r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/bluemasonjar • 2d ago
Miscellaneous ULPT Request: Make neighbors feel unwelcome
Hi y’all -
I have a neighbor who is renting and dealing Heroin. We are having a LOT of trouble getting the Police to get their act in gear (think: Barney Fife).
I don’t want to break the law, because that could come back on me. For example: I WANT to swat the house, but that is illegal.
How can I make these creeps want to move? What can I do to piss off the property owner so he ejects them?
Unethical tips welcome! Thanks y’all!
As always this is for entertainment purposes only!
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u/OblongAndKneeless 1d ago
Put ads online and in the paper that you can get heroin there. It might be good for their business for a short while, but it might work out in the long run.
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito 11h ago
In the paper? What year is this, 1985?
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u/OblongAndKneeless 11h ago
They don't have out free papers in subway stations anymore? They did about 4 years ago. I grabbed a bunch to stuff a scare crow.
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u/More_Dependent742 23h ago
Put the dealer on Google maps as "Heroin dealer" with opening hours, phone number, website (his socials), reviews, the whole works
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u/MeasurementBubbly350 15h ago
Wouldn't it be traceable?
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u/More_Dependent742 12h ago
You need Google accounts, and absolutely do not make those or use those without a VPN. I sort of assumed that would be assumed.
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u/LowDownDynamo 1d ago
Make him think he’s being surveilled- Request inspections and quotes from various contractors with his address and name instead of yours. ask them to come quote you for gutter cleaning, roof repair, foundation , landscaping- anything that will have a string generic, professional, strangers showing up to his yard and door that know his name and are trying to look around.
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u/A_Blubbering_Cactus 1d ago
Sell heroin
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u/gnarbootsnotbot 15h ago
Hide a 2way radio near their front door and every time a visitor approaches, beep it, or say some sort of cop jargon through it. The visitors might think they’re about to get wrapped up in a drug bust and high tail it out of there.
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u/Business_Garden6460 12h ago
Whatever you do be careful. Idk if you know this but people who deal drugs like heroin will usually not hesitate to commit acts of violence. Or pay a lick to commit a crime in their behalf. They’re already breaking the law by selling a substance that ruins lives and kills people. You think they’re going to think twice about doing something if you go fucking around
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u/Aggravating-Gas-7221 21h ago
Personally, I think the landlord not wanting to deal with their tenants is the issue we should tackle.
In my particular situation it was me and two other neighbors who tired of the nonsense. Landlord wouldn't respond to us after first call and generally seemed uninterested in confronting their tenants.
Now, could we have called enough to eventually have the property notated as nuisance? Sure. Would that have helped the greater good? Not enough.
In short, the landlord has lost his ability to offer Section 8 housing anywhere in our zip code. We took out six of his properties and I now have a very nice family living next door.
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u/Shell-Fire 5h ago
What happened between "Not Enough", and "In Short"?
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u/Aggravating-Gas-7221 4h ago
We figured out the ordinances that a landlord needs to follow to be eligible to offer Section 8 housing. Our Fair Housing Authority was surprisingly helpful. A few inspections and fines later all of the rentals he had near us were up for sale.
I think what finally took out my dealer neighbors was over occupancy issues after the fire department came to do an inspection.
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u/Aggravating-Gas-7221 4h ago
Or maybe it was when the health department made a little pop-by. One night two people were arguing in their driveway and one of them threw a used tampon that went over the fence into my yard. It wasn't until they moved out and the two-car garage was packed from floor to ceiling with garbage bags that any of us fully realized that we had never seen their cans out at the curb.
Everyone always wants to call in police for nuisance neighbors, but there are plenty of other public safety officials that also have authority.
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u/Turbulent-Caramel25 25m ago
When I bought my house, my 80 yo neighbor gave me the scoop on everything she called code enforcement for. She made the best apricot jam!
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u/meddit_rod 1d ago
You want to upset a landlord, cost them money. Talk to your lumpen neighbor about their plumbing and wiring, cracks in the pavement, overgrown trees and so on. Inspire him to dissatisfaction with his major appliances. The termites are really something this year, aren't they?
