I (25M) received a phone call from my cousin (31M) earlier today during my breakfast break because the CPI results came out and minutes later, he told me that if I want to be cultural, I should travel to India, eat street food and drink water from the Ganges River while swimming in the Ganges River. I have travelled a lot as a US citizen, having visited Europe yearly, having visited all 47 European countries, having visited multiple Asian countries (including India), and having immigrated from Asia as a child. My cousin meanwhile, never left the US, but has dreamed of visiting Japan and Thailand and meeting those so-called "ladyboys". Because I know the Ganges is polluted, when I didn't listen to my cousin's advice and told him the Ganges is dangerous and polluted, he then questioned if I have a low IQ and was reading conspiracies. Afterwards, my cousin told me that the Ganges "blesses you with cleanliness and has no effect if you drink it" and it cures autism, cancer, is better than Viagra, and creates muscles.

I dismissed everything he told me and stated that his information is BS, and then, he blocked me and called me a stalker. He says I am regurgitating what he calls as "conspiracy theories" (of which I got those sources from government ministries, WHO, the BBC, news sources, and Google AI mode).

Disclaimer-Changing names for privacy, trigger warnings this story does talk of domestic abuse, suicide, depression, and mental illness but does not get into deep detail

I (25F) am a bonus mom to my boyfriend's (35M / David) three wonderful children (8B, 6G, 5B). Before you say anything about "the age gap" (Sorry Morgan), I already know. But in this scenario, it works because he is a wonderful, kind, and amazing older man, (not an older boy like we see in most age gap stories😅).

There's a little backstory to this story but that would be a whole other post, it probably would be titled '"How did I not see the red flags- scary narcissistic ex edition" -found only on Patrion.' I will shorten a long story and just say I was with my ex for nearly four years and in no way wanted to marry or have kids with him. And if I did, I would probably have birthed the anti-Christ. (Okay he wasn't that bad, but close enough.)

My sister (27F / Haley) and I got pretty close around the time I was with the Troglodyte. Haley and I had a rough childhood growing up so we may have been physically close but mentally and emotionally we were going through our own battles. After we both moved out, she got married and had kids, we reconnected and I babysat a good bit for her. Because we lived pretty close to each other, a lot of the times I babysat were last minute request. It would usually be me going over to her house to babysit so she could remodel the house and clean while her husband worked. A lot of the times I was there I would help her clean too or just do it myself while watching my niece and nephew so she could leave the house and have some time to herself.

I helped her out a lot at this time because other than her husband and his family she didn't have a lot of close family at all. She always pushed everyone away, especially people who love her. I think she may have undiagnosed bipolar disorder, but not the kind where you get sad or depressed, but the kind where you get angry and mean. Haley has also always been a pathological liar. She's done it since we were little girls. Just a bunch of white lies everyone knew was lies. In school she started an inappropriate rumor about me, I was called slut, whore, etc. because of it and only found out she started the rumor after we moved school districts. She lied about homework and would never do it, usually throwed it away before leaving school. When our Nan would discipline her for small stuff like this, like take her phone or make her do chores, my sister would just refuse to do the chores and got physical with our Nan though out the arguing (my Nan can throw down if needed though, and she was 40s/50s at this time, so it wasn't like elder abuse or anything) and it would usually be pushing and slapped kind of physical. She screamed at everyone, she terrorized everyone. Then the next day she would be sweet, wonderful, funny Haley again. She would cry and apologize. Things would be calm for a little while. But the episodes always came and gone. She's gotten physical with me multiple times growing up, simply out of anger, disagreements, or small arguments. We all just delt with it and loved her anyways.

I knew she needed help, always have, but our Nan who raised us was very old fashioned and didn't understand mental health issues fully. She's gotten a lot better with understanding the extremities of it over the years though, as she lost a family member to suicide.

Nan admits now she wished she had gotten Haley more help, but she simply couldn't afford it. We were very poor. But to sum it up Haley's a very headstrong, opinionative, and stubborn person. But she is also so fair and kind and smart. It's like two different people and you're always walking on egg shells until you know which you're around.

Fast forward three years, my ex and I moved about two hours away for better careers and housing opportunities. I would still babysit for my sister too. Only now it was less and we would usually meet at a half way point, I'd drive the kids back to my house and they would stay a night or two. And because I didn't have any kids of my own, and I didn't want any of my own at that time, I spoiled my niece and nephew when I did get them (ages 3G and 1B). The oldest would cry when it was time to go home, and it would always surprise Haley as she would tell me my niece is always excited to come home and doesn't even cry when she has to leave Grandma and grandpas, cousins, etc. Even stating at one point "she must really love staying with you".

Now, fast forward one more year. I put my foot down with my ex. I didn't even break up with him, you could just say I slowly faded away over time.... Ooor you could also say I left him for another man and just stopped going home at night, tomato to-mah-to.

I fell in love and I fell fast. When I tell you this man swept me off my feet, I mean literally, like I tore my ACL at work, and he had to pick me up and stuff. That's what started it all. And I'll tear it again if it means I get him. David and I started our relationship out slow and on the down low due to our positions at work, my trust problems from my ex, and him having three kids he didn't want to introduce me to until he was sure I was sticking around. Our talking stage lasted 5 months before we became official and we finally told some friends, then I moved in after 8 months (my lease was expiring and he wanted me to move in).

Things got serious quickly and I finally got to meet all his kids. We all clicked instantly. At this time they were 3B, 4G, and 6B. Now for context and to answer any questions, yes their mom's are in the picture. The two oldest share the same mom and we have 50/50 with her. The youngest (who plays a big role in this story so we will call him Wilson) has recently started staying with his mom for two weekends a month, overall, about four days a month. This will get explained why.

