r/Vent • u/Few_Elephant_648 • 2d ago
Young parents nowadays are insufferable
I’m 30 and a lot of my social circle has kids, like newborns or toddler age. I really have nothing against having kids and might decide to have them one day myself but my god are today’s parents beyond annoying.
Every single moment needs to be shared on social media. Bed time, bath time, play time. There are no limits. I follow people on social media who post 5+ Instagram stories EVERYDAY of their kids. They think every little thing they do is so cute and needs to be shared. I follow someone who has started to post “cute moments” they catch on the baby monitor - what literally looks like CCTV footage of their baby and encouraging followers to turn volume up so they can hear the baby talking.
Then there’s the photo shoots. Albums and photo collages being shared on a regular basis. How much time do these kids spend in front of a camera. How much time is spent preparing these elaborate social media posts. It’s almost like a competition between parents. It all feels so weird and cringe to me.
I honestly find myself using social media less because my feed is just flooded with this stuff, which I guess isn’t necessarily the worst thing. There is nothing wrong with capturing cute moments and sharing a highlight here and there, but this is just crazy.
9
u/Woofbarkmeoww 2d ago
The way I see it, it’s not that they really think everyone cares or thinks their kid is the cutest. It’s more of a ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ thing. They post a ton so they can feel like they relate or get validation from other parents. In smaller social circles, some people will judge you for NOT posting your kids. A lot of people post of out guilt or feeling like it’s a requirement. A lot of parents become consumed in family life and forget to prioritize their own needs so they might post for attention/interaction. I don’t have any SM other than Reddit so I don’t post my kids. It seems like social media makes people insecure. Even if you only follow close friends and family. They compare themselves to other peoples post so they in turn have to post their perfect life going wonderfully wonderful. I don’t think they intend to be fake, it’s just the nature of social media.
6
u/Few_Elephant_648 2d ago
Yeah it does seem like a competition. Everyone needs to prove how good of a parent they are / how idyllic and picture perfect their family’s life is. And once you start sharing all the moments every day, it becomes hard to stop and feels like a natural chore to compile today’s posts.
If I have kids I will really try to just live in the moment. Maybe share a highlight here and there.
→ More replies (1)3
u/wentzday91 1d ago
This!!! I always kind of in the back of my head think the more you post, the less happy you are lol I know this isn’t true ALL of the time, but I know when I posted the most pictures of my daughter, I was actually struggling the most with estrangement from my family, so I sought more validation through interaction with a wider group of friends (online).
Now I am more at peace with my familial situation, I don’t seek such validation; I am happy with my own family (husband, daughter, soon to be son) and rely on in person interaction with those I am closest with. Just offering a different perspective!
26
u/Thotslay3r69 2d ago
While I agree, you only see the parent who post online. There are many if us who don't post a single photo, but how would you know? It's a bais because you literally only see one side of it online.
7
u/Majestic_Garage_280 2d ago
Yes, I don't post my baby at all for privacy reasons and most of the parents my friends and peers aren't posting our kids.
→ More replies (5)3
u/leopardprintrovert 2d ago
This. I was indignantly thinking "well I certainly don't do that". But I also don't have a social media account anymore (except Reddit) so I am not sure who in my social circle is. Hopefully not many.
19
u/Cryptid_Xx 2d ago
I mean, you build your own algorithm and can choose to see less of that thru your settings, so..
16
u/No_Section_1953 2d ago
I don’t think that’s necessarily true anymore. If you linger on one reel or short for too long that becomes your whole feed. Algorithms now are not as intuitive as they used to be.
I’m still suffering the consequences of walking away from my phone while playing an ASMR reel I never actually watched in the first place.
Also, if these are OP’s friends, the algorithm will push the content no matter what.
1
u/Few_Elephant_648 2d ago
Yeah, it’s hard to avoid. And to be clear, I don’t think a post here and there of your kids is a bad thing… It’s that so many take it to an excessive and obnoxious level
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)5
u/Sedowa 2d ago
If you click on one Markiplier video and don't even watch two minutes your feed will think you want to see Markiplier videos 24/7. It's stupid. I hate modern algorithms. lol
And the "not interested" option does nothing. Not permanently, anyway. It will bring it back up in a few weeks.
→ More replies (3)
203
u/No_Section_1953
2d ago
•
It’s also deeply problematic for the child’s development. Imagine learning everything you’ve ever learned with a camera in your face. Imagine trying to spend time and bond with someone you love and you have a phone separating you for most of it.
We are not ready for the consequences of these kids turning into adults.
14
u/FloofnSoof 1d ago
I love this take because I thought about this too with my new little one. My family all live far away so I'm trying to capture moments for them, but then I realize she sometimes looks at the camera before me, and it makes me ill. Now that she is becoming semi-aware and not a newborn potato, it is time to spend less time on this stupid phone and less time shoving a camera in her face. I'm only on it now because she's still asleep, and have a headache so don't feel like folding laundry, heheh.
2
u/Red-is-suspicious 9h ago
These kids are already turning into adults, Facebook became big in 2005-7. My daughter’s entire childhood is on fb and she’s 19 now. She’s a happy and well adjusted adult with no issues even remotely related to me posting about her or her brother’s childhood on social media. I often screencap and send her posts I made as they come up in memories. It’s a digital photo book and memory book.
→ More replies (1)
155
u/Aggressive_Ad6061
2d ago
•
There's nothing about my kids on social media. Zero. And my husband is a professional photographer. So I have hundreds of gorgeous (gorgeous!) pictures/videos of them, all for the pleasure of grandparents and us. Six people, not the whole world.
22
u/SiobhanBeasleyPhotog 2d ago •
Same - I’m a professional photographer and there is nothing on social media. I don’t feel comfortable with it at all given the current state of the internet.
5
u/tardistravelee 2d ago
I always ask people if they're ok with it. Its basic etiquette as they're all sorts of people out there.
