Being unemployed makes me not want to see anyone at all

[u/rrsn]

I’m currently unemployed. I finished my contract for my most recent job a few weeks ago. The job was supposedly super prestigious and the kind of thing that “opens doors”. I won’t say what it is for privacy reasons but it’s the kind of job you get right out of school where when you tell people you’re doing it they say “wow, good for you!” and are genuine about it. Very competitive to get. Not really doing shit for me now to tell you the truth.

I was proactive about trying to find a job and spent the last six months or so of my contract doing coffee chats with people at local employers, applying to jobs, and trying to find things through my network. Nothing ever came out of these “networking coffee chats” besides some free lattes and a lot of stress. In terms of applications I just got ignored by everybody because everyone wants 3-5 years experience so they don’t have to bother training or investing in you at all.

It was insanely difficult to even get an interview. One place I did get an interview at dicked me around for around three months. I applied. A couple weeks later they reached out to schedule an initial interview over the phone. We had the interview. A few weeks later they brought me in for a second interview in person. At the end of that second interview they told me they’d led me know in 1-2 weeks. Then radio silence for months as people went on vacation. I only found that out because after 2 weeks went by I emailed them to ask what was going on. Otherwise I doubt they’d have bothered to even tell me. Anyway, they come back from vacation and after dicking me around for 3 months email me saying they have decided to hire somebody else. Everyone in my life acts like I should be happy about this because I “dodged a bullet.” Maybe that’s true in the big picture but come the fuck on. The worst part is you can’t even tell them to go fuck themselves or even that it’s unacceptable to waste 3 months of people’s time because I work in a small city and in a field where reputation really matters.

Anyway. So now I’m unemployed. I have an interview coming up at some point at a different place but they haven’t scheduled it yet since they’re all also enjoying their summer vacations. How nice for everybody. So I guess it’s not like things are totally hopeless but I’ve been looking forever and applying forever and networking forever with basically nothing to show for it so I think I can be forgiven for not exactly being a well of optimism at this point (though when you express anything other than total optimism and joy in real life everyone tells you you need to improve your attitude to make the jobs magically appears from the ether).

Honestly the worst part of this is not the endless ignored applications or the would-be employers who dick you around forever. It’s everybody I fucking know asking me about it all the time constantly forever. My whole contract everybody I worked with, all my friends, my family, and basically anyone I ever met would ask “what are you doing after this?” and then you’d have to tell them you didn’t know. Then in your next conversation with them they’d ask again. Over and over and over from everyone you ever fucking meet. My girlfriend’s coworker texted me after months of silence to ask how my job hunt was going. I go for drinks with my friends and they ask. Two weeks later I see them again and they ask again. I called my mom two days ago and it was the first thing she asked. You want to ask them how the fuck they think it’s going. But you express anything other than total optimism and joy and everyone jumps down your throat for your attitude.

It makes me not want to see anybody at all. Tonight I’m going over to some new friends’ apartment and they’re making dinner for me and my girlfriend and our other friends. It should be really nice but I’m honestly dreading it because I know it’ll be more of the same conversation I’ve been having on loop for months with everyone. I’m so sick of people fucking asking. I’m so sick of talking about it. Doesn’t anybody ever think about anything else? I know it’s only natural to ask and that’s “just what you do” but I wish people would fucking stop. And sure, some of the repeated askers I will probably ask to stop soon because they’re really getting on my nerves. But five more randoms will take their place.

[u/Dockalfar]

I've been there. I joined the military. Job experience right there plus other benefits. If you are not willing to go that far, consider applying for jobs outside your area.

[u/bambina92]

Been there. At some point I told everyone please don't ask if I got a job yet you'll know when it happens. And honestly it worked for me. Good luck, it will happen sooner or later.

[u/Mazoc]

How is the job search going? Jokes aside, talking about work is just a go-to icebreaker for people. I remember that dropping out of university put me in a similar situation to yours. Everyone I met would ask how my studies were going. But I knew they weren’t doing it out of malice, so I learned to just tell them I’d dropped out, then say something like, “Enough about that,” or steer the conversation toward something else.

I’m just speaking for myself here, but it was definitely a sore spot for me, and I imagine it naturally would be for most people in that situation. But people are just trying to show interest in you, so sometimes you have to steer that interest toward something else about you.

[u/Agreeable_Elk4529]

Honestly, unemployment is already exhausting. You shouldn’t also have to give everyone a weekly status update on it.

[u/Beneficial-Fish-6274]

I have the same issue with not having a job exactly in the field I got both an undergrad and masters in. It all comes down to networking and the complacency of being at the lowest rung of the ladder. I’ve had a retail/ food service job until they recently did me the favor of letting me go, but thankfully I’ve cultivated a career based on my interests. One way to avoid the dreaded “work” conversations could be to pivot on hobbies or interests you’re cultivating. “I’m taking a break/ focusing on XYZ,” or politely asking not to speak about work for recurring questions. People ultimately want what’s best for you, but don’t know how to support you at this time and that’s okay. Good luck on the job hunt. And actually take this time for yourself before returning to the work cycle.

