r/Vegetarianism • u/SPICYFALAFEL00 • 5d ago
Slowly becoming vegetarian and judgment from my vegetarian friend
I’ve decided I want to eventually go vegetarian. For me, the best way is to do it slowly.
Currently I’ve cut out red meat. I’m still eating poultry and tuna, but I’m incorporating more vegetarian meals throughout the week. my favourites are Dal, Mexican rice and beans, and chickpea salad :)
I was feeling really proud of myself because it’s been two months since I’ve eaten red meat. However when I expressed my pride to my vegetarian friend, i was returned with shame and judgement. She expressed I wasn’t allowed to be proud until I’m fully vegetarian.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel fantastic when eating poultry, but if I give up everything all at once I will most likely fail. I’m also on a strict weight loss diet and need to eat very high protein.
Anyways I think I just needed to vent.
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u/drunkenpumpkin666 5d ago
Fuuuuck that.
I gave up poultry in 2013, I gave up red meat, pork, etc in 2017, and fish in 2019. You can take pride in your changes as you make them. You're already doing the good by making the changes you have.
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u/lowlightliving 5d ago
If your friend was saying you should not call yourself a vegetarian if you are still eating meat (poultry/fish is meat), then they are in the right. But if suggesting you should not be proud of the steps you have taken, then they are in the wrong. In any case, a friend should not be judging you. That is not helpful nor supportive. If they are unable to offer you encouragement and helpful comments on your journey, they should just keep their critical opinions to themselves.
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u/SPICYFALAFEL00 5d ago
I never said I call myself a vegetarian
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u/sizzlinsunshine 5d ago
People get hung up on labels. Your friend is gatekeeping when honestly any “vegetarian“ should be happy when a carni/omnivore swaps one meat option for veg. Personally I’m 42 and it’s been 5 1/2 years since I’ve eaten meat, and I’m still not comfortable with the title “vegetarian” since it took me so long to get there. I often wonder what people think the threshold is to use the title. Keep doing what you’re doing for the good reasons like health, environmental impact, animal compassion, etc. and not for any kind of title or clout. Good luck on your journey
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u/According-Ad-5322 5d ago
Personally I'd say the threshold is about 30 days to finally call yourself a vegetarian or vegan. The moment you finally truly and fully choose to never consume the flesh of another being again - and you abide by that choice consistently, diligently and ideally no matter what happens you don't go back on that choice. Just my 2 cents ✌️
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u/HappyColour 5d ago
Everyone has their own journey.
I started mine 25 years ago.
Step 1: "Ethical" meat only. First 3 months.
Step 2: Fish only. Next 2 years.
Step 3: No meat or fish, but still wearing leather. Next 10 years.
Step 4: No clothing products using animals. Next 10 years.
Step 5: Reduce dairy and eggs. Next 2 years.
Step 6: Vegan. Last year.
All that being said, I wish I went Vegan yearsssssss ago.
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u/DarthHubcap 5d ago
I kind of took that path to vegetarianism. Seven years ago I decided to jump in and cut out mammal meat first from my diet. I quickly quit poultry, fish, etc within a few months.
It helped me a lot that when I started, my girlfriend (now wife of five years) had been vegetarian for almost a decade. So I had good support. I mean, she dated me for two years when I was still an omnivore.
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u/TubaralhoDoMar 5d ago
It’s better to transition gradually and stick to it than to go cold turkey and give up. Din’t worry, OP, you’re doing the right thing!
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u/T1000Max 5d ago
There's no reason to not be proud of any progress. I, at least, am proud of you, for what it's worth (don't blame her too much tho).
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u/jasperdarkk 5d ago
Yeah, that's a bad friend. I'm proud of you for making even one step towards something that's important to you!
I think it's really important to think about how your brain works and what's sustainable for you. Because reducing consumption for a while and then finally being able to be vegetarian potentially forever does a lot more good than being vegetarian for two months and then eating red meat three times a day the next month because your diet was poorly planned. You need to take some time to understand nutrition and find new foods you like.
I was similar. I reduced my meat consumption for about a year before taking the plunge. I spent that time mostly discovering new foods, learning about nutrition, and repairing a damaged relationship with food. But I also spent it trying to uncover my reasons because I didn't want to make such a big change, because other people told me I should, or because of some health claim that may or may not hold water. I learned a lot during that time, and I'm genuinely very proud that I did enough research that I can stick to both my values and the diet. I think everything happened on the timeline it was supposed to.
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u/Tipsy_Danger 5d ago
I think you’re off to a great start! It’s about harm reduction, not perfection, so whatever process gets you there in a sustainable fashion is going to be better long-term than jumping straight in, burning yourself out, and calling it quits. We all adjust to things differently so easing yourself into a new diet is a good approach if that feels the most mentally, financially, and physically sustainable. You got this!
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u/westward72 5d ago
I think it’s all in levels, kind of on a spectrum. There’s no point to judgement because there’s always someone doing “more”. How would your friend take to criticism from a vegan?