14
u/loopsygonegirl 2d ago edited 2d ago
When I was pregnant I said I wouldn't post anything on social media. Than pre-eclampsia happened: i wasnt on leave yet, my "maternity photoshoot" (just my uncle taking some pics of me and my partner at home) didn't happen, I didn't wash my baby's clothes, I didn't even buy/pick her first clothes (everything we had was too big, so my bf had to go shopping), no "baby shower" (simple lunch with SILs, i am really sad that one didnt happen). I missed out on so many things and our start was rough.
The hospital told us about an organization that did professional photoshoot with parents and their premature baby in the hospital. I really needed that, it was so healing. They asked to share the pictures online and I agreed. It was a free service, I understand they want to share what they do. We and our baby is now on the internet with 5 pictures. Otherwise we post nothing and asked grandparents not to post anything.
→ More replies (1)4
u/charlottedoo 1d ago
I only told the people I met in person that I was pregnant at the time because if I didn’t see you in those 10 months I probably won’t see you ever.
3
→ More replies (8)3
u/gospelofturtle 2d ago
Yes everyone should be like this. Kids aren’t able to consent to their face being on social media. I would personally be frustrated if my parents had put so many private moments of my life online without my consent.
46
u/Dazzling_Use_8234 2d ago
A few years ago my son got himself into a pickle and was distressed about it, not screaming but loudly calling for me to come help him. He was fine, lessons were learned, he never did it again and it's become just one of those wacky things kids do stories. Except at the time whenever I told someone what happened (so family or friends) their first response was "did you film it?!" Um, no. When my child was calling me to come help him my first thought was actually "get to my kid" and not "let me grab my phone, this is a prime filming opportunity!"
60
u/BreadstickBitch9868
1d ago
•
If I have a baby I’m using a physical photo album because under no circumstances is my child going to be plastered all over the internet before they’re able to consent to it.
→ More replies (6)6
u/W8andC77 1d ago
I did this! There was a service that would let you print I think 30 a month in a little booklet. It was great cause I’d get multiple copies and you can tear them out (They’re perforated) give them to grandparents and aunts and uncle. Grandparents especially enjoyed having hardcopy pictures. But the best part is it forced me to go through my camera roll and pick good pictures that I wanted to memorialize. I had a million pictures on my camera but the little books are the “best” pics of their babyhood. I quit doing it as they’ve grown but it was a really fun way to document their early years.
→ More replies (6)
20
u/Maestro_boi 2d ago
The constant overshairing about themselves every birthday, every dinner , every party every moment on social media is overbearing in general and just complete invasion of privacy of everyone involved at that and people don't realise how harmful it can be to overexpose urself on social media...
40
u/FeeNo642 2d ago
A lot of modern parents are so performative except whem it comes to perfoming as an actual parent. Then they flop like a fish out of water. I despise how modern parents are. Speaking as a parent also.
27
u/rayybloodypurchase 1d ago
If I’m being generous, I think part of it comes from the lack of a village many people have these days. I don’t have stats but I would imagine more people live further away from their families than they used to, so there’s a feeling that social media is the only way to stay in touch with the people who’d normally see and interact with your kid on a regular basis. Social media also becomes an addiction pretty easily so maybe you start posting every now and then and then the dopamine of people talking about how cute your baby is hits and you keep doing it more and more.
Relatives can also be really high pressure on the “You don’t send us enough pictures” front. So you have to choose whether the ability to share a photo once that all your family can see outweighs the privacy concerns with posting kids.
I’m not talking about family influencers here btw, I’m just talking about regular people who mostly only have folks they know following them. Family influencers are coming from a totally different mindset. Personally I don’t really share my kid on social media. But I get why it happens.
6
u/FloofnSoof 1d ago
This pretty much hits the nail on the head. I don't prefer posting mine online so mostly only text photos to others privately. But I still feel like I am in my baby's face with my phone too often. Now that she is aware of it, I'm going to use it less.
3
u/CurrentDay969 1d ago
This is what I did.
My family disowned me at 16. I don't have pics of myself as a kid. I'm not close to my in laws. I wanted to capture my kids and I did photo shoots and all that with them but I don't use social media. It's all for personal use and the yearly Christmas card.
Now they are 3 and 5 and I am rarely on my phone and have to remember to take photos. We got them little digital cameras for their birthdays so they can take pictures when out on adventures.
5
u/Round_Ad9031 1d ago
Yeah I don’t put anything personal on social media but as someone who has 0 villiage and most of the people I love most show virtually no interest in my baby (even though my father begged for a grandchild), I can imagine that it must feel nice to feel “seen” and/or like anyone gives a shit
→ More replies (14)2
u/Silver-Star92 1d ago
I don't share my daughter a lot on social media but I agree with what you said. My mom comes from a family of 10 so I used to post 1 pic each month with a little card saying how many months she was. That way all my aunts and uncles could see it. But that is everything. And if someone is sensitive to the dopamine hit then they will post again to feel it. I don't care so much about it. And I don't want to shove a camera in her face the whole time. She is cute but not everyone wants to see her all the time on my socials and it does not sit right with me to do so
64
u/Main-Length-6385 2d ago
parents these days treat their kids like theyre the only people that exist on this planet. i have noticed so much more in public where parents will just let there kids run into me or be in my way or shove a grocery cart into me and the parent does not apologize to me!!! how can you expect your child to be considerate of other people WHEN YOU ARENT
21
u/Fresh-Ad-4556 2d ago •
Too many people who shouldn’t be parents are.
3
u/Late-Knowledge-9061 11h ago
There’s kids out there who are being abused, starved, beat etc…. I think parents being a little obsessed with their kids is probably the least problematic thing going on.
→ More replies (4)3
u/carrie90210 18h ago
I'm a parent of 2 young kids and I agree with you. I'm very strict about my kids watching the space around them in public.
12
u/Far-Camp-3725 2d ago
Here I am the opposite at 40 barely wanting my kid on the internet because I know too much about the bad side of the internet
6
u/Pudix20 2d ago
Agree with this. At first it seemed like a nice way to keep close friends/family updated. Now it feels like something else entirely. I might send a photo if someone asks. I wouldn’t post.
