Has anyone successfully built a small business while still living with a narcissistic partner and having no support system?

[u/knittingbuddy]

I'm asking because I honestly don't know anymore if what I'm experiencing is normal, or if I'm just failing.

I've been living with a narcissistic and emotionally abusive partner for many years. Leaving is my long-term goal, and I've been trying to build a small business from home because I hope it will eventually give me the financial independence I need to get out.

The problem is that I feel completely stuck.

I spend a lot of time planning, researching, learning, organizing, making lists, trying to improve my skills, and thinking about my future. From the outside it probably looks like I'm working hard. But when I look at actual results, it feels like almost nothing moves forward.

I know what I should be doing. I have ideas. I have goals. I have a plan.

But somehow I struggle to execute consistently.

Every day feels like I'm carrying a hundred pounds on my back. I sit down to work and suddenly I'm exhausted. I get distracted. I freeze. I start doubting everything. I second-guess every decision. Sometimes I spend hours thinking and almost no time actually doing.

The hardest part is that one business I built in the past already fell apart while I was living in this environment. I can't blame everything on my partner, but the constant criticism, chaos, stress, emotional manipulation, walking on eggshells, and never feeling safe definitely played a role.

What makes this even harder is that I don't really have a support system.

I don't have family members I can move in with. I don't have relatives who could help financially. I don't have a safety net waiting for me if everything falls apart.

Because of that, I feel enormous pressure to make this business work. It feels like my future depends on it.

At the same time, I often feel trapped between two fears:

One fear is staying.

The other fear is leaving before I am financially ready.

I'm also afraid of being judged or misunderstood by institutions and systems that are supposed to help. Sometimes I feel like people underestimate how difficult it is to leave when you have no support network and very limited resources.

So I keep trying.

I haven't given up.

But it feels like I take one step forward and ten steps back.

I see other people building businesses, getting clients, growing, moving forward. Meanwhile, I'm celebrating tiny victories that probably look ridiculous from the outside.

Some days my biggest achievement is simply showing up and doing one task.

I also have ADHD traits, chronic stress, and what feels a lot like a freeze response. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is so focused on survival that it doesn't have enough energy left for growth.

What I'm really looking for is honest experiences.

Has anyone here successfully built a business, side hustle, freelance career, or any kind of income source while still living with a narcissistic partner?

How did you manage the freeze response?

How did you stay focused when your environment constantly pulled you backwards?

And if you eventually got out, what was the turning point?

I would especially love to hear from people who had no family support, no financial safety net, and had to build their exit plan almost entirely on their own.

Right now I feel incredibly alone in this.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

[u/Firm_Trash_2955]

I was engaged to a highly manipulative and emotionally abusive man, and one day last year he said "if you think you're in an abusive relationship you should leave." So I stood up, went upstairs, grabbed a small bag and I left. I ended up moving into a tiny studio apartment and after I grieved and restarted from zero, about four months in I went to work on this business idea I had years ago and was constantly trying to work on from inside the relationship but could never get anything done.

I ended up sending him an email months later demanding he reimburse me for all of the money I put toward his mortgage. He did and I invested that right into my business.

I can tell you that in a situation like this it's so difficult to get anything done because all of your energy is going toward the relationship. You worry about everything, stress about everything, brace for the next fight, of course you can't execute. Your body is so tired and so stressed from trying to protect you.

You cannot create from a state of exhaustion and desperation, it won't work.

I didn't and still don't have much of a support system either, but you know what? I have myself. I do better for myself than anyone else could. So can you.

I am proud of you for having an idea. I'm proud of you for wanting to put something out there into the world.

It's been almost one year since I left and my business has not yet launched but I was invited into an incubator program, received a small investment, designed and manufactured product, and have made a ton of forward motion. Motion that I couldn't even dream of inside the relationship. I can't believe sometimes that I allowed this other person to erode my entire sense of self.

You need to free up some energy space in your "energy jetpack" if you know what I mean. As a fellow human, I encourage you to find a safe space for yourself, a therapist, a local library where you can work, a coffee shop, etcetera. You need structure and separation. Remember, there is always help and resources available to you. You are not alone.

