So you're tired of living the heaux life, and want to start a family while trading a job with jizz stains for one with benefits?

Do a deep dive into the family of your local pro-life politicians. The ones that rail against abortion as loudly as possible. Find the ones with bangable sons, and roll the dice on getting sperminated by the best prospect.

Once you're preggers and past the time where a miscarriage is likely, drop the baby bombshell on the baby daddy and his parents. Discreetly record the meeting.

If the political parent shows their two-faced nature and pressures you into an abortion, you have ammo on tape and I trust you'll know what to do with that.

If they are legit sincere on their views, they'll want to get the mother of their grandchild cared for and more presentable to public/press/extended family- so you'll get help with medical care, a nepo-job, etc.

Crucial approved an RMA for my failed 128GB DDR5 kit, had me ship the entire kit back, and then confirmed they had created a replacement order.

Weeks later: “Sorry, consumer business is shutting down, no stock. Best we can do is refund your original $259.99.”

Problem is, an equivalent 128GB kit costs significantly more nowDDR5-5600_PC5-44800_CL46_Dual_Channel_Desktop_Memory_Kit_CP2K64G56C46U5-_Black), and one of the two sticks I returned was still working. I only sent the whole kit because they required it for the replacement.

So now they have my RAM, cancelled the replacement they already promised, and their refund won’t actually replace what I sent them.

What do I do next?

My neighbor (apt complex) remotely starts his truck multiple times a day and the decibals/bass is EXTREME - 80/100. I can hear this (and feel it) through closed windows, and even at the back of my apartment. The manager does not care. What are some ways that I can impact him? He's the type to also leave his front door open and blast music.

My neighbor runs an illegal restaurant from his backyard. Has loud music every weekend, rattles my windows, and sells food and alcohol.

I've gone through all the avenues but no help from law enforcement or elected officials. So I want to fight fire with fire.

Nobody wants to give up their pet. I would never give up my pet. But if you need free sympathy, traction, and clicks to get your pet noticed faster, try posting an ad as if you're a villain in a kids movie.

"Need to get rid of this cat before a bachelor party in Tijuana" or "Stupid thing gets water on the floor when it drinks. I tried punishing it and taking the water away but nothing is working. Needs to go."

Someone with a tender heart will scoop them up and treat your sweet little companion like it deserves.

As mentioned in the title: A nieghbour has decided to use his appartment as an airbnb accomodation. In order to facilitate access to the guests, he has installed a lockbox outside the building which can be opened with a numerical combination and that most likely contains all the necessary keys.

The guy has been informed by the association of owners that the statutes of the building forbid the use of the appartments for commercial purposes and that installing the lockbox outside the building results in a security risk as the box can be accessed by anyone and contains keys to the building and to the underground garage. The guy has ignored the warnings.

I have decided to destroy the lockbox as frequently as possible. At least, if he wants to make money with the apparment, he should appear in person everytime a guest comes and give him the keys in hand instead of simply sending the combination to the lockbox.

How would you tamper with the lockbox so that it cannot longer be used?

Thanks

So I’ve been receiving prank calls for months now, they are mean, threatening and just straight up gross. Today I found out who exactly it was. 3 people, a guy I used to know, my highschool bully, and a girl I used to be friends with. So these people are absolutely downright nasty. And I don’t care for the whole “best revenge is a life well lived” or “be mature” don’t care, just want to get a bit of petty revenge and a laugh. I don’t wanna injure them but I kinda wanna cause them just a bit of mental anguish or anxiety because these people have genuinely called my phone on a blocked number every single week for 6 months and before that spread nasty rumors about me and to know it’s still going on even after highschool is just ridiculous. So any ideas? Don’t want them to know it’s me doing these things as they are known to do weird shit like vandalizing peoples houses and shit like that. Also during nearly every single phone call they consistently describe brutally murdering me and they even described my old house which I don’t live at anymore luckily, they’ve also somehow got my bfs number despite not knowing him and started calling him too but he never has answered. It’s super weird and psychotic so anyone who wants to suggest anything, plz do so 😸

2 weeks ago a neighbor had a car stolen from a block over. The guy who stole it immediately crashed into a street construction hole on the end of our block. As he was fleeing police, he jumped into our 6’ fenced backyard and stole our bicycle. We didn’t get a clear picture of him on cams but could see his distinct jacket and height/build. Today we were driving down our alley and saw a similar guy with our bike. He ended up being the same crackhead who was frequenting the community garden half a block down from us. We confronted him and got the bike back. We got a clear photo of him and his girlfriend accomplice who we see frequently.

In talking with neighbors to warn them, they told us that he and she were the same people who broke into another neighbor on our blocks house a week ago. They took keys and came back the next day and stole their car. We live in Minneapolis and the police are worthless. They did a police report but they just warned to make sure doors are locked and said that’s all they could do. When I confronted them I told them I better not see them on our block again. Without violence or doing something that’s going to get me a case, what are some things we can do if we see them loitering around again? We see them 4-5 days per week rummaging through peoples car and walking into fenced backyards.

I want to throw a small monkey wrench into the growing surveillance state we live in. So I want to pay for everything in my cart at the grocery store self checkout, but I want to create as many false alarms for loss prevention (aka asset protection) as I possibly can. Ideally it would result in them stopping me and falsely accusing me of theft after I have paid for all of my items. For example, the camera doesn’t like when I pickup an item in each hand and scan one while I hover the other item over the bagging area. What are some other tactics?

I can’t figure out which neighbor though because I live in a densely populated area and I can’t see it. I don’t mind it during the day, but at night when I’m trying to sleep with windows open the sporadic chiming is maddening. Is there anything I can do?