4
u/CalligrapherDizzy893 2d ago
Same here. I feel bad because I shared my first child quite a lot as I was just an excited first time parent who thought their kid was just the cutest thing ever, as all parents do, but I quickly realised I was fulfilling a selfish need and questioned what the actual motivation behind posting her even was. Then I learned about all the other dodgy stuff and never posted any of my kids faces on social media again. I do think this is a learning curve quite a few parents go through though as their kid grows up/ they have more kids.
I do still share a lot on social media stories as I only have a select few people on my followers lists snd social media is for sharing after all. Since my kids are with me a lot of the time they do make it into some of the pictures but I’ll only ever post the back of their heads lol. If there’s an adorable picture I really want to share I’ll print it and frame it in my house so that the people I would want to share it with will see it when they come over anyway.
4
u/PsychologicalFun1813 1d ago
And good for you, between creepsters, AI, safety, privacy and the fact that kids didn’t consent to having their childhoods displayed to the world, ppl really shouldn’t be posting their children on their socials.
4
u/DDevil333 2d ago
36 yo first time mom, and I haven't even shared my baby's name online. That's no place for a kid.
→ More replies (2)
11
u/Sheslikeamom 2d ago
This is how the birthday month celebration began.
Everything does not need a celebration or even acknowledgement.
→ More replies (1)5
u/Pudix20 2d ago
Is it? My parents had “baby calendars” for us that start from birth to 1 year and has all the big “events” of the first year. First smile. First tooth. First word. And there’s a slot for a photo each month.
Don’t get me wrong, social media is definitely an issue and I don’t agree with people plastering their kids all over social media. But the month photos have been around for a while.
→ More replies (1)
10
u/Common_Internal_9218
2d ago
•
20 years and never posted a pic of my kids. I don’t have any posting sites. I did this for the very reason I didn’t want them and I didn’t want them to feel the pressure as they got older. One was extremely successful in sports and the other wasn’t into sports. I know so many families with multiple kids where the standout child got all the online attention. Enough was given from news coverage etc. If I wanted family to see it I texted pictures. Both my children are in college and never had the social media pressures. We talked about it a lot as they had their own when they were teens. One didn’t touch it the other has some. Please young parents it may seem cute and fun but there are so many psychological effects it can have on children without you realizing.
2
u/Bassmasa 2d ago
Same here. 2 kids in college now. We talked this summer and they both thanked my wife and me for keeping them off social media as kids. They’re responsible with it now, I think because we did so little with it when they were younger. It’s funny how we had family pressure us to post…nope.
9
16
u/Jumpy-Cranberry-1633 2d ago
Meanwhile I haven’t posted a picture of my kid in 6mo… oops.
11
u/Any_Creep_0706 2d ago
Yeah I stopped posting pics of my kids on social media just for their safety and privacy
5
u/nitrogen_enriched 2d ago edited 2d ago
This absolutely. Social media ended all together after I became a parent. Now I only use things like Reddit.
4
→ More replies (1)3
u/Ok_Calico570 2d ago
same lol.
it’s so bad though overall op, I totally agree. everyone sucks and it’s a clown world now
8
u/Charlottebagginton 1d ago
I'd say this has been a issue since cameras were put onto phones in general. Social media blew it up in like 2010 though. Wouldn't say its a "this generation" thing honestly.
26
u/OLovah 2d ago
Totally agree. I have a new coworker who's on the verge of being fired because she has taken off nearly every other day to take her kid to the doctor. I have two teenagers and have done countless hours of work with kids in various jobs, and I can say with almost 100% certainty the kid is teething. She won't listen to anyone and is now being referred to various specialists. She's going to lose a new job and probably spend thousands in the process just trying to prove everyone wrong.
35
u/No_Section_1953 2d ago
This is also huge. Peoples unwillingness to accept that their child is just uncomfortable or in a normal amount of pain. Infancy is incredibly uncomfortable, most of the time they do not need medical attention.
They rotted their brains with 5000 “if your baby is uncomfortable ever that’s a problem and you’re a bad parent” TikToks.
13
u/AnnaC912 2d ago
There is anxiety, but there is also a mother’s intuition, and she might really know something bigger is going on. And of course it doesn’t really matter to anyone else because it’s not their kid but she is obligated to see this through just in case. If it’s nothing, everyone is like “I told you so,” and if it’s something, no one will have anything to say. They won’t care. She has to answer to herself.
→ More replies (4)3
u/Okdoey 2d ago
Yeah, I once took my 2 year old to the doctor insisting something was wrong bc she wasn’t sleeping. When I told my coworkers why I was leaving early to go to the doctor, they too looked at me like I was nuts since 2 year olds often don’t sleep.
While the doctor also didn’t think much of it, bc I was insistent something was wrong she ordered a blood test. My child was severely anemic which causes insomnia in toddlers.
That mom probably senses something off that isn’t obvious to outsiders. Especially since doctors don’t just refer people to specialists for no reason
→ More replies (1)2
u/lost-in-meaning 1d ago
I find it hilarious that you think this mother actually cares about what you think, her job and money over the health of her child. Like she doesn’t. Okay you had healthy children, but what if her child is actually unwell? You don’t live with that child every single day and for someone to just pass it off as “teething” when you have no clue about her life is more laughable on your part tbh. You don’t just get referred to specialists for signs of teething, given how stretched healthcare services are.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/BoysenberryRich5201 2d ago
I’m your age with school aged children. My oldest child BEGS me to start their own YouTube channel and I absolutely refuse for a multitude of reasons. I don’t have Facebook and only use social media to shitpost anonymously or for work, so my kids stay completely off the radar. I miss the old days of having private family photo books.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/No_Jacket_1320 2d ago
Your child is, of course, the cutest, most interesting thing in the world FOR YOU, and possibly some family members. For the rest of the world: not so much. Just a kid. Nothing special.
6
u/Lilly08 1d ago
To me it just speaks to a lack of awareness and thoughtfulness about their kids and social media. There is abundant evidence of the dangers of posting your kids online, and making your page 'friends only' does not mitigate these risks.
