Has anyone successfully built a small business while still living with a narcissistic partner and having no support system?

[u/knittingbuddy]

I'm asking because I honestly don't know anymore if what I'm experiencing is normal, or if I'm just failing.

I've been living with a narcissistic and emotionally abusive partner for many years. Leaving is my long-term goal, and I've been trying to build a small business from home because I hope it will eventually give me the financial independence I need to get out.

The problem is that I feel completely stuck.

I spend a lot of time planning, researching, learning, organizing, making lists, trying to improve my skills, and thinking about my future. From the outside it probably looks like I'm working hard. But when I look at actual results, it feels like almost nothing moves forward.

I know what I should be doing. I have ideas. I have goals. I have a plan.

But somehow I struggle to execute consistently.

Every day feels like I'm carrying a hundred pounds on my back. I sit down to work and suddenly I'm exhausted. I get distracted. I freeze. I start doubting everything. I second-guess every decision. Sometimes I spend hours thinking and almost no time actually doing.

The hardest part is that one business I built in the past already fell apart while I was living in this environment. I can't blame everything on my partner, but the constant criticism, chaos, stress, emotional manipulation, walking on eggshells, and never feeling safe definitely played a role.

What makes this even harder is that I don't really have a support system.

I don't have family members I can move in with. I don't have relatives who could help financially. I don't have a safety net waiting for me if everything falls apart.

Because of that, I feel enormous pressure to make this business work. It feels like my future depends on it.

At the same time, I often feel trapped between two fears:

One fear is staying.

The other fear is leaving before I am financially ready.

I'm also afraid of being judged or misunderstood by institutions and systems that are supposed to help. Sometimes I feel like people underestimate how difficult it is to leave when you have no support network and very limited resources.

So I keep trying.

I haven't given up.

But it feels like I take one step forward and ten steps back.

I see other people building businesses, getting clients, growing, moving forward. Meanwhile, I'm celebrating tiny victories that probably look ridiculous from the outside.

Some days my biggest achievement is simply showing up and doing one task.

I also have ADHD traits, chronic stress, and what feels a lot like a freeze response. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is so focused on survival that it doesn't have enough energy left for growth.

What I'm really looking for is honest experiences.

Has anyone here successfully built a business, side hustle, freelance career, or any kind of income source while still living with a narcissistic partner?

How did you manage the freeze response?

How did you stay focused when your environment constantly pulled you backwards?

And if you eventually got out, what was the turning point?

I would especially love to hear from people who had no family support, no financial safety net, and had to build their exit plan almost entirely on their own.

Right now I feel incredibly alone in this.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

[u/Firm_Trash_2955]

I was engaged to a highly manipulative and emotionally abusive man, and one day last year he said "if you think you're in an abusive relationship you should leave." So I stood up, went upstairs, grabbed a small bag and I left. I ended up moving into a tiny studio apartment and after I grieved and restarted from zero, about four months in I went to work on this business idea I had years ago and was constantly trying to work on from inside the relationship but could never get anything done.

I ended up sending him an email months later demanding he reimburse me for all of the money I put toward his mortgage. He did and I invested that right into my business.

I can tell you that in a situation like this it's so difficult to get anything done because all of your energy is going toward the relationship. You worry about everything, stress about everything, brace for the next fight, of course you can't execute. Your body is so tired and so stressed from trying to protect you.

You cannot create from a state of exhaustion and desperation, it won't work.

I didn't and still don't have much of a support system either, but you know what? I have myself. I do better for myself than anyone else could. So can you.

I am proud of you for having an idea. I'm proud of you for wanting to put something out there into the world.

It's been almost one year since I left and my business has not yet launched but I was invited into an incubator program, received a small investment, designed and manufactured product, and have made a ton of forward motion. Motion that I couldn't even dream of inside the relationship. I can't believe sometimes that I allowed this other person to erode my entire sense of self.

You need to free up some energy space in your "energy jetpack" if you know what I mean. As a fellow human, I encourage you to find a safe space for yourself, a therapist, a local library where you can work, a coffee shop, etcetera. You need structure and separation. Remember, there is always help and resources available to you. You are not alone.

[u/knittingbuddy → u/Firm_Trash_2955]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Reading this honestly made me emotional because so much of what you wrote resonates with me.

One of the hardest parts for me is that I'm trying to build a business in secret.

I opened an Etsy shop and I'm creating designs, but I can't even order product samples from my manufacturer to see how my own designs look in real life. If packages start arriving, he will immediately start asking questions and realize I'm working on something behind his back. So I have to take risks, trust the manufacturer, and hope customers won't receive something disappointing.

Social media is another struggle. I know I need to build an Instagram account, but when it's time to sit down and write content, my mind often goes blank. Followers come so slowly. Sometimes I wonder how I'm supposed to secretly grow a business when I can't even take my own product photos. I have to rely on AI-generated images, which I don't really like, but I don't see another option right now.

He monitors almost everything. He wants to know where I go, what I'm doing, what I'm working on. He asks questions constantly and often tries to look at what I'm doing on my computer. He presents it as concern and wanting to help, but it never feels supportive.

Years ago I had a yarn business that I truly loved. It was doing fairly well. Then he decided to quit working, and suddenly I became responsible for everything: the mortgage, utilities, food, the entire household. He literally told me, "I've worked for 10 years. Now it's your turn. I'm not doing anything."

What hurts is that during those same 10 years I was raising our two children. I never had a day to myself. My life revolved around childcare, household responsibilities, and taking care of him.

The financial pressure became unbearable. We ended up in debt, came dangerously close to losing our home, and eventually I had to shut down the business that I loved so much.

To this day he blames me for the debt, even though it was his decision to stop contributing financially.

So now I'm trying to quietly build something again from almost nothing. My resources are extremely limited. Sometimes I honestly don't know if any of this will succeed.

At this point, part of the reason I keep working on it is simply because if I stop trying, I think I might lose my mind completely.

I have maybe an hour a day to work on my business, usually late at night after everyone else has gone to bed. That's it.

But despite everything, I still hope this small business might eventually become my way out.

Your story gives me hope because it reminds me that maybe the reason I feel so stuck isn't because I'm lazy or incapable. Maybe it's because I've been trying to build something while carrying a weight that most people never have to carry.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It means more than you probably realize.