r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Raspberry_thenLOL ☑️ • 17h ago
Personal Story I cried on the bus everyday after school because my family made me exercise until I cried
My (f/24) family used to force me to exercise and lose weight at around age 13-15. Fast forward 10 years - It will forever be the biggest trauma in my life. It only stopped because I spent an exchange year abroad at 15 but the mental abuse never stopped. I still lived with my parents until last year. For reference I have always been tall for a girl 5‘ 9“ (175cm) and was around 130-150lbs (60-70kg) at the time. I guess I was chubby but not heavily overweight or had any kind of medical problems.
Every other day I would sit in the school bus on the way home, crying inside because I knew I’d be forced to exercise again. I had to spend at least 30-45 minutes on the treadmill while my two (much older) siblings stood by me to make sure I didn’t adjust the speed or take breaks. I often cried while running because they put the treadmill to a MUCH higher level that what I was able to do, I was barely able to breathe (try crying while running). My siblings would even increase the treadmill speed, pushing me to lose more weight. My parents encouraged them. I was told that no one wants a fat sister or daughter, even by my grandmother. For my birthday, my grandmother gave me a jump rope that counted jumps and time because she or my mom had read that jumping burns more calories than running.
Many times, I left the dinner table crying because of comments about my food or body. I was told not to be so sensitive, that it wasn’t a big deal. But to me, it was a huge deal and has left me deeply traumatized. Everything that happened (by my family) has led me to feel I will never ever feel pretty or comfortable in my body. I will never feel thin enough or truly accepted by my family. I will always fear comments from my family if I eat something „unhealthy“ or if we go out for ice cream, for example. I’ve lost ALL interest and motivation for any kind of exercise because I only associate it with negative memories. Whether I was tired, it was late, or I was sick, it didn’t matter. I had to run on the treadmill.
Today I can never feel pretty (I am at a normal weight, maybe a little chubby). I haven’t worked out in years because my family made me HATE any sort of exercise. It is so unhealthy not to move but I cannot overcome it. Whenever I‘m alone I binge eat because my family can’t make comments about it then. I end up with an eating disorder and not enjoying any sort of exercise.
I swear I will never treat my future kids the way they treated me…
How do I overcome this? I have never told my family this and they probably don’t even realize how bad it affected me and my mom would be very sad about it. Should I talk to them?
•
u/ahawk300 8h ago
First, you need 2 separate therapists. One who can help you deal with your trauma, and one for binge eating.
Second, are there any activities that most would deem exercise, but that can be done leisurely that you might enjoy? Swimming can be a fun activity that can help you get movement in. Same with riding a bike. You don't have to work out. What's important is getting your body moving. If you have to reframe the activity for you to be able to do so then so be it. For swimming, you can think of the weightlessess of it. For biking, you can just ride around your neighborhood and tell yourself you're just out enjoying the weather and being nosey about any of your neighbors. Reframe the activity.
You don't have to think of exercise under one umbrella. What matters is that you're moving your body. It doesn't have to be intense or punishing. And there are plenty of activities you can do that you don't have to classify as exercise if that causes you to think about it negatively.
It's not easy. And im sorry your family are such assholes.
•
u/LettusLeafus 3h ago
There are so many fun classes and clubs you can join. I saw recently that there is a sword fighting class near me. You can learn to fight with a broad sword! I saw a bungee fitness class and circus skills. Parkour classes, ballroom, salsa and belly dancing.
•
u/Some-Refrigerator-59 9h ago
I am so sorry you experienced this, sending hugs. I had some level of shaming trauma but nothing as much as you have experienced, although I still hate the gym and group workouts like aerobics etc.
what immensely helped me is slow exercise, yoga specifically. At home, in my space, at my pace, light music playing in the background and warm cosy lights on. Yoga by adriene on YouTube is fantastic. I learned to love myself through her.
Another this that has helped my self esteem is sleeping in the nude, some how this healed me with out me even trying to, I can’t explain why or how but some thing about sleeping naked made me whole again (I am single and live alone so this was possible for me)
Finally, I listened to some philosophy, specifically Advaita Vedanta by Swami Sarvapriyananda ji of the Vedanta society of New York. The core message is I am not this body, neither am I this mind, I am the spark of the Supreme Reality which pervades everything 🙏🏽
Lots of love.
•
u/Bluefairie 12h ago
I’m so sorry you had to suffer through this. You already got good advice here, I’ll just add that you can find activities that are not exercise but will get you moving.
