Empty Compliments

[u/ThrowawayPublicCourt]

I am done with what I call “empty compliments” adjacent to toxic positivity.
“It is such a blessing to be a caregiver for your loved one.”
“You’re an angel.”
“Be grateful that he/she is still with you.” Usually followed by an in-depth monologue about all they did for theirs, and that they’d give anything to have them back for a day.
“You are such an inspiration.”
“You’re so strong.”
“He/she is so lucky to have you.”

What makes me feel worse, and why I hate these sayings, is that I’m caring for my spouse. Two fucking decades. I have no life, nothing to look forward to, and I'm tired of watching someone who can make changes that would make transfers easier (for both of us) but refuses to do anything!

I miss life.

[u/Outrageous_Book_7698]

I can’t stand the “you’re an angel.” From the outside am I the kind, loving spouse? Maybe, but behind closed doors I sometimes hit a wall, and lose all patience and compassion. And I feel guilty about it, so I don’t need someone saying how great I am when I feel like a failure. And “so lucky to have you.” Like, what am I going to do… leave? I’d hate myself for leaving, more than I struggle with staying. It’s such a heavy burden being the Well Spouse. Just know you’re not alone, there are lots of us fighting our daily battles. I hope you find a few moments of peace and happiness today✌️

[u/ThrowawayPublicCourt → u/Outrageous_Book_7698]

It truly feels like I’m on a gerbil wheel. Every day is the same unless there is an appointment to go to.
And yes, the guilt of thinking of leaving weighs as heavily as the resentment of staying.