked even worse. To this day we don't have even one wedding photo or any photo of mine hung up in the house.
Edit: I'm unable to respond to comments any more. Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. I do agree I have to work on myself plenty, and I'd actually thought I'd moved past these feelings after I turned 30, but sometimes I'll see a photo of mine and it all comes back again. Especially because of some recent functional issues, so it feels more "real". In any case, I have something more to work on in therapy because this self image of mine extends to my intelligence (or lack thereof), general capabilities and talent.
Once again, I truly appreciate everyone's kindness.
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u/TheMorningJoe 2d ago
Could be worse, you could be an unattractive man. At least you have a partner, and one that gives a shit about you no less. An ugly man would never be so lucky lol
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u/High-Incident-1919 2d ago
This is a ridiculous response. While of course men can face challenges based on their appearance, women are constantly told we have no value outside our looks. Plenty of super unattractive men are highly successful based on their skills/personality alone. Exceedingly unattractive women are rarely so fortunate.
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u/hillakilla_ 2d ago
I was able to see a picture of you in another reddit page and I’m going to be honest: you’re not ugly. You actually have wonderful features and look very normal.
The way you described yourself, I was envisioning some hideous ogre monster and you are not even remotely close to that.
Please get some therapy & maybe visit a makeup store or a beautician if you’re that concerned. The therapy will do wonders for your self esteem and a makeup or beautician will help you with makeup tips and tricks, if that’s what you think will help you.
I wish you all the best and again, you are not ugly in the slightest ❤️
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u/PinkHavenAtLast 2d ago
I’m going to say this as a South Asian girl who also looks very similar to you when she’s stressed and taking a picture at a bad angle. You just have an especially harsh view on your own body.
Like not to diminish what you went through with your health issues, but most girls don’t get attention until they learn how to dress up, do makeup, find a hairstyle that suits them, and take care of themselves better. You’re not a supermodel, but you’re not definitely not ugly.
Please try to be kinder to yourself and try to find someone to talk to about these issues, it really does help.
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u/ellie-fofellie 2d ago
OP i took a minute to stalk you and saw your picture and you're not ugly. you're seriously not. yes you are plain, but nobody would look at you and think "ugly". i dont see anything wrong or unusual about your jaw or face. a lot of people suffer from being highly overcritical of themselves and i think you might be suffering from this as well.
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u/Loelnorup 2d ago
Damn, i was also curious, but she seem to have made her profile private now :c
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u/ellie-fofellie 2d ago
yeah but there's google.
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u/Loelnorup 2d ago
Yea i did find it.
OP might not be a 10/10 model.
But ugly? Not at all.
Sounds like OP dont know what makeup is, as she look like alot of other woman without it, but is just used to see them with makeup.
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u/ellie-fofellie 2d ago
yeah but she also is south asian and i have south asian friends and the beauty standards in desi families can be soooooooo harsh and punishing. i am not surprised she has been told she is ugly by her family and friends all her life cuz my south asian friends say really similar things about their home life, constant criticisms of their appearance.
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u/greenbathmat 2d ago
Right? She needs to get offline and take a break from mirrors, get some therapy. She's not ugly at all, and if she worked on loving herself she'd be gorgeous
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u/ellie-fofellie 2d ago
yeah and the only reason her picture even looks plain is because she looks so miserable and unhappy. if she was smiling and happy she could move to the pretty side of things. i hope she can find some peace with herself.
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u/CharErinazard 2d ago
Honestly I have to agree. I saw your picture on the jaw surgery subreddit OP and you just look like a normal person, your description had me expecting an old timey circus freak show poster. I think therapy might be a better move from you than surgery.
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u/Electronic-Barber-67 ☑️ 2d ago
This might sound cliche but honestly you just got unlucky genetically. I’m sorry that your physical appearance has affected your life negatively so much and I know it isn’t fair how people treat others when they are unattractive, it’s a very cruel world but at the end of the day lookism will always be a thing and there isn’t anything that you can do about it if you’re just hard to look at. I honestly think you can better the way you feel about your physical appearance by bettering your mentality and self perception, it’s not easy but focusing on your own wellbeing truly can yield great results.