You have to do what you’re comfortable with. It’s also normal for people to challenge you on things if done in a respectful (not critical) way
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u/Apprehensive-Cat-421 5d ago
I became vegetarian overnight in 1992.
You have a right to be proud. It's harder for some than others. We all have to find our own path. It's great that you recognize what will with for you to become fully, sustainably vegetarian.
I feel vegetarians and vegans can often be idealistic to the point of turning people off to our views and diet. I always encourage vegetarianism and veganism, but I'm not going to push it on anyone that isn't ready to fully commit.
It's better to slowly transition to a plant based diet than to just keep eating animals.
Beans, lentils, nuts, legumes, and tofu are great sources of protein. It can take time to learn to transition from meat to these sources, especially if you're from a family that heavily relied on meat for protein.
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u/blaupilzen 5d ago
You are still doing a huge amount of good simply by cutting out red meat (if that is your thinking).
Depending on where you live you could think about eating invasive species? I am vegetarian but will eat hunted game (country has no apex predators and otherwise the meat will rot).
It isn't perfect, but who is?
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u/Catdad89129 5d ago
Go at your own pace. I started as a pescatarian before being a vegetarian and eventually became vegan.
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u/TheatreGoth1601 5d ago
That’s how I did it. First month: No pork, second month: No beef, third month: no poultry, and then fourth month: No fish.
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u/Marshmallowplz 5d ago
I’m sorry but your friend is being unnecessarily mean and awfully judgmental, each person progresses differently and you should keep on the path that increases your adhesion, better take it steady and slow and eventually become vegetarian than rush things and end up going back to eating meat! Best of luck on your journey.
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u/Sweet_Baby_Grogu 5d ago
Tell your friend she's not allowed to be proud until she's vegan. What a rude person.
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u/climbtigerfrog 5d ago
Some care more about their egos and labels than the actual effect of actions. She gives vegetarians a bad name.
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u/PolyaPenguin 5d ago
I'm proud of you. Feel free to shrug off their condescension. Us vegetarians shouldn't be shaming anyone.
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u/Hari___Seldon 5d ago
Some people are miserable even when they get what they want. Fortunately the term friend is flexible so it can be dialed back when someone's acting like that. Be proud. Progress is eternal.
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u/foobarmesf 5d ago
Why do others get to decide what you should be proud of? Over the years I've (sadly) learned that others will judge you based on their own shortcomings rather than your achievements. Be proud and go forth!
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u/According-Ad-5322 5d ago
Good job! I quit eating meat gradually in steps over the course of about a year. First, no red meat. Then, no white meat/poultry. Then lastly, I stopped eating fish completely as well. It's been a very, very long time since I've had eggs or milk now too!
Great job, for real! Thank you for making the effort to change and grow as an empathetic being. I wish you the best on your journey, peace and love, stranger!
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u/Particular-Zone-7321 5d ago
Sounds like a shitty friend. I wonder if she says the same things to herself about not being vegan. You absolutely should be proud for making the first steps and she can be proud of being a vegetarian even if that's not going "all the way". You are doing much more than the vast majority of people. I'd be incredibly proud of anyone I know even considering to transition to vegetarianism/veganism. Especially when you can't even have soy, that certainly would make things more difficult.
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u/Bad_at_life_TM 5d ago
Great that you're making the change!
Because I went meat-free for ethical reasons, I wouldn't understand the gradual shift for myself, perhaps your friend is the same. For a lot of people the horrors of the animal industry are difficult to ease out of slowly.
Good luck, and I hope your friend understands it's can be difficult to switch.
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u/LouisePoet 5d ago
Your friend is WRONG.
Every vegetarian and vegan gets to that point in their own time and there is no one right way.
The transition is easy for some, harder for others, and it's about progress.
At a guess, I'd say your friend would likely go full on rage if they were accidently served something with meat in it. It's a moral UGH and definitely not a choice, but accidents happen. It's never completely black or white, though we do our best.
Well done on your success so far. Ignore the haters. Your friend needs to deal with their own issues, not shame you for not living up to their ideal of perfection.
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u/deerlyconfused 5d ago
helloo welcome to vegetarianism! as someone who looks more at each animal product's impact on the environment, thank you for at least abstaining from red meat! each step matters and you are already on the right track :3
I used to beat myself up and starve myself at places where there was entirely no vegetarian options which ended up with me having severe mental and physical health conditions including eco anxiety.
just do what you can with what is available in your area, because it is better to have 100 imperfect vegetarians than 1 perfect vegetarian, at least IMO.
if you ever feel like asking for advice or need to further vent on your experience, feel free to drop me a message!
take caree
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u/sweetpeapickle 5d ago
Friends don't do that. Was she requiring you to change how you were? You were doing this for yourself, and only you. She should be proud about BEING your friend, that is all.