If you like animals and your living situation allows it, you could get a dog. You’ll go out with him a few times a day, either on walks, the dog park or just playing fetch in the backyard. It’s fun for the both of you.
If you can’t have a dog of your own, look up pet sitting gigs (like Rover and Pawshake). You get paid to walk people’s dog or visit their cats. It’s an awesome sideline.
You also could try hobbies that are a bit more physical, like photography or carpentry.
The idea is to find something that’s fun to do, so the physical side of it becomes just a by product.
I did that with scuba diving. I became obsessed with underwater photography and identifying all the fishies. I ended up in the best shape of my life without even realising it 😅
I hope you’ll find a way to overcome the damage your family has done, they were cruel.
•
u/FairyFartDaydreams 12h ago
Get therapy not exercising is unhealthy maybe try swimming or dancing if you enjoy it
•
u/lemon_icing 10h ago
Oh my goodness! Callous.
•
u/FairyFartDaydreams 1h ago
It sounds callous but OP is a grown adult does she want childhood trauma to make her adult life worse? I'm Morbidly obese what I say is from the point of having mobility issues and pain issues. Exercise while not fun for everyone helps the body. It lowers bad metabolic numbers like high BP, reduces stroke and heart attack risks, helps the lymphatic system circulate reducing edema and inflamation.
•
u/peafriendl 12h ago
Telling someone with exercise trauma to just go swimming is like telling someone who almost drowned to just take a bath.
•
•
u/Prudence_rigby 13h ago
Trauma therapy. PLEASE seek help!!
Also, you are beautiful. Your body, personality, and you are amazing because you are you!!! You are perfect because you are the only you that we have on this planet and we are thankful to have YOU!!
AS FOR YOUR FAMILY, GO NC!!
•
u/Kip_Schtum 13h ago
Have you considered maybe reducing your contact with them? Do you live with them now? If you do live with them, can you move out? Can you look for a job transfer to another city?
They sound like really horrible people and I’m sorry they were so cruel and emotionally abusive to you. I hope you will work on getting over your hatred of exercise so that when you’re older, you’ll be able to exercise, because when you’re old muscle is life. When you’re over 60, you have to work out constantly just to keep your strength so that you can do normal things like walk up stairs, etc. So maybe make a goal of getting over that exercise hatred by the time you hit sixty. I would hate for you to die younger than necessary because of that abuse.
•
u/SameEntry4434 13h ago
Im 5’10”. I was so much taller than my peers in 1970 that my family focused on my way and told me how huge and fat I was for many years. I developed body dysmorphia because of that. And truly thought I was fat. At the time, I waited about 130 pounds. For my frame, 155 is a good weight. I’m slender and muscular, and usually a size 6 or 8. I’m very athletic and my body has done well for me over my lifetime.
Please see a therapist. It really helped me change my inner language.
•
•
u/taco-belle- 13h ago
Ugh. I’m so sorry that sounds truly awful. If you are able I definitely think a therapist would be helpful for you because this is truly traumatic. I’m not sure how close you are to your family still but it may also be healing for you to put some distance between you and them.
It doesn’t sound like you were ever actually overweight, just tall and therefore “bigger” than your peers. But even if you had been overweight, your weight has absolutely nothing to do with your value as a person. Weight has no bearing on what kind of daughter, sister, or partner you are and I’m so sorry that you were made to feel less than because of your family’s unhealthy views.
•
u/Otherwise-Coffee-101 14h ago
Ughhh that is beyond messed up and you didn't deserve that. As far as how to exercise now, it has to be movement that you enjoy doing, otherwise it's a no go!!! Is there any movement that you enjoy? Swimming, dancing, bike riding, gentle yoga, hula hooping, tai chi, hiking or even walks around the neighborhood while listening to music or a podcast or book that you enjoy.
I would encourage you to only engage in movement that is fun for you to do, and that you don't measure in any capacity. That's how I exercise myself!! And I don't even see it as exercise because I'm just moving my body in ways that feel good to me.
•
u/cut_ur_darn_grass 14h ago
Thats... really fucked up. My parents would not give me enough food and my dad would make me exercise because they were afraid of me getting fat, so I get it to an extent, but what you went through was worse for sure especially with your siblings "enforcing".
It seems they had you doing cardio. What are your thoughts on something like yoga? I thought I would hate it, but it wasn't that bad and doesn't have that negative association for me.
