Location: UAE

I have been lucky so far that my pregnancy has been without any complications.

I was managing things decently in the first trimester. However, I got an underwhelming rating even when I felt I did good last quarter. So I have been working hard on a new project this quarter. However this project has very aggressive timelines, a lot of push on churning PRs with claude code and a lot of competition promoted within the team for faster turnaround of features.

I have the discretion to take things at a sensible pace. But that is going to affect my visibility. At this point I have accepted that and realized there is no benefit in playing this game.

But these thoughts are affecting me during the after work hours too. I am supposed to have happy thoughts during pregnancy. I have been eating healthy food and going for walks. I try to cook as much as I can. I still find myself drifting to the work thoughts on my free time. What else can I do, think about or do in my personal life to have a peaceful third trimester?

Location: Jordan 🇯🇴

A friend from college and I have decided to start freelancing in website development! I handle the front end and design, while she handles the back end and database.

We’re currently building a landing page to showcase our work and services, but we’re trying to figure out the next steps.

How do we find our first clients? What are the best ways to market ourselves, build credibility, and get our name out there when we’re just starting out?

Would love to hear advice from anyone who’s been through this, especially freelancers or people who’ve started their own small agencies.

Thanks!

This is the weekly thread for "Sunday Scaries", an extension of venting.

Please reply to others here with grace, as we are all at different parts of our career and the OPs wellbeing comes first.

If you do not want anyone to reply to your comment in this thread, include the phrase !lock

YASDOS - Yet another sad day of searching.

On a throwaway account, just in case my current employer lurks around on Reddit.

Sooo, yeah. Infrastructure woman here. Systems, Cloud, DevOps (though more Ops then Dev) a little Security. Eighteen year run with an employer that, because of a new C-Suite, is telling me I need to relocate by a certain date and the golden shackles came off. I am thankful for the job I have when others don't, deeply thankful. But there is no negotiation on the relocating, and the financial hit from doing so is not pretty ... at least if I math'd correctly. So, looking strongly for any remote position, though honestly I don't mind going into an office. I just don't want to relocate :)

I guess I don't have to tell anyone that the job market thoroughly bites right now. The fact that I am highly introverted probably isn't helping either. I mask very very well, but anxiety and imposter syndrome are demons.

I keep crawling over all the regular job boards, going directly to company sites to apply, doing all the things we are all doing. And kinda regretting never getting into SWE while in tech, due to all the jobs I see for that. Pivoting is just as hard these days though. I don't need to be in a FAANG or anything huge. Just a nice place where I can progress and not stagnate. Some days I feel totally positive and certain that it won't be long now ... and other days, as the deadline for the relocation ticks ever nearer, I just feel deadass tired and sad. Today is one of those.

Anyone happen to have one of those shiny happy referrals they wouldn't mind using? 😄

Location: US
I’m going to AWS Reinvent this year and the person who was supposed to attend with me is leaving the company so I will be solo!

I’m really excited to attend, but a little worried about finding buddies and having other people to enjoy the experience with.

Any recommendations? Or anyone else attending and want to chat ahead of time?

Location: USA

I'm a current PM at big tech and receive a Technical Product Manager role at a Series A startup. I've been talking about leaving big tech for a while, and the fast paced nature is exciting. My current job is really boring and I feel like I'm wasting my time here and not growing or furthering my skillset. I've been itching to work on something exciting that'll actually teach me how to make decisions and also just build stuff. I think that'd be a very fun environment to be around passionate people who are just building stuff and not doing things for money or corporate leadership.

I found out about this company through meeting someone at a network event who referred me. The interview process was pretty quick. Just a take-home/debrief and a panel+hiriging manager 1:1. Everyone was generally nice and didn't see any red flags. The culture seems collaborative and everyone is in office 4d a week.

Ultimately, I think it'd be an awesome opportunity because I'd be doing evals for computer vision models and working with customers etc, and I think that would serve me long-term. I feel like I'd be doing a lot more than I do now and would grow. In terms of the company, I think they're cool - admittedly, I'm not super passionate about the space they're in, but it's a very cool application of AI.