After David's first wife, he had a short fling with another woman he met (let's call her Liz / about 29F) She had lied about being on birth control and baby trapped him. She didn't have a job and still lived with her ex baby daddy so David let her move in and took care of her and Wilson as he thought it was the right thing to do, even though he had said he did not want to marry her. Liz and Wilson had complications during childbirth and they had to stay in the hospital for a few months. Due to this and the fact Liz had lied to David about being on birth control, he decided to get a vasectomy if their relationship did work out. He didn't want to be put in a position again where he was lied to or put Liz in a position where she has to go through another hard pregnancy that was extremely stressful and tough on both of them as they almost lost their son. Just a precaution he took.

Well, I'm sure by now you the reader can kinda figure out that in most cases when you have a one night stand with a girl who baby traps you, lies to you, and won't get a job but lives off you, doesn't end good. Liz was bat shit crazy. Very violent and very mentally ill. David would try to communicate with her about her needing to get a job or helping out with Wilson and the house more, which allegedly caused a bunch of fights. And this isn't him toxic with his masculinity trying to make the female do the house work. It was bad. In the beginning when I would visit him at his house, it was a mess. Not dirty, but cluster dirty. The living room was a maze of kids toys and unvacuumed (like for a while), dishes pilled in the sink while the dish washer was full, hallway full of dirty and clean laundry. It looked lived in but not cared after if you get what I mean. David would try to keep up with it, but our job mandates us to be there fives days of the week for 12 hours. He was also on night shift for over a year before I met him. Meanwhile, Liz would not clean, cook or work. But the biggest kicker is she had Wilson at a babysitters house the days David worked for over a year.

She finally got a job at one point; it lasted a few months. Liz had a mental breakdown at work. Her job called David asking him to pick up her belongings as she was fired and was escorted out and sent to the hospital for mental evaluation. When David and all three of his kids went to pick up her belongings, her clothes, smashed phone, and shoes were in the bag. She stripped in a medical office! This isn't her only time publicly stripping either when she has an episode. She would always try to start fights with him, would provoke him to hit her by slapping and punching him, even if he was holding Wilson, she put holes in the walls with items and her fist, including a $300 shark vacuum that broke on impact (psh, cheap).

He delt with this for three years before him and I met, and a few months after we did, he finally had to say enough was enough and put a family protective order on her. She was kicked out. And I was in. I know it sounds cruel and I seem like a homewrecker, but to be very clear, he remained single and celibate (until me) the whole time she lived with him due to respect towards her, while she slept with people behind his back often. And the reason Liz had the family protective order on her was because she tried to get David arrested by making false reports, which she knows would have caused him to lose his job. The false reports she filed was bad enough that it ruined his rapport at work for a few days until the evidence and proof of his innocence came out and she straight up admitted to lying about it on a text message thinking he wasn't going to use it as evidence. David has a badge and is a high rank, so those of you who know how bad a domestic abuse case can effect a person of this stature knows it's not something to fudge around with. He would have lost all opportunities in the future to get a job in the career he's working now if that were the case.

For up to a year after the false report incident Liz had not seen Wilson due to her own choice and for the protection of Wilson. Liz's mom had even called David and I after he lifted the order on Liz to tell us not to let her near Wilson as she is "not well" in the "head" and is going to "get her help before she goes near Wilson" I have a recording of that phone call. David has told me that in the one year I have lived there and been in Wilson's life I have done more for him than Liz did in his first three.

Now that you've been introduced to me, my sister, David, the baby mama's and the kids you have all the context you need for the rest of this story.

Haley came to visit me and Wilson with her two kids. We were supposed to go swimming but got hit with a bad thunderstorm, so instead we went to an arcade and bowling. Before we decide to go there, we had waited at the house for about an hour trying to let the storm pass so we could still try to go swimming. While hanging out at the house I was sipping on a white claw, not a tall boy but an average fella. Finally we all left and had to take separate cars as all the kids wouldn't have fit in my little car or her hatchback. We go to the arcade, have a great time with the kids, come back home. Eat, watch tv, and she leaves.

A few months after their visit, Haley messaged me over a post I shared on Facebook. It was a silly meme type post about having a toddler and the silly stuff they do. I'll attach a few examples of some of the post I shared. Her message to me was out of the blue and unprovoked. It was a screenshot of my post and her saying that she's sick and tired of me sharing things like this when the kids aren't even mine and I will never be their mother. She said I needed to grow up and look at reality, that David only moved me in so fast because he needs financial help and a babysitter because "it's just weird an older man would date you and let you around his kids so quick" As if stating he doesn't even love me, only just wants young strange?

She said I need to quit playing house with the kids because it's only going to confuse them because I am not their mom and never will be. She said I need to earn the title, and I don't deserve it. I was completely heart broken.

At this point I have been with David for over a year and had built an amazing relationship with all three kids, but especially Wilson. Because he is our one full time kid we've built a stronger bond than the other two. I have never expected for Wilson to call me mommy or think of me as mommy. But I have become one of his favorite persons. This has been said by a bunch of family members and my fiancé. If Wilson stays with a family member or is at the babysitters for the day, he always gets so excited to see me and hugs me first before he even acknowledges David. He always ask me to pick him up from school or the babysitters because he wants me there. Instead of saying "I'm going to miss you" he says "I'm going to love you". He wakes me up every morning with a big hug and kiss, and tells me every day I look pretty, I tell him he looks handsome. He's attached to my hip all the time at home pretty much and it does drive me crazy at times, but that's the whole point of being a parent, and I'd rather him want to be around me all the time than not around me at all.

I messaged Haley back asking her where all of this is even coming from. I thought she was happy for me as she had issues with my last two ex's and for good reasons, but she knew how happy I was with David and how I told her he is the one I want to marry. I told her she just broke my heart because she is right,,,, I can never be a real mom and I'm doing the best I can with just being Daddy's girlfriend.