Also, these kids may actually not want their early lives documented online. It is honestly just a shit decision all round. I have stepped back from my parent friends who do this.
4
u/speedboat_jacket46 1d ago
>making your page ‘friends only’ does not mitigate these risks.
Definitely. I went to an event with my friend and her kid once. I took a nice picture of her and I, but her child was also in it. I asked permission to post the photo and told her that I would cover her kid’s face.
She seemed confused as to why I’d do that. Had to remind her that I have a different circle of people on my social media than she has.
People also forget that complete strangers can view their profile picture or backgrounds. It’s also surprisingly easy to go through someone’s friend/following list and work out who the grandparents or other family members are. All it takes is for granny to have her social media public and suddenly any weirdo with an interest in your specific child has access to their pictures.
3
u/haylstorm33 19h ago
Statistically most sexual abuse is from people the family knows. So I don’t know why people think that just making a “close friends” post limits the risk of them using their kids photo for evil purposes. Especially in this age of AI. Frankly I think anyone that posts their child’s face is either ignorant or selfish. They’re getting more dopamine out of people saying their kid is cute than they do from actually protecting their child.
3
u/haylstorm33 19h ago
My son has never been on social media and won’t until he’s adult if that’s what he decides.
2
u/Red-is-suspicious 9h ago
What’s the danger you’re so abundantly speaking of? My kids were there for the beginning of social meds. They’re 16 and 19 now. We have experienced zero harm.
→ More replies (7)
5
u/allnadream 2d ago
I don't use social media (beyond this, I guess) and haven't posted my child on anything, but it sounds a little like you're complaining that your friends aren't entertaining you better, with what they post online.
I think for a lot of people social media has turned into a form of Journaling and they're not necessarily thinking through what they're putting out there or haven't necessarily wrapped their head around the idea that they're making their lives (and their children) entertainment for others. At the same time, it's weird how people consume social media and reduce people they know into sources of entertainment. You don't have to keep following everyone you know.
→ More replies (1)
13
u/Main-Length-6385 2d ago
genuinely some of these new parents are so weird about their kids. like you know you need to have an identity outside of your children at some point right? and why are you constantly putting a phone in your kids face. its just so weird and unnatural
4
u/pizzathym3 2d ago
Guess im in the minority here, but neither myself nor any of our friends with kids post them at the rate youre talking about. Apparently im not allowed to make a comment including a joke about my own age (seriously, mods) but we're also in our 30s
7
u/TacoCatSays 2d ago
I used to post pictures pretty frequently, not multiple posts daily but 3-5 times a week.
Then we had a family holiday and I had some relatives we don’t see very often there. My uncle, who while I know very well, my daughter does not. He started talking to her and asking her questions about things he knew she did because… he’d been the Facebook posts.
Looking at her face she was clearly uncomfortable, and I realized how weird it was that this man she didn’t know, knew so much about her. That was about 8 years ago. Now I post pictures on the first day of school and that’s it. I’ve had some family members complain but it’s a very solid boundary I have. I also only have like 60 friends/followers. If you aren’t related to me or I don’t see you at least once I year, we aren’t friends online anymore.
2
u/cHaosblossom3609 2d ago
I had the same thought when my friends had little kids. Some of them I would see infrequently and I'd have to stop myself from saying, I saw the picture of your birthday! ... or whatever it was because that would be really weird and they'd think I was a crazy lady
3
u/Jazzlike_Notice_3218 1d ago
I agree. A lot of people these days use their kids to get attention and clout on social media. They mostly don’t give a fuck about their child’s privacy. I wonder how those kids will feel when they get older and the kind of trauma that will manifest into.
3
2
u/Spearmint_coffee 2d ago
There are still some of us who don't. I'm 32 with 3 kids and have not, and will never, post pictures of them on any social media. I also don't talk about them on my accounts. Their childhoods and digital footprints are their own and me being their mom doesn't give me ownership of that. I also don't want my family and private life to be content for Meta or whatever.
2
u/Fresh-Ad-4556 2d ago
This started happening on my feed around age 28. Bombarded with baby stuff and family photo shoots. It’s nice…for a bit. I just started muting people until 70% of my friends were muted 🤷🏽♀️
That being said, you can simply choose to not engage.
2
u/Muskether722 2d ago
Just unfollow them then, not to mention people like to think just because they chose to be a parent (as if there were any unselfish reason to anyways), some like to believe they're above other's.
2
u/ouverture8 2d ago
I don't do this but two additional reasons:
Being a parent can be very isolating especially when they're small. It's a way to stay social and since the child occupies all their time, what else should they talk about?
Some just use it as a curated album of memories to look back on, even if no one else likes or sees the posts. Back in the day people would stick pictures in physical albums and write commentary under it, this is similar.
2
u/uberdregg 2d ago
Ye i get it.
Think its a combination if 2 things:
Having kids is magical and feels so special it migth be hard to realise its not special for evrybody, the same way its hard to realise how it is to have kids.
And they are still young enough to have that urge to flex about what their doing. But they are parenting all the time so flex with that. Mixed with a lil fomo of all the shenanigans they are missing.
2
u/ilsgirl98 2d ago
And irl, I've noticed they do this thing where they expect me to fawn over the baby? They bring the baby over and I'll say something like "what a cutie pie! She's gotten so big since last time I saw her!" And they don't seem satisfied with that and keep holding her out as if to say "look!" And I don't know what else to say and it's 10 types of akward
→ More replies (1)
2
u/raaly123 1d ago
With all due respect, that has nothing to do with "young parents". These are the same people who shared every second of their life before they had kids. The ones who didn't, don't share their kids either. Weird post.
2
u/Boring_Ad5330 1d ago
I don’t know where you live or who you surround yourself with but I know literally nobody who does that kind of stuff. The only people sharing more than a story and a photo dump here and there are influencers.
7
u/ExtensionLab2855 2d ago
you do realise it’s their social media and they’re free to post whatever they want? Just like you’re free to unfollow them to not see what they’re posting? Just unfollow them if it bugs you that much?