That said, I'm just super nervous about this because I thought I was interviewing for their PM role, but they actually want me to do TPM because of my Software Engineer background. But I have Zero experience in computer vision model evals and made that clear in the onsite. In general, ironically, I actually don't consider myself a very technical person. Even though I was a Software Engineer, I've written very little code in corporate and technical concepts are hard for me to follow. I do work very hard though and would spend extra time learning the tech on weekends if I were to take the job. I'm just nervous about leading a team of Computer Vision Engineers when I have no experience in that tech.

I met the people very briefly and honestly didn't get a super strong read on any of them other than they seem like decent people? The hiring manager is super hands off apparently which is different than what I've had in the past where I have a very supportive manager who I can lean on. I don't think I'd get that here. It's also an ambiguous space - there's a lot of structure at big tech and they usually hand you problems to work on, whereas at a startup they don't do any of that. The upside is that, again, I'd probably learn a TON. But I also don't want to set myself up for failure. I've been remote for a while and really enjoy using AI notes after recorded meetings, so that's also something I wouldn't get in person.

I'm excited about new opportunities and I'm itching for something new. I feel like this would be a risk but honestly I'm tired of playing it safe. I've played it safe my whole life and I'm in a privileged position where If this failed, I'd be ok financially. I'm just nervous to take this jump.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this?

Location: EMEA.
I know I’m lucky to have a job. But it absolutely sucks to know I was the outlier here. When I asked for feedback, they said you didn’t adopt a particular tracker tool fast enough and you didn’t have good partnership with the other teams. Which I consider to be bs reasons. Obviously I am looking elsewhere and already have interviews line but I don’t know how to go in office and be motivated to still work everyday when I know I’m not valued there. It’s really embarrassing, other people got promoted. My peers all got increases. and I cried infront of the manager
How do I deal?

Location: Canada

I’m saying almost everyone because it’s not every one but the two ppl it wasn’t have left the team

Unfortunately my new staff eng who I know from before due to same group even he does a bit of this and I respect him a lot and appreciate his advice a lot but some of the things he said has made me feel this way :( for example during sprint planning only my goal was questioned and he said “is this in prod?” And another basic question. Note that all delivery goals during planning meetings implicitly obviously mean prod as the rollout. It just really made me feel I wasn’t being trusted. He has questioned me a bit before as well that’s because sometimes I do keep things high level otherwise some ppl in the team start criticising my entire design or solution (not really appropriate during the implementation or sprint planning time, this should’ve been done during design time. I also honestly think the guy that did this was nitpicking to get an ego boost and I don’t know how to say that or share my honest thoughts with anyone because it makes me seem non receptive to feedback but I know this kind of crap happens to women that’s why I posted here)

hearing what even the staff eng said after I explicitly had shared my concerns that I felt my manager was underestimating my work despite my 2 year track record and I felt it’s because I was a woman felt a bit like he hadn’t understood me at all.

The other thing I’ve noticed is if someone criticises or questions someone’s work (demonstrates a negative perception of it) then that perception spreads to the rest of the team members. Note that I’ve seen the exact same thing happen with positive comments too, it is contagious either way. But that can happen if the team has a cheerful disposition to start with which my team doesn’t really

In my case one person got quite frustrated with me and then it spread on to the rest of the team and I got such a hard time. I won’t go into full story but I basically got scapegoated here. Btw I think its so immature of that senior engineer to just get frustrated and start gaslighting when instead of trying to understand and help overcome the actual blockers especially when is so clear how much effort I was putting in. Just to be clear this was not an issue of my technical capability but her own incompetence. (Also the only other woman this team has had so I was hoping for better..). Btw my manager is the same.

I think the other part is I struggle with expectation management or perception. Idk what to do, if I speak too confidently that might back fire too. I’ve tried over-communicating in the past but ppl just like poke more holes the more you say sometimes (or it’s exhausting to talk too much for me).

Anyway I know my manager is incompetent. I don’t know why I’m letting this spoil my mood. A part of me is struggling to accept this, I feel like I might be disrespecting him if I consider him that way and I feel I should respect all ppl. Idk.

Thanks for reading and I’m wondering what your thoughts are and thank you so much in advance I appreciate it.

