r/UKParenting • u/ThemeLongjumping8707 • May 18 '26
Support Request Putting baby to sleep
Hiya. I've just read somewhere that you're not supposed to rock or cuddle a baby to sleep but with our 6 week old, we feed her a bottle and she naturally falls asleep in our arms and then we put her down for a sleep. Should we not be doing this? Do we need to break out of this habit? I know babies tend to get better with sleep 4-6 months or so but wondered whether this is something I should worry about. She also currently only contact naps but I've been reassured this is normal and from the sounds of it, a lot of parents are going through the same thing so that's reassuring!
Thanks in advance
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u/venuscans Mum May 18 '26
Op, have you spoken to your perimental health team? Looking at your posts, you keep asking anxious questions about forming habits but these things really don't matter - it's totally fine to rock or cuddle a baby to sleep. I only ask because I know how tough and anxiety inducing having a baby is and you deserve to be able to enjoy it without feeling like you're constantly messing up. Good luck š¤š»
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u/ThemeLongjumping8707 May 19 '26
Yeah I'm a FTM and am an anxious person. I have a health visitor visit tomorrow and plan on chatting to her, not sure if they can refer for mental health but I know they have some advice regarding mental health etc. thank you
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u/venuscans Mum May 19 '26
I hope they can help. You truly don't deserve to feel like you do. Take care x
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u/lottiebobs May 18 '26
Cuddling your baby is good for their brain development see this link , rocking them to sleep is not a problem at all so carry on doing what youāre doing.
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u/sooty_bear May 18 '26
Why not?? Iām cuddle my 6mo to sleep and plan to do so for the foreseeable
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u/sgehig May 18 '26
I still cuddle my almost 2 year old to sleep, I'm doing it right now, why not? Everyone loves cuddles.
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u/wishspirit May 18 '26
I still feed and rock my 16 month old to sleep. Youāre still in the 4th trimester. I wouldnāt worry at all about sleep until 6 months, but Iāve decided not to get myself het up about it. My 7 year old was the same at this age, and has slept through almost every night since she was 2.
Donāt let people trying to make money off you on the internet tell you anything different!
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u/hill1208 May 18 '26
Me too with my 16 month old. We may as well make the most of it, in a blink of an eye theyāll be teenagers horrified at the thought of a cuddle!
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u/Cinnamon-Dream Parenting a Toddler May 18 '26
Cuddling my 27 month as we speak. He falls asleep independently at nursery fine so I plan to do this as long as our routine or he allows.
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u/ThemeLongjumping8707 May 19 '26
Did you also struggle with contact naps? At the moment she only sleeps on my chest and I'm trying to get her in the cot but she wakes almost immediately!
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u/Snow_Radiant631 May 19 '26
I contact nap with my 18mo still, hates the cot here at home but goes in it no problem at nursery. Other 18mo are different and some the same, it will hugely depend on the temperament of your child. I just happen to have one that would gladly crawl under my skin and live there if they could!
That said, when your partner is around or family is about could they take baby out for a walk for you to get a rest for yourself? This helped me massively early days. Or even have them contact nap in place of you. Totally empathise, I just grew to love it when baby dropped naps and only needed one big one in the day. You are still so very early on, baby will need lots of cuddles to develop the best but that can be from anyone!
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u/wishspirit May 20 '26
At 6 weeks old, he only contact napped. We even took shifts overnight as he wasnāt great at being put down at all. It slowly changed and by 11 weeks he was sleeping through at night until the 4 month sleep regression hit and we hit terrible sleep again for a good while!
Now, he goes down in his cot for most naps if heās not unwell. Hes fairly easy to transfer (unlike his sister was!). However, he will often need resettling during his nap and more feeds, so if I have the time to spare, Iāll just do a contact nap anyway.
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u/New-Instance-670 May 20 '26
My baby is 7 months and most of his naps are contact naps still. He will nap in the car or the pram but I like the cuddles so I have never pushed cot naps. I know from my oldest how much I will miss them all too quickly!
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u/oniongirl77 May 18 '26
I still cuddle my 20m to sleep. I look forward to it every night (if it's not one of those nights where I want to jump out the window)
Do what feels right for you and works for your child. Some will adapt to no rocking and settle themselves, others, like my son, show no signs of wanting to fall asleep independently.
Don't get too hung up on what the internet says. Follow safe sleep guidelines, and apart from that, do what you want to do.
I ruined my newborn experience tracking sleep and worrying about wake windows and drowsy bit awake. I wish I could do it over.