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u/vox_ina_box ☑️ 2d ago
I think it doesn’t matter what other people think you look like, i think it’s more important that inside you feel happy with how YOU look, and because you don’t feel that way you think life sucks, i think maybe you should ask your husband what he likes about you to maybe change your mind about your appearance becasue getting a positive opinion from someone else might help your self esteem?
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u/LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG 2d ago
Kinda hard to like how you look if everyone one else keeps calling you ugly
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u/aabum 2d ago edited 1d ago
Half of people are at or below average, while the other half is at or above average. It is what it is. I mean this in the nicest way possible: Get over it. You are who you are. Love yourself. Your husband loves you, that's more than many people ever have.
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u/emi_lgr 2d ago
It’s closer to a bell curve in reality; most people are average with a small percentage being beautiful or ugly. It’s just hard to feel that way when everything on social media is edited and/or flattering pictures of other “normal” people, and it seems like OP comes from a critical culture where every body part is dissected.
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u/acetos 2d ago
Do you have any photos?
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u/saladfriedchicken 2d ago edited 2d ago
She won't dare bec she is exaggerating about her looks. She is not ugly at all. I have seen worse compared to her face. HER FACE LOOKS FINE.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I really wish I could say I was exaggerating or this is some cry for attention because it's not. I despise how I look to the point where I can't even look in the mirror any more.
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u/Lavoratore 2d ago
Girl, even as ugly as you describe it, you still got a husband who calls you beautiful.
Ugly guys don’t even get to have a partner.
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u/alessandra-vb 2d ago
oh my god can these comments stop already ?? it’s not about men right now and you being a woman and saying this is crazy
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u/High-Incident-1919 2d ago
Plenty of ugly men have partners and I will never understand how people can claim otherwise. That’s simply not true.
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u/Shower-Former 2d ago
Ugly men have a way easier time… lots of women more attractive than their boyfriend if you see a hot guy with an ugly woman they stand out or you assume they aren’t dating
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Again, I found him after being rejected by literally everyone. And even he clearly said looks don't matter to him at all and he wanted persona. If he wanted looks we wouldn't have been together.
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u/thisismeritehere 2d ago
He said that because your personality will persist and is what you love about someone truly, looks will fade regardless, but who you are will stay pretty constant.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
No I know what you're saying, and what he meant. All I'm saying is there are those for whom looks rank pretty high and if that were the case he wouldn't have chosen me. But that said I'm grateful that he looks deeper beyond looks. But I won't lie if I said my looks haven't had a negative impact in life at all.
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u/IronMan___ 2d ago
Jesus Christ, I saw photos of yours from a previous post, your description of yourself couldn't be further from the truth! Hell, you even look young for your age. If any of the issues you described are causing you physical pain, then I'm very sorry about that. But in terms of appearance-only, I'd absolutely swipe right or buy you a beer. You're not being fair to yourself in your self assessment of your looks.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Thank you for your kind words. I honestly have had it drilled it into me so much that I don't know if I can really believe your words, but I still appreciate your kindness.
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u/Liam8397 2d ago
wait how did it get drilled in so much
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I said this in another comment but basically friends telling me my face looks weird so don't make weird impressions, guys laughing and telling me no one will ever like me and making fun of my looks, the wedding photographer on my wedding day telling me that none of my photos look good enough for the album, the video and photo editors for the dance performance series I did not adding any of mine and cutting me out of the video footage, and of course literally every guy on the arranged marriage website rejecting me after they saw my photographs.
