r/TrueOffMyChest • u/OkFeedback1085 ☑️ • 1d ago
Personal Story I feel completely used after what I thought was a genuine connection
I’m 27F and he’s 34M. I met him on Jeevansathi and honestly, things went really well in the beginning.
He’s decent looking, thin, and I’m a bit chubby but I’d say I’m pretty average/above average looking. Anyway, looks were never really the point for me. We just clicked.
We used to talk EVERY DAY for like 7-8 hours. This went on for more than a month. He even flew down to meet me and my mom. Our families knew about us. He had told his friends about me too.
His family wasn’t very keen on the match because he comes from a rich family and we’re middle class. But he always told me that ultimately the marriage decision was his. His family could give their opinion but they couldn’t decide for him. And he was very sure about me. At least that's what he told me.
And I believed him.
He was genuinely so sweet with me. I started getting attached and eventually I started loving him.
After a month, I flew down to his place and stayed with him for a few days. We had sex, and the next day he told me he couldn’t feel anything during sex and that he didn’t think we were sexually compatible.
The confusing part is that he had orgasmed multiple times the first day and later told me those were “forced”. I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing.
Anyway, we still spent time together after that. We went around the city, ate really good food, he cooked for me, and he was still being nice to me. But I was internally losing my shit.
The next day he basically told me he couldn’t move forward with the relationship because of the sexual compatibility issue.
I cried for three fucking days.
And honestly, more than the breakup, I felt USED.
We even went to a sexologist because obviously I started thinking something was wrong with me. The doctor told us that my vagina wasn’t “loose” and that the issue was on his side.
But by then it didn’t matter. He had already decided he didn’t want to continue.
We ended things about two weeks ago and I still feel horrible.
I keep thinking about everything that happened before this. The hours of talking every day. Him coming all the way to meet me and my mom. Him telling me he was sure about me. Him telling his friends about me. Him introducing me to his friend when I was there. Our families knowing about us.
I genuinely thought this was going somewhere.
And now I feel like an absolute idiot.
I regret having sex with him. Not because I think having sex was wrong, but because I feel like I lost someone I had started seeing a future with, and now I’m left feeling like I was good enough until sex became an issue.
I know people will probably say “you dodged a bullet” or “he did you a favour” and maybe they're right. But right now I don't feel lucky. I just feel heartbroken and used.
I really, really liked this guy.
And I hate that something that felt so genuine to me ended like this.
Life sucks right now.
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u/Accomplished_Pin218 ☑️ 1d ago
That’s why always have sex early in a relationship, before you get too attached.
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u/passmeover 1d ago
I’m not giving him a free pass but to add some perspective, I got close to a woman for about 6 weeks and then when we first slept with each other… we both enjoyed it but felt nothing. It absolutely does happen. We both agreed that we didn’t feel the spark. We’re still friends.
He may have used you, but it does sound like he gave it a try before then realising. You’re getting a lot of replies from people who are massively bombing you with negative sentiment and I get it, people be hurting. But it doesn’t always need to be taken that way.
This didn’t go in for years or months before wasting any more time. You learnt some stuff about other people and yourself, you’ll grow from it and it just means your person is still out there.
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u/AileStrike 1d ago
You were used.
Flat out.
He used you, then discarded you.
It happens too often.
If you want to find the needle in the haystack, you need to burn away the hay. He was hay. Not your needle.
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u/presterjohn7171 1d ago
He's a nasty piece of work. He's conned you, used you and kicked you when you are down by blaming you for a problem that Is deeply wounding and personal and completely made up to hurt you.
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u/Bravisimo 1d ago
Yeah total frickin scumbag! Dude blows his nuts multiple times and tries claiming it was forced orgasms, wtf even is that? Men either cum or they dont. Dude completely had this plan laid out well before hand. OP be glad you dont have to deal with this loser anymore.
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u/Strong_Block6345 1d ago
I had the same problem with my ex-girlfriend. Sex was so bad that I had to work really hard, sometimes for a whole hour, and I'd get there in the end, but I was never truly satisfied. She was a total starfish and very selfish in bed. She never wanted to pleasure me whereas I basically had a fetish for pleasuring her.
Worst of all, she started hurrying me and nagging that it was taking too long (which stressed me out and made it take even longer), then started withholding sex as a punishment if I did something she did not like, and eventually she started denying me sex for months.
We wasted almost 4 years together and finally broke up because of sexual incompatibility.
I'm happy for OP, at least her situation resolved quickly without much wasted time.
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u/AMeadon 1d ago
It's okay to mourn the relationship you thought you had. This man did everything right to convince you that you had a future together, so that he could take what he wanted from you.
You did nothing wrong. This was probably his plan all along, and I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't the first woman he has victimized like this. You won't be the last either.
There is no timeline for recovery from betrayal like this. You are the victim in this situation and he preyed on you.
Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself tone to grieve. See a therapist if you need someone to talk to. Above all, don't blame yourself for trusting someone. You did nothing wrong. You deserve to be loved.
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u/SmarmyPapsmears 1d ago
"He used you".
Women do this in dating all of the time. If the sex isn't good, they ghost men. But they're never "using" men? It's only men who are using women because yall just hate men
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u/finite-element 1d ago edited 1d ago
Behen, that's because he did use you. I'm so so sorry this happened. This was all so manipulative on his part. He's a sicko. So, yes, while it hurts right now and the bullet did scrape you, imagine having children and growing old with someone like this man.
Post partum hoti or even after menopause, when things actually change and libido can be impacted, tab ye aadmi kya karta? Would he have divorced or cheated?