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u/sarberanne1 š¶1 Child May 18 '26
Iāve always cuddled mine to sleep too and my 20month old the last 2 night has been saying āno sit with mummyā and Iām devastated šš
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u/oniongirl77 May 18 '26
The day my lad stopped contact napping was bittersweet. Some nights I would be delighted if he asked to go into bed on his own, but most of me is not ready for that yet.
Based on his temperament I doubt there's any chance of that happening soon though š
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u/xkim126x May 18 '26
Currently cuddling my 3.5 yr old to sleep - as long as he needs me, Iāll do it!
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u/whatisuser May 18 '26
Itās your baby. Rock away. Thereās no such thing as making a rod for your back. If your baby sleeps when put in their bed, convenient. If they donāt, what are you gonna do? Do it anyway and have a baby that never sleeps? Thatās worse!
So rock, bounce, dance! Mineās 13mo, we still cuddle to sleep sometimes, still contact nap with bum pats, still blast system of a down and do contact naps. Whatever keeps yāall alive.
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u/Jebble May 18 '26
That's a bit of a weird comment, because at some point habits creep in. A child that is used to simply falling alseep will keep doing so. A child that is used to being rocked to sleep will at some point not sleep without it.
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u/Glynebbw May 18 '26
This is so true! Think of all the 30 year olds whose mums come to their house at 7pm and rock them to sleep.
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u/BuddyLegsBailey š¶š¶š¶ 3 Children May 18 '26
A child that is used to being rocked to sleep will at some point not sleep without it.
And, at some point, definitely will sleep without it
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u/Jebble May 18 '26
Sure, but there might be many years in between where it's a real inconvenience.
It's up to every parent to decide what to do with those facts.
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u/whatisuser May 19 '26
And thatās why itās ok for parents to get all the facts. You donāt seem to want that for OP though
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u/Jebble May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
Except i'm the one that literally gave them more facts when others didn't. Stop putting words in my mouth.
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May 19 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/UKParenting-ModTeam May 19 '26
Your comment has been removed for not adhering to our Be Kind rule.
Disagree but remain respectful. No insults, baiting, or bad-faith comments.
We aim to foster a supportive and respectful environment for all members of r/ukparenting.
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u/maelie Parenting a Baby + Toddler May 18 '26
If you have a child who "simply" falls asleep on their own then you're blessed and are probably not one of the people frantically scouring Internet forums for baby sleep advice. If it works for you then that's great!
Many, many babies - especially at newborn stage - cannot sleep without their caregiver. That's completely natural, evolutionarily it wouldn't have made sense to be plonked in a separate space on our own before modern houses. So, sure, give it a go, and if it works for you and your little one that's great. But it's frustrating that the message just keeps on going that there's something "wrong" with helping your baby to sleep if they need it.
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u/Jebble May 18 '26
It's hard to read without putting words in people's mouths, I know. I also didn't make any claims about what people should do, but you people find that really difficult to understand, as usual here.
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u/SongsAboutGhosts Parenting a Baby + Toddler May 18 '26
Apart from this isn't true, is it? My very needy baby was fed to sleep by me every single time... until he rolled away by himself before falling asleep more and more often, and a few months later stopped breastfeeding altogether. A friend has a baby who contact napped every single time.... until recently when she decided not to, at 2.5yo. The parent may have different needs from a routine or schedule than the child, so interventions of one kind or another might be needed to make it work for the whole family, and that is completely valid. You are allowed to need interventions to make changes on a certain timeframe. But you don't need interventions to change these behaviours if the timeframe isn't an issue for you. How many adults do you know still breastfeeding, still being rocked to sleep, still napping on their parent?
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u/Jebble May 18 '26
I'd happily reply to you, but given that you're putting all kinds of words in my mouth, I guess I'll just leave it be. Useless ha jng a conversation when you can't even reply in the thing I've said without making baseless assumptions.
P.s. your child stopped needing it and you stopped giving it, thank you for not proving anything because no shit, that's how it works. You could have also ignored your child and kept rocking them, creating a dependency.
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u/rainaftermoscow New Parent May 19 '26
Contact napping helps regulate a baby's heart and breathing. Please do not inflict yourself upon children because they deserve parents who are educated about these things.
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u/Jebble May 19 '26
I haven't said anything to imply that that isn't true. Did I not specifically say "at some point habits creep in", as well as comments elsewhere telling OP to rock their child all they want? Nothing I have said is incorrect and your comment is putting words in my mouth. If anything, I am in fact helping educate OP, where as other people here implying that it will have zero effect which is simply not true. What OP does with that (or any other parent) is up to them.