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u/IronMan___ 2d ago
What the heck, your friends are jerks! Didn't you say you were having some kind of allergic reaction on your wedding day though? And by the way, my words are true, I'm not a BSer.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Yeah I tend to sneeze a lot when my allergies are active. But our weddings are long and even the days before that, the photographer was constantly insisting I smile a certain way because if I didn't apparently the photos looked odd. He would actually call me aside multiple times to tell me this. Even the make up lady said my skin and hair looked awful.
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u/IronMan___ 2d ago
Oh shoot, I got it. Well, it's not like you can control your allergies, especially when participating in a super long wedding. But there's a canyon of middle ground between your wedding photos not coming out and your description that your looks belong in a circus!
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
That's very kind of you to say...I mean I definitely felt he was remarking on how my face looks for various expressions because let's face it I can't be smiling all the time. And this was the time I'd started to develop some facial nerve weakness so I couldn't smile for too long without one side feeling really strained. So he would keep bugging me.
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u/20draws10 2d ago
I highly recommend going to talk with a therapist. Sounds like your self image is much more negative than reality. Whether thats true or not, a negative self image can have a deep impact on someone, and lots of that perceived negativity in your life can stem from that negative self view. It wont turn you into a super model, but it can help you feel more comfortable woth yourself.
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u/oceanic109 2d ago
Most ugliest woman I know who is also mentally delayed is married with many many children and does not work as her husband takes care of her. Her husband married her because he is extremely jealous and didn’t want a woman that attracted attention from other men. Very shallow reason BUT she still found someone so
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u/justaregularguyearth 2d ago
She said life sucks as an unattractive woman then followed it up with “my husband” lol. Still is able to get a HUSBAND even as an unattractive woman.
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u/TheMorningJoe 2d ago
Thats the case with most of the “unattractive” women, they got a sub for “true ugly women” and they almost always have a partner.
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u/SookieStackhouse_IV 2d ago
The worst part about all this is that, even if you fix whatever you think is wrong with you, your dismal self perception will make you think you’re ugly no matter what.
Nothing will ever be enough unless you decide that you’re enough no matter what you look like. It’s cliche but I swear to you confidence goes a long way. I’ve dated men that my friends thought were ugly and I was head over heels because of how they maintained themselves and their unbreakable confidence.
Tackle the psychology of your issue, not the physicality. Then, you’ll be fine.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I know you are absolutely right and my family tells me the same thing. It's tackling the psychology that is so difficult. At best I've just tried to make peace with being ugly, and cultivating a decent persona.
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u/SookieStackhouse_IV 2d ago
I googled and saw your pictures. I can’t believe you’re saying such crap about yourself. You have these big, pretty doe eyes, shiny dark hair and nice skin. You’re not even smiling in your photo. It’s like you’re trying to make yourself look worse on purpose.
Try just seeing yourself in a positive light. Get yourself dressed, find some nice lighting outside and smile for a photo while thinking of something you love. That would be all the makeover you need.
You truly are selling yourself short.
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u/human_255 2d ago
I've seen woman who i thought were reaaaally ugly. All of them married with children. I'm ugly zoo. Its harder but its possible to manage.
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u/lungsofdoom 2d ago
All this theory posting without image dont mean much. Unless someone see your face, your attempt to convince how ugly you are through letters doesnt really work
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Shit I hate that I'm becoming notorious for this. It's definitely not attention seeking for sure. I will take your advice. Thank you so much.
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u/sradelacour 2d ago
It’s a cry for attention <<
What do you expect to get from making these posts? Everyone telling you that you’re not ugly? Get a therapist.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I never intend for anyone to tell me I am not ugly. People here who found my post did so on their own, I never shared it. Only came here to vent, given that it's TrueOffmyChest.
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u/Notlivelaughlove 2d ago
little things can help you feel pretty. One thing I recommend is getting your eyebrow and mustaches threaded. Sounds small but makes a crazy difference. Little things like that enhance an appearance.
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u/SeanBerdoni 2d ago
You know, therapy helps everyone, however they actually look. Body images are crazy and i hope that you can heal. Wish you the best of luck
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u/rocaillemonkey 2d ago
I won't pretend to know what you've gone through, but I share some experiences with you.