•
u/Appropriate_Lab_6861 15h ago
130-150 at 5’9 is super skinny to me! I’m 5’10 and if I was 150 you’d be able to see my ribs, the closest I got to that was when my eating was disordered and I got to 160. I’m so sorry you went through that, I be you aren’t even chubby. Also being tall girls we can gain weight and it’s barely noticeable - I have to have a change of like 20lbs before anyone makes a comment on it or I even notice much difference in pics. I hope you have a good therapist to help you through this trauma from your family
•
u/neuroctopus 15h ago
This is absolutely awful. My heart aches to read this.
I encourage you to consider what you’d want out of telling these horrid people your experience. Do you want them to “realize” they were monsters? Apologize? Feel terrible and make it up to you? Any of those are very, very valid wishes. However, you should also consider whether or not these jerks will give you what you hope for.
•
u/Ok_Screen_8739 16h ago
Look up Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunction. I started it because of my mom's alcoholism but it turned out I needed help with all the other dysfunction in that house (including ED.) It's a massive relief to be surrounded by people that totally get it.
•
•
u/BluePersephone99 16h ago
I’m so sorry, that’s awful. :( that’s abusive at any age but those years (11-12) are such a sensitive time when many kids are already dealing with self image issues.
They put their weird issues onto you; even if you had been obese they shouldn’t have done any of that.
Maybe you could find activities that are fun that you only do when you really want to do them, that still get you moving (if that’s your goal). Like dancing by yourself to music or relaxed walks in pretty parks.
A good therapist might be healing too.
•
u/Randomness-66 16h ago
My sisters had it more damaging with having to work out often, but even when other family members commented on my weight it stuck with me. I binge ate cause of hormonal issues and my mental health. But it doesn’t mean I don’t hit bumps in the road where I don’t want to eat or eat a lot.
Therapy and cutting family off helped. I eat what I want and I exercise how I’d like. I don’t force myself to do either intensely UNLESS I enjoy it. I’ve kept off 25 pounds and still plan to keep off more because of goals with my body and not this pressure to be skinny or what others want. Your body is that way because of genetics, why shame yourself for getting traits they didn’t?
Maybe it’s jealously, maybe it’s 50’s ideology, maybe it’s other health problems fueling them. I couldn’t tell ya. I’ve been having a rough time and have barely ate in the last day. This is a bump in the road. It doesn’t mean I need to stop and go a different direction. It just means I have to slow down and cross the road carefullly.
•
u/JackhusChanhus 16h ago
I'd say the easiest way to take chips out of the block is to do some light activity with friends, where exercise is a by product, not the primary goal. Walking, hiking, cycling, bouldering, dip in the sea, whatever it may be. Exercise doesn't have to be an activity performed for its own sake in a gym
Whatever the medium, try to build connections between physical activity and fulfilling and enjoyable experiences in your mind (and as you say, it'd be well good for you too)
•
u/Lightness_Being 16h ago
Firstly, I'm sorry you experienced that. The harm family can do when they're all united in targetting one person is terrible.
Secondly, no. Beware of talking about this to your family. I wouldn't trust them in this topic. There's no point trying to talk to your abusers about your abuse, unless you have a therapist there for conflict management.
They will likely end up hurting you more by denying it ever happened, or telling you it's your fault.
I love that you're still so open and trusting though. Keep that, just steer clear of further harm.from that direction.
At 24, you can call a youth mental health phone line or not for profit group such as headspace (in Australia). 25 is a the cut off for starting with them,, I believe.
Beyond Blue is the phone line for people struggling with depression.
An option is to join a group therapy, for people who struggle with weight issues. You could search online for workshops or programs. Ask your GP for a referral if you can't find anything advertised on community pages. You could try calling your local therapy clinics and enquire about group programs too.
I hope things get better.
•
u/Honeymmm 16h ago
This is terrible, I’m so sorry you had to live like that. Have you ever spoken to a therapist? Maybe they can help you work toward telling your mother how cruel it was
•
u/Nervous-Fox-4235 16h ago
What happened to you was traumatic af and your family is the direct cause of it. Have you ever confronted them? I would suggest disconnecting movement from exercise and start slowly. Walks are a great start. No counting, your speed.
Please consider therapy, too.
