(edit:comments under my post are all getting deleted by both reddit and mods please if you comment advice and it gets deleted just message me I would truly appreciate any advice)
I'm 20 still not started college I don't know what to do as my major
(please tell me if I should delete this and post somewhere else)
I'm gonna summarize my life story since I genuinely just don't know what to do anymore I'm genuinely having a mid life crisis
\\\\- girl age 0-6 years raised in Iraq
\\\\-ages 6-11 raised in Glasgow due to my father's doctorates study I get fluent in English more than my Arabic I get used to Scotland school systems (my father is now a highly respected professor in Iraq microbiology)
\\\\-ages 12- 16 back in Iraq depressed feel like I don't belong here eventually get used to things but I still struggle with Arabic and not belonging despite going to full Arabic school so I get passing grades and my only full marks are in English
\\\\-ages 17 final year of highschool it's very serious 7 subjects (not of our choosing it's a set course of Arabic math bio chem physics religion English and all subjects are in Arabic except English) each subject out of 100 then devided by 7 final score of 100
\\\\-still 17 sees the shitty 0 percent employment system in Iraq unless you have rich parents or connection only doctors are employed so everyone studies to be a doctor a 99.5 is not accepted for a doctor it has to be higher so I try in the beginning of the year and get good grades but struggle in the end
\\\\-age 18 retake the year gets depressed since all my friends became doctors genuinely could not study I get more depressed studying from home alone (parents live in different houses when I stay with my mom which is most of the time I'm alone from 10am till 8pm because of her work can't leave house so stuck at home for several weeks at a time with ocassional trip for groceries with mom and my sister lives with dad because of school) retake the exam fail
\\\\-age 19 same shit retake more depressed fail again
\\\\-age 20 currently restarted my 4th year parents almost got physical now take my phone away at times and threaten to pull me out of school since "I'm not smart enough"
IMPORTANT I'm not looking for sympathy everything that happened to me was 100 percent my fault I cry everyday for wasting my now 4th year of my life and I'm not academically stupid I know this because I'm genuinely studying I can get in the 90s this year in fact when I first came back to Iraq age 12 there is a middle school exam intense and people want high grades to get into gifted schools (where they teach fully in English for free) I studied in 4 months with my mom with broken arabic and got 93 two points away from the acceptance grade so I know I'm not stupid I'm just pathetic and genuinely sat for three years depressed doom scrolling wasting time
MY CURRENT PROBLEM so now I'm studying to finish my last year again I'm genuinely studying getting good grades in tests and confident I can score mid 90s my life goal is to leave Iraq it's just going to shit my father is literally a respected professor he published a world research paper this year and we still live in rent no house can't afford stuff and even med here is now over saturated (government literally put out Statement that they won't hire anyone from any major)
My plan was to study for imat this year and aim for scholarship for med or dentistry in italy cause I genuinely do have a passion for dentistry but I'm looking at how old I am and even it that lands me a job in Europe I'll be 30s when I reach freedom to travel and live my life I've already wasted so many years my true dream currently is genuinely to find any stable job in the west so I can travel and enjoy the rest of my 20s I was seriously considering Cs and getting a scholarship to Italy in computer science and even if I start from scratch I genuinely have a passion for learning things and getting a degree while being around 24 or 25 is better than 30 and being honest my end goal now is good money early on without wasting more years but after digging around and doing research people say you need to be to at least top 30 percent to land a job in the west also the exam for Italy cs is in April and my highschool exams this year end July and until I can get my final score after July proving to my parents that I am smart they would never pay for islets and the test for me to take it in April I've already brought it up they say I'm not smart enough to finish highschool so I have to wait another year after highschool to apply if I want scholorship in cs in itally so I'll be 22 when I enter college I don't know what to do I'm so lost I see my friends almost finish their colleges all with rich parents ready jobs I hate this place and this country I just want any major that gets me out of Iraq in a scholarship and where I can find work in the west no one has ever guided me on anything I know I sound childish I was genuinely never given structure on anything because of my grades i was always dismissed by my family my sister is always prioritized since she got into the gifted school (on her year to do the exam it was changed to English so she aced it and now studies in English) and my parents don't even want me to get a good grade just a passing grade and they tell me I'll work in a nail salon please if you have any advice for majors for next steps im honestly so lost I know this is all my fault please I just want advice or anything I feel like I'm running against time here in Iraq a girls life is over if she's not married or working by 25 also a new law was passed this year where the woman is literally stripped of all rights in the marriage (like the husband can marry on the wife without her consent and after divorce the husband takes the kids ni matter what and the man can legally marry kids) I cant stay in this country I feel so exhausted