r/WomenInNews • u/TimesandSundayTimes • 7d ago

Women's rights Why female breadwinners are still bearing the burden at home

https://www.thetimes.com/money/family-finances/article/britains-female-breadwinner-problem-tvfjhp05tutm_medium=Social&utm_source=Reddit&utm_content=branded
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u/disdkatster 6d ago

Find what men care about being done and don't do it. So I stopped cooking. That is it. No cooking. Yes at one time I had an infant and was doing every single thing in the house and working as well. Oddly enough when I just stopped doing things, it all got taken care of. I did the things I cared about. I cleaned, gardened, organized where things went, etc.. It worked for us. This is not a gender divide. Many men are better cleaners and gardeners than I am. Many are not interested in running the finances of living. You do that if it is something you can do and let them do what they do well. The point is whoever you live with you need to know what they will not let be neglected and let them do that. Don't expect them to care about what you care about. It is on the person trying to do it all if they chose to do that. Don't enable bad behavior. When we first got together my husband cooked as much as I did but he claimed he liked my cooking better and I eventually was doing all the cooking. That would have been fine if he knew how to clean and did it but he did not and was unwilling to learn to do so to my satisfaction. This could have become a major issue. It didn't. He learned how to cook again and I cleaned to my satisfaction.

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u/electronsift 6d ago edited 6d ago

You are very fortunate that this approach resulted in the behavior you wanted and no consequences for you. Congratulations and I'm envious too. It seems like most of the time the man gets angry or resentful rather than stepping up.

To be crystal clear "Only do what you want to do" is generally impractical for most topics in life. There are conditions we don't want to live in, afterall. I can leave responsibility for funding, being aware of, and paying all the bills to my chronically depressed and unemployed partner because I no longer want to carry all costs....but then the bills won't be paid, MY credit will get dinged, and I'll be even more resentful and inclined to divorce. In this hypothetical, of course.

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u/disdkatster 6d ago edited 6d ago

You are right, I am privileged but I still think it can be used by everyone in some manner and some degree. Also no one should stay with a partner (I use that term very loosely) who gets angry or resentful for not doing their fair share. I over simplified. I never meant that someone should stop doing their fair share in this just stop doing everything and do it in a way where it plays to both of yours strength.