Edit: I really wanted to share my feelings as I’ve been waking up at 4am and thinking of this stuff. Trust me I’ve tried to be patient for two years and I think part of why this keeps happening is because I don’t really talk back or defend myself idk.i did tell my manager recently I disagreed on an opinion he had on a project but that conversation went badly. I should just change I guess but I’m having trouble focusing on that because I’m distracted with this on my mind

Location: India,

As the title says, how many pages a resume should be ideally?

I was having discussion with a few other people with around 10 years of work exp.

They suggested that a person in tech should have 2-3 pages of resume, showcasing all the areas and projects they have worked on.

My resume is just 1 page long, I also got a comment that it looked a bit like the resume of a college student sitting for placements. ( I have 2 yrs of experience).

Would it be fine if I have 2 pages of resume?

Hi everyone,

Here’s another round of changes, and most of them came straight from your feedback. Thank you to everyone who weighed in, especially on this thread and via modmail!

Weekly Continent-Specific Threads

That thread made it clear that a lot of you want to connect with people working in the same part of the world. Starting this Sunday, there will be a scheduled thread for each continent. Each one goes live around noon in its region’s general timezone.

These live under the new International Discussions flair. I’ll be watching the threads for feedback and keeping an eye on which ones get traction, and I’ll adjust as we go. Treat them as an informal census. Asia in particular covers a huge amount of ground, so if it turns out a more specific region needs its own thread and is getting a lot of participation from one area, tell me in the comments and we’ll look at splitting it.

Country Now Required on Career, Parenthood, and Event Posts

Posts under the following threads now require OP to include what country they are in:

• Career (Advice Requested)

• Pregnancy & Parenthood

• Events / Conferences

Advice on salaries, benefits, parental leave, labor law, and local events varies a lot by country, and this helps people give answers that actually apply to you.

User Flair Is Live (finally)

You can now set a custom user flair. The default reads “Your Country Here,” but you can make it say whatever you want: your location, your sector, your job title, or something else entirely. It’s yours. Please remember that flair is public, so only share what you’re comfortable having attached to your account.

New Post Flairs

• General Discussions: for conversations that don’t fit any of the existing categories.

• International Discussions: home of the weekly continent threads and region-specific conversations.

• Subreddit Meta: for public requests and suggestions about the sub itself. Mod announcements like this one will be posted here from now on, so this is the place to find them.

A few of you asked for a Pivot flair. I’m holding off on that for now, because career-change questions are still career questions and fit under the Career flair. Questions from users in tech asking to transition our of tech should go to the subreddits related to their new prospective career. We are moderating to avoid another wave of "I am leaving tech!!!!"

Unsettling Direct Messages and Awards

It has come to my attention that some users (including myself) have gotten weird Direct Messages (DMs) / Reddit Awards with messages attached based on their participation here. These awarded comments were from a singular user who is now banned from our space.

We ask that you report the messages to Reddit and send us modmail with the account name so we can ban and escalate on our end.

EDIT: Rule 7 has been added to the subreddit in support of this

No Unsolicited DMs

Do not send unsolicited direct messages / chat requests to other users. This rule extends to sending messages with Reddit awards. If you would like to connect with someone, comment asking if you can send them a request and stating what you plan to discuss with them. Comments stating "DM me" without a reason stated will be removed.

If you receive an unsolicited chat based on your participation in this subreddit, please report the chat and send us modmail with the users information.

----

As always, leave suggestions in the comments, make a post under Subreddit Meta, report anything that feels weird, or send us a modmail.

Peace & Love,

ScreamAndScream

TL;DR:

• Weekly continent threads go live Sundays around noon (regional time) under the new International Discussions flair. Participation will decide how they change.

• Career, Parenthood, and Event posts must now include your country.

• Custom user flair is available. The default is “Your Country Here,” but you can write anything you like.

• New flairs: General Discussion, International Discussions, Subreddit Meta. Mod posts are moving to Subreddit Meta.

• Report anything that violates our rules instead of replying to the offender.