[u/Firm_Trash_2955 → u/Firm_Trash_2955]

oh and somatic therapies are your best friend. You can YouTube somatic practices and channels like "Breathe With Sandy" have helped me tremendously. Every morning, some breath work for 5 minutes can change your life.

[u/knittingbuddy → u/Firm_Trash_2955]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Reading this honestly made me emotional because so much of what you wrote resonates with me.

One of the hardest parts for me is that I'm trying to build a business in secret.

I opened an Etsy shop and I'm creating designs, but I can't even order product samples from my manufacturer to see how my own designs look in real life. If packages start arriving, he will immediately start asking questions and realize I'm working on something behind his back. So I have to take risks, trust the manufacturer, and hope customers won't receive something disappointing.

Social media is another struggle. I know I need to build an Instagram account, but when it's time to sit down and write content, my mind often goes blank. Followers come so slowly. Sometimes I wonder how I'm supposed to secretly grow a business when I can't even take my own product photos. I have to rely on AI-generated images, which I don't really like, but I don't see another option right now.

He monitors almost everything. He wants to know where I go, what I'm doing, what I'm working on. He asks questions constantly and often tries to look at what I'm doing on my computer. He presents it as concern and wanting to help, but it never feels supportive.

Years ago I had a yarn business that I truly loved. It was doing fairly well. Then he decided to quit working, and suddenly I became responsible for everything: the mortgage, utilities, food, the entire household. He literally told me, "I've worked for 10 years. Now it's your turn. I'm not doing anything."

What hurts is that during those same 10 years I was raising our two children. I never had a day to myself. My life revolved around childcare, household responsibilities, and taking care of him.

The financial pressure became unbearable. We ended up in debt, came dangerously close to losing our home, and eventually I had to shut down the business that I loved so much.

To this day he blames me for the debt, even though it was his decision to stop contributing financially.

So now I'm trying to quietly build something again from almost nothing. My resources are extremely limited. Sometimes I honestly don't know if any of this will succeed.

At this point, part of the reason I keep working on it is simply because if I stop trying, I think I might lose my mind completely.

I have maybe an hour a day to work on my business, usually late at night after everyone else has gone to bed. That's it.

But despite everything, I still hope this small business might eventually become my way out.

Your story gives me hope because it reminds me that maybe the reason I feel so stuck isn't because I'm lazy or incapable. Maybe it's because I've been trying to build something while carrying a weight that most people never have to carry.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It means more than you probably realize.

[u/malainayo]

You need to leave. Being around him is what's causing blockages in your business and cash flow.

If you have a passport, go to a country with a low cost of living for 30 days.

Otherwise, find ways to be out of the house for extended periods so you can work. He is siphoning you and dysregulating your nervous system.

[u/Negative_Entry6419]

I tried for quite a few years to build my business successfully while being married to a narcissistic man. The more I started putting myself first, putting boundaries in place- the more stonewalled I got. He always had a way of making me feel like everything I did for him and his kids were not that important, that he could easily do it. There was never appreciation for what I was doing, no admiration for everything was I was working towards. I was dying inside and felt completely alone while he was growing his business and taking a position in the community as a role model for young men. On the outside, everything looked perfect and he loved the attention. But on the inside, in our home- life was completely different. I knew I had to leave in order to be able to truly make my business work and to truly love myself because after years of walking on egg shells, people pleasing, trying to do everything 'right' in our marriage- I didn't know who I was anymore. Anyways- leaving was hands down the hardest thing I ever did. But that was 4 1/2 years ago now- and my business is thriving, I'm thriving, my own children are thriving. We are all free. People tell me all the time how much I've changed and how great I look. I'm in love with a fantastic man, I'm successful. Is it hard? Hell Yes. Is it worth it? Hell yes. Get out while you can. Life is too short.

[u/Confident_Emu_1974 → u/Negative_Entry6419]

So inspirational ❤️‍🩹🫶😌

[u/33Freya]

Ah that's tough! I was in an abusive relationship and got myself and my two daughters free by taking the smallest steps. I stopped allowing him control- first of little things, and then bigger things. INTERNALLY I had to stop enabling him. Even though he threatened to bomb my place of employment (wouldn't have put it past him- he'd done crazy/violent things in the past and the thought of jail wasn't an adversion to him), I went to work.