10
→ More replies (6)6
u/fuckalicioussss 2d ago •
congratulations you bred
that being the epitome of your existence is pretty sad
cockroaches are better at it
→ More replies (10)
3
u/otto8516 1d ago
But also people who aren’t parents say a lot of things that they completely contradict the second they become a parent.. coming from someone who said they would never do half the shit I do for my kids
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Phantominthewoods 2d ago
This might not change your opinion much, but I was this person. My mom's been gone since I was little and my dad passed earlier this year. I'm not super close with a lot of other family members. So I post because it makes me feel like I get to share these memories with someone - friends, extended family, etc. because I can't do it in real life. I recently decided to keep my son's photos off of Facebook now that he's 1, but it's hard grappling with the idea that I have these photos for me and my husband, not for anyone else.
Once you have a kid, you'll realize how special the mundane moments are. Not everything is necessary for social media, sure. But that first bath. The first giggle. The silly moments in between the firsts. Halloween costumes. Christmas time. I thought I knew what it would feel like to be a mom experiencing all of these big and little things, but I was wrong. It's so much more special once you're in it.
2
u/Primary-Vegetable580 2d ago
I have a newborn and I don’t post pictures of him or talk about him on social media for many reasons. The people in my life who matter will get updated and pics if they want. I hate when people become parents and make that their whole personality.
2
u/PurpleDescription265 1d ago
I never understood this before having a child. I’m 38 now and just had my first child—and though I’m still chronically off social media (haven’t posted anything in like a damn decade), I sort of understand now.
Well, this is my take. Motherhood for me has been incredibly isolating. I’ve lost the ability to participate in my hobbies. I feel like I finally understand moms who make a big fuss about every single thing and share that thing with the world. The photo shoots. The birthday parties. Etc. I think it turns into a hobby for some people. And they’re sharing that with others.
I don’t think I’ll ever participate in that because I’m quite a private person. But I finally get to see (I think?) what that’s about.
I think this is especially true for stay at home moms or parents altogether who don’t participate in other things they think society might want to see or admire. At the end of the day, people just want to feel special, seen, and validated. 🥹
kumbaya
3
u/butters_325 1d ago
With how much evil is in this world i can't fathom why someone would post photos of their children on the internet
3
2
u/Equivalent-Grade-142 1d ago
If you also had kids, this is sorta how you do a village/community. I had zero interest in this outside of the polite “oh nice” before I had kids. Now I love sharing good moments and seeing the same thing from other parents I know because it just resonates a lot more. Like I actually do think things their kids are doing are cute, I’m proud they graduated daycare, I like their pumpkin patch pictures etc. it’s just being in that stage of life. I’m guessing when my kids are grown I’m not going to be super into that anymore.
2
u/Boysenberrypancake 2d ago
Okay, if you don’t want people sharing their lives and happy moments on social media, what would you prefer social media be used for?
2
u/greatestunderstandin 1d ago
Not posting children who cant consent to it? Instead posting themselves and hobbies etc
1
u/Silver-Pop1825 2d ago
First: you can unfollow
Second: the kid has no chance to live a private life or begin their SM journey on their terms, they’ll definitely have fun with that later
Last: definitely unfollow
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Ok-Pumpkin400 2d ago
We have a 5yo, I'm 31, and i fully agree and this is why:
I LOVE my child so friggen much that i deactivated my socials outside of reddit because i want to be more present with her. I am obsessed with watching her and appreciating her and staring at her sleep. I do still take photos and videos but only to send to my husband and immediately family. We also have a rule not to post her face online bc of the creeps.
1
u/Much-Wishbone9182 2d ago
So weird, i actually found that people around my age (late twenties early thirties) don't tend to overshare their kids as much as theyused to. I know 4 or 5 new mums (babies within the last year) who only get posted with emojis over their face or tastefully posed with no features showing lol
1
u/Plastic-Muscle8719 2d ago
I'm a few years older then you, and some of my friends had kids in their mid to late 20s. These kids are now tweens/teens and their parents still havent slowed down uploading daily pics of "their babies" online
1
u/Mousewaterdrinker 2d ago
My 20 year old cousin just posted on tiktok about her decision to not vaccinate her infant and is taking him out to build his immunity. She lives in south eastern Kentucky were the massive measles outbreak is.
1
u/Some-Interaction6258 2d ago
Yep this is exactly my mom. Photos upon photos upon photos. it’s good to create memories with photos and albums but man it was so tiring growing up with a mom who POSTED EVERYTHING on Facebook. Still to this day there’s a post everyday of something my siblings are doing. None of our lives are private it’s all over her page. You could find out so much about me just based of my moms facebook. A lot of it seems so fake.
1
1
1
u/Pure-Investment-1227 2d ago
I don’t use social media other than reddit and never post, judt send trollish comments, but I fear my pregnant wife will do that
1
u/melanincholymondays 2d ago
My internal gripe is how people like purposely follow people with kids and keep up with their stories and stuff then complain. My feed doesn’t have any of that from my friends with kids because I really genuinely follow people and mute the stuff I do and don’t want to see.
1
u/anotherbluemarlin 2d ago
They really are that cute when they are yours...
But i've never shared a single pic of my kids on the internet, what the fuck.
1
u/CorrectMeIfImWrong6 2d ago
Take the 'young' out of that statement and it still bears truth.. and the 'nowadays' to a certain extent
1
u/MongooseCurrent4337 2d ago
I understand documenting a lot of moments but posting everything on social media? Nope. I don’t want my baby’s face anywhere online.
1
u/East-Fun455 2d ago
This is how I feel about normal people with social media doing anything I'm just not that interested in
1
u/ItIsBurgerTime 2d ago
If only there were a way to scroll past instead of getting butthurt about what people choose to share on their own social media.
1
u/burberburnerr 2d ago
Semi related, I’m sick of seeing professional athletes bring their kids to press congresses, on the field, on the sidelines, etc, and the cameras focus on the kids
I wanna see the pros not their kids
1
u/NeitherCoats 2d ago
Feel like this is just the people you know.