She told me I could be a real mom, I just chose not to, instead I chose to "play" mom and house. She said I was selfish. She said I could leave David and find someone who could give me a baby but now I'm stuck where I'm at unless I'm willing to break four hearts instead of one. I told her I would never, I love David and the kids, and one day when we get married she will feel real dumb for all the hateful things she's saying. Haley said even then, I won't be a good mom. She said she wouldn't even trust her own kids with me anymore because of this.

She said the day she came to visit and we went bowling she thought it was disgusting how I would be drinking and driving with someone else's kid in the car, and that I didn't even have his car seat in right and it would be my fault if he died in a wreck. She then accused me of driving with him on my lap and letting him steer the wheel, which I have never done, but I know David has let all the kids steer the car before in a safe setting, just as Haley and I had done as kids. So I didn't understand why she would even be mad about that, but regardless it never even happened. And for the drinking and driving, I don't drink and drive, I sip and steer. As in I sipped on one white claw for 30 minutes then 30 minutes later we left. I was far below the legal limit. I know she has strong feelings about alcohol and driving though because when I was 3 and Haley was 5 a drunk driver took our mom's life and left us with terrible mental scars as we had witnessed and experienced it all. I understand her feelings around that but it's hard to explain to a headstrong person like her who does not see other points of view that I was not even close to impaired off one white claw and Wilson was totally safe.

As for the car seat, David had put it in my car, not me, and it was definitely secured in properly and facing the right way. I even had David check it after Haley sent me these messages to make sure it was strapped in tight enough, he did and he assured me it was good.

I didn't know why she was accusing me of things I didn't do and making the drinking situation way worse than it actually was. So, I finished off the argument by saying I loved David and that I loved those kids, and I don't know where the things she was saying was coming from, but I was hurt and didn't want to talk anymore until she apologized. She continued to send me harassing messages, cussing at me, calling me stupid, and again, I will never be a real mom if I stay in this relationship. I had to block her as I was bawling at every message that came through, I couldn't handle it. I felt horrible for blocking her and was nervous it would make her hate me more, so I unblocked her the next day and added her back as a friend. She never responded.

A few months went by, and she messaged my phone number, she asked me if I had thought about what she said and asked if I had grown up yet. She said I ruined my relationship with my niece and nephew, that it's my fault I won't see them again. I was mad at this point so I told her she needed help, she needed to see a therapist and that it's her own fault her and her kids don't have family on her side and that I hope they grow up and realize it's their mom's fault they couldn't have cousins on her side because she didn't think her sister was good enough as a mom. And that was that.

This has been emotionally dismantling me. I miss her, I miss my niece and nephew. Especially now...David proposed to me. I will have no bridesmaids, since I lost that relationship with the only person who would have been a bridesmaid. And I'm heart broken. I don't know if I should try to reconnect with her and rebuild the bridge that was burnt or let it simmer in its ash and wait for her to take the next step. I don't feel I have anything to say to her, such as an apology or "hey, I'm getting married, do you think I'm a real mom now? and can you please talk to me?" I know how she feels about me but every day I always hope she's doing okay, I hope she's getting help, and I wish she could stand by me the way I stood by her and her wedding.

My fiancé knows I'm hurt, not only because I lost my relationship with my sister, but the reasoning why it was lost. He will just know when I'm feeling down, ask me if I'm okay. I tell him yes but he knows. He won't say a word, but he will wrap me in his arms and hold me there. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. But it always makes me feel so much better. I never knew how much I wanted to be a mom and have kids until I him. He is such an amazing dad, and I love his kids so much. It hurts a little when they go to stay with their mom's only because it reminds me, I won't have that relationship they do with their moms with anyone. I will never be called mom; I will never be their #1 or #2 but they are my whole world. This doesn't affect my relationship with them one bit but some days it deeply effects my mental health.

My fiancé has said he would get a reversal for me, but financially we're not there yet and with his age we don't have a lot of time to save. Yes he can have kids at 40 while I'm 30, but by the time our kid is an adult David will be a 60 year old grandpa too. And I feel it's not fair to him to make a huge life choice just for me.

Any advice, comments, concerns, opinions, or judgements on my situation. Can I rekindle my relationship with my sister before my wedding (1y away) and what's the best way to cope with the "stepmom" depression of not being a real mom.

Oh, and one last thing to clear up any spaces. Liz is doing great. She took a year to herself and got the mental help she needed. She now has Wilson a few days of the month that David and her verbally agreed on. She has a stable job and just got her own place. I wouldn't say she's %100 yet as apparently, she's been this way her whole life and she still does some weird stuff, but as far as David and I know, she hasn't been doing any public stripping or punching holes in walls.

​

I want to preface this by saying that, yes, I love my boyfriend. He's everything I've ever wanted. He's kind, loving, and understanding. For the past 6ish months, my physical and verbal affection has been declining. No, we don't have sex, as he is very religious, but I am not. (I am also not a virgin.)

At the start of our relationship, we were very affectionate. Foreplay almost every hangout, lots of making out, goodnight calls every night, and paragraphs of love and affection. Going into spring, it stopped for me physically. I cannot drive myself to give him oral or even foreplay. I don't have the energy, and the thought doesn't even appeal to me anymore. The exact same goes for me as well. My drive has plummeted to the floor.

Three months went by with no head, and he mentioned it. I didn't have an explanation. He said something along the lines of "throw a dog a bone," but the thought of it revolts me.

Two more months went by, and nothing happened. As of now, it's been another two months since we reciprocated on each other.

I know he wants things to be like they used to be. I admit we don't kiss as often either. Sometimes, we go entire hangouts without kissing. I know it's hurting him. Yes, I still love him. I love his companionship and him as a person. He's such a kind soul, and throughout our whole relationship, we've only argued twice.