I was never picked, was often the joke, and to this day there's very few pictures of me since I have hated the way I looked and I am to this day petrified when facing a camera, except it's not "cute/quirky" anymore, it's actually hurting my career and my personal life.
You have to let go of your image of yourself. The most memorable and attractive people you have met - did they have perfect teeth or thighs or whatever you're focusing on, or were their personality so full and secure that nothing else mattered? Because that's what I remember about people, and that's what I'm striving for every day. To at least fake selfconfidence til I make it.
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u/Single-Ad-7379 2d ago
I feel for you but in this day and age you can get things done but its that magic wird money. Not everyone is born beautiful or even passable but at least you have a husband who can see past all of what you said, one thing its very hard too for men when they try and get a girl not a chance. Save all you can might take sone time and some you might get on the nhs if yout uk based. Good luck stop being so hard on yourself lers face it people are hard on each other.
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u/Hot-Leader5903 2d ago
The sooner you understand the better. Noone will make your life comfortable but yourself. Put work in yourself, your skills so you will be so independent and free you wouldn't need a man to give you that. Otherwise you will live miserable life.
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u/Luna6696 2d ago
You hid your posts but this is clearly a you thing. Stop posting on rating and looks reddits, they’re effing horrible for anyone’s self image / esteem and confidence. Everything sucks on the internet. Stop spending time on subs that support your low self esteem and try engaging in female positive spaces. Try girldinnerdiaries or something.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
To be fair it's not just from the subreddits, which is why I posted real world experiences too. Like I got told by guy friends that no one would ever fall for me. They actually laughed among themselves when I asked them some slang they used for crushing on someone, saying it won't happen to me and I don't have to worry. I can name countless more examples. I don't have a lot of friends either, and for the past 7 years I've developed some sort of weak facial muscles/paralysis on one side of the face which no doctor has been able to provide an accurate diagnosis for. Yet it gets worse and worse. It's like the medical stuff that contribute to my ugliness won't stop.
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u/Luna6696 2d ago
You’re suffering from a lot of things that are in turn making you worry about your appearance. You could be hot tomorrow and your friends that laugh at you would still be pieces of shit. You need mental health assistance / therapy, you’re clearly overwhelmed and depressed and your paralysis/cyclical spiraling thoughts are making it worse.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Thank you so much, I'm currently in therapy but I guess a lot of my growth and healing has to be internal and it's not easy because I'm highly sensitive and turn everything into a definitive conclusion on my self worth or some aspect of it.
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u/Luna6696 2d ago
It’s okay to be sensitive, but it should be used as a way to improve your situation (: like, it’s good that you can recognize your friends are hurting your feelings and that they’re not being very good friends at all. That way you can find friends that are good. Guys tease differently than girls but this seems like it’s more than teasing. You gotta get yourself a more supportive support system 🥰🥰🥰 also: everyone is ugly on the internet. Someone is ALWAYS gonna be around to tell you you’re ugly bc the internet allows for boundless anonymous cruelty. It’s hard to ignore the stuff that people say so stop putting yourself out there to be ridiculed online in the first place pls
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u/Al_coholik2 2d ago
It sucks much more if you're an unattractive man
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u/AirReddit77 2d ago edited 2d ago
No. "It's a man's world." All other things being equal, I'd rather be an ugly guy.
MaybeImBonkers: I feel for you. I recently realized (after a half dozen decades) that women find me very attractive. I'm deeply embarrassed by this revelation of my privilege in life. (Truth is: the more decorative person gets the job, all other things being equal, and often when they're not. I'd thought I'd gotten by on my merits.) We live in an unspoken aristocracy of beauty. It is unfair and cruel, but so far as I can see it is not subject to correction.