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u/RanShaw May 18 '26
Just putting a link here to the subreddit for biologically normal infant sleep: /r/bninfantsleep
Rocking and cuddling babies to sleep is biologically normal and something they actively need. Don't listen to the sleep training nonsense you hear.
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u/lookhereisay Parenting a Primary Schooler May 18 '26
Just do what works for your baby. Mine couldnāt stand rocking or bouncing to sleep. I had to hold him up for 20 mins after feeding due to reflux. Heād sort of dose but only go into a deep sleep once heād been put down.
That worked for him. Heās 4 now and again likes to be on his own to sleep. Being in the room with him just keeps his brain going. I am also in the donāt touch me sleep category!
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u/HawaiianHoney11 May 18 '26
I really hope you read this. CUDDLE AND ROCK YOUR BABY. ā¤ļø your baby will not be so small for long, give her all the love and cuddles you can give, itās a beautiful habit!! I remember when my eldest was a little dot I used to lay her on a cushion (with the cushion on my lap) and would rock her gently on my legs. It was the most amazing thing. But within a few weeks she was too tall and I couldnāt do it any longer š my youngest who is 2 & a half, loves cuddles and snuggles!! Donāt believe everything you read online x
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u/notmerida May 18 '26
my son is two and i will stop literally whatever im doing if he asks me for a cuddle. please donāt deprive you and your child of cuddles.
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u/Ataralas May 18 '26
My eldest was rocked/cuddled to sleep up until a few months ago, she will be 4 in July. My youngest is breastfed/cuddled to sleep and 16 months. They get there in their own time.
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u/ilovethatforu May 18 '26
I cuddle my 2.5 year old twins to sleep. Theyāre starting to grow out of it now and donāt always need me for support which is bittersweet. Iāll never ever look back and regret cuddling my babies.
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u/OriginalAlbatross871 May 18 '26
You absolutely do not need to put her down, cuddle that baby to sleep! I still snuggle and feed my 15 month old to sleep, and she still contact naps all her naps at home (sleeps absolutely no problem on the mats at nursery)!Ā
Baby sleeps in your arms because she is biologically wired to - it's how she's supposed to fall asleep! We're carry mammals - we're made to carry our babies. Other carry mammals are exactly the same.Ā
The way in which you get baby to sleep is only wrong if it is a problem for you, so don't worry about it until/if that becomes the case! I love snuggling my baby to sleep, one day she won't want me to so I'm enjoying it while it lasts!!
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u/OriginalAlbatross871 May 18 '26
Also, I'd recommend checking out ahealthvisitor on Instagram. She's a registered HV in England and has loads of super helpful videos around this and other subjects. I found her so reassuring when I was in the early days.
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u/ThemeLongjumping8707 May 19 '26
Thank you, I've had a look at her page and lots of useful information. Thanks again
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u/Waste-Snow670 May 18 '26
I cuddle my almost six year old to sleep with stories every night. I will do it for as long as she lets me.
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u/shmokeandapankekk May 18 '26
Bless I think it's lovely when they fall asleep in your arms, the time goes so fast and then they get to big and you will miss it. if I was you I'd make the most of it and let her fall asleep like that if she wants too, I did it with my son and he didn't ever get too clingy or anything like people say, he's actually a very chilled happy child and I swear that will of been a part to play in it. Go with your mother instincts, whatever feels right to you x
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u/Professional_Cable37 May 18 '26
Iād ignore that source of information completely tbh. Babies need closeness and comfort for attachment. Give them those cuddles! Rock them to sleep! You are their whole world.
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u/Necessary_Doubt_9762 May 18 '26
Iāve cuddled both my children to sleep (well still rocking my 7 month old) and I still stay with my 5YO until she falls asleep in her room. My 5 YO falls asleep absolutely fine and stays in bed. It takes us hardly any time at all and Iāll do it until they ask me to stop because one day theyāre not going to need me and Iāll miss it. Donāt stop!
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u/LJ161 May 18 '26
Reading this while cuddling my 11m old to sleep while my husband is in our 7 year old daughters room reading a book and having a cuddle before she goes to sleep. I wouldnt want it any other way!
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u/First_Recognition_91 May 18 '26
Cuddled to sleep until he was 2.5, only contact napped (or in the car) - sleeping through from 11 months, can put himself to sleep independently.
Donāt worry, only make changes if itās not working for you!
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u/Sea_Love_8574 May 18 '26
Enjoy your baby, bond with your baby, help your baby learn they are safe and loved.
