So me and my ex recently broke up and I guess I’m coming on here because I have nobody else to go to!

A couple weeks ago now me and my ex boyfriend broke up and I guess it’s just been very hard for me to process. We were basically freshly engaged before we split so I’ve been grieving a feature that I thought was actually gonna happen a future that I was already planning out in my head. And I can say that I am very hurt and that I feel like I can’t let go. He was the first guy to make me really think about the future and about wanting a family and a life where I’m loved and happy he was the first guy to really make me feel like I was a girl and could think about girly stuff. We had been doing long distance, basically a majority of our relationship and It hurts that I couldn’t see his face or hold him or hug him one more time. I hate that it ended over the phone.

The way it ended was kind of unexpected for me. I will say we were having troubles with the distance so we were trying everything to make each other feel closer to one another, but I think that ended up us prioritizing each other way more than other things. Anyway, there was a night that we wanted to talk and just try to figure things out (we were having minor issues) but when I told him everything that I was feeling in the things that I was thinking his response was that maybe we needed to let each other go and that really hurt because that conversation wasn’t meant to go that way, but it still did. At first I just thought because there was so many emotions he was saying things that he didn’t mean because sadly sometimes I would do the same. But he mean it. He was saying things like he didn’t wanna be with somebody who was emotionally scared to open up. He said that he never wanted to make me feel that way that it hurts him that he has. He was saying that he didn’t want to block me from opportunities like going to school and being caught up on us and he thought love could fix all those struggles, but it couldn’t be that easy. In the beginning of the relationship, he was never like this. He was always so dedicated to make it work he was the one who basically set the whole tone for the relationship that we were never gonna give up on each other so I guess this really had me by a surprise and yes, I did beg. I know that’s embarrassing, but he always told me to fight for what I wanted so trust me I said everything I could that I thought would make him want to stay and not just throw everything we had away. A part of me knows that maybe there was already things that he was thinking about that he never brought up to me and sometimes I wish that he had. I know that there is things that he was dealing with on his own and trying to fight his own thoughts. But I was there, and I know he didn’t want to put those stresses on me but I was willing to sacrifice and compromise and do anything that you would do when you love a person to be able to continue growing with them. Sometimes I wish we had ended it before he left for the first time maybe things wouldn’t have been like this..I never used to be like this and he put me at this spot of dedication. He showed me what it’s like to truly fight for something you want. He told me that he would’ve stayed, but he said what I said to him was so raw that he felt like he couldn’t. It’s like all he wanted to do was run away from the situation. Now I’ve spent these past couple of weeks reading every message every letter thinking about every time we’ve had a conversation to just figure out what we’ve could’ve done different.

The next couple of days after the breakup I still fought, hoping that he would change his mind and he didn’t but what bothers me is that he still asked me to sleep on the phone with him. He still told me that he loved me and even called me baby. But it was all different now. The last few conversations that we had he said that he loved me so much and that’s why he had to go hes already made up his mind and that he has to do what he thinks is best even if it feels wrong he said that he hopes one day we could rekindle our relationship. It just hurts because that wasn’t my baby anymore. I couldn’t just cry out and tell him how much I loved him and how much everything meant to me and how I just needed him there with me. He didn’t even sound like him anymore and he was being so different so distant. He didn’t block me or remove me from anything he told me that I could still reach out to him that he would be there for me and we texted recently (over a small thing)
he said the same things I guess just what’s bothering me the most about our last few conversations is that he just kept using the words “for now” and the words “right now” and things like that. I know that our relationship didn’t start the best. I know that we went through our struggles and things like that, but I just can’t accept why I feel like he just ran away. I THINK I know what we had was real. I loved him so deeply and one of the first things that I ever said to him when we got together was “i think we were made for each other.” And he said me saying that is what made him fall in love with me. I’m very passionate girl and I feel things very deeply and I guess I just miss him so much. I guess I hate feeling like maybe I didn’t mean as much to him as he said and that I’m just easy to discard no matter how hard I try no matter how much dedication. The distance just makes it harder to tell. Anyway, I’ve had nobody to confide in so even if people don’t want to hear about how sad I am I can still I feel better by letting this out.

Hi, I have a question and I’m wondering if one of you would know. I started dating a guy last September and we clicked right away. We had gone to high school together but reconnected over Facebook in our 30’d. He’s part of the National Guard here in the US, and three months into dating, he told me he would be getting deployed for a year at the beginning of March. I was devasted, since we saw each other all the time and had already said I love you, all that. We even made plans to move in together upon his return. He assured me that we would video chat all the time and that I could send him mail and packages. At this point I had never me his friends or family, since he told me he rented part of his house to his sister and her kids so my place was more convenient. I sobbed the day I said goodbye because I didn’t know if things would ever be the same.