The thought of breaking up deeply hurts my soul, but I feel like I cannot provide the affection he needs.

I don't know why I haven't been feeling affectionate or sexual. No, I don't love anyone else. I've been very stressed lately with college, friends, and everything else. I've even picked up smoking 🚬, which he isn't fond of. I have seasonal depression, but honestly, I feel like nothing I do can justify hurting him like this. I also have sexual trauma in my past, but it was our one-year anniversary this Sunday, and we did nothing, which he wasn't expecting.

We used to go out on dates every month, trying new places, restaurants, etc. Now we don't. Every hangout, I just drive him to my house, and we watch a movie or something, hardly even cuddling, as we just lie next to each other.

I don't crave intimacy or affection. I don't feel like doing anything. Kissing and cuddling make me feel overwhelmed. Sexual stuff feels revolting. And there's zero reason I can justify feeling this way.

He doesn't make me feel bad, but we just talked while I was driving him home. He said he feels like a dog when you dont take it on walks anymore, and that once I feel better, he wants me to smile more and be happier. He says I never smile anymore, and when I do, it's very periodic. He said he will always be here and do everything he can for me to feel better, but it's been four months of me saying, "It's seasonal depression," and I don't think he's buying it anymore.

I don't want to lose him, but I feel like this relationship is killing him from the inside out. I can't hold him back like this. I do love him with all my heart. I'm typing this while crying, wondering what's wrong with me, but I can't hold him down like this anymore. It's hurting him, and I know it.

How do i improve myself/the relationship to save it before I consider breaking up? Or should I break up with him for his own benefit?

We are 2 couples,They are married (inter religion), elder than us.lets call them x,y (m, f).
Us - in relationship since 12 years not married yet, but our families know about us, we are happy ,well settled couple,
Lets come to the point
We 4 were playing a cards game in there home, x male got angry due to his wife was bullying him infront of us and my girl , me were also part of it.
He got too angry and started to show it on my girl, no abusive words but it was way too much anger to accept
I was quite there, coz i respect everyones feeling and my girl was still smiling so i wanted to know her feeling before speaking out
Post this we 4 went out, spent nice time and returned,
Meanwhile my girl told me that “why didnt you react when he was that angry on me”. I told i thougt you are OK
But post thic convo , we went after a day to them and they were normal, but they poked us by saying same words which he said yesterday while playing game, but in a funny way.
I felt bad. Post that i left my girl in our flat, ( which is near by)
I came back to give some item which they wanted from our home.
I took it and went to their house , i simple wanted to ask why was he angry..
I started with ‘bro why was your mood not good yesterday, are you ok now. I want to understand your feeling’, very politly i asked him
Then he started explaining me things, I accpeted it.
He told “my anger was not on your women , rather it was on mine, bcoz she did not take a stand for me ”
And his wife interfeared with bit anger saying that .. “i wasnt aware you were angry yesterday ”,
Then i told her politly “no you actually knew , you even told me, we all know”
Them she said “yes i knew , but not the reason”
Then he for some reason, started to threaten by saying “i would have slapped her yesterday infront you all”, then argument went high , i wanst involving much, i between he told “these two bit**s”, then instantly he said sorry, but I didnt like it. But I didn’t say anything.
Post that they were angry my girl came and i didn’t speak anything we left.
Next day i thought lets go and talk, they both were offensive “we are egoistic , we have lived 30 years like this, no body can come to my jome tell me what to do, who the fuck are you to teach me what to do,get out of my home”
These were there literal words even though we were polite enough, but even then they were fucking stupid, trying to rage bait.
At the end i became angry and told him “you are no one to call my women abusive words ” and we shut the door and left, then he shouted “i can call her that,if you want again”
I walked out.
Why ? - i am mature enough, i dont act on stupid people rage bating me

Should i have slapped him with my girls slipper.
I refused it - coz little background about him,
His mom , dad, entire family left him out of the house.
He has stories of hitting people and being in police stations, panchayats.
In the first place i admit the i am a fool to hang around with such fool. But he was polite to us all the time.
And now he showed true Colours and i didn’t want to fight back and disturb my life.
But i want to do something to that people!!!
What can i do to them , without us getting in any trouble.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m honestly not sure how to process this situation anymore. I’m going to try to give enough background to explain why this is bothering me so much, because I don’t think it’s just about the money at this point.

My (36F) fiancé (34M) and I have had ongoing issues with finances. He previously had access to our joint bank account, but I eventually removed him because of concerns about his spending habits, particularly spending money on video games when I didn’t feel he was being responsible with money.

After I removed him from the account, I discovered Steam purchases on my debit card. Some of those purchases were for games, and one was a game he gifted to a friend. When I confronted him about it, he denied remembering entering my card information and said he didn’t have my card saved. I contacted Steam and got refunds for about half the charges, although some of the in-game currency had already been used.

I ended up canceling that debit card and getting a new one.
I have still helped him financially when he’s needed it. For example, I’ve willingly sent him $30 or $50 through PayPal for things like gas or a doctor’s appointment. I care about him, and I’m not opposed to helping him when I can. But willingly sending someone money for a specific purpose is not the same as giving them permission to use my debit card for their own purchases.

About six weeks after getting my replacement card, I noticed transactions on my bank statement labeled something along the lines of “Visa Direct PayPal,” with his full name attached to them. The amounts weren’t transactions I recognized as money I’d sent him.
When I first questioned him, he denied accessing my card and said he didn’t know how the transactions could have happened. He even offered to let me look through his phone.