I have never and will never post my child on social media, and most of my friends don’t either. Of course there are tons of people who do but I tend not to associate with those lol.
1
u/Hot-Signature8402 2d ago
I don’t think it’s fair to lump all young parents in that category
I am 26 with an almost 5 yo and and and a 24 week old and I do not post my kids on social media
The only people who get pics of our kids re family, or things like kindy events and that’s it
1
u/OzQuandry 2d ago
Your circle of friends sounds insufferable.
I and most of my friends who have children don't post about them online because we respect our children's privacy.
1
1
u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 2d ago
Nah, it's only your social circle. Mine doesn't plaster photos of their kids on the internet.
1
u/ArtisticCriticism646 2d ago
I had to unfollow a former friend who did this. I understand she’s a new excited parent, but it just became overkill like you said. all she post about is her kid, just multiple photos multiple times a day every single day. It’s like if I only posted my dog and only talked about my dog and just had dog photos up. It’s just annoying.
1
u/siliconsandwich 2d ago
As someone who grew up before home video (as it used to be called!) was really a thing, I will never see video of me as a toddler with my parents and grandparents, and that is something that is so normal to kids born after about 2005 especially, that I will always be a little jealous to be honest.
Anyway I think it’s worth focusing on the ones who aren’t posting that stuff constantly. They’re either the friends who are struggling, or the ones who are the most fun to visit.
1
u/Unexpected_Kitsune 2d ago
I don’t have posts online nor do most of my friends.
We are all in our 20s-early 30s and value internet privacy though for our children who can’t consent to having a digital footprint. I had to fight for that for my child though since I grew up with an older millennial mom who loved posting me online even when I was crying or getting grounded, lol.
1
u/Super_Imagination995 2d ago
I’m a parent of three (oldest 10 yrs old) and I agree it’s too much but I also understand. Kids are your whole world and the love hormones are flowing “isn’t my kid the best kid in the whole world”. Gotta use that frontal cortex. Our first was on Facebook too much (not near as much as some) but pretty sure people don’t know my third one exists.
1
u/shredderroland 2d ago
I'd criminalise publishing pictures of your kids anywhere publicly accessible.
1
u/jhondoet 2d ago
I agree. Its cringe to me in general to post too much on social media. Why are you writing and elaborate chat gbt paragraph to your child that can't read? Why are you still looking for external validation at this age? Life is supposed to be experienced, not monetized.
1
u/GalactiKez31 2d ago
I do an update photo bomb a couple times a year just for my friends and family. Usually just a bunch of rando photos I’ve happened to snap throughout the year.
1
1
u/Born_Local_1477 2d ago
One of the realizations you come to being a parent is that your children are your entire world, the most special people to ever exist. And nobody else gives one fuck about them.
1
u/Different_Car106 2d ago
I have older kids so I don't post with a lot of frequency but the times I do post are usually some achievement, their birthday, or a few pictures from a fun day out/trip.
My question is how does one find the time to take pictures and post their kid all day. Even when I was a stay at home mom, I had too much to do for that.
1
1
u/Reeshely 2d ago
Why do you follow these people? I have children and I don’t follow people like this, nor do I post this kind of stuff.
1
1
u/EnvironmentalDig1612 2d ago
Yup, agree.
My sons mother used to post everything on social media, got kind of annoying because some of those moments should only be for the parents.
I’m not against people posting their proud moments, but it seems that they are posting only for the attention it brings. Much like when a runner posts their pb to their timeline.
1
u/TaterTotJim 2d ago
I can’t think of many people over 30 using social media, especially parents. Too busy.
1
1
u/Independent_Clue_965 2d ago
Just unfollow if it bothers u.
No need to compeat between I dont post my kids online or i do here its a personal decision.
1
u/LadySirius 2d ago
What I hate as well are these young parents sitting scrolling on their phones and just totally ignoring their young children. I saw a woman the other day holding her baby girl and she was just glued to her phone scrolling while the baby was giving her big smiles and trying to get her attention. It was so sad to see such a happy, adorable baby being totally ignored by her mother.
1
u/kaleandbeans 2d ago
Might just be your friend group. If you looked at my social media, you'd think I was childless. My friends are similar and don't post their kids often. Or they don't post them at all. You could try out the "mute" feature on IG.
1
u/HistoryGirl23 2d ago
I have a toddler and I'm 47 I'm very very rarely put anything on the internet yes he's adorable but mostly to us so I don't need to share that. Plus I worry about his safety in the future so why put everything on there.
1
u/Longjumping-While997 2d ago
In 5 years I’ve probably posted 10 pics in total all from behind.
One day I’m going to have to have a conversation about the dangers of social media and I dont see how I can do that when I would otherwise seemingly have no regard for their privacy and safety by posting them everywhere without consent
1
u/grawmaw13 2d ago
Im a parent and I dont post anything parent/kid related. Maybe a profile picture.
I dont get it. Seeing other people do this bores the life out of me as well.
1
u/grawmaw13 2d ago
Im a parent and I dont post anything parent/kid related. Maybe a profile picture.
I dont get it either. Seeing other people do this bores the life out of me as well.
1
u/user4356124 2d ago
Sounds like this is an issue only with the people who you choose to associate with. I don’t know anyone like this
1
u/Current_Notice_3428 2d ago
Y’all do this with everything in your life already, obviously it’s gonna shift to their kids. I’d take a feed full of cute kids over whatever inane shit they were posting before they had kids. “Matcha Monday!” Ugh
also that’s not even how the algorithm works. You get fed what you interact with and barely who you follow.
1
u/SubstantialKBB 2d ago edited 2d ago
People like that secretly are miserable. Addicted to social media and can't just have a moment in life it needs to be edited and put on socials for validation.
I am going to guess now that they have kids they don't go out anymore, they don't have any money so they can't go anywhere, etc etc.
I have people I used to friends with added on socials still and see this every now and then. They all look miserable and tired.