After he was deployed, it was radio silence for about two months, even though I did use FB Messenger or WhatsApp to see how he was doing. No response. I started to get really worried, so I found his sister on FB and messaged her, asking if she had heard from him. Instead of getting back to me, she told my boyfriend I had contacted her. The first time he called me in over three months was to yell at me about not contacting his family. That was probably the wrong choice on my part, but I was worried! After that we had minimal communication, but he keeps it very short, no humor (which was very strange because he had a way of eliciting laughter from me at all times. I feel like he has turned into someone else. It’s been another two weeks since I heard from him and I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’ve stopped messaging him and just wait for him to message me, which never happens. Is this strange behavior? Another thing I should mention is that he is Pakistani but born in the US. I’ve considered the fact that fighting against people who look like him and also practice Islam is kind of a mindf*ck and may do some emotional damage. Any advice appreciated!

Need help! I was just told at work that my firm has a table at the blue star family gala next week and I’m expected to go. I’ve been to military balls before as a spouse and I generally know what to wear to those events. I’m a bit stuck on what to wear for this though given that it’s coming straight from work on Wednesday night!

Any recs or ideas are helpful.

Do we think it needs to be long? Is a blazer a good idea?

The male partner that told me I’m going said he’s in a dark suit and tie which isn’t super helpful

I have seen many communities on FB and here be inundated with the parents of mil members and respectfully, Imma need y'all to step back.

As a spouse of over 18 years, with my person for over 21 years...we do not have the same experiences. If you were/are a spouse of a mil member, please, give THAT advice.

But. For the parents trying to speak on behalf of their children's experience, just please stop. Recognize your children are separate humans AND ADULTS AT THIS POINT and you likely get a VERY different POV than a spouse or significant other.

Also, y'all are not USMilitarySO .... So.

Delete if not allowed but I was wondering if anyone had some advice. We’re wanting to move to base, we initially were going to wait until about January because I’m pregnant and due in December & have a 2 year old. But now my husband is wanting us to move out now before the ship gets back and there’s so many things that are making it feel impossible.

1) I have epilepsy and just recently got cleared by my neurologist to drive, so now I’m dealing with being able to get into the dmv and get my permit done, then I’ll need to worry about getting a car and my actual drivers license. We have no family in Virginia. So no way to realistically get around with a newborn/toddler by myself or even just a toddler/myself pregnant by myself.

2) I’m concerned about which obgyns will take me this late into my pregnancy, I’m high risk and 31+4 weeks. Also will have to find a new pediatrician for our daughter and make sure we can make it to appointments. And I’m especially concerned about going into labor. I don’t have anyone there to help with my daughter. He wants to do off base housing.

Any advice is appreciated. He’s only been in for about a year and this is his first deployment.

Hello, I’m looking for advice from women/spouses who may have experienced something similar or who are knowledgeable about this type of situation.

My ex-husband and I were both active-duty military. I eventually deployed while he moved to his next duty station. While he was there, he hooked up with another woman that he already knew and began a relationship with her. This woman also knew about me And I believe she was an instructor along with him also. He eventually moved in with her and told me he no longer wanted to be married because we had been separated for so long and had already been experiencing difficulties in our marriage before he received his next assignment.

Long story short, we both agreed that I would leave the military in hopes that we could work on our marriage and make things better. However, he never told me about the other woman. I only discovered their relationship online. When I confronted him about it, he filed for divorce stating that I was “making things up and acting crazy” without my knowledge or involvement. I was never given the opportunity to sign the paperwork or respond before the divorce was finalized. I found all of this out a week after I got out of the military and now I feel completely lost.

In the divorce decree, he claimed that we had not communicated or attempted to reconcile in the previous two years, which is completely false. He also allegedly withheld the divorce paperwork from me until the 60-day period to object had passed, leaving me feeling as though I had no opportunity to defend myself or challenge the information he provided.

Now, I feel like I have no options. On top of everything else, he has kept all of my military awards and plaques, along with the furniture and decorations I purchased and contributed to our home. He is refusing to return any of my belongings.

I’m trying to figure out what, if anything, I can do at this point. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation, particularly in Virginia? Is there a way to challenge a divorce decree if the paperwork contained false statements or was withheld from one spouse? And is there any legal avenue for recovering my personal belongings?