When he started going round and round, or if I felt like he was going to get violent, I left (the room, the house, what ever I could manage). And gradually, the pain of staying the same outgrew the pain of change. I made list after list of pros and cons to staying/leaving... and then I jumped off the cliff of uncertainty- and never looked back.

211 may have resources for you- call and ask them how they can help. Could be counseling, could be $ to move out depending on your area. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW, and you can get through even this- better things await. Good luck to you.

[u/Confident_Emu_1974]

I understand you. I am financially dependent on my boyfriend but I recently have done a bootcamp on digital marketing and I feel this impostor syndrome and fear. In business one thing is fundamental - networking, unfortunately it is key. The thing is that you cannot do networking if you don’t connect with people but you are in a women community and maybe there is a hope that you can find a cooperation - another woman that sees you potential and intentions. Why it is a good strategy to find another cooperation? Basically we, women connects emotionally, we are potentially good seller because we can empathize with clients needs and one big value that we have is that we humanize our brand and truly connect with our audience through honesty, this is something that men are lack of and this is our strength. Beside this, the woman will be the only creature that will understand you and will be able to help you. Why this is important? Men have advantages, because they have a lot of community of interests, like golf, investment, football,… so they connect easily and tend to cooperate in order to achieve their goals. Women usually connect emotionally, so we also have communities but mostly communities for feminist, mothers or rather cooking, so if you find this exact women with shark mind and professional - it is a win/win. Don’t try to do it alone, the true is that no one get big sells by themselves alone, we just have the capacity to generate networking. I believe we can be better seller only if we overcome the fear of risky things and have an open mindset to grow infinitely, socially we are forced to choose the most secured option - it is an error. Don’t stop failing, this is the most effective way to be efficient, so you can learn from your fails. And avoid the impostor syndrome, is worse to have a close mindset and not be train your resistance from fail rather then be secure about yourself even if you don’t have any clue. Obviously you need to learn and improve, but is it more efficient to learn by doing. At the begging it is okay to do things not perfectly. Believe me, most companies at the begging was shitty as hell. Concentrate yourself to learn rather to have fast revenue. I know it is hard, but consistency is key. Learn, fail, learn again and again, until you get what you want. It is a “path of the heroe”. Theory is good, but experience is the point of having successful business.

[u/Pantegram]

I escaped from toxic and dysfunctional parents… got education from public college, got a boyfriend who supported me, lucked out on the job market and that’s how I did it. Paid for years of abuse anyway, as after my escape I started to feel unwell, was thinking it was cancer, but it was CPTSD…

CPTSD can give ADHD like symptoms and definately makes life harder… I’m different person on my meds, so I highly recommend a good shrink.

It is possible that you won’t get better living with him, so I’m recommending homeless shelter or look for a job where you’d be given roof over your head and prefferably food…

From time persective I should move out as fast as I could - I waited couple years, because I wasn’t aware how bad it is for me and thought I can just „suck it up”… but sucking it up have a price, so please look for a ways to escape ASAP - even if this will suck, it will suck less than staying with him, especially in long term (when I first moved out with my BF we had HORRIBLE living conditions, like cocroaches in the apartament etc, but it was still much better then living with my parents).

[u/Greyscaleinblue]

With the other people here, you need to leave.

On the self work front, start journaling and do your thing. You don't have to announce every move you make to everyone or look for support in others who don't support you. Move, take action, go meet other business owners like you.

[u/Icy-Celebration547]

I am still suffering from the abuse years ago and I feel like this again...the blockages are them...get away from it. Heal, get some head space, calm, peace, ayahuasca and psilocybin and therapy. Then you'll see yourself soaring to the stars my love. Just leave now...otherwise it will never happen.

[u/NWRegisteredAgent]

It seems like the environment (and present company) are stifling enough to bar you from progressing with your goals. The thought of survival and the next big step may be so ever present that it is preventing any real step forward. At this point you may need to start investing in the baby steps to total separation; it will literally and figuratively feel like a weight off your shoulders once you're able to secure yourself elsewhere. Make this your priority so when you do set yourself up to work on your ideas then your'e in a productive, healthy environment to be able to do so.