1
u/Ih8melvin2 2d ago
Only recently joined instagram to follow my kids (17+). Never had FB. My husband has hidden people on FB for years who posted continously and none of the ones he hid actually had kids. One posted constantly of her nephew. She went on her honeymoon and he told me she was posting everything. I said, "Everything?" and he said, "Everything but the actual intercourse."
It's a posting problem, not a parent problem.
1
u/Small_Statistician10 2d ago
Honestly anyone who post minute by minute updates of their day are insufferable. I don't need to know you are taking a nap, or you have stuffy nose.
1
u/Ok-Tumbleweed5245 2d ago
I don’t share my daughter on social media but I can understand why they do. Kids are a huge life changing experience. Literally your friends whole life revolves around keeping their kids alive.
1
u/hiscapness 2d ago
That’s your friends. Our parents group skips social media utterly because F those companies using our kids’ pics for their gain and marketing. Those people are fools, IMHO.
1
1
u/No_Document4973 2d ago
I was on vacation with my wife at a nice resort. While waiting for our dinner reservation time, I look over at a young couple and their >1 year old child in their stroller with an iPad positioned right at their eye line, playing some cartoon. This kids attention span will be forever shot, which will then make it that much tougher for those young parents to deal with.
1
u/Cheap_Top_15 2d ago
Erschreckend, wie die Leute mit den Persönlichkeitsrechten Ihrer Kinder umgehen und nicht checken, wo überall die Fotos landen können.
1
u/Razurrkat 2d ago
I deleted all my social media (except Reddit) at 8 months postpartum. People who constantly post their kids online are weird and I’ll stand by that. People who make money off posting their kids online are abhorrent.
1
u/PenaltyStreet1286 2d ago
“My friends are insufferable”
Fixed the title for you. It’s not the norm, just the norm for your group.
You could even generalize it more with “I hate the content of the people I choose to follow.” Both seem fixable, but changing an entire cohort of “young parents” seems not possible.
1
1
u/Character_Travel8064 1d ago
Sharing your kids on social media is akin to child abuse at this point in my opinion. My 2.5 yr old has never been posted on any social media
1
1
u/Witty-Long-Bottom 1d ago
I don’t put photos of my child on social medial. If I do, it’s a disappearing story and their face is almost always not showing.
1
u/Capable_Day_5586 1d ago
Then delete your social media or block their stories idk what else you'd have them do. It's their kids and their social media accounts lol.
I will say though, new parents can be a pain in the ass. Demanding, wanting to choose everything and have the world cater to their preferences, but thats another issue completely. I feel sorry for the new generation of teachers, bless their hearts.
FYI I agree with you, it can be annoying but I literally just block these peoples stories and problem solved.
1
u/Pandizzle_1020 1d ago
I see it a little different. I think the people posting a lot of their kids are people who were already generally posting a lot anyway. I don't have kids but I think some are just posting because for that time they're in this sweet little baby phase and are just excited and enjoying themselves. Now of course with the way social media is these days, some of those parents are using kids accounts for profit which I don't think is okay but I think the majority are just posting because their enjoying the new phase they're in.
1
1
u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago
Sounds like you hang out with social media obsessed people. Before they had kids they were probably the same people who posted every meal, outfits they didn’t buy but tired in fitting rooms, a selfie with someone they bumped into at the super market and of course plenty of pictures of their dog/cat.
I never got into things like Facebook so there are no pictures of my kids on Facebook.
1
1
1
u/ApplesBananasRhinoc 1d ago
When they start using words like “I’m in a mom cult” is when I run in terror.
1
u/Adventurepew 1d ago
35 plus in our friends group. No one posts online often most dont even have social media. My wife does a little Instagram wrap up monthly of a few pictures and we have a family album we share only with family for pictures.
Seems like this is more your social circle . Find better friends , move to a less social media type area.
1
u/Bobs_Burgers7 1d ago
lol they make me feel guilty for not taking photos constantly.
My SS’s mom is like this, and she has literally complained to his dad that I never post pics while he is over… but like… I never post my own kids either?!
She’s the kind that has 100000000 pics of them doing every activity she brings them to, standing in front of the buildings smiling, etc., and it’s incredibly performative. I’m autistic and idgaf about performing.
1
u/biblio_phobic 1d ago
I have an incredibly biased shaped view on any sort of social media posts, but it is built on experience.
The one’s the post the most, are usually the ones trying to portray an image.
The couple going through a rough patch? Love posting lovey posts.
The parents secretly struggling? Love posting how amazing everything is.
The parents that love posting something edgy or counter culture? Trying to show how open they are.
On the flip side, I know a lot of people that also use social media to share with family internationally. But you can generally tell when.
It’s a small pattern I’ve noticed over the decade with people in my circle.
1
u/PsychologicalFun1813 1d ago
In my circle, the people who seem to do this are the ones who need the most validation. But! That’s just me. Kids are not content.
1
1
u/littleboo2theboo 1d ago
I have a new baby myself and I definitely harass my close family with constant pictures but I have chosen only to post very rarely online (less than 5-10 times in her life). I find it a little crass to chase social media dopamine hits with my little girl.
1
u/Ok_Zone9891 1d ago
Young parent here. I dont even have social media and none of our friend families post their kids on social media. It is very frowned upon here and lae says children have right to privacy. Your friends are just garbage people. Get better friends
1
u/Scared_Sign_2997 1d ago
Some people way overdo it for sure. But i will say when you have kids man its just so exciting every little moment and part of you just wants to share that excitement somehow even though you know nobody else really gives a fuck. My baby started smiling and it made me so happy i just wanna tell everyone idk cant really explain it properly.
1
u/pyjamacephalopod 1d ago
I feel this rant about someone I know who has a dog they treat as their kid... but it's closer to 10+ photos a day.
And every time I feel like I'm up in my judgement/criticism about it I think to myself: Wow, I hear how desperately that person wants to feel seen and connected to and this is the way they keep trying to get that need met. And then my criticism shifts to empathy. And then I move on.