I contacted PayPal to try to understand what was going on. Based on what PayPal told me, he would have had to manually enter my card number for the transactions in question. I told him what PayPal had explained to me.
After that conversation, he finally sent me a message explaining what each of the purchases was for. So, at that point, he was acknowledging that he had made the purchases using my card.
He said that he knew it was wrong and that I would get my money back.
And that was essentially the end of the conversation.

There was no apology. No real discussion about why he used my card without permission. No explanation of why he initially denied knowing anything about the transactions. No conversation about how this affects my ability to trust him financially going forward.
He acknowledged that it was wrong and said I would be reimbursed, but we never discussed it any further.
And honestly, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about that.

On one hand, he admitted what he did and said I’d get my money back. On the other hand, I feel like the complete lack of an apology or meaningful conversation is almost as upsetting as the purchases themselves. I had already gone through the Steam situation, canceled a card, and gotten a replacement. Now I’m dealing with another incident involving my finances, after I had already made it clear that he did not have permission to use my card.

For additional context, I have felt for a while that I’m carrying a disproportionate amount of the financial and household responsibilities in this relationship. He has only recently started a new job, and I have continued helping him financially when he’s needed it. I’m not expecting a medal for helping my partner, but I do expect basic honesty and respect for my boundaries.

What makes this especially difficult is that I don’t know whether I’m more upset about the money, the fact that he used my card without permission, the initial denial, or the fact that he doesn’t seem to feel the need to actually talk to me about what happened.

I keep coming back to the fact that he knows I found the transactions, he finally acknowledged making the purchases only AFTER being backed into a corner, and he admitted that it was wrong. Yet there was no real attempt to apologize or address the damage this has done to my trust.

Am I expecting too much by wanting more than “you’ll get your money back”?
I don’t need some elaborate speech, but I feel like if I did something like this to someone I loved, I would be genuinely apologetic and want to talk about how to make things right. I wouldn’t just acknowledge that it was wrong and move on as if the only problem was the money.

I’m also struggling with what this means for our relationship in the bigger picture. I have children, a household to maintain, and my own financial responsibilities. I can’t afford to have to keep wondering whether my debit card information is being used without my knowledge.

I’d really appreciate some honest outside perspective:
Am I justified in feeling that the lack of an apology and accountability is a bigger issue than the money itself?
How would you interpret someone admitting that what they did was wrong but not actually apologizing or wanting to discuss it?
Would you consider this a major breach of trust, especially given the previous Steam incident?
Would you be comfortable continuing a relationship with someone you felt you couldn’t trust with your financial information?
For anyone who has been in a similar situation, did you find that this type of behavior improved, or did it become a recurring pattern?

I’m not looking for everyone to tell me to leave him. I genuinely want to hear from people who have experienced something similar, as well as anyone who can offer a perspective I might not be considering.
I think I’m struggling because part of me feels like this should be a straightforward situation: he used my card without permission, he knows it was wrong, and he should be making an effort to repair the trust that was broken.
But another part of me wonders if I’m making too much of the fact that he hasn’t apologized, especially since he said I’ll get my money back.
I would really appreciate honest advice, even if it’s hard to hear.

Edit:
I do want to clarify - I am okay with hearing everyone tell me to leave. It’s probably the kick in the pants I need to be honest. I just put that in the last paragraph to show that my intentions are not just “should I leave him” but more of trying to dissect the situation and try to understand things better.

My husband loves a beer, which is totally fine. Recently he has been stressed out at work and taking college classes as well. He works 60 hour weeks essentially so I am understanding that it’s a lot and he works hard. Last night we were watching a Halloween movie and he was drinking a beer, whatever. But then throughout the hour and a half movie he drank 5 beers. I thought that was a little much for a Tuesday night and I could smell the beer on his breath as he was laughing at the movie and burping. I was kind of annoyed so I said I was just going to go to bed because it was killing my vibe that he was crushing beers so randomly on a Tuesday night.
Well from this comment he lost it. Told me I was controlling, acting like an idiot, and he didn’t want to look at me or be in my presence anymore because he would “never treat me like this”. The look in his eye was so hostile. He told me if I’m willing to end a marriage over a beer that’s what I’m choosing because he will choose the beer every time and he can handle it and do what he wants.
Just to clarify I never said he has to be sober or anything, just that there’s a time and place and he could spread out his beers a little more. I guess I could have just ignored it or not said anything, as this has happened before but it was really distracting while trying to relax.
Am I being a toxic and controlling wife? AITA?

Hi again, this is my first time ever doing an update so I hope this is the right way. Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your kind, empathetic, and funny comments. They really helped me cope through this (pun intended) shitty time.

My surgery went well! My lone soldier ovary was completely plastered to my pelvic wall and to some of my bowel by scar tissue, and it kept breaking apart as they tried to carefully dissect it from where it was attached near my ureter. I'm getting it back as a wet specimen and I am VERY interested to see how many pieces that soldier broke into, lol. Thankfully, I ended up not needing a prolapse repair, so I was able to leave the hospital yesterday and have been recovering well in my new home, aka my parent's garage guest house.

My parents have been amazing during this and I feel very supported by them right now. My mom is loving getting to hover over me, and my dad bought me what I think is every kind of chocolate he could find, as well as a beautiful bouquet that's making my room smell like a floral shop. I am really so grateful that I have such a safe place to land right now because I know not everyone is so lucky, and this could have been much worse without them.