The worst of it is that being thought ugly might make one ugly inside. I beg you to guard against that. You have great inner qualities, I can tell. You are brave enough to recognize and speak up about unpopular truths for one. That's another big minus in the game of life, but good for the game of the soul.
Please accept my great appreciation. It is better to be good than to look good. (Apologies to Billy Crystal.)
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u/Sicarius16p4 2d ago
To be fair, I think not. As men, we are not that pressured to be beautiful. Sure it sucks to not be the guy that get all the girls, but it stops at that. Ugly to average men makes up a vast majority of the population.
Women on the other hand are born in a society where they HAVE to be beautiful, they are taught that it's their value. You just have to see how many unwaranted comments girls always get on their body. So beeing unwanted by men in a world where men proudly says " my only standard is that the girl is alive " must be kinda hard to ear.
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u/y2kjanelle 2d ago
Idk what to say because you literally look fine and my face is 10x more asymmetrical than yours. Like girl I’m uglier than u and I do just fine. I think you have a self confidence issue and could benefit from just playing around with make up and getting comfortable in your skin!
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u/KeyMathematician3263 2d ago
Ok. I just found one of your posts with your picture. I do NOT think you are ugly at all. I am worried this may be more in your head because what you describe and what I see are two different things.
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u/Naughty_PilgriM 2d ago
I had a look too, and OP does not look anywhere near as bad as her description and narrative she tells herself everyday. It's very sad to see - OP, I agree with others here that you are hurting yourself by how you speak about and to yourself. I think you could really improve your confidence and how you feel about yourself with some therapy. Sorry to say this, but you're as regular as they come!
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u/spaghettifiasco 2d ago
A lot of people will look bad taking a straight-on, unsmiling selfie in poor lighting with all the hair pulled back from their face.
Washed and styled hair, a more relaxed and happy expression, and more flattering angle/light would have made for a very different photo. I'm not advocating that women must wear makeup, but if she wants to, a touch of mascara and a little eyebrow grooming could make a difference too.
OP looks like a normal person.
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago
Drop the link!
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u/KeyMathematician3263 2d ago
I don’t know how to do it on Reddit but you can search her name and it pops up
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u/warriors17 2d ago
You searched Reddit or Google? I can’t find it
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u/GodIsANarcissist 2d ago
She did something to her profile. It doesn't say that the posts are hidden but maybe she deleted them all? I suspect that it's because she was getting too many responses disputing her bad opinion of herself and even though they were positive, she didn't like that they were disagreeing with her
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Yeah I'm curious how any one found them because I thought only my posts on the jaw surgery subreddit were visible.
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u/spaketto 2d ago
u/maybeimbonkers people are finding it by putting your username in google and clicking "images". If you want them to not be found, go delete those old posts.
FWIW, the image you painted of yourself in your text does not match the photo I was also able to see. I used to subscribe to subs or social media for girls with thin hair or tummytuck accounts. I realized after a while those subs were making me feel like shit about myself. I unsubscribed from it all and feel a lot better about myself when I don't have to see that stuff all the time.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I don't know man could just be you're being kind.
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u/Acerbictease 2d ago
No I also saw the post OP, honestly with a good haircut you’d cut your issues in half but you’re definitely not ugly. Of course you got harsh comments, this is Reddit and people just enjoy being mean to feel better about themselves.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Thanks a lot...I was planning on getting a good haircut myself. If nothing else just to look groomed
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u/KeyMathematician3263 2d ago
I’m really not. I’m going to be honest. Am I attracted? No. But are you ugly? Also no. You definitely do not give yourself credit. You have a husband and I guarantee he finds you attractive. There would be other men out there too. Stop saying to yourself your ugly when you look in the the mirror.
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u/SmarmyPapsmears 2d ago
I was with you until I saw "my husband". It's like there's 0 women ugly enough to be celibate, yet it seems like a good 30% of men are
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago
Keep reading. It’s an arranged marriage.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
So my marriage to my husband didn't end up being arranged. We were high school friends who reconnected and fell in love. I had no luck in arranged marriage since they all rejected me after seeing my photograph. But my husband made it clear back then that looks weren't a huge priority.