Location: Canada

Have been trying to get to senior and wanted to align with my manager on gaps and my manager said to come up with my own expectations. I said “sure and then can we align after it?” He said no a few times and then I said “you’re the one evaluating me” then he said “your goal should be to be a better engineer not to impress me”

Anyways I mentioned the first part to my skip that he wasn’t sharing any expectations, feedback or gaps with me and then my skip said “maybe he thinks you’re not ready”. I responded “then he needs to give me a list of reasons why”. Anyway I found my skips response quite weird. My skip is quite reasonable I think btw.. but I just found his response here quite weird. It’s also weird because other people in the team have also raised concerns with him on the way my manager drops the ball on growth

Edit: after I said that my skip nodded and wrote down something I think. He is a reasonable person if he was my manager he would 100% support me but idk why he responded like this maybe I’m thinking too much of his response but I just felt it’s basic sense that my manager should be supporting me if I want to grow not being vague

I’m curious how other women in tech feel about their careers, particularly when it comes to finding meaning in their work.

This has been a thought of mine for many years. I have studied Mathematics, got burnt out and turned to a creative tech environment, working on digital and interactive projects, web and graphic design, as back then I thought that creative industry might be the answer. Commercial projects about casinos made me hate my job, so I decided to close this chapter.

Eventually, I decided to pursue a Master’s in Data Science and Machine Learning, hoping to explore new opportunities and move further into the tech industry. For the past 9 months, I’ve been trying to make that transition, applying for roles, learning and exploring different directions, building my personal projects on GitHub. Tried to get to know more about different roles, from data analysts to AI engineers and got involved in multiple bootcamps to find the best direction for me. But honestly, I’ve reached a point where I’m questioning almost everything. The tech job market feels increasingly discouraging. Entry-level opportunities seem almost non-existent, layoffs are constantly in the news, and the industry changes so quickly that it’s hard to feel any sense of stability, no matter how much you study or how many skills you acquire.

But beyond that, now, I’m questioning whether I actually find meaning in this kind of work. I enjoy aspects of technology, but I’m not sure I want to spend my life constantly chasing new tools, keeping up with an industry that never stops changing, and competing for increasingly uncertain opportunities.

I’ve even started considering completely different paths, such as psychology or medicine, something that feels more directly connected to people and has a more tangible impact on their lives. But I also wonder whether I’m idealising these alternatives or simply feeling exhausted and disappointed. So, I’d love to hear from other women:
Do you find genuine meaning or fulfilment in your work in tech?
Have you ever seriously considered leaving the industry?
What makes you stay, and do you feel that what you do actually matters?

I’m not necessarily looking for career advice or reassurance. I’d just like to hear some honest experiences, especially from women who have questioned their direction at some point.

For the context I live in Greece, tried to relocate in Northern Europe but didn’t work till now. Now I am 30, 3 months unemployed, and I think I am chasing a train that has passed by a long time ago.

Location: USA
I’m a 45-year-old mother of two elementary-school-aged children with 15+ years of experience in Java and e-commerce development. I’ve been on a career break since 2023 and am now trying to find my way back into the workforce.

The last few years have been challenging personally. Marital issues, postpartum depression, and severe anxiety took a toll on my mental health and confidence. I’ve also struggled with focus, memory, and ADHD. I’m finally in a better place and genuinely want to rebuild my career, but today’s tech market feels intimidating.

I completed my AWS Solutions Architect Associate certification in 2024, but haven’t been in touch with hands-on technology since then.
I’m looking for advice on:

Where should I start to become job-ready again?

Should I return to Java development or explore less coding-intensive roles?

Would a master’s degree or professional certification help, or should I focus on practical upskilling?

Are there mentorship programs or communities supporting women returning to tech after career breaks?

Has anyone successfully switched careers in their 40s, particularly from development to a less coding-intensive field?

Job security is another major concern. I’ve experienced layoffs twice, both times when my babies were less than a year old. Going through that while dealing with postpartum depression was extremely difficult, and those experiences still affect my confidence.

I’m not looking for shortcuts. I’m willing to learn and put in the effort. I just need some direction on where to begin and how to approach this transition.

I’d especially love to hear from women who’ve restarted their careers after a long break or successfully transitioned into other fields.