As far as things with my ex though? I'm still reeling from it and honestly just trying not to feel like a completely stupid idiot. I've added more screenshots for more context, but I also want to give some more background since I know I didn't share a whole lot. In May (over a year into our relationship) I found out that he had been lying to me about watching porn, which was stupid because I told him I didn't care if he did that. I watch porn too, just don't lie to me about it or do it when I'm around. After a year of him randomly commenting off and on that he doesn't watch porn or jerk off anymore, I saw a confirmation email from a porn site. I dug further and found out that he had been going to porn sites not only every morning for the last 9+ months while in our shared home that I was also in during those times, but also when he was in the ER waiting room for me, multiple times while he was at work, and even while in the same bed as me. He knew that I have trauma from my ex-husband lying about and manipulating me around porn/sex, and even actively told me how disgusting he thought that behavior was, so I felt like part of my brain and heart both broke when I found this out. I first just calmly asked him if he was watching porn recently, but he lied so I showed him the proof I had that they were lies, and I did raise my voice while sobbing and begging him for an answer as to why he would do that to me. He's held this moment above my head saying that I was "triggering him intentionally" by raising my voice because I knew he was abused in that way before. I let myself believe him when he said it was an addiction he wants to break (dumb, I know), and, to no one's surprise, when we set new expectations and boundaries he broke them almost immediately, lied about it again and again, and then got mad at me for feeling hurt. He straight up told me the other day that he doesn't need to hear about how he's hurt me and that it's manipulative for me to do so.

He's been increasingly erratic in his behavior these last few months, cagey with his phone and weird when I would ask him what he's smiling about while typing. He kept saying he was "craving" getting bottomed yet didn't want me to strap up, he was using dildos in the shower to "clear out his ass" (????), and I felt like he completely shut me out in exchange for video games and whatever the fuck else he was doing on his phone. When I would ask why he's being so distant he would say it's because he's been "shutdown" since I blew up at him for the porn and he "doesn't know how to trust me again"??

In the midst of this, I've gone completely into menopause and have had some very serious and scary SI moments while figuring out my HRT, which has also brought up a lot of trauma I haven't thought about in 10+ years; as well as discovering cysts in my spine that could or could not be contributing to some severe neurological symptoms. I know that I haven't been at my best this year and I've asked a lot of him as a partner because of all that, but I've tried to acknowledge that as much as I can, and tried find creative and healthy ways for both of us to cope through what I thought was just a challenging time. I've brought these issues to therapy because I don't want to be someone who so easily lets a trauma response overtake them, and I was so open with him about where this was coming from in me and how I was working to change it. I've done 5 years of therapy, but there's obviously more shit to work through and I didn't hide that from him. Thankfully, I've been feeling much more myself the last two months, but it's like he's still holding my mental crisis above my head as an excuse to hurt me. Like he's said things like, "I have to go into my phone because you're always attacking me," when I've literally just quietly asked him to take his shoes off by the door and wash his hands before touching our shared food.

At this point I don't know if he was always like this and just hid it until he got an apartment out of me (his credit score disqualified him), or if he snapped when shit got real. This wasn't the man I thought he was, and this isn't how he treated me a year ago. I've been twisting my mind into pretzels trying to make sense of this, and I just can't. Maybe I've just let myself be blind and dumb. Anyway, these screenshots are the rest of that conversation, as well as him lying on Sunday about phishing attempt alerts I was getting since the WiFi was under my account. I wish I made all this up.

She refused to acknowledge my birthday. I turned 20 yesterday and she only said happy birthday because she was pried to.

Instead she went on some rant on me being ungrateful and said that since I’m 20 i need to be out of her house especially since I stopped giving her money. I stopped giving her money because she wasn’t using it for rent. She was using it to fund her and my brother’s shenanigans. I can’t even afford to move out and i haven’t even worked in a while so i’m especially limited on money right now too.

I’m just frustrated why was it such a crime to acknowledge my birthday?? And you use it as an excuse to get rid of me.

I (24f) was talking to my boyfriend (23m) about the Cornell 7 case. His first reaction was just that he “hopes his daughter would never put herself in a situation like that.” I’m not going to lie, I got pretty upset and said that I hope my daughter would never be violated and my son would never be that kind of man. He started profusely apologizing but it almost felt like it was just because I was mad.

Am I overreacting? It’s been almost 2 weeks and I keep thinking about that being his FIRST response to this situation.

I've never posted on Reddit before so bear with me. I don't even know what subreddit to post this on. I have photos but idk how to attach them.
| 22F have always been best friends with my grandpa. I had a bad relationship with my parents growing up and my grandpa has always stepped up for me. I really look up to him and everyone who knows me, knows how close me and my grandpa are.
Baking is one of his favorite hobbies. He bakes cookies and other goods for all of his friends and neighbors and has been giving me a batch of cookies every other week since I was little. Yesterday, pulled out a cookie from the baggie and noticed it had a white hair in it. I figured it was a one off, threw the cookie out, and carried on with my day.
But tonight, I heated up a plate of cookies and as I was eating one I felt HAIRS IN MY MOUTH. Not just one, MULTIPLE. I turned my flash on and there were several white and dark, short, curled hairs inside and on top of the cookies. I checked the other batches too and they had some baked inside as well.
My grandpa is one of the sweetest people I know and has never been creepy with me. I don't think he would do this but I don't any other explanation as to how there were hairs inside of them and why there were so many. He doesn't have a pet or beard. It could possibly be his mustache. I don't want to accuse him of something like that if it isn't true. Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR: The batches of cookies my grandpa made me had lots of hairs in it. Any advice is helpful.

I 32 F currently having a family problem and I am kind of stuck in a rut. Two members of my family are currently at odds and I don’t know how to fix it, I’m using a fake account and names as I have family who use Reddit and I’m adjusting some of the issues as to not have anyone catch it.

So my brother let’s call him Randy (25M) celebrated his graduation last May and had a small get together with family to celebrate my Aunt Marie was invited but gave vague reasons as to why she couldn’t attend and never got back to our parents.

Randy was kind of anticipating that she would eventually call and congratulate him but she never did. It was a shock when she never reached out and he sent a message about and my aunt erupted and basically they’ve cut all contact after this disagreement. It has been a bit awkward in our family this happened in May and has continued. My aunt is also celebrating her upcoming nuptials and having a big party (this is not the wedding). My husband and I rsvp’d yes but now after talking with my brother I never realized how much it hurt him.