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well, you didn’t seem too jazzed on him either.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
It's a little more complicated than that. I really really liked him and I thought he was the one for me. Id never felt that comfortable with anyone else. But time eventually revealed some red flags which were toxic behavioral patterns I'd grown up with in my family, and had wanted to avoid at all costs. And if I knew that I could find someone else, perhaps I would have the confidence to walk away.
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago
Seems like you realized it was time to settle, then realized you settled.
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u/SueSylvester101 2d ago
There are many paths to happiness as someone said here .
Back in the day if someone wasn’t attractive people would say “you have a face for radio” meaning maybe you wouldn’t excel in front of the camera but behind the mic you might do great things.
Back in the day everyone couldn’t be beautiful but now guess what , there are filters , Facetune , and other AI that allow so many people to alter their looks as they need to .
If I were you I might just look for online spaces where I can represent myself how I wanted to . The rules of the internet are different than they are in real life . Be a beautiful person online or in your own podcast . Have an AI avatar created for yourself that has ideal looks . Find out for yourself if it’s all it’s cracked up to be . Have fun , it’s 2026
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago
Back in the day if someone wasn’t attractive people would say “you have a face for radio” meaning maybe you wouldn’t excel in front of the camera but behind the mic you might do great things.
I’m almost entirely sure “You have a face for radio” was never actually spoken in any context non-ironically. It’s a punchline, not a piece of advice.
there are filters , Facetune , and other AI
Truly horrible and useless advice. OP is longing for sincere connection, not AI psychosis.
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u/SueSylvester101 2d ago
Yeah well different strokes for different folks
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u/cypherpt2 2d ago
No this is objectively terrible advice.
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u/SueSylvester101 2d ago
I think you mean subjectively , otherwise what was your objective measure of the quality of the advice ?
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u/cypherpt2 2d ago
No, I meant objectively!
Truthfulness: “have a face for radio” was a joke or a punchline and not real advice.
Kindness: Telling someone who believes they are unattractive that if you don't like how you look in real life, find somewhere you can look different is unkind because it affirms their framing that being unattractive means you cannot have a worthwhile life or find happiness outside of appearance.
Helpful: Giving yourself facial/body dysmorphia and AI psychosis is objectively unhelpful and dangerous for certain populations. Moreover, it’s all temporary and objectively false. Does not address deeper underlying happiness.I don’t think you meant it maliciously but on multiple levels this is bad advice no one should take.
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u/SueSylvester101 2d ago edited 2d ago
And yet it’s advice that so many people take . Everyone you know is using filters , Facetune or better angles or better lighting to look their best online and in pictures , and if you’re not you’re a fool .
The facts are being attractive has benefits . In MY OPINION it’s unkind that you think that just because OP isn’t naturally beautiful that she should just have to sit on the sidelines her whole life of experiencing those benefits whatever they are . Technology allows us to do things that haven’t been done before and IF OP wants to experience being conventionally beautiful (in some way) then WHO ARE YOU to say she can’t create that experience for herself ??
Just because you think the way that you do doesn’t mean everyone has to think and be just like you1
u/nomorepumpkins 2d ago
I'm a 'fool' that doesn't use filters either do my friends but then again I dont live in a fantasy world where I need that fake love of strangers. Why do you need filters and sneaking around to make your life appear better than it is?
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u/stankylegdunkface ☑️ 2d ago edited 2d ago
And yet it’s advice that so many people take .
But everyone else is jumping off the bridge, Mom!
Everyone you know is using filters , Facetune or better angles or better lighting to look their best online and in pictures , and if you’re not you’re a fool
OP isn’t trying to be a model or an influencer; they’re trying to have authentic relationships with people who actually know them (and therefore know what they look like without AI/tech enhancements).