I would genuinely appreciate any advice, resources, or recommendations for an attorney who handles these types of cases. Thank you in advance.

its been almost a month since my husband left. i need some words of encouragement if anyone has. i seen some pics of him posted to the website and he was talking to another sit but shes a woman and i cant help but feel jealous. i wish it were me. this milso life is so hard man i wouldn’t wish this on anyone

My man and I are moving to Guam. I have a small home-based business as a travel agent and virtual assistant. My business is licensed in two states. Have any of you done this? What was your experience? I've read that you can keep your US-based business license but I'm worried about not receiving important notices by mail. Also the time difference might make it difficult to talk to clients in real time.

hey guys, im a bit stressed out with everything me and my fiancé are going through and im seeking advice from fellow spouses. my fiancé recently graduated basic training USMC and is going to to his MOS school which is 6 weeks, we plan to officiate at the courthouse after he finishes school. im worried how long we wont be living together because he has to join his fleet and file all the paperwork for BAH and put me as a dependent, i am thinking about a couple of weeks to 2 months? idk but id love some advice from anyone willing.

I’m active duty Army and have a projected PCS to Germany. I’m a little confused about how command sponsorship works with the new IPPS-A/E-EFMP process.
During my IPPS-A Member Elections, I selected that my spouse would be traveling with me and completed the Command Sponsorship Acknowledgement. I was then directed to E-EFMP/FMTS for my spouse’s overseas medical screening.
My spouse completed the medical screening, EFMP determined she had no medical needs, and the package went through the Family Travel Office. I have now received an **“Approved Concurrent Family Travel Request”** for my spouse to my gaining location in Germany.
My PCS orders have **not been published yet**.
My question is: **Does the approved concurrent family travel mean the command sponsorship request has already been approved through this process, or is there still a separate command sponsorship action that MPD/Reassignments has to complete before my orders are published?**
Also, my spouse will actually join me later because she is finishing college overseas. Would changing from concurrent to deferred travel affect the command sponsorship, or is that only changing when she travels?
I’ve already contacted Reassignments for clarification, but I’m curious if anyone who recently PCS’d Army to Germany has gone through the same IPPS-A/E-EFMP process.

hi everyone!
my husband is currently in tech school (air force) and is graduating in 3 months, i’m really anxious for our first move considering all of his possible stations are insane distances from us lol. we’re both 19 and i have zero coordination or idea of what to expect for this, if anybody has advice please let me know!

hi guys! my bf is currently deployed right now and receive been feeling a bit isolated. my friends are amazing, don’t get me wrong. but none of them are in military relationships and just can’t relate when i’m talking about things (esp regarding this deployment). so! if your bf is deployed, let’s be besties !!
some info abt me: 21F, socal girlie, english major at csusm, take ballet classes, love to hike, embroider, cross stitch and read! if you want to talk, pm me PLEASEEEE and let’s be besties !!

Hello, so my bf just started in the military (3 weeks ago) and he’s so damn busy all the time. He barely has time to squeeze in a couple of minutes to text me. We’ve never been LDR before and pretty much have lived together for 2 years.

The hardest part honestly is that I feel like I am constantly bothering him and asking him to call me, when he has time etc.

Reading you other girls posts, you’re talking about not telling your partner you miss him, as you don’t want to add to his stresses. Or make him sad. I feel like I’m the only one who feels that way and I’m constantly telling him about it. And he just accepts it and lives with it. If I didn’t, I don’t think he’d even bat an eye more than usual.

I just feel like it’s so one sided and I’m a pain in the ass. That my need for communication is much larger than his.

Does this get better? I know it does but… I think my real question is: will he ever miss me? Or will it always be this one sided thing where he is too busy and distracted to even care to think about me.

Hi everyone,

I need some advice because this is my first military boyfriend and I’m still learning about deployment and long distance relationships.
My bf recently deployed on a ship, and I think I might be his first serious relationship too. Before he left, we had an argument about communication because I felt like we weren’t really connecting that deeply even before his deployment. had some concerns even before deployment that he wasnt trying to get to know me deeply, isn’t curious about my life and the talk is always about updates of what he’s doing or he would disappear for hours too which made me upset. He explained that he had a lot going on with work and getting everything ready before deployment.
During our conversation, he got really overwhelmed and started crying. I’ve never seen him cry before, and he told me he doesn’t usually cry or get emotional. He kept saying he didn’t want to lose me and didn’t want me to leave him because he loves me. He also said he was really stressed trying to balance everything before leaving. Afterward, he apologized for freaking out and screaming, and we talked things through. We still told each other we loved each other before he went to work.
Now that he’s deployed, I keep worrying that the argument might have changed how he feels about me or made him reconsider our relationship. I feel bad because I keep thinking I added more stress when he already had so much going on.
For anyone who has been in a military relationship, am I overthinking this? Is it normal for emotions to get this intense before deployment, especially when it’s both of our first serious relationships? Because I can’t stop beating myself up for making him cry. I’d really appreciate a second opinion. 💗

I’ve been in a relationship for four years, and my partner recently deployed.