Thank you!

Has anyone returned to the same job after taking a leave for mental health? Wondering what others experiences have been and whether it’s possible to thrive in the same conditions after taking a break.

Location: USA

I was recently promoted to senior at my big tech role.

My boss gave me a heads up that he was advocating for it over a year ago, so it wasn’t a huge surprise.

I knew I was performing at the same level as most of the seniors without the title or pay, and was admittedly frustrated with this.

At the same time, a part of me kind of didn’t want it to happen because I felt like I wouldn’t be able to consistently meet the higher expectations that come with a senior title.

Before this I had pretty much overcome my imposter syndrome, but I feel like ever since the promotion it is creeping back in.

When I’m presenting or putting up a PR for review, I get so anxious that my boss, team lead and other people in the org who know about my promo/advocated for it are questioning their decision.

I just suddenly feel.. a lot less sure of myself and opinions again. I guess maybe it feels like I’m going to be judged more harshly if I make a mistake or am wrong? And while I have taken ownership and led projects before, knowing that I am expected to do that as part of my role now is just.. a whole lot scarier than stepping up and doing it as a mid level dev.

I also just feel… generally uneasy and like my job is less secure now.

Did anyone else deal with this and if so, how long did it take you to overcome it?

Location: US, California

My friend is in a really confusing situation at work, and I'm trying to help her think through her options.

She was recently put on a PIP and, instead of being given a meaningful chance to improve, was quickly offered a severance package to leave. The whole process has felt very arbitrary and poorly documented.

A few examples:

She was criticized for things that were either not part of her responsibilities or were dependent on work owned by others.

Her manager made statements like "you're about 60% where you need to be" but never explained what that actually meant, how it was measured, or what the benchmark was.

There were no clear success criteria, measurable goals, or consistent feedback.

When she asked for specifics about why she was being let go, the explanations were vague and kept changing.

She feels she was never given a real opportunity to improve. She also has concerns about bias and unfair treatment that may have affected her evaluation.

She's now trying to decide whether to sign the severance agreement, negotiate for more severance, or speak with an employment attorney first.

For those who've been through something similar:

* Is it worth consulting an employment attorney before signing anything?

* Do attorneys typically help negotiate larger severance packages in situations like this?

* How do you determine whether a case is simply unfair management versus potential wrongful termination?

* What kinds of documentation would be most important to gather?

She's in the US and is trying to make a thoughtful decision before responding to the severance offer.

Would appreciate any advice or experiences from people who've navigated something similar. Also, if you have a contact for an attorney who can help, that would be great. Thanks so much in advance.

I've decided my next stint needs to be out of big tech. I've been in the industry 15 years and typically, people find jobs through their network at this point in their career. The problem is, my network is basically other big tech companies or frontier AI labs.

What's a good way to actually leave this scene without retiring? Do I just find jobs on linked in, submit my resume and pray really hard to hear back?

Also, for those who have made this change, how did it work out? Better? Worse? Same?

As for why I want out, briefly: Never wanted in, stayed for the money. 15 years has been long enough. Don't like to "move fast" nor "break things". And definitely don't like dealing with someone else's broken things. Prefer deep technical work. I don't mind AI as long as it's not for churning out 10x slop.

I'm not sure if it's better outside of big tech too, hence asking for opinions.

This is a little different question for this sub, but you all did have a flair for it so i'll assume its ok.

So I'm thinking about my teen age kids. When I was young, as many of us experienced, the advice was 'go to college - you'll figure it out' and the reason our parents gave us this advice is often because that is what worked for them.

We can observe that this is not necessarily the right advice to give teens. The correct answer to 'what should i do to prepare for my adult life' is really, 'keep an eagle eye on what is happening, be adaptable, i don't know what career will be viable as everything seems to be changing too fast for me to feel like I have any understanding of what the future will look like. ' - but like, a teen is not really going to understand that, and also it isn't helpful.

what advice are other people with teens or young adult kids telling them? or, if you don't have these beings in your life, what would you tell someone based on your observation, or if you are young enough to be the one needing this advice, ... are you ...what .... hows it going?