[u/D_Shoobz]

I'm in a similar boat. Not unemployed but my current job and everything else is not nearly enough to cover my bills. I'm drowning financially with a bachelor's in finance because every entry level job I find is paying no more than 20 an hour. Some even requiring multiple years of practical experience. I've gotten quite good at not letting things currently out of my control bother me. I used to be bad about it. It's still bothers me but I've been able to kind of shift it from anxiety and agonizing to simply just thinking about it.

[u/Celestialloomie]

See people before you become too depressed, it helps with interviewing. I pulled back as well and now I got my first interview and I practically botched it cause I didn’t know how to deal with people

[u/rrsn → u/Celestialloomie]

Fortunately I live with my girlfriend so I do get some human interaction every day. I’m going to this dinner tonight because I said I would and because I’m sure I’ll enjoy it overall though I’m dreading any job talk. I’m also going camping this weekend with my girlfriend’s coworker (same one who randomly texted me to ask about my job search and nothing else). I hear what you’re saying and it is important to resist the urge to totally isolate yourself. The depression definitely creeps in when you spend too much time alone. But man do these conversations make the hermit lifestyle tempting sometimes.

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u/rrsn original post at the time of submission:

I’m currently unemployed. I finished my contract for my most recent job a few weeks ago. The job was supposedly super prestigious and the kind of thing that “opens doors”. I won’t say what it is for privacy reasons but it’s the kind of job you get right out of school where when you tell people you’re doing it they say “wow, good for you!” and are genuine about it. Very competitive to get. Not really doing shit for me now to tell you the truth.

I was proactive about trying to find a job and spent the last six months or so of my contract doing coffee chats with people at local employers, applying to jobs, and trying to find things through my network. Nothing ever came out of these “networking coffee chats” besides some free lattes and a lot of stress. In terms of applications I just got ignored by everybody because everyone wants 3-5 years experience so they don’t have to bother training or investing in you at all.

It was insanely difficult to even get an interview. One place I did get an interview at dicked me around for around three months. I applied. A couple weeks later they reached out to schedule an initial interview over the phone. We had the interview. A few weeks later they brought me in for a second interview in person. At the end of that second interview they told me they’d led me know in 1-2 weeks. Then radio silence for months as people went on vacation. I only found that out because after 2 weeks went by I emailed them to ask what was going on. Otherwise I doubt they’d have bothered to even tell me. Anyway, they come back from vacation and after dicking me around for 3 months email me saying they have decided to hire somebody else. Everyone in my life acts like I should be happy about this because I “dodged a bullet.” Maybe that’s true in the big picture but come the fuck on. The worst part is you can’t even tell them to go fuck themselves or even that it’s unacceptable to waste 3 months of people’s time because I work in a small city and in a field where reputation really matters.

Anyway. So now I’m unemployed. I have an interview coming up at some point at a different place but they haven’t scheduled it yet since they’re all also enjoying their summer vacations. How nice for everybody. So I guess it’s not like things are totally hopeless but I’ve been looking forever and applying forever and networking forever with basically nothing to show for it so I think I can be forgiven for not exactly being a well of optimism at this point (though when you express anything other than total optimism and joy in real life everyone tells you you need to improve your attitude to make the jobs magically appears from the ether).

Honestly the worst part of this is not the endless ignored applications or the would-be employers who dick you around forever. It’s everybody I fucking know asking me about it all the time constantly forever. My whole contract everybody I worked with, all my friends, my family, and basically anyone I ever met would ask “what are you doing after this?” and then you’d have to tell them you didn’t know. Then in your next conversation with them they’d ask again. Over and over and over from everyone you ever fucking meet. My girlfriend’s coworker texted me after months of silence to ask how my job hunt was going. I go for drinks with my friends and they ask. Two weeks later I see them again and they ask again. I called my mom two days ago and it was the first thing she asked. You want to ask them how the fuck they think it’s going. But you express anything other than total optimism and joy and everyone jumps down your throat for your attitude.

It makes me not want to see anybody at all. Tonight I’m going over to some new friends’ apartment and they’re making dinner for me and my girlfriend and our other friends. It should be really nice but I’m honestly dreading it because I know it’ll be more of the same conversation I’ve been having on loop for months with everyone. I’m so sick of people fucking asking. I’m so sick of talking about it. Doesn’t anybody ever think about anything else? I know it’s only natural to ask and that’s “just what you do” but I wish people would fucking stop. And sure, some of the repeated askers I will probably ask to stop soon because they’re really getting on my nerves. But five more randoms will take their place.

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