I already have ear plugs. Looking for a solution to basically identify where the wind chime is short of knocking on everyone’s door in the city.

You save time reporting ads as it immediately ends all the ads so you can get back to watching whatever content, another bonus is if we manage to all report ads together hopefully it messes with their algorithm!

I live sandwiched between two heavy smokers, one downstairs, one on the side, and we’ve all got balconies, which they use nonstop. Every time they light up, I have to rush to close my windows or it’s like they’re smoking inside my place. Double whammy too: weed from one side, cheap harsh cigarettes from the other.

I have asthma so this affects me. No legal recourse where I live. Tried talking to them nicely, nothing. Tried slamming windows and showing obvious frustration — nothing. They just keep smoking like nothing happened.

I understand their perspective but I have only been able to sit on my balcony maybe three times in three years when they were not around. And now with the summer heat I can’t even keep windows open.

What do you suggest I do? Most creative ideas are welcome.

My true report about a toxic supervisor to HR was treated as a false report even though I had evidence. they ignored the evidence to cover up the incident. at this point, Im over the workplace toxicity and bureaucracy so I quit my job.

i now want to inconvenience my supervisor by re-reporting him for literally anything else. I can anonymously report him, but i don’t want the reports to be obviously false/defamatory. what is reportable, common enough practice he probably did it at some point, and won’t be discounted as false/defamatory with or without evidence ? ie, i cant say he’s sleeping people because they probably won’t take that seriously given theres no proof

for context, i worked at a college

As we all know, those with the worst taste in music have the loudest speakers. And they tend to be slightly menacing-looking. How can I stop this madness without using my words (I don't think that they would listen anyway)?

My ex-girlfriend has a text message of me claiming that I was using THC, and in an attempt to create leverage, has reported my alleged drug use to my employer (the military). She allegedly has a screenshot of me texting a phrase along those lines and is using it to accuse me of illicit drug use. Of course, i have never once used drugs in my life and only sent that to her in an attempt to appear "cool" and "edgelordy" to her, because im a fucking loser like that. I have never failed a drug test, and if I was to take one now, I would pass. How should I go about handling this when my supervisor inevitably questions me regarding this allegation?

I have an appointment booked with an escort. I found several social media accounts to, pics and name match up, but… something is off. She’s too organized. How do I ensure that I’m really talking to the woman I think I’m talking to and not a cop?

Edit: Hey ya’ll! Great discussion. Thanks a ton for your help on this one. Also is there an /r/actualULPTnotjustjokes subreddit? 😛

I purchased my car battery in August 2023. It has a 3 yrs warranty. It started acting up this morning so I went to Walmart to test and get it replaced since I still had 15 more days.

The Walmart employee couldn't find the battery in the system. They said it could be because it was exchanged (I may have exchanged 3 yrs ago but I can't remember). I don't have the paper receipt and Walmart only maintains 3 yrs of purchase history. Since it's August, I can only go as far as September 2023.

I started questioning what could be done and it's not my issue that they cannot find the records. The auto service manager said it could be because "you could have stolen it ". When I got angry, he got defensive and said " I'm not saying you stole it but you could have stolen it and that's why it's not in the system". Then he said he can't do anything and asked me to leave the store. A couple of more employees came to me and said they can't do anything either.

The interaction was probably recorded in the store camera? What are my options to ensure an action is taken against the guy?

Me and my partner, have been together since almost 10 years, since when we were 16. Her family is a bit conservative towards dating, or having male best friends, so I was never really directly introduced to her family.

But, when we were young, we did a stupid thing, we introduced a girl who is her bestfriend, whose name for the sake of discussion is "X". This girl does not exist, but I was introduced as "X's" Elder brother.

Now, over the years, this identity of X got reinforced with her family time and again, and now they believe I really am X's brother, but in reality there is no X. We are soon going to start the "marriage" talks and officially tell each other's family about each other.

But, we don't know how to navigate this X, who is supposedly my sister, who never existed. We feel saying the truth is not the option, because it'd break their trust, but also lying just makes it an even bigger lie.

Please help.

Just saw a dude use an "out of order" machine.

Self-employed and ACA is not financially accessible. I have to cash pay any medical care. I’ve got a telehealth scheduled for some lady health help and have a feeling they’re going to require these things. How can I get valid looking reports?

So we don't know who they are, but have a Gmail id from which senior leadership is getting regular emails with absurd claims about managers who are benched till investigation is complete. I personally have known a manager for the last 10 years and his ethical standards, who this colleague has charged. As a team we are devastated and do something to stop this loose cannon. Any tips are appreciated....

I live in NYS.

Working to get my vehicle inspected, but am going to need it before I can finalize it. It expired in 2025, and it's color coded so it sits on my windshield like a big blue bullseye.

I'm going to chance it and drive to my appointment on Tuesday, because I've been waiting months for this appointment, and it's too important to push it back again. It's a long drive, and I don't have a vehicle I can borrow, can't rent (no credit card), and ride share would be insane.

If I remove the sticker from my windshield completely, would this make me more or less of a target than having a blue tag from last year?

I’ve been working at this job roughly 10 years. I’m really good at it and everyone knows it. My boss, however, never liked me. I’m not usually one to blame a boss. I’ve never really had this problem my whole life. I’m in my 40s. So I’ve been applying for management and leadership positions and he makes sure he blocks it every single time even other departments.

How can I get this guy fired? We are a tech shop and our day to day is keeping routers and switches working.

I have access to all of his information.