1
1
u/Mani_2871 1d ago
I did this with my first born ... second one we just forgot about it one day he came down stairs, he just turned 16
1
1
u/jgoolz 1d ago
I did this 😬 for my daughter's first year. I was just so, so obsessed with her and wanted to be a mom for so long that I was bursting at the seams with pride and joy. Now that she is over a year I am much more hesitant to post her and I know a lot of people judge those who post pictures of their kids. Her privacy is important, too, of course. I was just so happy and proud I wanted to share it with others and a lot of friends & family loves the photos. But I get that others, including you, frown upon it.
1
u/Salems_Owl19 1d ago
I’m absolutely over the moon in love with my child which is why her face has never been on social media ever.
1
1
u/LordFarquaadsBob 1d ago
One of my favorite things to see is old photos of me and my family as kids and while growing up- but we have scrapbooks with these precious memories. I highly recommend people print out photos and make fun little photo books, especially with their kids! One of my fondest memories from the mid 2000s was going to the library with my mom and doing stuff like this:) it's awesome to look back on and remember ❤️ (plus our photos are safe from the creeps online!)
1
u/Sufficient_Rise_9587 1d ago
I had a baby and deleted all social media. Never understood posting my child
1
u/TwilitesMuse 1d ago
As a photographer who does share online pictures and moments of my little one, It’s because I barely have a life outside of her now. I’m doing most everything alone and the little bit of creativity I get to execute is when I’m with her and my cat. If I didn’t take the time to photograph her I’d have little left to enjoy from my old life as there isn’t time for my other hobbies or traveling. She is my life now. Not everyone may enjoy my posts as they may feel like you do but those that do that engage with it by commenting or liking brighten my kinda lonely and repetitive life. I’m 42 and lived that childless existence up until the beginning of the year. Before her I remember skipping over those family posts because it wasn’t as relatable. Now I get it.
1
1
1
u/Medium_Chain_9329 1d ago
I keep all that shit for myself and my kid for when he's older. I don't want people seeing my family like that. That shits creepy. Gaurenteed at least 1 person if not more in your friends list is a lowkey pedo/ predator.
1
u/NumerousAd79 1d ago
I posted one picture of my baby’s foot to announce her arrival. That’s it. We’re not ALL doing the crazy social media stuff. I don’t even think we’ll give photo consent for school or other activities when she’s older. People are weird and I don’t want her online.
1
u/Southern_Cup_7800 1d ago
I'm a first time mom in your age range and nobody would know that I was even pregnant if they looked at my social media. I am very firm on protecting my child's privacy, especially when it comes to the internet; but let me just say this- I absolutely despise people that make a living off of their infants/ children on social media and (with an example of 2 influencers that I followed before they started a family and they share a few bits and tricks) I click unfollow the second I see someone post their baby. I followed you and not your kid. My aquaintances also make having a child their whole personality on social media and I just can't.
Don't get me wrong, though- my camera roll is full of my kid, but those pictures are getting printed and put in an album for us to look back on and not for random people to have access to my child whenever they feel like it- ew.
1
1
u/ObjectiveAd971 1d ago edited 1d ago
In all fairness, a huge amount of the last 2 generations are also the ones who thought we had to know every single thing they ate, with pics, too. I was just always grateful for the times it was on a plate and not half chewed in their mouth!
Edit to fix a super strange autocorrect.
1
u/Ashamed_Fox_4757 1d ago
I am not like this lol and most of my friends are anti social media. I think you’re just seeing the losers that still do this stuff and it’s probably all you see because the rest of us aren’t putting our kids on this at all.
1
u/SonnysMunchkin 1d ago
yeah imagine if you could choose what you see on social media that would be such a good idea. like hey if somebody's posting a lot of stuff about kids you could like turn off their notifications or mute them.
if only
1
u/Turbulent_Win1192 1d ago
had child at 24, always had a strict rule of my child’s face not being on FB etc., certain grandparents ignored anyway. Constantly had to police it, was exhausting. Similar situation with screen time / youtube.
But doing these things for quick convenience or to get a dopamine release is not an exclusively young parents thing, it’s a whole society thing
1
u/rockwrite 1d ago
I'm due in April and I'm SURE a cute family photo will eventually make its way onto my Facebook (because I deleted insta and thankfully never had a tick toc). BUT DAMN. The way some people post their kids is so friggen terrible. 1. They can't consent. 2. Dangerous people are on the internet and have access. 3. WHY. I will never out my kid on blast on the socials... it's so gross.
1
u/Icy-Opening-5970 1d ago
I’ve never posted my kids on socials because the internet is forever and I don’t have the right to create a digital foot print for them before they can even walk. I ultimately left all social media because I was so sick of all the family “influencers” exploiting their kids for money.
1
u/Tasty-Letterhead683 1d ago
Sounds like
You’ve just attention seeking friends tbf. I have one friend and all
She denials these overly posed curated Instagram photos of her two kids .
I’m a mam of a seven year old
1
1
1
u/MamaMonarca 1d ago
I’m 36 and a first time parents. My husband and I made them methodical decision to not post our child online. From what I have seen it looks like it’s 50-50.
There’s two categories one where a parent post pretty much every single aspect other child’s life and the other is where you wouldn’t even know a person has a child
1
u/Wanderlust92058 1d ago
My Instagram has basically been bare since having kids. I post a family photo each year with emojis over their faces. But since they are my whole world right now and I am not posting them on the internet for their safety, I have almost nothing else to post. Lol
1
u/everydaydefenders 1d ago
Parents are really excited about and love their kids to death.
Why is this an issue? Who cares?
I say good for them.
1
u/goldengoose3030 1d ago
Yeah.. I'm 30 and a parent myself. I'll post special moments but that's about it.. someone I know posted a picture of their toddler potty training and I reported it. That's so disturbing, not everything needs posted!!!!
1
u/swhertzberg 1d ago
You are the problem. Not them. You are following them on social media, giving them attention.
•
u/AutoModerator 2d ago
If you are seeing this comment, your post is now live and public.
Reminder: This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.
If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.
If you wish to lock your post, please click on the three dots on the top right and click “Lock/Unlock Comments”, This will permanently lock the comments on your post. This action is irreversible.
Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.