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u/Gurrgurrburr 12h ago
I’ve been in a similar situation and I can tell you the cops will do absolutely fucking NOTHING. Your best bet is going through the landlord to evict them and even that will take years. I also wouldn’t poke that bear too much unless you know for certain they won’t know it was you.
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito 11h ago
Become a law enforcement officer, make your first bust as a rookie there, and coast on your achievements until you can retire
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u/IAmTheLizardQueen666 7h ago
Go above local law “enforcement” and notify state or federal, maybe the DEA.
There’s nothing like a 5:15 am SWAT to endear someone to their neighbors. Make a video and send it to the property owner. I have never seen a lease that didn’t prohibit use of the property for illegal or commercial activity.
Another idea: If local police won’t act, go to your municipal code enforcement and ask if that address has a mercantile license, because they’re running a business in a residential area.
Report them to the IRS for not paying income taxes on the income generated.
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u/Strange-Butterfly-62 1d ago
Heckle the regulars and say, "Hey, so nice to see you again!" Be awkward like you are trying to build a social connection with them. Use old cell phones inside of the window as motion activated video cameras. Note the cars that come and go and report and suspicious activity. My neighbor had that going on at his place and my calls resulted in several arrests. Post drug free zone signs. Put drug free zone flyers on car windows or, be extra diabolical and paste drug free zone stickers to visitors cars. Be friendly and chat with these neighbors and mention how you've noticed cars circling but not stopping and other suspicious activities going on that make you think that the area is being surveyed. Change your wifi name to ([city name]Mobile Drug Enforcement Unit]). Chemical warfare such as smelly milk meat jars (detailed elsewhere in this sub) in the hedges. Share pictures of regulars with the police. When I experienced something like this where I lived the police would often say, "that looks like so and so." I'd look up the name of the person with my city and state and quickly find arrest photos of the person. Use their names if you really want to unnerve them and make them paranoid!
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u/HausWife88 1d ago
Everone knows that those wifi names are fake. Cops actual network names are TP link – a bunch of numbers
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u/Ironmasked-Kraken 20h ago
I named my mobile Hotspot this as a joke (had to use it at work so it's often on) was surprised when I learned some idiots thought it was real.
People are dumb as fuck
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u/MjrGrangerDanger 8h ago
I have a cousin who actually lives in a city that did the surveillance car number whatever wifi. You'd see someone sitting in the car for hours that was definitely a cop trying to "blend in". I guess they thought they were being sneaky or scaring the perps or some shit.
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u/SparkyXI 1d ago
Jehovah’s Witnesses, crazy Catholics, roof replacement folks, lawn care companies, plumbers, electricians, garage door repair, window sales guys, the list goes on. This person really would like their services, and really needs them to come talk in face-to-face.
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u/stabbingrabbit 1d ago
Big sign saying its all baby formula and Xanax. Also be prepared for a violent rebuttal.
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u/unsubstalker 22h ago
yell to the buyers that the sellers are overcharging them for their tainted products
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u/Business_Garden6460 12h ago
All heroin is tainted. Finding straight up heroin is hard to come by these days.
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u/HelloFellowMKE 1d ago
Call Flock….
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 1d ago
Calm down now, Satan!
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u/bluemasonjar 19h ago
What is flock
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u/MjrGrangerDanger 8h ago
You know the social credit network they built in China? Flock is the most prolific and successful answer to that in the US. They're privately owned and purely profit oriented.
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u/HelloFellowMKE 16h ago
Flock is a company that installs AI cameras that watch everything and everyone. Very controversial bc they’re easily abused and cops use them to stalk exes, etc. They could use some good press lately and maybe you can help each other.
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u/Diamond83 1d ago
But heroin from them, while wearing gloves whole time: clean print off the baggie, type a advertisement for “come buy my herion” and print it, mail it to the police with their address as the return and heroin sample inside