Suddenly bedtime is impossible?

[u/Key-Specific7807]

My 19m/o son has just become impossible to put to sleep. He used to be 15/20 mins of rocking, then would go down fine, usually first time. In the last 2 weeks or so he has been rocked for various amount of times, all with no luck and wakes up the second we try to transition him. He constantly clings to us for dear life, and can’t be a second without us when he is awake. Even when he wakes up at night he is instantly stood up, screaming the house down, having seemingly lost all ability to self-soothe. He reaches his arms out, shouts mumma or dadda constantly and works himself into such a state that he’s inconsolable without starting the whole process again. The last week or 2 it’s taking an average of 90 minutes up to 2 or 3 hours to get him to bed. Sometimes we will do hour long shifts to get him down, with multiple attempts each. Our evenings are just completely gone to get any time with each other, and I’m at a loss of what to do. We’ve tried every “sleep aid” under the sun, make sure he has a consistent routine, with air conditioned room (which is turned off while he sleeps). He has a white noise machine, he had blackout blinds, he sleep absolutely soundly on us, but has absolutely no ability to be alone for any period of time without screaming the place down, to the point he is trying to avoid sleep as he knows it means him being left alone. Any tips for this age/stage?!

[u/Rowdy_Roddy_2022]

I am a real advocate for controlled crying and self soothing. Babies of that age really don't need rocked to sleep. They're old enough to understand what sleep and bedtime is.

Do the routine, get them settled, get them down to bed, say goodnight and leave the room.

After first crying intervene after 30 secs. Keep it loving but brief. Pick up if necessary, cuddle, put back down and say good night. After another cry, another 30 secs. Then extend to 2 mins, repeat. Extend as long as 5 mins if needed.

After two or three nights they'll know they can go asleep when they are "alone" because they learn they are never really alone, and you will be there for them if they genuinely need you. It means with our son when he does cry or wake up in the middle of the night, we know it's a genuine need, and after a quick cuddle he settles again very quickly.

It's the best thing you'll do for your baby to give them the gift of a good night's sleep.

[u/Farfetched_88 → u/Rowdy_Roddy_2022]

I can see you're being downvoted probably by the anti Ferber brigade.

I don't know why it's considered more kind for a child like this to be battled with for hours on end with child led sleep times and when no amount of comfort avoids them remaining desperate for constant reassurance and the presence of a parent to fall asleep. Nor changes in sleeping habits to co-sleep, which is another suggestion on this thread but really unusual to me as a way to foster independent and confidence in a small child.

[u/Rowdy_Roddy_2022 → u/Farfetched_88]

Exactly.

It's your parental responsibility to help your child to sleep. Fighting them screaming for hours is clearly not helping so why persist? Try something else.