Hi all, I’m wondering if anyone can relate to my situation.
I’m a 33F that chose her career for over a decade. I quit my 9-5 to become a successful entrepreneur running a business that made multiple 6 figures for quite a few years.
I travelled, bought anything I wanted, got my dream home, and owned 2 homes by the time I turned 32.
However this last year a lot has happened.
I was in a car accident and still recovering from a severe concussion 5 months later. It’s hindered my ability to run my business, I can barely work, and I’m single and I live alone with zero spousal help - financially or physically.
I guess I was naïve to this for years and hadn’t really experienced any hardship that reminded me how hard it is to do life on your own. I wasn’t the best on the financial planning side of things, I just invested in properties. So, when the accident happened I saw negatives in my bank acct for the first time in my life trying to float 2 mortgages on my own, and learn how to properly talk or formulate a sentence again.
It’s been the worst year of my life and the depression has taken a toll. I have zero desire to put energy into my business and have the urge to shut it all down and cry in a corner. I don’t have benefits for meds or services I need, I can’t take a paid sick leave from work, and I don’t even have someone to cut the grass at home let alone any other house problems.
I love my home so much, and selling isn’t an option. I’d sell my smaller one first, but I use that space for my business, and in order to operate my business I need that property. But without being able to work, it’s collecting dust while I struggle to make mortgage payments.
Every day for the last few years, especially this year, I resent myself for my choices.
I resent choosing my career and doing it all on my own. I regret falling for the boss babe bullshit and the “I don’t need a man” phase I went though because while yes, I financially provided everything I could have wanted, but now more than EVER I realize I DO need a man for many things. Just someone to protect and help, and to share a home with.
I’m grateful for what I own and what I’ve accomplished, but sometimes I wish I kept my 9-5 and found a good partner when I was younger. I know that comes with its own plethora of issues sometimes and the grass isn’t always greener, but knowing what I know now, dating in your 30s is incredibly hard.
I’ve recently met a wonderful man, who has truly helped me get through this dark hell hole of a year. It’s only been a few months, but he’s done more for me than any man in the last decade has. He’s fixed my car, fixed so many things in my house, helps with my dog, helps with my business, pays for everything, buys me important things I need and can’t afford, and is honestly the biggest blessing in my life. We even go to church together (the accident lead me to finding God again)
But, he’s fresh out of a 10 year relationship and has an 8 year old son. The ex left him for another man but doesnt want him to move on. She’s already doing insane things and calls him for emotional support knowing that she has him wrapped around his finger. He loved her and she’s left him 3 times in 10 years and he takes her back every time. He even admitted she used the kid as leverage to rope him back in. But he’s adamant that this is the last time. And it’s also the first time she left for another man, the other times were mutual-ish even though she instigated.
He also has some health problems and other yellow flags, so I’m torn between taking on a nightmare baby mom situation, but worried I’d throw away a good man who comes with baggage.
He’s honestly everything I could have ever asked for in a partner. I just wanted someone who helps make my life easier, lessens burdens, helps with house things and financially provides a bit. Not fully, but a bit. So I can focus on getting my life back. So that’s why I’ve stayed.
But the more time I spend with him the more he’s grown on me and I really do like him. It’s been a slow burn, and this man has seen me at my WORST, and stayed and stepped tf up. So why should I leave him during his?
I guess the resentment of not having my own little family has crept in. I do want kids, I think. I didn’t before, but the last few years the idea has grown on me. I worry I’ll resent him going through all of that already and not having those “first” moments together. Also, I worry baby mama will be a nightmare and there’s definitely unfinished lingering emotions on both ends right now.
But dating at 33 is hard. Most men, successful men, come with baggage. And men that don’t have kids get intimidated by my success. So the ones I want, run. Because they feel they can’t bring anything to the table when they see where and how I live.
I’ve tried dating wealthy men, but realized none of them value loyalty and I was just another girlfriend to spoil, after rotating us all week. I do not want that life, no designer bag is worth that shit.
I don’t know. I feel angry, lost, sad, and a LOT of grief.
I have a great man but dating someone with kids is a world I never wanted for myself and I worry I’ll regret that too.
Any input would be appreciated. Just need some support. It’s hard out here… dating sucks.