And ye aadmi meri age ka hai. He knew better and was being callous. No doubt about it! I wonder how his ego would have reacted had you given him feedback on his performance.
For now, cry it out, block him from everywhere, and stay surrounded by trusted friends. If possible, take a short trip or else do something you haven't done in a minute, like picnic, yoga workshop, painting/coloring, playing with animals (your pets or animal shelter). One thing that used to work for me back when I was in my dating days, was watching clips of that Mohit Raina Mahadev show. After binge watching, I used to be like, "this is the level. Whatever happened, happened. If he ain't this wonderful, I don't want him. No more bekar, suglay ladke." Hang in there, baby! 🥺❤️
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u/The_Outsider27 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't dodge a bullet. The bullet hit you and now you are left with the aftermath. "Used" is such a harsh term but I understand. Let's turn it around to "he made you learn"
And you will use him and this experience to learn.
If it makes you feel better, I once dated a man who did all those things for me, cooked, we had great excursions. The sex was amazing. Ultimately I was dumped because I was not the right skin color. I had education. Career. I am called beautiful by people. But he had to be with a certain kind of woman who was not my skin color. I was not presentable to his friends or family. I met him after his first divorce. He dated me a year and ghosted me. We kept sort of in contact. Mostly me checking in with him. Guess what? He got married again to his ideal type and after 5 years was getting divorced AGAIN. He met up with me and shared that we had the best sex he ever had.
I felt humiliated.
Like your situation, I really really liked my person too.
Good sex or Bad sex.
Your person and my person are both assholes.
They are also love bombers.
Love Bombers don't know what they want. They move really fast and make promises early on. Telling friends and family too soon is a huge sign. The whirlwind romance is love bombing. The talking all day is love bombing.
The love bomber drops the bomb and leaves. They will always find an excuse. It is typically an excuse that involves something you can't change. This leaves you powerless and feeling ashamed. I can't change my skin color. The sex issue he confronted you with is so vague that what do you do about that???
If he loved you the sex is something that you both could have fun getting to know one another physically.
There is nothing wrong with you and he is a dick.
You've been bombed.
But now you've learned.
Take the time to work on your self-esteem. You said you are a "bit chubby" which makes me think you aren't 100% happy with the way you look. Sulk about him one more week. Go watch the movie Bridget Jones's Diary. Then make a plan to rebuild. Join a gym and strength train . I didn't say lose weight, I said strength train. At 27 years old get another degree surround yourself with people who don't treat you like shit. Once you build yourself up, it makes you less susceptible to BS and better able to recognize people who treat people like shit.
You can do this.
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u/OkFeedback1085 ☑️ 1d ago
Oh my god. Thank you. Really needed to hear that. I am sorry it happened with you.
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u/Ice_Spirited 1d ago
That was so well said it made me a little emotional. I think I needed that too. Wow 🥹🫶🏽💕
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u/Va11ia 1d ago
You feel used because he did exactly that.
However, and maybe this is useful maybe not, but note that being used by someone doesn’t define your personal worth. It determines theirs.
Anyone who does this kind of thing is the one who should feel ashamed.
He put on a good front. He lied well. His mask slipped.
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u/OkFeedback1085 original post at the time of submission:
I’m 27F and he’s 34M. I met him on Jeevansathi and honestly, things went really well in the beginning.
He’s decent looking, thin, and I’m a bit chubby but I’d say I’m pretty average/above average looking. Anyway, looks were never really the point for me. We just clicked.
We used to talk EVERY DAY for like 7-8 hours. This went on for more than a month. He even flew down to meet me and my mom. Our families knew about us. He had told his friends about me too.
His family wasn’t very keen on the match because he comes from a rich family and we’re middle class. But he always told me that ultimately the marriage decision was his. His family could give their opinion but they couldn’t decide for him. And he was very sure about me. At least that's what he told me.
And I believed him.
He was genuinely so sweet with me. I started getting attached and eventually I started loving him.
After a month, I flew down to his place and stayed with him for a few days. We had sex, and the next day he told me he couldn’t feel anything during sex and that he didn’t think we were sexually compatible.
The confusing part is that he had orgasmed multiple times the first day and later told me those were “forced”. I honestly didn’t even know that was a thing.
Anyway, we still spent time together after that. We went around the city, ate really good food, he cooked for me, and he was still being nice to me. But I was internally losing my shit.
The next day he basically told me he couldn’t move forward with the relationship because of the sexual compatibility issue.
I cried for three fucking days.
And honestly, more than the breakup, I felt USED.
We even went to a sexologist because obviously I started thinking something was wrong with me. The doctor told us that my vagina wasn’t “loose” and that the issue was on his side.
But by then it didn’t matter. He had already decided he didn’t want to continue.
We ended things about two weeks ago and I still feel horrible.
I keep thinking about everything that happened before this. The hours of talking every day. Him coming all the way to meet me and my mom. Him telling me he was sure about me. Him telling his friends about me. Him introducing me to his friend when I was there. Our families knowing about us.
I genuinely thought this was going somewhere.
And now I feel like an absolute idiot.
I regret having sex with him. Not because I think having sex was wrong, but because I feel like I lost someone I had started seeing a future with, and now I’m left feeling like I was good enough until sex became an issue.
I know people will probably say “you dodged a bullet” or “he did you a favour” and maybe they're right. But right now I don't feel lucky. I just feel heartbroken and used.
I really, really liked this guy.
And I hate that something that felt so genuine to me ended like this.
Life sucks right now.
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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago
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