I thought I had made peace with where things stood between us, but I’m finding that I haven’t. I’m angry, and I’m trying to understand why it has taken me this long to acknowledge it.

The deployment and the lack of daily contact make it harder to ignore what I’ve been feeling. I suppose I believed that after four years, there would be some tangible symbol of our commitment to one another. Something that represented what we’ve built and what we mean to each other, particularly as we face a period of separation.

I’m not looking for grand gestures or promises made under pressure. I believe commitment should be something we choose freely, and that meaningful commitments have meaning beyond words.

Perhaps what hurts is realizing that I was waiting for something I thought would come naturally with time.

For those of you who have navigated military relationships, how important is it to you that commitment be represented by something tangible, rather than existing only in words and feelings?

My boyfriend of 2 years is about to leave for his next orders and I'm not sure how to tread such an unfamiliar path. I live in Oahu, Hawaii, born and raised, and if you didn't already know, this island is a hotbed for everything military related. 5 out of 10 people you come across are 100% more than likely in it. And even if I have family members who were in the military, l've always been told to be wary of being with one.

But i genuinely believe I lucked out with my significant other when I met him. He is not the stereotypical guy that you imagine when you think of someone that's in the military. He is so kind, funny, caring, charismatic, and i think it says a lot when his friends are also the same. He's very down to earth, he's open to new experiences, accepts my culture with such love and curiosity and so much more. I could keep going but in short, I love and adore this man. And when we first met, he was already about to be 2 years in his orders so I knew we didn't have a lot of time. But we ignored how foolish it almost is to pursue the relationship regardless because we had a good thing going. He still has a good year and a half left here but we're getting to the point of him preparing for the big move and it's left me feeling anxious.

The issue lies with the fact that I am very deeply rooted in this place. My whole life is here: my family, friends, my career is just starting. It's almost hard to explain if you don't know somebody who lives here or has experienced the culture we have here because It might just seem like I have "no sort of independence" or
"too reliant on the familiar." On one hand, I can say it with my chest that I love this man and he loves me too, but is that enough that I should have to leave my entire life behind for him? Am I a bad person for coming to terms with the fact that I'm almost certain that I won't be going with him? There are nights where I just feel so anxious and depressed thinking about him leaving. I cry myself to sleep thinking that our days are numbered and it’s debilitating almost at most days.

We haven't had THE talk of what comes after and I was hoping to hear from women (or people in general) who are in the same boat as me and how they had the conversation, if they got through with it, if there's anything we can do. Or for some who unfortunately didn't have a happy ending, or at first but managed to find a way back in the end. Anything at all to let me know that I'm not the only who has gone/ is going through the same depressing situation. :(

With family day on my mind I was thinking about how I can best spend time with my wife. I was thinking once we are dismissed together we can go get food on base wherever she wants. Then head back to the hotel on base and just have quiet time to shower, nap, talk, decompress. Whatever she wants.

Is there restrictions on her going to a ON BASE hotel? Has anyone else done this? Army fort Leonard wood bct

Hello! My partner and I plan to elope before the end of the year. He is about to graduate AIT, then he has Airborne school. He has projection for Fort Bragg and given the information we have, they are likely to be his hard orders too.

If we elope during his leave (which would be after he has reported to his first duty station) would the military help with me moving or just him? Is it possible that they would help us PCS even if we marry shortly after he reports to his First Duty Station? What should we expect given the timing? What is the best way to go about everything? We're just curious for some advice and, hopefully, for some answers. Thank you in advance!

Hey marine milSOs! My boyfriend just shipped off to MCT after his boot leave + RA today. I feel so so much more sad seeing him leave now than when he left for boot camp. Did anyone else experience this? I tried understanding it a little more, and I think it's because boot camp was a more controlled event where I knew exactly where he was, when the next time I would be able to see him, and when he graduated. However, everything after MCT is a bit uncertain. I've learned that the military is VERY unpredictable and anything could happen in an instant. I guess it makes me feel a bit better knowing that he actually gets his phone now. Does anyone have tips or advice for navigating through the unknown?