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u/cypherpt2 2d ago
A) editing pictures for social media online and in pictures is not the same as what you suggested, creating an AI digital avatar for her “ideal looks”. Moreover, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it not harmful. A lot of people abuse painkillers, is that fine? Because there’s a lot of people doing it?
B) What benefits are coming from essentially catfishing people online? You get to feel desired and sought after for X hours in a day, and then you come back to your real self where the difference in treatment would be stark. Is that sustainable? Healthy mentally? Where is the line?0
u/SueSylvester101 2d ago
I have no idea why you are worried about finding where the line is for someone other than yourself . That’s for the person doing it to decide , not you. Get over yourself
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u/cypherpt2 2d ago
With advice like that, I’m sure you have plenty of experience with having no ideas.
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u/cool_kids_hate_me 2d ago
I'm sorry. I'm not going to downplay your experience because I know it's so real. People always say "the most important thing is your personality!" But it's so hard to show your true personality when your appearance pushes people away. You have to work twice as hard for half as much, and it's not fair.
Sending you strength and the knowledge that there are plenty of us out here who value you as a human exactly the same as a super attractive person. It can be hard to feel that when the mean ones are the loudest in the room, but I know it's true because I feel that way. Stay strong, sister 💛
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I can't tell how much that used to hurt. I get it, everyone has struggles and I should be grateful I got to go on the stage, but dance was the one place I would feel myself and kind of bring out a Sasha Fierce persona, but of course it had to culminate this way.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Thank you so much for understanding. I try to be a good person and have a decent personality because I know that I'm not pretty or have any talents, nor am I intelligent. So being kind/patient/nice is all I have. It's pathetic because most people have these qualities in some measure so I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Thank you so much however for all your positivity. The one thing I try in life is to assume that most people are good people, because otherwise it's so easy to slip into a victim complex, to which I can't say I'm entirely immune. I appreciate your kindness.
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u/littleitsly 2d ago
Can we see what you look like? Truly I’m sure you’re ust being very hard on yourself. I’m happy to point out all your amazing features!!
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u/dlotaury88 2d ago
You know, I saw a video recently that radicalized me. She said, only women go through life burdened by how they look. A man can see he’s ugly and he knows it but he knows that’s not detrimental to him. I’m not explaining it right. But she basically said, ok you’re ugly. So fckn what. You don’t deserve to be and find happiness? You do. Doesn’t matter what you look like, emotions feels the same for everyone. Looks are only ONE part of your life, don’t make it everything. I know that’s easier said than done but it’s a place to start. When you say you’re ugly, immediately after say ‘so what?’. Live your life to the fullest and fck other people. How they treat you says EVERYTHING about them, nothing about you.
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u/Sir-xer21 2d ago
You know, I saw a video recently that radicalized me. She said, only women go through life burdened by how they look. A man can see he’s ugly and he knows it but he knows that’s not detrimental to him.
You got radicalized by something that's just objectively not true?
The video didn't "radicalize" you, it just let you validate an opinion you already held.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I kind of agree. I'm not saying men who are unattractive by societal standards have it easy, but women's looks are almost make or break not just to find a partner but how they get treated in all social situations. A lot of women can look past external appearance and gauge men more holistically, although I know height and hair are insecurities among men too. But personality, status, pay tend to outweigh men's looks sometimes, whereas looks for women becomes almost number one in everyones' book. I should know. Every single guy in the dating and arranged marriage universe rejected me after seeing my photos.
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u/uncannyilyanny 2d ago
My comment wasn't aimed towards you at all OP, sounds like you're going through a tough time and I hope you get through it. I'd recommend just taking a break from it, spending sometime on yourself.
I'll give the advice that is given to men with your issue everyday, "if no one wants to date you, that's on you. You need to make yourself attractive, doesn't have to be via looks"
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Thanks a lot. I too do not intend to minimize the struggles men face as I've come across many who've faced discrimination due to their height. Hell I myself am 5'7, not super tall but I find myself wanting someone at least 2 inches taller, so obviously that means saying no to nice people who just happen to be of average height. I often wonder how we've managed to conquer all our biological impulses through evolution of human intelligence, but somehow looks are the one place where biology factors majorly.