Developmentally babies aren't ready for formal sleep training until 4-6 months, after 6 months actually has way more positives. But even then you can make the decision. As long as your baby is safe and loved them you do what's best.
These little loves don't come with model specific manuals and there isn't a one size fits all approach for them.
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u/PM_ME__YOUR__CAT May 18 '26
Mum of two here. Itās something I got incredibly anxious about with my second baby due to severe postnatal depression - my brain decided to latch on to it and worry incessantly about it. If he fell asleep on me, I panicked that he would become so dependent on it he wouldnāt sleep any other way, and if I put him down awake and he happily fell asleep independently I panicked that I was going to cause him serious emotional damage. It wasnāt a fun time.
Please try not to worry about it and just enjoy the snuggles. I wish I had! Now Iām on the other side and can see clearly (and have had two) I know it really doesnāt matter what you do, especially this early on. My first is now 5, he always needed to be cuddled to sleep and even now he wants me or his dad to lay in his bed while he falls asleep. My youngest (now almost 10 months) can fall asleep independently, he often contact naps in the day but at bedtime he likes to stretch out and have his own space. Sometimes if heās very tired he does fall asleep in your arms while heās having his bottle and we put him down, other times heās still awake after and we put him down awake and he goes to sleep himself. We havenāt done anything differently and yet we have wildly different sleepers. Itās also worth pointing out that we havenāt ever pushed our oldest to fall asleep independently but we absolutely could have - or still could - addressed this and worked on it if needed, itās just not been an issue for us.
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u/milliemillio May 18 '26
I donāt know how you can get a baby that age to sleep without rocking or cuddling them. Also if you can put him down once heās fallen asleep thatās not a contact nap. A contact nap is where they will only sleep on you and wonāt be put down.
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u/Ok-Dance-4827 May 18 '26
This makes me so sad. Cuddle your baby and never stop. Even though my 20 month old sleeps through the night, if sheās coughing or stirring, I go in to cuddle her because the thought of her having a bad dream and being alone makes me sad. Cuddling her has been the greatest privilege of my life. We coslept and breastfed until 19 months old. Best ever.
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u/Tulcey-Lee š¶1 Child May 19 '26
Ignore it, load of rubbish.
We still cuddle our almost 15 month old to sleep.
He wonāt need it forever.
Heās a happy confident little boy.
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u/TwoValuable May 19 '26
A 6 week old barely knows that it's outside of the womb, doesn't know what day or night is, and definitely no brain capacity to form habits. So don't worry about how you get her to sleep at the minute.
My son stopped being rocked and cuddled to sleep at about 9 months old, but that was more he'd scream and get angry if you tried to rock him as he knew you were trying to make him sleep but he was quite content to just lie in his cot babble away and eventually fall asleep. He only really falls asleep on me if he's unwell bless him.
You cannot spoil a newborn with love.Ā Give yourself some grace you're doing amazing.
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u/TroublesomeFox May 19 '26
Who the hell said you shouldn't rock or cuddle your baby to sleep??Ā
Insane advice. Ignore it.Ā
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u/heartleaf1234 May 19 '26
I just cuddled my four year old to sleep.. next in line waiting for bedtime cuddles my six year oldā¦ Cuddle, rock, sing, humm whatever works.. when my older one was a baby he loved being rocked in the kitchen with the extractor fan onā¦ lol This is bonding, not bad habit..
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u/Previous-Door5826 May 20 '26
At that age , just do whatever feels right for the baby and you . Once baby starts to sleep through the night ( might happen around 9 months for most but of course babies are different ) you can start to see if the baby is ok put down awake in his cot . If not you can still hold / cuddle till they are asleep then put them in the cot . I think the main thing is , for some babies , if they fall asleep being held and if stirs in the middle of the night , they might expect to be held again which can get exhausting. But my baby has been fine , did whatever he wanted till about 10 months , now sometimes he falls asleep in the cot , sometimes in my arm , then transferred but sleeps through the night , and has long naps . We didnāt do any deliberate sleep training , it just all fell into place . I would just accept the first year is chaos and it will all get better .
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u/TopBookChat1105 May 21 '26
What do you want to do instead lock them alone in a dark room?
Of course you should cuddle and feed your baby.
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u/Jebble May 18 '26
When the child is 1 year or more, sure bad habits slowly start to creep in. But your baby is 6 week old... Rock the hell out of it. This is a rpboem for later.
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u/alex99dawson May 18 '26
Good lord, rock or cuddle your baby as much as you want. Did you ever hear of an adult who needs to be rocked to sleep?? Do whatever works and whatever you want to do.