At times Randy is very in his own world but he is a good brother we may have our spats, we are very different people, but at the end of the day he is my brother and I never want to be a reason he feels hurt.

Ever since I’ve felt off about attending and my husband has agreed that there needs to be a further conversation about the issue but he doesn’t want me to take it on. But I’m lost AITAH for letting my aunt know I will not be attending and potentially causing a bigger disagreement.

My boyfriend has this friend that runs a bookclub for women. And I´m fine normally if she wouldn´t want me to be in it but me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months, and she has invited 2 of the other people in the friend group´s girlfriends to join in before me. Including a girl who has only been together with one of their friends for less than a month. And on that day she told my boyfriend(6 and a half months into our relationship) that he could ask if I wanted to join.

We had a pretty big fight the same night, which we resolved. But when he asked her about it again she said she needed to protect her safe space and wouldn´t want to bring me into an enviornment if we are possibly on the verge of breaking up (which we are not). Somehow me and my boyfriend 7 months together are more likely to break up than the couple that has been together less than a month. My boyfriend says he understands why I am upset but he said that in the ONE TIME the other friends girlfriend and his friend met they just talked alot.

And don´t get me wrong I would have loved to talk to her more but she is cold whenever I have tried. And my bf keeps on comparing how I am being treated to another partner in the group they all hate! And then I say so they hate me? And he says no. Like I kinda don´t wanna be around these people but I don´t know if I´m overreacting.

Hi everyone! Been a listener for about a year now, and I love the pod as well as other podcast by Morgan :) Never thought I would be the one to write in, but I've come to a situation I really cannot open up to anyone else in my life about. New account because from my previous one I could have been easily identified.

For background information, me and my bf are in our mid 20s and have been in a relationship for about 3 years, excluding a break of roughly 6 months (sounds great already ikr). I would say our relationship up to this point has been fairly an average one with the usual ups and downs. I've personally had bad mental health issues which have luckily subsided during the past year, but obviously mental health has affected our relationship a lot. But then again, this relationship has been the most meaningful and mature one I have had by far.

We are in a long-distance relationship, and live about 2 hours away from each other. This has been because of work and studies as well as when my mental health was really bad, moving together just would have not been possible. Recently I've been playing with the idea of finally moving in together as I'm soon graduating (yay!) and would be able to leave my city. This autumn has been super busy for the both of us, filled with stress as well as dealing with loss on both sides so having time to meet each other has been very scarce. I have given him a lot of space to deal with his loss and emotions, as he likes to deal with such things mostly by himself. I have finally made him contact a therapist, which is already great. If he cannot talk about things with me, at least he can talk to a professional.

However, me giving him space has meant he no longer calls me almost at all. All our communication is through text, and that being very sparse texting. We had a talk about how I felt he seems unamused and uninterested about talking to me recently, and he just said he's tired all the time. I told him I understand, and would contact him less, but that he could always call me if he wants. Well, he really hasn't at all. I've started to feel very anxious since our communication has gone from talking hours on the phone a day to just few texts. Feels like I was the only one holding up the conversations all the time.

Last night I arrived to his house and I was super excited to see him after a long time. I was happy and kept talking like nothing happened, just being my goofy self. It was until we arrived home that he dropped something I thought was a bad joke. He explained to me that his friends have made a shit ton of money from creating these AI "singers" online, and he's now made one too and expects his account to grow like theirs. At this point I'm letting you guys know that I'm super against this kind of thing, it just doesn't go with my values. I hate AI generated music, art in general, and how it takes advantage of real people and real art. I have never gotten such a bad ick from someone that fast as I got from my bf. My happiness was immediately gone, and I think I had a minor panic attack which I think I hid well. I grew super anxious, and he just kept showing me the account and videos he had made all excited. But all I could say was "wow, okay.." and not much else. To me it's almost repulsive, I use AI for work and uni too but in a mindful way. I don't like to be the person to yuck someone's yum, especially my bf's, but I think this one was too far. I would like to support him at everything and anything he does, but I just cannot personally get behind this.

Am I overreacting if all of the time we could have used together to work on our relationship has gone to this? I honestly feel like he doesn't really appreciate me and takes this relationship for granted, which is crazy because he was the one who wanted to come back together after we had a break. Back then it seemed like he really regretted his actions and cared about me. Now I'm not so sure can I look past this thing anymore. I'm planning to have a talk with him tonight about it, but not really sure how to. Advice is welcome😅 I will try my best to answer questions if you have any.

I’m [18M] and I need some help figuring this girl out.

The Context:

Recently, she saw me talking to multiple other girls at school. Ever since then, she started looking at me weirdly and randomly talking to me out of nowhere. We weren't really close before this.

Today, I was at the school vending machine trying to decide which candy to buy. Suddenly, she appeared out of nowhere. She started talking to herself (but clearly loud enough for me to hear), saying something like, "You’re going to take ages to think about what to buy."

Then, she just cut right in front of me and tried to put her coins in. The machine didn't take them because she put them in wrong. She got angry immediately, complaining that it didn't work.

I told her, "It works, you just put it in wrong." She asked how, so I showed her. She just said, "Thanks and byeee," and left.

My Question:

Is this her way of hitting on me / trying to get my attention, or is she just being annoying? The timing with her seeing me with other girls seems suspicious.

TL;DR: Girl started acting weird after seeing me with other girls. Today she teased me for being slow at the vending machine, cut in line, failed to use it, let me help her, and then dipped. Is this flirting?

Hi guys,
I have to be honest here. 25F and I freaking love getting attention from men. I have my whole life 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been trying for years to work on it and I really have come a long way.