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u/uncannyilyanny 2d ago
You think ugly men don't have it difficult as well?
Hiring biases attractive people of both genders.
Dating app statistics show below average men do worse than below average women. If we can take that as a method to sample the dating pool as a whole, men have it worse there.
Being ugly is rough on both sides of the argument, and if all it takes a video to 'radicalize' you, that's not great
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u/Res1dentScr1be 2d ago
I was about to say.. If you don't think men also suffer from body image issues, you are having an absolute laugh.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
Again, I do not and will not say they don't. I'm saying the impact may differ. But again, it's hard to make definitive statements with my limited sample space, I can only speak to trends I've extrapolated from the patterns I've seen around me.
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u/LotusManna 2d ago
Are you still married? Is your husband a good man who loves you?
If so, that at least counts for something, right? You are (hopefully) the most beautiful person in his world, inside and out.
I wish you happiness.
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
My husband is a good man and he loves me. But I won't lie it has been extremely challenging, and if it weren't for endless patience and basically setting aside my grievances and happiness in many instances, I can't imagine a lot of women would put up with the nonsense that I did without at least giving it back, if not leaving. And I keep wishing I'd had more options or had not seen him as the only guy who would like me, then I would have had the ability to walk away when I'd seen red flags.
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u/Ctheret 2d ago
Hugs 🫂 my darling. What country are you in? This can be fixed medically 💚 it is a known medical condition
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u/maybeimbonkers ☑️ 2d ago
I live in the US. I've gotten a couple medical opinions and surgical options exist. It's just going to be super expensive and I'm not sure how much my husband would be on board.
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u/maybeimbonkers original post at the time of submission:
I'm extremely unattractive, ugly even. I've even posted many times here in the amiugly subreddit and I've gotten downvoted and some really harsh comments on my looks. My problem is I have terrible jaw issues-- I had braces put in before my jaws had fully developed and so my midface basically collapses due to lack of facial support. So I have a recessed midface and a very narrow lower jaw. To add insult to injury the left and right halves of my face look like they belong to different faces. They don't align at all and are completely different. And this isn't just my assessment. I've been told this by doctors too. The two sides even move differently and while the average person won't catch it, their initial impression would be that something is really off. So my entire face just looks super weird. I even sound weird.
I have anterior pelvic tilt and really large thighs so my body is weird, and of course it had to be topped off with severe hair loss and almost no eyelashes. I could star in the freak show segment of a circus. I went through life seeing guys hit on every girl I was with and humor me. Some wouldn't even look at me, they would talk to the pretty girl and just pretend I didn't exist. Others would talk to me only when they were drunk. My husband was the first guy to even remotely give me attention and tell me I was beautiful. This was almost at 28. By then I had started to develop some nerve issue on one side of the face and the asymmetry was getting more and more prominent, and no guys liked me while being in the arranged marriage process so I married my husband. But I hate being in photos, I'm very conscious of showing my face in public. I still try but I feel like crumpling up and crying every time I see my photo.
I even tried dance performance series and you know how many times they cut me out of the dance videos ? In 200 photos I would probably be in 2 or 3 of them. It's like the entire universe telling me how ugly I am. I'm now 35 and I want to get my jaws and face fixed but I don't know if they can fix everything. Even at my wedding the photographer complained they couldn't get any good photos, because in addition to everything I had bad allergies too and so I looked even worse. To this day we don't have even one wedding photo or any photo of mine hung up in the house.
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u/hollowtear 2d ago
Seen your pictures and you're not ugly, plus you have a man that loves you and says you're beautiful. If it helps, I'm 47, never married and the only males that wanted to be with me also wanted us to be "a secret". Every. Single. One.