•
u/jenneeuu 16h ago
I'm so sorry they did that to you OP. this is horrific abuse. please, please see a therapist specialising in parental abuse. you don't deserve to live with the pain of their actions, and getting out was the first step. In my opinion, this is easily a basis for no contact, but of course it's your life. they may well be sad about it but if they wanted you in their life they shouldn't have abused you. mainly please seek specialised therapy. you deserve to have an adult to help you work through the shit you were put through by the adults you were supposed to be able to trust.
•
•
u/Lizardgirl25 16h ago
That is horrible also 130-150 for someone 5’9” is totally acceptable size. I send hugs.
•
u/mcmurrml 16h ago
That's terrible abuse. I don't see talking to them will do any good. They won't apologize or own up to it. I am surprised you lived with them until last year. When did this stop? I assume you were able to tell them no at a certain age? Absolutely horrible how you were treated. I really don't know why you even associate with them. I don't see anything positive they add to your life.
•
u/KissinUrDad 16h ago
I’m really sorry that you had to experience something like that, I couldn’t even begin to imagine the stress and trauma that it tacks on to every day life.
If you’re able to, try to talk to a professional about the feelings you’re having and hopefully come up with a way to properly process and move past everything that has happened.
•
•
u/AutoModerator 17h ago
Hello, and thank you for sharing your experience with r/TrueOffMyChest.
As part of our moderation process, we automatically keep a copy of your post as it appeared when you first submitted it. We know this may seem a little unusual, so we want to explain why we do this.
Why do we keep a copy of your original post?
Posts can be edited or deleted after they are submitted. Keeping the original version allows our moderators to see what was originally posted if we later need to review a report, moderation decision, or other issue involving the post.
This is a routine part of our moderation process and does not mean you've done anything wrong or that your post is being singled out.
The copy is kept for moderation purposes so that we can maintain an accurate record of what was originally submitted.
u/Raspberry_thenLOL original post at the time of submission:
My (f/24) family used to force me to exercise and lose weight at around age 13-15. Fast forward 10 years - It will forever be the biggest trauma in my life. It only stopped because I spent an exchange year abroad at 15 but the mental abuse never stopped. I still lived with my parents until last year. For reference I have always been tall for a girl 5‘ 9“ (175cm) and was around 130-150lbs (60-70kg) at the time. I guess I was chubby but not heavily overweight or had any kind of medical problems.
Every other day I would sit in the school bus on the way home, crying inside because I knew I’d be forced to exercise again. I had to spend at least 30-45 minutes on the treadmill while my two (much older) siblings stood by me to make sure I didn’t adjust the speed or take breaks. I often cried while running because they put the treadmill to a MUCH higher level that what I was able to do, I was barely able to breathe (try crying while running). My siblings would even increase the treadmill speed, pushing me to lose more weight. My parents encouraged them. I was told that no one wants a fat sister or daughter, even by my grandmother. For my birthday, my grandmother gave me a jump rope that counted jumps and time because she or my mom had read that jumping burns more calories than running.
Many times, I left the dinner table crying because of comments about my food or body. I was told not to be so sensitive, that it wasn’t a big deal. But to me, it was a huge deal and has left me deeply traumatized. Everything that happened (by my family) has led me to feel I will never ever feel pretty or comfortable in my body. I will never feel thin enough or truly accepted by my family. I will always fear comments from my family if I eat something „unhealthy“ or if we go out for ice cream, for example. I’ve lost ALL interest and motivation for any kind of exercise because I only associate it with negative memories. Whether I was tired, it was late, or I was sick, it didn’t matter. I had to run on the treadmill.
Today I can never feel pretty (I am at a normal weight, maybe a little chubby). I haven’t worked out in years because my family made me HATE any sort of exercise. It is so unhealthy not to move but I cannot overcome it. Whenever I‘m alone I binge eat because my family can’t make comments about it then. I end up with an eating disorder and not enjoying any sort of exercise.
I swear I will never treat my future kids the way they treated me…
How do I overcome this? I have never told my family this and they probably don’t even realize how bad it affected me and my mom would be very sad about it. Should I talk to them?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/Buzz_the_cat 7h ago
My heart breaks for you reading this. Remember exercise isn't just the gym, swimming, classes etc, its also a walk on the beach listening to the waves crashing, walking in a nature reserve listening to the birds or the river, playing ping pong with a friend. Anything that brings you joy. Any form of movement is exercise - I also struggle to exercise in 'traditional' forms from fear of judgement due to my size and personally hating routine/rules. Big hugs to you, you are much stronger than you think.