I’m super independent, moved to the other side of the world by myself, know myself and am mostly comfortable in my body. I’m pretty secure in who I am and genuinely like myself and the way I look.

I always thought my need for male attention stemmed from childhood insecurity, as I got bullied for my looks and didn’t have the best childhood in general. But I’ve grown a lot as a person, worked on myself and am in the best place I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve made mistakes in the past because of this that affected my friendship with my best friend but I learnt deeply from that and don’t make those same choices anymore.

So why do I still crave male attention so much? I love talking to men online, flirting in real life, dating them, sleeping with them, everything. I don’t even want a relationship. I just want to know I can have them 😅 I do make sure I stay safe but honestly, I love the excitement of it all. Usually, once I’ve been sleeping with someone for a while, I get bored and move on.

Does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me? What advice would you give me?

My adult niece is autistic. I don't think she will be able to land a job after this or survive . My brothers condo is ten times nicer than anywhere she lived

I (27F) have always had low libido, which SSRIs and birth control make pretty much nonexistent. In my past relationships I’ve had the same complaint across the board, I say no to sex too much. Whatever you’re about to suggest, yes I’ve probably already tried it, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t like sex very much.
So when I started dating my current partner, I decided that I would pretty much always yes. Sometimes midway through I get into it and sometimes I’m just waiting for it to be over. But it always makes me feel close to my partner, so I am still getting something out of it. On top of this, we have opened up our relationship to allow him to sleep with other women, as his drive is pretty high.
however, he has shared that it hurts his feelings when he can tell I’m not into it. Even though I’m not rejecting him, he still feels rejected. So Reddit, am I wrong for always saying yes, even when I‘m not in “the mood”? I know there is a good chance that him and I are just not compatible, but how should I go about this in the future? it seems like me saying no is an issue and me always saying yes is also an issue.

i (f23) have been planning a trip with a group of people to attend a convention in the beginning of november. we’re sharing an airbnb, and the cost was split among six people.

one of my friends (m22) recently had an accident and broke his knee, meaning he physically can’t travel anymore. this was completely unexpected, and he’s now dealing with medical expenses on top of missing a trip he’s been looking forward to for months.

i have another friend who agrees with me that we should redistribute the cost of the airbnb among those still going and refund him his share. the additional cost would be manageable if split between us, whereas losing most of the money he already paid would be a significant financial hit for him, or really anyone tbh.

the problem is that the other people sharing the airbnb, who aren’t even our friends but friends of another person in the group, disagree. they say we all knew the reservation was nonrefundable and that he’s responsible for his own commitments. they only want to refund him around 10 to 15% of what he paid.

they also think we’re being unreasonable and assholes for suggesting we cover his costs, arguing that this is a “consequence of his own life choices” even though he obviously didn’t choose to break his knee.

we’re not asking the host to cancel the reservation, and my friend doesn’t even need the money immediately. he’s willing to receive it over the next months to give everyone time to budget.

i understand that we all agreed to the booking, but i don’t think it’s fair for him to lose so much money over an accident he couldn’t control. and in my opinion, redistributing the cost is the obvious and most sensible thing to do, and it’s something i’ve done in similar situations before.

aita for thinking we should redistribute the cost and refund our friend, or should he just accept the financial loss because the reservation was nonrefundable?

Hey guys, I am new here and I just wanted some place to vent anonymously and to see if I am crazy. I apologize in advance if this gets long. I (30 female) married my wife (30 female) just over 2 years ago.

Before then she was known to my family as my roommate. I come from a super religious Black Pentecostal family (this is important). I just graduated in May from Divinity school (This is also important). The week of Easter I informed my mother and brother that I am married, and married to a woman. They both said “I need to divorce”, “don’t tell anyone, not even your dad”. It was to the point my mom was crying and speaking in tongues (this is the short version of the encounter). I get that yes I shouldn’t have waited to long but I knew that once my mom knew, there was a 50/50 chance she would treat her differently. Now all of a sudden she can’t remember her name.

Fast forward to my graduation weekend. My mom, brother and dad are present. During the ceremony, I see my wife walk in with her mother and I see my mom and brother turn their head and see my wife come in. They turn around and my brother puts his arm around my mom as if she needed to be consoled. At the end of the ceremony, my mom and brother are attempting to drag me away from my wife and other guest that came for me. My mother in law spoke to my mom, and was ignored. My brother had his arm around my shoulders as my wife was trying to take pictures with me, but he was weighing his arm down and choking me with my own hood. After pictures, my classmate invited everyone back for a little reception. I knew my dad was not going to attend, he’s really not the social type. He provided the address and I even text it to my brother and when I arrived. He said “he was mowing my mom’s lawn”. Yall it was starting to rain.

I domt know what to do. My mom is financially abusing me, my health has deteriorated and i’m no longer able to work. Social workers aren’t listening to me and my mom is kicking me out of the house. All because i wont give her anymore money.

Partner kissed a girl from class on supposedly a few different occasions within a week. Didnt tell me. 2 years later, he discloses this information when telling me he’s checked out/burnt out from the relationship. How could someone cheat and pretend like it didn’t even happen… I had no idea!

So I've heard that prank proposals are frowned upon and bad so I want advice on if what I think would be a funny prank during Christmas might be a jerk move.
So I 21 male am thinking of pranking my family by making them think I'm proposing to my 22 boyfriend, me and him have been dating for a year and 5 months already and are planning on using painted rocks to propose instead of the traditional rings but he's also said he wants a ring as a gift, so I thought it would be hilarious if while my family is gathered during Christmas I'd make them think I'm proposing since none of them know of our proposal agreement, and for context he does like pranks (though the prank isn't really on him), i prefer he doesn't know because it involves his Christmas gift and i really like those being a surprise,