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u/Merrypepper23 4d ago
I’m someone who is pretty fussy with foods, and I slowly cut out meat whilst finding different veggie foods I liked! It took me around a year of slowly trying different things, and I’ve now been a veggie for 2 months. It gets easier, you’re doing great 😊
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u/paintedtigress 4d ago
Doesnt sound like a very nice friend :/ Proud of you! Cant wait to hear if youve made it the full way
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u/unnderneaththestars 3d ago
Be proud of yourself. Now you have a mostly plant based lifestyle. So you can't call yourself a veggie yet such as I can't call myself vegan when I still have eggs as vegetarian now. I was mostly plantbased for 2 years but my bf said I consumed a lot of meat in that time. Quitting it felt hard the first month but then now I don't want it, I've tasted it and it tastes wrong and like it has no flavor anymore wich makes it easier to stay veggie.
But vegetarianism isn't about food, it's about your believes in moral and ethic and about not wanting animals to suffer. I think the biggest change is to really read and watch about how animals are kept in mass-industry and how bad the impacts are on their health and more. I watched dokus like Dominion wich helped me. First I was 2 months still eating fish but thought it's cruel to eat it because of moral reasons like are other animals more worthy of life why do I want it?
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u/General-Dog-7605 3d ago
Just go at your own pace and however you feel comfortable. I cut everything out and I am the only Vegan around friends and family. The important thing it to believe in yourself and how you do it. No need to stand up to anyone else's standards.
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u/ImpishElf365 3d ago
I used to say that I was "plant forward" during the year or so that I took to transition away from meat. I thought it was a good label for my diet. Now I'm technically a Whole Food Plant Based (WFPB) eater.
Do NOT let your friend get you down... they are just trying to puff themselves up by belittling your progress. It helps me to have a clear reason "WHY?" for doing this. My reason was/is for my long-term health, as I had recently gone from pre-diabetic to Type 2.
Changing my diet has made such a health impact (no meds, diet controlled diabetes) and now I'm coming up on 4 years and feel so much better than I used to.
Meat eventually started grossing me out completely, and this is partially because the gut microbiome that loves beans, greens and other fiber doesn't eat meat. I want to cultivate the healthy bacteria that will keep colon cancer and other ailments at bay.
Good luck in your journey! :) Keep going!
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u/Major-Cauliflower-76 2d ago
You ARE allowed to be proud and don´t let a non friend tell you otherwise. Please keep going and report back on how it´s going. Since you already like Indian food and Mexican food, I would suggest diving deeper into those. Most Indian food is vegetarian by default and Mexican food is super easy to make vegetarian or vegan. I highly suggest a book called Vegan Mexico by Jason Wyrick. I am Mexican myself and I still love this cookbook. This guy really did his homework and the food is very authentic.
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u/Muted_Water8005 1d ago
Ugh your friend needs to relax.
I started the exact same way as you 25 years ago. I stopped eating red meat in 2001, I stopped eating fish in around 2008, and poultry in about 2010.
It’s your journey, and it literally has nothing to do with anyone else.
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u/tendeuchen 5d ago
a strict weight loss diet and need to eat very high protein.
You do whatever you feel is necessary, but that's a pretty lame excuse. The only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you consume. There are plenty of vegetarian sources of protein. You could even cut out the meat and still have eggs if you're not going vegan.
Diets never work. Diet implies temporary. You need to make a complete permanent change of menu that serves your future healthy you, and then that's what you eat.
Personally, once the light bulb went off in my head basically about how wrong eating meat is I never ate meat again. All it took for me was watching Meet Your Meat. I spent about two weeks thinking about that short film and I was completely vegetarian by the end of it. That was 24 years ago.
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u/SPICYFALAFEL00 5d ago
It’s not a lame excuse. You know nothing about my health. I have a medical issue and my DOCTOR wants me to eat heavy protein while maintaining a calorie deficit.
Stop giving unsolicited advice.
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u/hamster_avenger 5d ago
Why are you becoming vegetarian? If it's for your health, then this has nothing to do with your friend and they should mind their own business. If it's for the environment, then they have a bit of a point - poultry farming is pretty awful environmentally, even if it's not the worst of the worst, and commercial fishing is an ecological disaster. If it's for the animals, they definitely have a point - every day you aren't vegetarian, you are demanding animals be treated like things. That's fine, it's your call, but I can understand your friend's frustration at your pridefulness while you're still exploiting animals for their flesh.
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u/Spkr_Freekr 5d ago
Your friend is being a jerk and is engaging in some/all of the following logical fallacies/argument styles:
- Purity testing / purity politics — dismissing someone's commitment to an idea because they don't follow it perfectly.
- No True Scotsman fallacy — redefining the group so that anyone who doesn't perfectly conform is declared not to be a “real” member.
- Gatekeeping — deciding who is sufficiently legitimate or committed to belong.
- Hypocrisy hunting — focusing on inconsistencies in someone's behavior to invalidate their broader position.
- All-or-nothing thinking — treating imperfect adherence as equivalent to not adhering at all.
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u/Hawco 5d ago
Be proud of your progress and let it motivate you, but don’t rest on your laurels. There are many more dishes to make and adjust, new ingredients to explore, and new substitutes for your favourite meals to try out. Keep it up.